Fast Food – Page 206 – The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Fajita Ranch Melt

Marvo / December 10, 2013 / Reviews / 2 Comments

CHRISTMAS CHICKEN SANDWICH!!!

That’s what I would like to call Jack in the Box’s Fajita Ranch Melt.

If you look at the sandwich’s promotional photo, it screams, “CHRISTMAS!” It has red and green bell peppers, white ranch sauce, red taco sauce, white pepper jack cheese, white onions, and seasoned chicken in between a toasted sourdough bun. Seeing those colors together makes me want to sing 80s Christmas songs.

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away.
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special.

However, in real life, the Fajita Ranch Melt doesn’t look as festive. If Jack in the Box didn’t already have a sandwich called the Hot Mess, I would’ve called this new one a hot mess. Instead, I’m going to have to say it’s messy.

It’s messy mostly because of the sourdough bun, which barely stayed intact as my mouth made its way through the sandwich. Wait. Did I say, “sourdough bun”? I meant to say, “ranch and taco sauce sponge.” Too bad the bun wasn’t also a bell pepper and onion sponge because that would’ve prevented the veggies from falling out.

For those of you familiar with Jack in the Box, you may know they offer a Chicken Fajita Pita, which is one of their “Healthy Dining Choices.” The Fajita Ranch Melt is what I wish the Chicken Fajita Pita would taste like and is nowhere close to being a “Healthy Dining Choice,” which is obvious since it has buttered buns and a creamy ranch sauce.

Speaking of the ranch sauce, it was hard for my taste buds to notice it because they were distracted by the slightly spicy taco sauce, which I didn’t mind. Surprisingly, the sauces were light enough that I could taste the ever-falling, slightly crunchy bell peppers and onions that I had to regularly stuff back into the sandwich. The easy-to-chew seasoned chicken was more like salty chicken, but the veggies, taco sauce, and melted pepper jack cheese did a great job of masking the chicken’s saltiness.

But was the Jack in the Box Fajita Ranch Melt “Clucking Delicious”?

Yes, it clucking was. It made my taste buds happy. But it would’ve been clucking better if it was called the Jack in the Box Christmas Chicken Sandwich.

(Nutrition Facts – 579 calories, 288 calories from fat, 32 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 88 milligrams of cholesterol, 1658 milligrams of sodium, 357 milligrams of potassium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 32 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Fajita Ranch Melt
Purchased Price: $4.99*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Great flavor. Taco sauce was a tasty addition. Promotional picture looks like Christmas in a bun. Bell peppers and onions surprisingly provided flavor and texture. 80s Christmas songs.
Cons: Ranch sauce wasn’t noticeable. Salty chicken. Messy sandwich. Only available in California, Idaho, Hawaii, Nevada, and Utah. Not as heart healthy as Jack’s Chicken Fajita Pita. It’s not called the Christmas Chicken Sandwich.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay $3.99.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Jalapeño Kicker Quarter Pounder

Adam / December 3, 2013 / Reviews / 6 Comments

Having lived in test markets for both Wendy’s (Salt Lake City) and McDonald’s (Baltimore), I’ve come to develop something of an ambivalent attitude towards newly developed menu items. On one hand, the intrepid explorer within me loves the idea of being one of the first people to experience what might be the next great innovation in fast food. On the other hand, there’s nothing worse than falling in love with a new burger or sandwich concept, only to see it disappear and never go national.

Whoever said, “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” clearly didn’t eat fast food.

With that being the case, I’ve let my heart and stomach fall for the newest McDonald’s sandwich concept, the Jalapeño Kicker. With pickled jalapeño slices, crunchy jalapeño strips, and pepper jack cheese, the Jalapeño Kicker packs a triple threat of the piquant pepper, relying on a new cream cheese sauce for cooling relief. The toppings are currently being tested on Quarter Pounder and Premium Chicken sandwiches in Baltimore and Colorado, but if McDonald’s website is any indicator, they will be going national real soon. At least I hope so, because canceling the roll out of these now would push my jaded fast food love for test menu items into Taylor Swift album territory.

That’s a pretty significant statement coming from a guy who doesn’t exactly consider himself a heat-seeker. I think that’s why I like the new concept so much. For those of you worrying about this sandwich wimping out and providing the kind of kick from, say, your three year old sister, be not afraid. This thing kicks you like Adam Vinatieri from 52 yards out, but rather than being some mindless atomic heat without flavor or texture, the kick comes in multiple layers.

The dominant heat comes from the pickled jalapeños, which build in intensity and leave a lasting but flavorful burn after each bite. The crispy jalapeños provide an initial crunch and zesty French fry like flavor right off the bat, while the pepper jack cheese gives a slightly milky note and additional spice before getting to the meat.

