Tag: Energy Drink

REVIEW: Nestle Jamba All Natural Energy Drink (Blueberry Pomegranate, Crisp Apple & Strawberry Banana)

Marvo 12 Comments

Nestle Jamba All Natural Energy Drink

Let me show you the ingredients list for the new Strawberry Banana Nestle Jamba All-Natural Energy Drink:

Apple juice and lemon juice (water, juice concentrates), water, apple puree, strawberry puree, banana puree, natural flavor, caffeine, extract of stevia, carbonation added.

Now let me show you the ingredients list for the Orange Rockstar Recovery Energy Drink:

Purified water, orange juice concentrate, taurine, citric acid, natural flavors, sodium citrate, sucrose, caffeine, benzoic acid, sorbic acid, gum arabic, acesulfame potassium, sucralose, calcium pantothemate, niacinamide, panax ginseng root extract, milk thistle extract, magnesium lactate, ester gum, calcium lactate, prickly pear extract, pyridoxine hydrochloride, monopotassium phosphate, apocarotenal, and cyanocobalamin.

As you can see, there are major differences between the two lists. One is a short list of ingredients I’ve heard of and can pronounce, while the other list is a bit longer because it’s made up of a few ingredients I have to learn about through Wikipedia or by seducing a college chemistry lab teaching assistant during her office hours, using lines like, “How about we do some chemical compounding here on your desk?”

But do these differences prove what Jamba has printed on their All-Natural Energy Drink cans, “For us, it is simple — real food & beverages taste better. That makes people happy & they come back for more.”

With their smoothies, it’s very true, because it’s extremely rare for me to have a month without a Jamba Juice smoothie-induced brain freeze. But with their line of All-Natural Energy Drinks, I don’t see myself coming back for more, unless I REALLY feel the need for a Jamba smoothie chaser.

The Nestle Jamba All-Natural Energy Drinks are available in three fruity flavors: Blueberry Pomegranate, Crisp Apple, and Strawberry Banana. They contain no artificial preservatives, flavors, or colors, and no high fructose corn syrup. And, they contain 70 percent real fruit juice and each can has 90 calories.

Now, all that sounds nice, but when you’re talking about an energy drink, energy junkies care about one thing — caffeine. And I’m happy to say each 8.4-ounce can of Jamba All-Natural Energy Drink contains 80 milligrams of the good stuff, which is the same amount found in a can of Red Bull, or an eight-ounce serving of the Orange Rockstar Recovery Energy Drink I referred to at the beginning of this review.

Although a can of the Jamba All-Natural Energy Drink has 80 milligrams of caffeine, I didn’t feel very caffeinated after drinking one and didn’t seem to get the same energy boost I would from drinking an eight-ounce serving of my energy drinks of choice — any variety of Monster or Rockstar. I believe the reason for this is because of those few ingredients I mentioned earlier that I have to learn about through Wikipedia or by seducing a college chemistry lab teaching assistant during her office hours, using lines like, “How about we swap oxygen and carbon dioxide…with our mouths?”

However, if you’re not a caffeine junkie, I’m sure these will do fine if you’re looking for an all-natural way to get an energy boost.

Besides not giving me a boost like other energy drinks; these Jamba Energy Drinks also don’t taste like other energy drinks, which tend to be a combination of sweet compensating for the bitter. They taste like what one would expect an energy drink with the Jamba Juice logo on it would taste like.

Basically, they’re lightly carbonated, caffeinated juices. The Crisp Apple flavor, which was my favorite of the three, tastes like lightly carbonated, caffeinated apple juice. The Blueberry Pomegranate flavor tastes like lightly carbonated, caffeinated, and slightly tart pomegranate juice with a blueberry finish and a hint of apple. And, the Strawberry Banana flavor tastes like lightly carbonated, caffeinated strawberry juice with a bit of banana and a bit of apple.

Yup, just like at many malls across America, apple is found in all three Jamba Energy Drink flavors.

