REVIEW: Dairy Queen French Silk Pie Blizzard

My wife rarely reads my reviews, so I’m going to roll the dice and hope she doesn’t see the following statement: If I could marry a member of the pie family, I would get on bended knee and offer a glistening strawberry ring pop to French silk pie so that we could be together forever

I’m not even a big pie person, but there’s something about that smooth, chocolatey goodness that just gets me. So, I was quite interested in trying Dairy Queen’s new-ish French Silk Pie Blizzard, which is part of the Fall Blizzard menu. It was apparently introduced in 2004 and has been available at various times since, but we’ve never reviewed it. It’s quite possible—even likely—that I’ve had it in the past and forgot, considering I don’t even remember what I ate for lunch today, and I had to check my phone to determine the day of the week. So it’s new to me.

I knew I would probably like this Blizzard, but the question was whether I would love it. The list of components was promising: choco chunks, pie pieces, and cocoa fudge with whipped topping. But despite my high hopes, let’s just say this Blizzard is more like a friend rather than marriage material. The chocolate flavor is great, and even a bit silky, at least as silky as you can get for ice cream, and the whipped topping always makes a Blizzard better.

My issue is the pie crust. I’m not sure if my local DQ got a bad batch, but the crust pieces were very crunchy, almost with the consistency of an animal cracker. There was very little of the crumbliness I associate with pie crust, and the pieces were monstrous, with a few being about the size of two Cinnamon Toast Crust pieces fused together. And the flavor was more like a cookie than pie crust.

Again, the chocolate part was wonderful. The cocoa fudge flavor did a perfect job of transforming the vanilla soft serve into chocolatey bliss, and the choco chunks brought an added layer of texture and taste. But the crust pieces just put a damper on the whole thing.

So I like you, French Silk Pie Blizzard, but I’m sorry to say that I don’t want to marry you. But we can still be friends. And yes, it is you, not me.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: Small
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 730 calories, 33 grams of fat, 20 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 310 milligrams of sodium, 98 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 76 grams of sugar, and 14 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Caramel Java Chip Blizzard

I’m 10 percent sure Dairy Queen Caramel Java Chip Blizzard has no caffeine. But I’m 100 percent sure it has coffee, choco-espresso crunch pieces, and caramel topping blended with soft serve because I copied and pasted most of this sentence from the Dairy Queen app. Looking through the ingredients of the dessert that I’m 10 percent sure children should eat, I noticed instant coffee and coffee concentrate. Okay, I’m eight percent sure now.

As you can guess from the photo above, my Blizzard was not served upside down. But it didn’t help that I took a short outdoor walk from the Dairy Queen to someplace with enough light to take decent photos, which ended up being the sitting area of a Starbucks inside a Target. The heat and humidity probably caused more melting. (Yes, I bought something from the Starbucks.)

But sitting next to those baristas was helpful because doing so made me realize that I probably got more coffee flavor in my mouth by breathing in the air at a Starbucks inside a Target than I did from the Caramel Java Chip Blizzard.

Those choco-espresso crunch pieces aren’t chocolate-covered espresso beans. Instead, they’re coffee-flavored rice crisps in a chocolatey coating, and the way they crunch reminds me more of Buncha Crunch candy than cocoa-coated espresso beans. Mine had a lot of them, enough that every spoonful had one. But the java flavor isn’t robust even with so many of them. With the first few spoonfuls, I could notice it, but at some point, that faded, and I mostly tasted the coating with a slight dark chocolate bitterness.

Much like the choco-espresso crunch pieces, the caramel topping mixed with the soft serve makes itself known with every spoonful, and I wonder if its buttery sweetness contributed to the lack of java flavor. Also, I didn’t taste any coffee when eating the caramel-enhanced soft serve on its own. However, the chocolate and caramel combination is good, and the crispy crunch from those chocolatey pieces is delightful.

Despite eating a small order, I still don’t know if Dairy Queen’s Caramel Java Chip Blizzard contains caffeine. However, ordering and drinking a Starbucks cold brew while eating the Blizzard and writing this review probably prevented me from finding out. But what I do know is that this needs more coffee flavor. It’s so weak that I could convince the Starbucks baristas in front of me that this is a Choco Caramel Blizzard.

Purchased Price: $6.89*
Size: Small
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 630 calories, 22 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 95 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 76 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Peanut Butter Cookie Dough Party Blizzard

Once you reach a certain age, the word “party” takes on a different meaning. As a kid, the parties were non-stop: frequent birthday parties at school, pizza parties after your T-ball team finished last in the league, and a party just because the ice cream truck was in the neighborhood and all your friends got together. In high school and college, some people just needed a time and a place, and the party was on.

But after that, things change, especially if you have kids. Who’s going to babysit, what’s the parking situation like, is the party location more than 10 minutes from my house? If you’ve reached that stage in your life in terms of parties, the good news is that the new Peanut Butter Cookie Dough Party Blizzard has arrived, and there’s no need to have someone watch the kids, unless you don’t want them to get a sugar high.

This creation, a party of the Summer Blizzard Menu, is loaded with sugar in the form of chocolate chip cookie dough, peanut butter topping, peanut brittle crunch, and sprinkles. I’m going to assume you are familiar with the first two components, as cookie dough and peanut butter topping are mainstays of the Blizzard family. They both do a solid job here. The cookie dough is soft and chewy with a hint of chocolate, and the peanut butter topping adds some extra creaminess to the vanilla soft serve base.