I realize there are some people who hate the taste of McDonald’s burgers, and while I’ll concede that they’re far from juicy, I find their seasoning and ‘meaty’ taste to be more enjoyable than Wendy’s and even Burger King’s burgers. It’s that meaty and slightly sweet taste which provides a good counterpoint to the acidic heat of the jalapeño, benefitting in turn from the cream cheese sauce.

Speaking of which, let me just say it’s about damn time a fast food chain put cream cheese on a burger. With a subtle sweetness and milky freshness that just tastes right on a burger, the sauce transforms the prerequisite tomato and lettuce into tasteful components, and helps to bind all the flavors of the burger together. The sauce is a bit looser than regular cream cheese but not nearly as gloopy as mayo, and amazingly, it doesn’t drown the crispy jalapeños.

The jalapeños have this zesty and fried corn flavor that reminded me a lot of one of my favorite snacks, Corn Nut Chips, while also having a strong aftertaste of French fries. I don’t know how they’re made or why it’s taken McDonald’s so long to develop them, but if you’re not adding them to every McDonald’s sandwich you buy from now on, there is something seriously wrong with your brain.

Unless you absolutely hate jalapeño, it should be apparent that this is a pretty good fast food burger. I can’t quite give it the ultimate score, however, mostly on account of the lack of baconage. Likewise, I found myself wanting something beneath to burger patty to distribute some of the flavor and heat. Already top-heavy, I have to wonder if moving the cream cheese and crispy jalapeños beneath the patty wouldn’t be a better construct. Finally, McDonald’s two main burger flaws, a dense bun and cheese that takes upwards of a century to melt, bring it back down to Earth and reminds you of the main differences between fast food and fast casual burgers.

These quips aside, this is my favorite Quarter Pounder. The crispy jalapeño strips and cream cheese sauce are great new additions and give the burger just the right combination of texture and flavor contrast to make it something work seeking out. I’m just hoping that the research and development powers that be see it the same way, and don’t take away another great test menu item from my grasp.

(Nutrition Facts – Not available on McDonald’s website. Menu board lists 550 calories.)

Item: McDonald’s Jalapeño Kicker Quarter Pounder
Purchased Price: $4.19
Size: N/A
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Crispy jalapeño strips might just be the best add-on McDonald’s has ever developed for a sandwich. Strong, but not kill-you-strong triple jalapeño kick. Cream cheese sauce has smooth and creamy taste which helps to cool the heat. New Quarter Pounder variety that’s not just repackaging other ingredients.
Cons: Burger is top-heavy. McDonald’s premium burger buns suck. Cheese that doesn’t melt unless you stick it against the heater in your car for an hour. Could seriously use bacon. Risking test menu item disillusionment.

Fast Food McDonald's

REVIEW: Burger King BBQ Rib Sandwich

Matt / November 27, 2013 / Reviews / 2 Comments

‘Tis the season.

The McRib season, that is. America’s favorite pork sandwich has finally returned to McDonald’s restaurants across the country. Ribheads far and wide began planning their yearly poetry slams in dedication to the rib sandwich…until terror struck.

When the folks over at Reddit posted an alleged picture of a frozen McRib patty, all hell broke loose. The public felt betrayed: How could such an unappetizing white block of flash-frozen pig meat really transform into the McRib, a sandwich worthy of the gods?

While McDonald’s was busy being condemned by the media, Burger King emerged from the shadows to offer the American people a porky alternative.

Just in time for the holiday season, Burger King has unveiled their value menu BBQ Rib Sandwich, an obvious McRib rival. For a single dollar, the customer can receive a boneless rib patty served on a sesame seed bun with onions, pickles, and barbecue sauce. It’s bound to be on all the kiddies’ Christmas lists. What five-year-old doesn’t look forward to unwrapping a slab of processed meat slathered in barbecue sauce on Christmas morning? Don’t answer that.

Now let’s get serious for a moment. It’s possible that Burger King’s rib patties undergo a process of flash-freezing similar to McDonald’s. But what you don’t know won’t hurt you, right? Sure, the saturated fat and high sodium content might slowly clog my arteries and lead to high blood pressure, but if there’s one thing Robin Williams ever taught me, it’s carpe diem. He also taught me that sometimes you need to dress up like an elderly Scottish nanny to spy on your family.

As I entered my local Burger King restaurant, I had high expectations. After all, the chain proved they knew how to handle barbecue pork through the their summer rib sandwich, which strongly resembles the new value menu BBQ Rib Sandwich.

As soon as I saw the generic, grease-stained hamburger wrapper that held the rib sandwich, I knew I was going to be disappointed.

The BBQ Rib Sandwich is served on a standard Burger King sesame seed bun, which failed to impress due to its floppy and bland nature. Though the sweet, tangy barbecue sauce provided a kick of heat that complemented the porky flavor of the rib patty, there wasn’t enough sauce present on the sandwich.

