REVIEW: McDonald’s BBQ Ranch Burger

McDonald's BBQ Ranch Burger

The McDonald’s McDouble is now more than a dollar.

This price hike makes me as angry as a child whose parent got them the wrong Happy Meal toy. And this anger causes my blood pressure to rise, much like how eating a McDonald’s McDouble does. It’s only 29 cents more, but this is the second time McDonald’s has taken something on their Dollar Menu that I love and increased its price (first one being their Double Cheeseburger).

However, with both cases, McDonald’s replaced the pricer sandwiches with another dollar burger. The McDouble replaced the Double Cheeseburger, and now the BBQ Ranch Burger replaces the McDouble.

The new burger is one of several new additions to McDonald’s revamped Dollar Menu & More…um, Menu. It’s made up of a beef patty topped with a slice of white cheddar, BBQ ranch sauce, and chili lime tortilla strips.

This year, McDonald’s has used that white cheddar as many times as I’ve used a puppy’s tongue to plant wet, warm licks on my neck. It been in their Grilled Onion Cheddar Burger, Bacon Habanero Ranch Quarter Pounder, and Egg White Delight McMuffin. As for the chili lime tortilla strips, they’re also used in their Southwest Salad and Southwest McWrap. The BBQ ranch sauce is something we haven’t seen before from McDonald’s.

Before trying it, I thought there’s no way this burger with less meat would be as satisfying as the up-down-up-down-left-right-left-right-meat-cheese-bread combo of a McDouble. However…

McDonald's BBQ Ranch Burger Closeup

Holy sweet mother of cellulite!

The McDonald’s BBQ Ranch Burger is a delectable little sandwich that makes me want to dive into a wishing well and collect all those pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters so that I can buy more of this cheap burger. The creamy BBQ ranch sauce is a little sweet, slightly tangy, and a smidge spicy, but a whole lot of delicious. However, it’s the chili lime tortilla strips that make this burger special. They not only add an extra saltiness and tanginess, but they also give the BBQ Ranch Burger a wonderful crunchy texture.

McDonald's BBQ Ranch Burger Super Closeup

To be honest, I was surprised the tortilla strips didn’t end up soggy by the time I got around to eating the burger. I was sure the sauce and heat from beef patty would turn those strips into limps. However, the slice of white cheddar, which doesn’t provide much flavor, isn’t as melty as McDonald’s American cheese so I believe it shielded the tortilla strips from certain soggy doom.

As yummy as it is, I have to say it has a too familiar flavor. The combination of the BBQ ranch sauce and chili lime tortilla strips make it taste somewhat like the McDonald’s Southwest Salad, which I’m quite familiar with because it’s the only salad I buy from the Golden Arches. I also said the same thing about the recent Southwest McWrap.

But overall, I will love this burger with all my heart…until McDonald’s raises its price to $1.29.

(Nutrition Facts – 350 calories, 140 calories from fat, 16 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 680 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of sugar, 3 grams of fiber, 16 grams of protein.)

Item: McDonald’s BBQ Ranch Burger
Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: N/A
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: A delectable little burger. Creamy BBQ ranch sauce is sweet, tangy, and a little spicy. Chili lime tortilla strips give the burger a little tanginess and a whole lotta crunch. White cheddar helps prevent the tortilla strips from getting soggy. It’s only a dollar.
Cons: White cheddar doesn’t add flavor. Tastes like a McDonald’s Southwest Salad, which is probably fine, you don’t regularly eat the salad. Raising the price of a McDouble. Getting the wrong Happy Meal toy.

QUICK REVIEW: McDonald’s Bacon McDouble

McDonald's Bacon McDouble

Purchased Price: $2.00
Size: N/A
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Applewood smoked bacon makes the McDouble better. Nice smoky bacon flavor in every bite. If you don’t mind the extra fat and sodium, I think it’s worth paying two dollars for a McDouble with a bacon upgrade. Pickles, onion, ketchup, and mustard complement the beef and bacon wonderfully. For the same price as a McDonald’s premium sandwich, you can get two of these.
Cons: It’s just bacon on top of a McDouble; nothing innovative or something that took a lot of thought to come up with. Bacon not crispy. The regular McDouble is no longer just a dollar. Thinking too much about how its price may make it taste better than it really is.