As for the peanut brittle, it’s a nice addition but not exactly mind-blowing. The pieces are quite small, sometimes even smaller than the sprinkles, and as such, they deliver more crunch than flavor, especially in a mixture that already has peanut butter topping. If you do zero in on a piece of peanut brittle, there is a slightly different peanut buttery flavor compared to the topping, but it really doesn’t stand apart. The sprinkles add some color and crunch, but they also don’t bring much in terms of flavor.

With a nice mix of chewy cookie dough, crunchy peanut brittle, and sprinkles, this Blizzard delivers some nice texture variation and a solid peanut butter flavor with a hint of chocolate. It would have been better if the peanut brittle pieces were larger, but this Blizzard still delivers a satisfying party for your tastebuds without things getting out of hand.

Purchased Price: $4.19
Size: Small
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 880 calories, 39 grams of fat, 18 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 490 milligrams of sodium, 120 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 87 grams of sugar, and 17 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Picnic Peach Cobbler Blizzard

How many different Dairy Queen Blizzard flavors have there been? No, I’m asking you because I can’t even make a reasonable guess. We have a handy list that goes all the way back to 2009, but it’s not complete and doesn’t include those special variations that Canada sometimes gets. And I imagine there have been many other different Blizzards at DQs around the world. So I doubt anyone at Dairy Queen headquarters even knows the answer. It seems like many new flavors have used the Taco Bell method and just mixed and matched the same five or six ingredients, but the new Picnic Peach Cobbler Blizzard is the first one, at least as far as I can tell, that includes peaches. And now I know why it took so long.

As I’ve said in previous reviews, there’s really no such thing as a “bad” Blizzard unless DQ decides to make one with ketchup, mustard, and hot dog chunks (even though I would definitely try that). But this one lands in the barely good category. It looks very nondescript, and the taste is nothing special either.

I will admit that I’m not the biggest fan of peaches. Something about them being fuzzy and having giant pits has always unnerved me, and the Jack Black song “Peaches” drives me crazy. If you haven’t heard it, I strongly advise against listening to it unless you like having repetitive lyrics stuck in your head all day.

With that said, I do enjoy a nice, fresh peach from time to time, and peach in cobbler form is always tasty. Except here, it’s kind of not. The cobbler part is good. The crust pieces are sweet and chewy and make me think I’m eating cobbler. The problem is the peaches. Now, I don’t expect DQ to have a peach orchard next to the parking lot and pick a fresh one for each Blizzard, but this contains what the DQ website refers to as “peach topping.” Yes, it does have peaches in it, along with a bunch of other things, and the end result tastes something like peach gummies or those weird fruit candy slice things that I’ve never seen for sale at the grocery store but somehow eaten many, many times. The peach flavor was mild and pleasant enough, but the texture was odd. Perhaps using canned peaches would be too mushy or wouldn’t survive the magic Blizzard blending machine, but this version of “peaches” just didn’t make the grade for me.

Even if you love peaches, this one might disappoint you because the peach flavor is subdued, and the topping has an off-putting texture. It’s nice to see DQ adding a new component to the list of Blizzard ingredients, but this one is a disappointment.

Purchased Price: $4.49
Size: Mini
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 350 calories, 11 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 56 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 46 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Ultimate Cookie Blizzard

I am by no means an expert on calendars. Yes, I can name the 12 months in order and even know which ones have 30 or 31 days. OK, I mostly know. August always gets me. I also know that early April is what people like to refer to as spring, and summer doesn’t come around until sometime in June. The fine folks at Dairy Queen apparently know even less than I do about how a calendar works, as they have just released their Summer Blizzard Menu, which includes three new concoctions and three returning flavors. After trying the new Ultimate Cookie Blizzard, I am quite happy about DQ’s complete disregard for chronology.

As you might have guessed, the Ultimate Cookie is loaded with cookies, and I mean loaded. It includes Oreo, Chips Ahoy, and Nutter Butter cookies, and the ultimate moniker of this version is spot-on. This might be the crunchiest Blizzard I’ve ever had, and that made it delightful. Every bite had the satisfying texture of the soft serve offset by a constant cookie crunch.

As for the taste, that also landed in the ultimate range. The Oreo cookies bring that famous chocolate flavor that is a part of so many Blizzard combinations, and the Nutter Butter cookies contribute a strong peanut butter taste but in a different way compared to Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I love having PB cups in a Blizzard, but Nutter Butter might be even better. They seem to provide a more robust peanut butter flavor that can stand up to the chocolate without being secondary, as PB cups can sometimes be because they also contain chocolate. This Blizzard gave me more of a chocolate and peanut butter vibe than an Oreo and PB cup version.

And I didn’t forget about the Chips Ahoy. Actually, I kind of did. I saw evidence of their inclusion in the blend, but other than bringing some added crunch, it was hard to pick out the Chips Ahoy flavor compared to the Oreo and Nutter Butter.

Most fast food creations with ultimate or supreme in the name fail to deliver as promised, but this one does. If the words chocolate, peanut butter, and crunchy make you hungry, then you won’t want to miss this Blizzard. And thanks to DQ stretching the meaning of the word summer, you’ll have plenty of time to pick one up.

Purchased Price: $4.49
Size: Mini
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 480 calories, 20 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 67 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 49 grams of sugar, and 9 grams of protein.