REVIEW: Limited Edition Harry Potter Butterbeer Goldfish

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Apparently, it’s Butterbeer Season, a March-through-May festivity at Universal Orlando Resort that Google has just informed me is traditionally celebrated with a frothy glass of the titular butterscotch beverage. But, like Harry Potter’s Patronus, a new crop of Butterbeer-flavored products has poofed onto the market as if by magic, and thus Butterbeer Season can now be celebrated in the comfort of your own home (or local grocery store parking lot if you really can’t wait). From this flood, I reeled in quite the catch: Butterscotch Goldfish (or, as their parents would call them when they’re angry, Harry Potter Butterbeer Butterscotch Flavored Graham Crackers).

Goldfish’s Grahams line swaps the classic savory flavors of the “snack that smiles back” and cracker-like texture for a sweeter, more cookie-esque style. Rather than being brittle and cheesy, these Butterbeer Goldfish are dense and dessert-y. Beyond that, though, I’m honestly finding them a bit hard to explain. They certainly smell like butterscotch, but when I took my first nibble, the immediate flavor wasn’t what I was expecting: it was salty. As far as I can tell, this saltiness didn’t come from the Goldfish cracker itself but rather from the gritty seasoning it’s covered with. These aren’t nearly as powdery and messy as, say, orange-dust-engulfed Cheetos, but I still found the coating inconvenient and mildly unsettling.

That taste quickly gave way to a richer graham cracker flavor, but it wasn’t one that I would have immediately identified as “butterscotch” had that word not been literally written on the bag. Sure, I can kind of taste the “butter” element, but I was expecting some additional caramelized creaminess that never surfaced. Puzzled by how to pin down this agreeable, comforting, but rather indistinct flavor, I sampled another piece… which turned into a handful… and soon I found myself as full of fish as a patron of an all-you-can-eat sushi restaurant, but not necessarily full of insights. (Well, okay, they’re not all shaped like fish—there are fun Butterbeer barrels and foaming glasses in there, too.)

These Goldfish are tasty and toasty, sugary and brown sugar-y, and have a subtle treacly aftertaste that reminded me a bit of maple syrup. But they left me wishing I was a Hogwarts student so I could use an “Accio” spell to conjure up an understanding of why exactly they have been branded as butterscotch-tasting… or how exactly they’re different than the other similar flavors of Goldfish Grahams I’ve had in the past.

But I don’t mean to Avada Kedavra with faint praise: Butterbeer Goldfish are not bad by any means, it’s just that in order to differentiate them from any other graham snack on the market, you might need a Sorting Hat.

Purchased Price: $3.19
Size: 6.1 oz bag
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (31 pieces) 140 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cheez-It Snap’d Extra Crunchy Margherita Pizza

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If I was exploring a seaside cave in Northern California, or maybe Oregon, and came across a magic genie lamp, and a genie came out and granted me three wishes, one of those wishes would be for Keebler to bring back Pizzeria Pizza Chips. (Any of the flavors would do, frankly.) Once that was solved, I’d turn my attention toward world peace and ending global hunger and that sort of stuff.

But the Pizzarias would be first.

I love pizza-flavored things. Though it is distinctly its own flavor — and mostly only shares its name with its namesake — there’s something uniquely wonderful about the combination of garlic, onion, and tomato powders, plus the oregano and strange fake mozzarella extracts that make up the taste. To borrow a tired cliche, I would eat a pizza-flavored shoe if you gave me one.

So it was with great joy that I saw the new Cheez-It’s Snap’d Extra Crunchy Margherita Pizza crackers on our “to-review” list.

First, a few housekeeping notes. 1) I have never had Cheez-It Snap’ds. 2) Or is it just a Cheez-It Snap’d? 3) If I’m attributing ownership, is it Cheez-It Snap’d’s _____? 4) Why did they do this pesky apostrophe? 5) Anyway, my original point was that I’ve never had this particular type of Cheez-It, so I don’t know how much crunchier the “extra crunchy” version is as opposed to the “standard crunch” kind. These were pretty damn crunchy, though, so if you have an aversion to crunch as a texture or perhaps as a noise, these will be problematic. While I don’t like hearing other people crunch, I’m totally cool with doing it myself, so I enjoyed this aspect.