McDonald's Bacon McDouble Topless

Nutrition Facts: 460 calories, 210 calories from fat, 24 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 1120 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, and 28 grams of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Costco Kirkland Signature BBQ Beef Brisket Sandwich

Costco Kirkland Signature BBQ Beef Brisket Sandwich

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Costco
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Lots of tender beef brisket. Hefty, filling sandwich. BBQ sauce has a pleasing peppery flavor. A surprisingly clean sandwich to eat thanks to the bun which doesn’t disintegrate and the lack of BBQ sauce. Buying toilet paper and frozen chicken at Costco. Don’t need to be a Costco member to buy it.
Cons: For 50 cents less, one can get three $1.50 Costco hot dog & drink meals. At times, the beef brisket tastes like beef jerky. Coleslaw could’ve been tangier and have more flavor. Could’ve used a bit more BBQ sauce. People blocking aisles at Costco just so they can get a sample of something.

Costco Kirkland Signature BBQ Beef Brisket Sandwich How It Stays So Neat

Nutrition Facts: Not available

REVIEW: Pizza Hut 3-Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza

Pizza Hut 3 Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza

Pizza Hut knows we all have the internet, right?

Because how can they consider their new 3-Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza to be the latest and greatest they can offer in the United States when many of us know about–via the internet–a pizza they introduced in the Middle East last year with cheeseburgers as the outer crust, which still hasn’t made its way here. I mean, if this was the 1980s and they released a pizza with cheeseburgers as the outer crust in the Middle East, I’m pretty sure no one in the U.S. would’ve found out about it, unless someone was fortunate to have a Middle Eastern pen pal.

But it’s not the leotard and leggings 80s, it’s 2013 and information spreads easily. When actresses climb out of a car awkwardly, their upskirt photos are posted all over the internet within minutes. When the Boston Red Sox won the World Series, their Wikipedia page was updated within seconds after the final out.

Yes, I’m upset.

This should be a review about a pizza with frickin’ cheeseburgers, but instead I’m writing about a pizza with three cheeses in its crust. I mean, that would be impressive if that was the most cheeses they ever put into a crust, but it’s not. Remember their Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza? Well, that had five.

But enough of my desire to see that pizza-cheeseburger hybrid in the United States. And it’s not as if other countries now have it…

Wait! What the fu…! Ugh. Seriously? Whatever.

Pizza Hut 3 Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza Closeup

The three cheeses stuffed into the outer crust of this pizza are mozzarella (boring because it’s all over the rest of the pizza), white cheddar (the albino brother of regular cheddar), and provolone (my first cheese option at Subway). The Pizza Hut 3-Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza is a hand tossed-style pizza and you can get whatever toppings you want on yours, but I ordered mine with pepperoni because I’m as boring as the mozzarella, white cheddar, and provolone stuffed into the crust of this pizza.

Let me move away from the stuffed crust for a moment and talk about the rest of the pizza, which won’t be much because it’s just the normal hand-tossed Pizza Hut pizza. If you’re not familiar with their hand-tossed pizza, it’s thinner and not as crispy as their pan pizza. As for the sauce, cheese, and pepperoni, it’s the typical stuff you’d find on any Pizza Hut pizza.

Now back to the stuffed crust.

Pizza Hut 3 Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza Super Closeup

Seeing the large puffs on the edge of the pizza, might make you think that each one of them is stuffed with cheese, but they’re not. If you’re an optimist, you’d say they’re half-full of cheese. But if you’re a pessimist, you’d say they’re half-full of air. The combined flavor of the three cheeses is a nice change of pace from the typical mozzarella in the original Pizza Hut Stuffed Crust Pizza. Each cheese has a mild flavor so one isn’t going to overwhelm the others. When combined they have a decent flavor that does entice me to eat the crust instead of throwing it away, feeding it to birds, or use them as horns on my head while my friends and I play pizza crust bull and pizza box matador.

However, I don’t see myself ever buying this pizza again. Yes, it’s an improvement over the previous stuffed crust pizza, but I can’t help but think they could’ve done more to encourage non-crust eaters to scarf down the additional carbs. Maybe include a dipping sauce, like they did with their oddly familiar looking Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites Pizza? Or, since the stuffed crust is half-full of air, why not stuff a little sauce, meat, and veggies. Or maybe do something crazy, like attach cheeseburgers.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/8 of a pizza – 300 calories, 160 calories from fat, 17 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 880 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 16 grams of protein.)