Overall, the Nestle Jamba All-Natural Energy Drinks are good and made with ingredients I can pronounce, but a can of it doesn’t satisfy my energy needs, so I don’t see myself purchasing any more. Also, because the Jamba Energy Drinks are lightly carbonated and made with fruit juices and purees, they’re extremely easy to drink, which can cause a can of it to be consumed quicker than expected.

They’re so smooth that I don’t think they’d make good energy drink training bras if you’re looking to get into stronger energy drinks, like Red Bull, Monster, and Rockstar.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can – Pomegranate Blueberry – 90 calories, 0 grams of fat, 15 milligrams of sodium, 140 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 20 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein. Crisp Apple – 90 calories, 0 grams of fat, 15 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 20 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein. Strawberry Banana – 90 calories, 0 grams of fat, 15 milligrams of sodium, 190 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 20 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Nestle Jamba All Natural Energy Drink (Blueberry Pomegranate, Crisp Apple & Strawberry Banana)
Price: $2.95 each
Size: 8.4 ounces
Purchased at: Jamba Juice
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Blueberry Pomegranate)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Crisp Apple)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Strawberry Banana)
Pros: Easy to drink. Taste like fruit juices. Made using ingredients I can pronounce. 90 calories per can. 80 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine. No high fructose corn syrup. My ability to seduce college chemistry lab teaching assistants.
Cons: Too easy to drink. Energy boost might not be noticable for caffeineheads. Small cans. Can’s design looks like it’s meant for kids. Doesn’t make a good energy drink training bra. Brain freezes.

REVIEW: Rockstar PINK and Rockstar 2X Energy Drinks

Jasper 10 Comments

Rockstar Pink Rockstar 2X

I’m a big coffee guy, and I can probably pass for an extra in a zombie movie when I don’t get my caffeine throughout the day. Recently, though, I’ve been trying to quit drinking so much coffee, not because I think I’m addicted (I am) or my teeth are getting too stained (they are), but because I now work on the 11th floor and the fresh-brewed coffee is on the 8th floor. I always take the stairs because I hate being that person who ruins someone’s otherwise stop-less elevator ride, but after three flights of stairs I’m always embarrassingly out of breath. I should probably get into better shape or just take the elevator, but instead I’m going to find a suitable coffee replacement.

Luckily, Rockstar has released two new products that could potentially fit the bill. Rockstar PINK is being marketed towards women, and Rockstar 2X is being marketed towards me and any other incredibly over-caffeinated people for whom 250 mg of caffeine seems appealing.

The first thing everyone notices about Rockstar PINK is that it comes with an attached straw. Including a straw with your pink drink for women seems hilariously, over-the-top sexist, but from my research (read: talking to some coworkers), everyone–women, men, children–love drinking from straws. How often do you have a bad straw-drinking experience? Juice boxes, milkshakes, and fruity cocktails, all awesome, all drunk with straws. Rockstar should just include straws with all their products.

Rockstar PINK is supposed to taste like pink lemonade, but I found it to be more like lemon-lime with a hint of strawberry, as though someone had dissolved a strawberry Starburst in a can of Sprite. It was a pretty enjoyable flavor and there was the right amount of sweetness. Unfortunately, the presence of the artificial sweetener became much more pronounced during the aftertaste. I generally don’t drink diet products, so I’m sure someone who is used to Sucralose would find the aftertaste much less bothersome than I did.

Additionally, I was pleasantly surprised when I read the label. PINK only contains 10 calories, and the ingredients list actually includes some items I can pronounce. Granted, “sweet potato juice extract,” “black carrot juice concentrate,” and “elderberry extract concentrate” don’t exactly scream health-consciousness, nor are they in the first half of the ingredients list, but I guess it’s still better than nothing. All things considered, PINK was pretty good, and I think it’s potentially a viable coffee replacement if I can get used to the aftertaste.

Moving on to the next drink, I’m sad to report that the Rockstar 2X does NOT include a straw. And once I became aware that the absence of a straw was somehow an indication of my gendered-ness, I considered drinking the 2X in the manliest way possible: by chugging the whole thing, crushing the can against my skull, and chucking it halfway across a football field, all the while carrying a bale of hay and rocking an awe-inspiring beard. Unfortunately, I couldn’t wait the two years it would take me to grow some half-decent facial hair, so I just drank it as a regular, unencumbered-by-gender-expectations person would.