The other thing I enjoyed, probably quite obviously, is the pizza taste. While I didn’t necessarily denote nuances of “Margherita pizza” — you know, the whole fresh mozzarella and basil thing — these had a very distinct pizza flavoring. But it was a pretty generic pizza taste. (Which, again, I enjoy. Immensely.) I wish the pizza powder was upped by about 10%, though. I think that would have elevated the score by a point or so. As it is, the flavor is fairly mild.

And so, really, that’s the tale of the Snap’d Extra Crunchy Margherita Pizza crackers. If you like crunchy things with a mild pizza taste and don’t mind unnecessarily weird apostrophes, you’ll probably enjoy these.

Purchased Price: $3.98
Size: 7.5 oz
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (30 g) 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, 0 grams of added sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cheez-It Hidden Valley Ranch Crackers

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I grew up in the Midwest, where ranch is synonymous with ketchup and mustard in most quick-service restaurants. It’s almost everywhere and used on almost any food. I know this isn’t specific to the Midwest, but I think there are certain parts of the country where this is NOT common, and people abhor ranch with as much passion as most folks in my neck of the woods adore it. If you fall into the former category, perhaps skip this new product mash-up. If you fall into the latter, Rejoice! Cheez-It and Hidden Valley Ranch (HVR) have launched a limited-release collab, Cheez-It Hidden Valley Ranch Crackers!

This particular mash-up feels like a no-brainer. In fact, several Pinterest-style recipes out there show you how to douse Cheez-Its, oyster crackers, or whatever little crunchies in powdered HVR seasoning as a DIY seasoned snack. But this officially licensed version got me excited because it meant the real Original Ranch seasoning would be used on my oh-so-beloved Cheez-Its.

I could smell the ranch immediately upon opening the box. The seasoning is visible and distinctly speckled in a way you’d expect from Hidden Valley Ranch. The Cheez-It base cracker is the white cheddar cheese flavor. This differs from their inverted collab, the Cheez-It Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing, which is orange and, therefore, strangely off-putting. Yes, they made the Cheez-It white and the dressing orange.

Anyway, back to these crackers, the ranch seasoning is not too overwhelming on the white cheddar base, and they’re very snackable. Some crackers have a heavier coating, so as I went through my taste test, I would occasionally be delighted with a little extra kick of flavor.

What I realized pretty quickly, however, is that ranch powdered seasoning and powdered Cheez-It seasoning are not incredibly different. The main powdered dairy components are either powdered buttermilk or powdered cheddar, and these just really aren’t THAT different when you’re downing snack crackers with salt and other flavors. If I were tasting these blind, I’m not certain I would pick them up as distinctly ranch or just an onion and garlic-flavored Cheez-It. Still delicious.

To summarize it directly, these Hidden Valley Ranch Cheez-Its are subtle but great. I think the power of this collaboration is the ubiquitous success of onion and garlic flavors mingled with white cheddar and the powerhouse brand mash-up of Cheez-It and Hidden Valley. Available for a limited time, I’ll likely buy them again and again until that time runs out.

Purchased Price: $4.99 (sale)
Size: 12.4 oz box
Purchased at: Jewel Osco (Albertson’s)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (30g or 25 Crackers) 150 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 240 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Big Cheez-It Crunchwrap Supreme

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During my 12-minute walk from home after picking up Taco Bell’s Big Cheez-It Crunchwrap Supreme, the only thought that kept crossing my mind was how soggy the colossus Cheez-It cracker would be by the time I got home and had a chance to eat it. Actually, that thought has been in my head since 2022, when the collaboration went viral after the internet learned the product was being tested at one location in California. A giant Cheez-It is cool and all, but does a cracker made from enriched flour have more resilience than a corn chip, which can withstand dips of every kind?

Well, I can now find out and fill the grey matter occupied by that thought with something more useful since the special Crunchwrap is now available for everyone to wrap their hands around and crunch into. The limited time offering features seasoned beef, nacho cheese sauce, lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream, and a Big Cheez-It Cracker, all wrapped in a grilled flour tortilla. The massive cracker, the standout feature, replaces the tostada shell in the original Crunchwrap Supreme.