The BBQ Rib Sandwich came topped with two pickles and a measly slice of onion. Though these toppings provided a minor crunch to the sandwich, both the pickle and onion flavors seemed masked by the barbecue sauce.

In comparison to the rib sandwich released by Burger King this past summer, the new BBQ Rib Sandwich is notably inferior. Though the rib patty and barbecue sauce on the two sandwiches seem very similar, the BBQ Rib Sandwich features a disappointing bun and fewer, less tasty pickles. In addition, the BBQ Rib Sandwich just looks miserable.

It seems the new BBQ Rib Sandwich will not be on my Christmas list this year. Instead, I’ll be asking Santa for a big ol’ sack of McRibs.

Saint Nick better not try to fool me with reindeer meat again. I know the difference.

(Nutrition Facts – 450 calories, 250 calories from fat, 28 grams of total fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 930 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 9 grams of sugars, and 19 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King BBQ Rib Sandwich
Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Sweet, tangy barbecue sauce complements pork flavor. Only one dollar. Robin Williams. McRibs for Christmas.
Cons: Pickle and onion flavors are masked. Floppy bun. Inferior to BK’s summer rib sandwich.

Burger King Fast Food

REVIEW: Wendy’s Bacon Portabella Melt on Brioche

Jeff / November 26, 2013 / Reviews / 17 Comments

I believe a burger is as good as its bun and vice versa. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of eating a juicy medium-rare, perfectly seasoned hamburger that was ruined because it was on a dry, whole grain, toasted English muffin. And I’ve eaten a dried out, over-cooked burger on a luscious and rich onion bun.

Both occasions left me with the urge to punch someone in the face as I defecated on the floor like an untrained puppy. It just pissed me off on how thoughtless these burgers were concocted. Seriously, Dante may have given up immediately if one of the circles of hell was to eat a burger on a whole grain English muffin.

In regards to hamburgers, neither the bread nor the beef is more important than the other because when in unison, there is a harmonious perfection that is stronger than either part alone. It’s an amalgam of pleasure and guilt that is achieved by simple concepts: beef and bread.

So when Wendy’s touted their new brioche buns with the re-tooled Bacon Portabella Melt, a.k.a. Wendy’s Bacon Portabella Melt on Brioche, I was mildly intrigued. I know I can be a complete asshole at times. So when I heard Wendy’s was putting brioche on the menu, I scoffed and went about my business drunk internet shopping.

Granted, most of us want a normal burger from a fast food joint. Yet, a little twist on the “gourmet” side is always welcome. Despite how judgmental and skeptical I was, I made the choice to try it because I knew it could not be worse than eating a burger on a fucking DRIED WHOLE GRAIN ENGLISH MUFFIN.

I was a bit put-off by the price because, at $5.99, it’s getting close to those “order to temperature” burgers. However, I was really surprised by the brioche bun. It was bronzed and toasted. The bread had a nice chewy give with the slight toasty edge. There was not the eggy/buttery-richness one normally gets with a brioche but it was not bad for a fast-food bun.

In addition, the bun defiantly (and definitely) held up against the juicy burger, wet mushrooms and melty cheddar sauce. The bread did not get soggy or mushy which made up for the almost-timid taste of the bun.

As for the melty cheddar cheese, this again was piss poor Velveeta-like nacho crap. I hate that shit and whoever invented it sucks. I absolutely despise this kind of “fake cheesery” and felt the burger would be miles better with just the melted American cheese alone.

With that said, the “melty” cheese sauce had an unnatural salty tang but the portabella mushrooms countered this with its earthy flavor and only added to the rich deep taste of this burger.

The beef patty was jammed pack with beefy goodness that should awaken your alpha “Affliction-wearing tee-shirt” soul somewhere. Too often do we get a dried beef patty from a fast food place but Wendy’s is usually consistent on the juice to beef ratio.

Another plus, the burger is bereft of rabbit food. Meaning no stupid lettuce or even a brined cucumber slice to stand in the way of the cheese, meat, cheese orgy!

The bacon was plentiful, nice and crispy with its salty fat that rounded out the offering nicely. Additionally, it added a good porky taste that just indulges your “to hell with all kale salads” side.

Combined, this burger had a deep and complex profile. The muskiness of the mushrooms lent a great reservoir of flavors unheard of in a quick-serve burger. I was surprised because the portabella resembled those spongy mushrooms from a can tossed like an afterthought on a bad pizza.

Yet, it’s not the brioche but the portabella that really makes this burger shine. The mouthfeel is significantly like a “restaurant burger” and the taste is just as equal. I ordered the single, but you can get the double or triple if you’re looking for a heart attack in the quickest and most efficient manner.

I quite liked it and would pay for this again if I have the urge for a “restaurant”-style burger and can’t get to one.