That turned out to be a good decision, because if I had chugged the whole can I probably would’ve vomited. It tasted like one part regular Rockstar (which I like), one part cough syrup, and fourteen parts artificial sweetener. Again, I usually don’t use artificial sweetener, and I suppose some people could really like the taste of cough syrup. Some of you might end up genuinely enjoying the taste of 2X, but I couldn’t drink more than a couple gulps, even with the promise of 250 mg of caffeine and only 15 calories.

Rockstar Pink Rockstar 2X in glasses

The color was also rather unappetizing. While regular Rockstar is similar in complexion to ginger ale and PINK is just a bit too bright for comfort, 2X is so radioactively yellow that I imagine it’s what Peter Parker’s piss would’ve looked like had he been particularly dehydrated the morning after getting bitten by that irradiated spider.

I should mention that less than half a can managed to keep me properly caffeinated for the entire morning. Rockstar 2X saved me from being out of breath after three flights of stairs today, but given its unpalatable taste and lack of a straw, I think I’ll just take the elevator tomorrow.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 ounces – Rockstar PINK – 10 calories, 60 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 100% vitamin B3, 100% vitamin B5, 100% vitamin B6, 100% vitamin B9, 100% vitamin B12, 2% calcium, 100 milligrams of taurine and 120 milligrams of caffeine. Rockstar 2X – 15 calories, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 1 gram of sugar, 15 milligrams of sodium, 200% vitamin B2, 100% vitamin B3, 100% vitamin B5, 100% vitamin B6, 100% vitamin B9, 100% vitamin B12, 100 milligrams of taurine, 250 milligrams of caffeine, 100 milligrams of panax ginseng extract, 100 milligrams of L-Arginine, 25 milligrams of L-Carnitine, 25 milligrams of inositol and 25 milligrams of guarana seed extract.)

Other Rockstar PINK and Rockstar 2X reviews:
Energy Fiend: Rockstar PINK & Rockstar 2X
Caffeine-A-Holic: Rockstar PINK & Rockstar 2X

Item: Rockstar PINK and Rockstar 2X Energy Drinks
Price: $1.99 each
Size: 12 ounces
Purchased at:Shaw’s
Rating: 7 out of 10 (PINK)
Rating: 3 out of 10 (2X)
Pros: Low calorie. PINK has a pleasant taste. 2X has tons of caffeine (250 mg), PINK has a decent amount (120 mg), both for a relatively cheap price. PINK has some natural-sounding ingredients. Straws and any drinks that come with straws. Awe-inspiring beards.
Cons: PINK has a disagreeable aftertaste. 2X just tastes bad in general. 2X has a really weird color. Hilarious over-the-top sexism. My intolerance of artificial sweeteners. Being the guy who interrupts a previously stop-less elevator ride. My inability to grow facial hair. Spiderman’s radioactive piss. Being out of breath after climbing three flights of stairs.

REVIEW: Tonino Lamborghini Energy Drink

Marvo 6 Comments

On the front of the Tonino Lamborghini Energy Drink can it describes the exotic car maker as, “A high quality brand with over 25 years of unique style; a mix of power, elegance and creative engineering. For both men and women with character all of their own, who refuse to go unnoticed. Tonino Lamborghini: classic by definition, audacious by nature.”

However, I prefer to describe the Italian automaker as, “An extremely expensive brand with over a quarter of a century of making cars that almost all of us can only dream of driving and have a fuel inefficiency of 10-12 miles per gallon. For both douchebags and rappers who have money to burn, get off on the common folk staring at them with envy and have small penises to compensate for. Tonino Lamborghini: difficult to drive over speed bumps by design, extremely high car insurance premiums by nature.”

While, today, I may think Lamborghinis are extravagant and fuel-inefficient small penis compensators, I didn’t feel this way when I was 10 years old. Back then, the Lamborghini Countach was my dream car, thanks to twin Autobots Sideswipe and Sunstreaker who both transformed into Countaches.