Item: Pizza Hut 3-Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza
Purchased Price: $16.99* (for one topping)
Size: Large
Purchased at: Pizza Hut
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Flavor of the three cheeses is a step up from the usual mozzarella in the original Stuffed Crust Pizza. Ample pepperoni. If you enjoy Pizza Hut hand-tossed pizzas, this one will not offend you. The internet. The Pizza Hut cheeseburger crust pizza. Playing pizza crust bull and pizza box matador.
Cons: Stuffed crust is half-full of air; could’ve used that space to fit more ingredients. Could’ve also used a dipping sauce. Still waiting for Pizza Hut’s cheeseburger crust pizza in the U.S. Doesn’t beat the record for number of cheeses in a Pizza Hut crust. Looks like a Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites Pizza. Having my upskirt photos posted on the internet.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Pumpkin Spice Iced Coffee

Jack in the Box Pumpkin Spice Iced Coffee

Like eating turkey on Thanksgiving, dressing up as Special Agent Cho from the CBS show The Mentalist on Halloween, and avoiding all shopping malls in December, consuming a Starbucks Iced Pumpkin Spice Latte is a holiday tradition for me.

And when I say “a Starbucks Iced Pumpkin Spice Latte,” I mean just one venti-sized drink every PSL season. If I allowed myself more than one, it would end up being an unhealthy, expensive addiction until they’re no longer available at Starbucks for the year. Then, after my last delicious sip, there would be weeks of withdrawals and then possible purchases of pricey, expired PSL syrup from a shady, but cute Starbucks barista named Savannah, who never calls me by my name and instead refers to me as, “her bitch” and makes me write it on the side of Starbucks cups to make sure I never forget it.

Unfortunately for me, two fast food burger chains I regularly frequent are now offering pumpkin spice coffee beverages. Recently, McDonald’s came out with their own pumpkin spice latte and now Jack in the Box offers a pumpkin spice-flavored coffee drink the same way I like my hockey — on ice and surrounded by a clear plastic barrier so I can admire it. So there’s a very good chance I could get addicted to other sweet, milky pumpkin spice coffee beverages.

However, Starbucks’ Pumpkin Spice Latte is much more customizable than Jack’s pumpkin spice iced coffee. While you can order a Starbucks PSL with your choice of milks and toppings, here’s all you get with Jack’s PSIC (please start calling them that): premium roast coffee, sweetened cream, and a few pumps from a large pumpkin spice syrup container.

But is that enough to be as good as what Starbucks offers?

Short answer? No.

Long answer? Noooo.

Jack in the Box Pumpkin Spice Iced Coffee Closeup

But I expected that. After all, Starbucks is known for coffee and Jack in the Box is known for its entertaining commercials, 24-hour drive-thru, all-day breakfast, greasy tacos, and a whole bunch of other things that are ahead of coffee. While Starbucks’ PSL has a noticeable coffee flavor, Jack’s PSIC tastes like it’s 98 percent cream and pumpkin spice syrup. It’s a sweet and creamy concoction that will satisfy most people who are indifferent about coffee and if you’ve had anything pumpkin spice flavored within the past few years and someone blindfolds you before handing this beverage to you, this coffee’s flavor will be instantly familiar.

Overall, I enjoyed Jack in the Box’s Pumpkin Spice Iced Coffee, but it’s not as yummy as Starbucks’ famous holiday drink. Also, it has yet to give me an energy boost like Starbucks’ PSL does. I’ve had three of them over the past week and I haven’t felt a thing.

Wait. Three in the last week? I think I’ve started an unhealthy, expensive addiction. Although not as expensive as a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte addiction.

(Nutrition Facts – 16 oz. – 194 calories, 52 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 63 grams of carbohydrates, 205 milligrams of potassium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 28 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Pumpkin Spice Iced Coffee
Purchased Price: $2.29
Size: Regular/16 oz.
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decent sweet and creamy concoction. Cheaper than Starbucks’ PSL. Looking like actor Tim Kang.
Cons: It will definitely not satisfy coffee snobs. Coffee mostly masked by cream and pumpkin spice syrup. Didn’t give me an energy boost. A Starbucks PSL addiction. Shopping malls in December. Having to buy expired PSL syrup from shady Starbucks baristas.