Besides, price alone isn’t always the worst thing if you want to splurge. Because the worst thing is a burger served on a whole grain English muffin. If ever offered one, just pull down your pants, bend over and ask for a donkey punch instead. Trust me, that would be much more delicious and humane.

(Nutrition Facts – Single Burger – 600 calories, 300 calories from fat, 34 grams of fat, 15 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 12 grams of monounsaturated fat, 125 milligrams of cholesterol, 1390 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of sugars, 2 grams of fiber and 34 grams of protein.)

Item: Wendy’s Bacon Portabella Melt on Brioche
Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: Single
Purchased at: Wendy’s
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: The portabella mushrooms really give the hamburger a rich complex flavor. The brioche has a wonderful texture and it’s toasted. The bacon only adds to the richness. Fried kale with garlic is actually nice.
Cons: The melty cheddar cheese sauce sucks. The brioche is not as eggy/buttery as brioche should be. The price may scare some off. Kale smoothies are awful but not as bad as friggin’ burgers on whole grain English muffins.

Fast Food Wendy's

REVIEW: Subway Sriracha Chicken Melt

Marvo / November 20, 2013 / Reviews / 20 Comments

“Would you like your tomatoes toasted?” the Subway sandwich maker asked after I told her I’d like to try their Sriracha Chicken Melt with Italian bread.

“Fancy schmancy!” I unintentionally blurted out loud in an old woman’s voice, and then followed that with a nod of my head.

My excitement waned after finding out the tomato toasting involved just placing the tomatoes on the meat and cheese of the sandwich and toasting it all in Subway’s proprietary (and somewhat loud) toasters. I guess fancy schmancy would be if she asked me if I wanted my tomatoes fire roasted and then, after me agreeing, proceeded to pull out a proprietary Subway blowtorch and roast those ‘toes.

Because Subway’s shredded lettuce tends dull the flavor of every sandwich, and because I wanted to copy what’s on the promotional posters for the new Sriracha Melts, I also asked the Subway sandwich maker to top my sub with green peppers, red onions, and pepper jack cheese. Before adding the veggies, she squirted on a helping of Subway’s Creamy Sriracha Sauce as if she was signing her name on my sandwich.

However, as she was doing that, I thought to myself, “Subway probably formulated this sauce so that it would appeal to many different taste buds, so it’s A) not going to be as spicy as the rooster sauce most of us know and love; B) not going to be as bold as the rooster sauce most of us know and love; C) I wonder if she notices my fly is open, I should probably zip that up; D) I should probably ask for more sauce; E) I’m taking too much time to ponder about this because she’s asking me again what veggies I want.” After taking off my thinking cap, I asked for more creamy sriracha sauce.

By the way, is it just me or do other people feel they’re not getting their money’s worth when they don’t load up their Subway sandwich with as many veggies as possible?

If you go through bottles of rooster sauce because it’s your jam, the bright orange creamy sriracha sauce will disappoint and you’d be better off just squirting your own sriracha sauce on your Subway sandwich, which is probably something you already do since rooster sauce is your jam. As for the rest of you, it’s definitely a nice change of pace from the usual mild condiments offered, like lite mayonnaise, mustard, honey mustard, and sweet onion.

The sauce’s spiciness is almost on the same level as Taco Bell’s Hot Sauce, which is my sauce of choice when I Live Mas. Along with the chili pepper flavor, there’s a bit of sweetness and tanginess, but overall it doesn’t have a bold or garlicky flavor like actual cock sauce. With that said, I have to say the sauce is tasty enough that it made me say to myself, “Wow. This sandwich didn’t make me sad like the others have. It’s the most enjoyable Subway sandwich I’ve had in a long time.”

As for the rest of the sandwich, I wish the chicken was marinated in the creamy sriracha sauce; the red onions and green peppers added some crunch and flavor that enhanced the sauce; and the pepper jack cheese kind of got lost behind the sauce. As for the toasted tomatoes, I don’t think toasting them did anything to improve their flavor. Perhaps being fire roasted with a blowtorch might’ve helped.

(Nutrition Facts – 6 inch – 440 calories, 230 calories from fat, 25 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 990 milligrams of sodium, 43 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 26 grams of protein.)

Item: Subway Sriracha Chicken Melt
Purchased Price: $7.50
Size: Footlong
Purchased at: Subway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Most enjoyable Subway sandwich I’ve had in a long time, thanks to that sauce. Creamy sriracha sauce has decent heat and flavor. Red onions and green peppers enhance the sauce. Subway employees who use the condiments to sign their names on the sandwich.
Cons: Folks hoping for rooster sauce will be disappointed. Chicken not marinated. Not sure the pepper jack cheese doesn’t anything. Getting asked if I want my tomatoes toasted was kind of weird. Blurting out archaic phrases in an old woman’s voice. Daythinking while in ordering a sandwich.

Fast Food Subway