Of course, back then I didn’t know Lamborghinis were the same price as some houses and that I would never be able to afford one. I liked them because they were fast, looked futuristic and the name Lamborghini expanded my Italian vocabulary beyond just pizza, spaghetti, lasagna and mamma mia.

The Tonino Lamborghini Energy Drink is much like any Lamborghini sports car. It’s pricey at $1.79 per 8-ounce can; I can buy a 16-ounce Monster Energy Drink for $1.99. It’s hard to find. And buying it makes me feel like a douchebag.

This energy drink is not only like a Lamborghini sports car, it’s also like a Red Bull because it tastes just like it. However, I don’t think it’s as smooth as a Red Bull and it doesn’t give me wings. It’s also disappointing that as an energy drink inspired by a high-octane sports car it doesn’t have more of an energy kick. With only 80 milligrams of caffeine and 100 milligrams of taurine, it doesn’t provide much energy for me.

Overall, the Tonino Lamborghini Energy Drink is a slightly cheaper Red Bull replacement. Yes, I wrote that the Tonino Lamborghini Energy Drink is expensive, but Red Bull is even more so and I consider it to be the Bugatti of energy drinks.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can/8.4 ounces – 128 calories, 0 grams of fat, 252 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 29 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein, 125% niacin, 100% pantothenic acid, 385% vitamin B6, 208% vitamin B12, 100 milligrams of taurine and 80 milligrams of caffeine.)

Other Tonino Lamborghini Energy Drink reviews:
What I Drink At Work

Item: Tonino Lamborghini Energy Drink
Price: $1.79
Size: 8.4 ounces
Purchased at: Nijiya Market
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tastes just like Red Bull. Multilingual can. Autobots Sideswipe and Sunstreaker. No high fructose corn syrup. Cheaper Red Bull replacement.
Cons: Pricey for an 8-ounce energy drink, when compared with a $1.99 16-ounce Monster Energy Drink. Hard to find. Buying it makes me feel like a douchebag. Only 80 milligrams of caffeine. Awesome source of sugar. Compensating for a small penis with the purchase of an exotic car.

REVIEW: Go Girl Bliss Energy Drink

Marvo 18 Comments

Is there anything inappropriate about a man wearing a woman’s deodorant? Smelling “powder fresh” might not be the optimal scent for a man, but the sour smell from going au naturel is even less so.

Is there anything wrong with a man using menstrual cramp reliever Midol to help ease the pain of being kicked in the balls? After all, it’s a great medicine that specializes in lower region pain.

If a man can do those things, then there shouldn’t be anything wrong with my manly self drinking the Go Girl Bliss Energy Drink…or putting on a tight leather dress, stiletto heels, a black wig, makeup, shaving my entire body, going out to pick up rich Asian business men in Waikiki, charging them $1,000 an hour to strap them in a hanging restraint harness while I whip their half naked bodies or making them pay $750 an hour to pin them to the floor and gingerly dance on their bodies with my stilettos on.

Go Girl Bliss is the third energy drink from Go Girl’s estrogen-friendly line, which consists of the original Go Girl Energy Drink and the complexion-helping Go Girl Glo. Just like the first two, it also contains an ingredient Go Girl calls Super Citrimax, which is a mild herbal appetite suppressant.

Out of the three Go Girl flavors, I have to say Go Girl Bliss is by far my favorite. It has a pleasant peach scent and a nice balance of peach and tea flavor. The Yerba Maté tea leaves in the beverage also provide the caffeine, which, along with the added taurine, gave me a decent energy kick. The peach flavor comes from peach juice concentrate, but it tastes kind of artificial.

It’s sweetened using organic agave syrup, but it also contains Sucralose, which gives the non-carbonated Go Girl Bliss a slight artificial sweetener aftertaste. However, I highly recommend drinking it cold because if it warms up, the artificial sweetener aftertaste gets worse.