How big is “big”? According to Taco Bell’s website, the giant Cheez-It is 16 times larger than a regular Cheez-It. It also claims it’s 16 times cheesier and 16 times crunchier. After trying it, I believe its size claims, but everything else, not so much.

I wondered if I received a regular Crunchwrap because that’s what it tasted like after the first bite. But after unwrapping it, I saw a corner of the cracker peeking out from under a mountain of toppings, so no social media complaining needed. With the next bite, I began to notice the sharp cheesiness of the Cheez-It, but it was too mild for my liking, and there was no crunch associated with it. I expected it to be the headlining act instead of a backup singer. Its flavor is perhaps less noticeable than the corn tostada in the regular Crunchwrap, which, no shade, can also maintain most of its crunchiness after 12-minute walks home. The Cheez-It’s cracker crunch never materialized except for a couple of bites. At closer inspection, most of it seemed pulverized after being exposed to the moisture and heat within the grilled flour tortilla. But again, it had to withstand being in the tortilla wrap for double-digit minutes. If you’re eating it seconds after it is handed to you, the crunch might still be there.

I can’t help but be disappointed with Taco Bell’s Big Cheez-It Crunchwrap Supreme. While the cracker is indeed 16 times larger than a regular Cheez-It, which is impressive, and the cheesy flavor is somewhat present, I couldn’t help but wish for a more pronounced cheesiness and a crunch that comes close to its 16-times claim. Heck, four times would’ve made it better.

Purchased Price: $5.49
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 470 calories, 17 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 1210 milligrams of sodium, 63 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar (including 2 grams of added sugar), and 15 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Buttery-er Ritz Crackers

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In the land of limited editions that dare to make the consumer want to try something more extreme or risky, we have the new, tame, and enticing, Limited Edition Buttery-er Ritz Cracker. Not extra butter, not heaps of butter, not movie theater butter — although an Ultimate Butter version in 2016 apparently took that dive — just the non-threatening and seemingly safe Buttery-er.

Before going into this, I should note that I love original Ritz Crackers. Growing up, there were two elite plain and buttery crackers — Nabisco’s Ritz and Kellogg’s Club. Ritz Crackers were always the preferred base for a ridiculous amount of squishy, squirt-y Easy Cheese or cream cheese, and Club Crackers felt like the more elegant, refined buttery choice for proper cheese and/or meat. As an adult, my favorite iteration of a Ritz is the fudge-covered one that pops up for the holidays — an absolutely underrated pinnacle of the modern sweet and salty snacking era.

Diving into this new Buttery-er version is a very familiar and satisfying experience. Soft and crumbly with a perfect amount of salt and a lovely golden buttery flavor throughout. My initial thought is that they are, indeed, more buttery, or, apologies, buttery-er. However, it isn’t an aggressive or artificial flavor like a Jelly Belly jelly bean; it’s simply a richer foundation to an already rich cracker. They also feel softer and more crumbly with an even quicker melt-in-your-mouth sensation than the original that’s been promising a “bite of the good life” since the 1930s.

Fun fact: both the original and these new limited edition Ritz Crackers contain no butter, and are vegan. Any buttery presence in one versus the other is the density of the science-flavored oils. The ten extra calories and half a gram more fat per serving in these, as opposed to the original, would imply a heftier hand in dosing that fatty flavor.

But is it all just a mind trick? There’s only one way to truly find out: a side-by-side taste test. Eating an original Ritz cracker and then the new Buttery-er version right after confirms what I thought prior to having the control cracker — it’s more buttery, and it’s subtle. The limited edition leaves a slightly more pronounced buttery oil feeling on the tongue than the OG, similar to movie theater butter, but much less intense. This makes sense because the “butter” at most theaters is also butter-flavored oil.

The Buttery-er Ritz Cracker is a lusher, slightly elevated experience from its already elite predecessor that I’m happy I found and tried. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind if they made this the full-time recipe, but unless you’re a cracker completist, you don’t NEED to rush out to find these before they’re gone.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: 13.7 oz
Purchased at: Nob Hill
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (5 crackers, 17g) 90 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 130 milligrams of sodium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.