The 35-calorie Go Girl Bliss Energy Drink is tasty enough that I see myself purchasing more in the future. Now you may think a manly man like myself would be embarrassed to purchase women’s energy drinks, but I am not. Of course, that’s only because when I purchase any of the Go Girl Energy Drinks, I throw in a box of tampons, so instead of looking like a weird male who enjoys women’s energy drinks, I look like a chivalrous man picking up items for his cramping and menstruating woman.

Unfortunately, I now have several unopened boxes of tampons, which I could either giveaway or, if I feel like rioting, use them as wicks for Moltov cocktails.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can – 35 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of protein, 8 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of sugar, 30 milligrams of sodium, 40% riboflavin, 125% vitamin B6, 25% pantothenic acid, 50% niacin, 40% vitamin B12, 5% magnesium. It also contains 400 milligrams of taurine, 100 milligrams of garcinia cambogia, 50 milligrams of inositol and 65 milligrams of caffeine.)

Item: Go Girl Bliss Energy Drink
Price: $1.50 (on sale)
Size: 11.5 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Nice peach tea flavor. Uses organic agave syrup to help sweeten it. Provides a decent energy kick. Only 35 calories. No strong artificial sweetener aftertaste, unless you drink it warm. A portion of the proceeds are donated to breast cancer research.
Cons: Peach flavor tastes kind of artificial, despite using peach juice concentrate. Hard to determine if Super Citrimax is effective as a mild herbal appetite suppressant. Having to slip into a tight leather dress. Trying to find other uses for tampons.

REVIEW: Monster X-Presso Hammer

Marvo 6 Comments

So lemme get this straight.

The Monster X-Presso Hammer has the same amount of energy ingredients and tastes similar to a regular Java Monster Coffee Energy Drink, except it’s made in the Netherlands, comes in a can that’s more than 50 percent smaller, and it costs the same.

I’m sold!

Now I wonder if Monster Energy has a bridge, building or a used 1986 Yugo GV with a faulty transmission to sell me. Also, while we’re at it Monster Energy, here are my credit card numbers with security codes and let me bend over for you.

With only 6.75 ounces of espresso goodness, the Monster X-Presso Hammer competes with the 6.5-ounce Starbucks Doubleshot Espresso in the lightweight coffee drink division. When comparing the two, it’s more than just the size of their cans, albeit the size difference is minimal, with the Hammer being like a 32B cup and the Doubleshot being like a 32A.

The Hammer has a significantly creamier taste than the Doubleshot, which is why it has a flavor similar to the bigger and tasty Java Monster line. However, because it’s creamier, the espresso flavor isn’t as prominent as it is with the Doubleshot.

But what really sets the Monster X-Presso Hammer apart from the Starbucks Doubleshot is its use of nitrous oxide, which Monster also used in their latest line of energy drinks. The nitrous oxide helps creates a froth when the beverage is poured into a glass, making it look like an espresso beverage from a coffee shop. It’s kind of a neat trick, but unfortunately it doesn’t come with a cute barista to make a heart or some kind of art in the froth.

Overall, I’m not sure the Monster X-Presso Hammer is worth the price. It tastes similar and provides the same strong energy kick as the larger Java Monster Energy Drinks, which are also the same price. If you enjoy the bitter flavor of an espresso, the Starbucks Doubleshot would be the better choice. But if you love tulips, windmills, clogs and want to support the Netherlands via their exports, then the Monster X-Presso Hammer is for you.

(NOTE: The Monster X-Presso Hammer is made in the Netherlands, but isn’t available in the Netherlands.)

(Supplement Facts – 1 can – 90 calories, 2 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 14 grams of carbohydrates, 12 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 50% vitamin C, 100% vitamin B2, 100% vitamin B3, 100% vitamin B6, 100% vitamin B12, 14% calcium, 9% phosphorus, 4% potassium.)

Item: Monster X-Presso Hammer
Price: $2.59
Size: 6.75 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice creamy coffee flavor. Nice jolt of energy. Nitrous oxide helps create a froth. Slightly bigger can than the Starbucks Doubleshot. The Netherlands. Tulips.
Cons: Tastes too similar to the Java Monster Energy Drink line. If you enjoy the flavor of espresso, the Starbucks version is better. No cute barista to make coffee art. Not available in the Netherlands.