REVIEW: McDonald’s Sweet Chili Premium McWrap with Grilled Chicken

Grilled Chicken Sweet Chili McWrap 10

I have good news and bad news for those of you thinking that McDonald’s new Premium McWraps are just the same old pathetic looking McDonald’s chicken snack wraps with a prefix attached to the front of their name and a whole bunch of marketing buzzwords thrown into their description.

The good news? They’re not.

They come in futuristic packaging, taste pretty good, and demonstrate a degree of wrapping that most men in this country will never be able to achieve when wrapping birthday and Christmas gifts.

The bad news? They still kind of look pretty pathetic, all things considered.

Grilled Chicken Sweet Chili McWrap

Each wrap, including my Sweet Chili with Grilled Chicken, comes in an oblong container that looks kind of like an unlit lightsaber. It’s been a while since I was required to read directions to open something with the prefix “Mc” in front of it, but I eventually managed to separate the top part of the container to reveal and handy-dandy and convenient oh-God-why-would-I-need-this base container that attempted to defy gravity in holding my McWrap upright (ultimately, it failed. For you teachers, consider it the next time you teach Newton).

Grilled Chicken Sweet Chili McWrap 5

As seen below, the wrap didn’t exactly live up to advertising expectations. With a good inch and a half of tortilla “dead space,” my first bite was about as disappointing as the series finale of Seinfeld. A lone cucumber stared me straight in the face like a cyclopes, but since I was eating something called a “McWrap” and not facing down an actual Cyclops, I didn’t exactly cower in fear. Like I said, it looked pretty pathetic.

Grilled Chicken Sweet Chili McWrap 9

The tortilla itself isn’t bad on its own, but for $3.99 I really expect something composed of more than just enriched flour and hydrogenated soybean oil in foldable form. Fortunately, a quick cut through the wrap’s abdomen yielded insides stuffed with chicken and other vegetation.

Grilled Chicken Sweet Chili McWrap 12

Regarding this vegetation, the McDonald’s website tells me that my McWrap may have contained some or all of a catalogue of designer greens including Baby Green Romaine, Baby Red Romaine, Baby Red Leaf, Baby Green Leaf, Baby Red Swiss Chard, Baby Red Oak, Baby Green Oak, Lolla Rosa, Tango, Tatsoi, Arugula, Mizuna, Frisee, and Radicchio.

Basically, I’m going to venture to say it just contained a little more than the standard iceburg lettuce that’s usually thrown in as an afterthought. I may not know how to pronounce Tatsoi, and the last time I saw Tango I was falling asleep watching Dancing with the Stars, but I think I’d know for certain if they were in my wrap. The greens add a little bit of flavor and bitterness, but mostly, they’re just kind of there like the third string quarterback on a football team.

The chicken is juicy and plump and has a nice faux chargrill flavor that could compete with most fast casual chains. Thanks to what I’m guessing is the “prepared with liquid margarine” part of the ingredients list, there’s a buttery and slightly sweet taste that conjures up images of meat basting on the grill.

Grilled Chicken Sweet Chili McWrap 11

The Sweet Chili sauce, while seemingly isolated in the wraps southeastern quadrant, was actually applied in just the right restraint. It’s not overpowering or cloying, although, as anyone who has ever drowned their sorrows in a 50 pack of McNuggets can tell you, it’s not very hot. Basically, they should call it Sweet Red Pepper Sauce.

While the wrap gets its name from Sweet Chili, it’s the Creamy Garlic Sauce which pleasantly caught me by surprise. It’s got a mild milky flavor with a certain lightness but also a sweet roasted garlic element to it. Think of it as yummier and healthier than mayo, but simple enough to not confuse your taste buds, maybe like an aioli-for-dummies or something like that.

Enjoyable, no doubt, but worth the 3.99 price tag? That’s where I’m going to have to say ‘no.’ While there’s certainly some heft in the 360 calorie, 27-gram protein McWrap, the truth is that it just doesn’t feel as substantial as a “Premium” sandwich. Sure, the tastes are all there, but the wrap itself leaves something to be desired in terms of the amount of ingredients offered, as well as their proportion. Too much Tortilla and not enough crunch set it back, as does a bells and whistle packaging design that screams trying too hard.

In addition, there seems to be something missing in terms of the vegetables offered within the wrap. Discounting wrap physics, I would have preferred a few chopped tomatoes or perhaps crunchy carrot or pepper strips to compliment the two sauces. As someone who had the chance to try the line of McDonald’s flatbreads the chain tested in the Baltimore region some three years ago, I can say I enjoyed those flavors — and price tag — much more, and hope that the Golden Arches hasn’t put that idea on the back burner and decided to replace it permanently with the new line of Chicken McWraps.

Click here to read our McDonald’s Chicken & Ranch McWrap review

(Nutrition Facts – 360 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 1030 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, and 27 grams of protein.)

Other McDonald’s McWrap reviews:
Man Reviews Food

Item: McDonald’s Sweet Chili Premium McWrap with Grilled Chicken
Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 9.1 ounces
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Bigger and better than a snack wrap. Good, ‘premium’ tasting grilled chicken. Excellent wrapping that doesn’t fall apart. Good balance of sweet and savory. More greens than just iceburg. Creamy Garlic Sauce is a great change-up from mayo. Eating a non-pickled cucumber at McDonald’s. Pretending to be a Jedi with the container. 27 grams protein.
Cons: Size doesn’t justify the price. Could use another vegetable crunch factor. Tortilla dead space. Doesn’t look as pathetic as a snack wrap but still kind of pathetic.

REVIEW: Burger King Turkey Burger

Burger King Turkey Burger

The paleness of the turkey patty used in Burger King’s limited time only Turkey Burger may make it look a little unappetizing and tofu patty-ish, but think of it this way: it’s pretty much the same color as the white meat turkey you’d eat on Thanksgiving and the turkey leftovers you’d eat for many days after Thanksgiving.

Although Burger King is not the first fast food chain to sell turkey burgers (Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s had/have turkey burgers), they are the first of the big three burger chains to offer one. And, to be honest, I’d like to see McDonald’s and Wendy’s attempt their own versions, especially McDonald’s since they’re always trying to create healthier fare.

Yes, a turkey burger is supposed to be a healthier option and it was in Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s case. But what about Burger King’s Turkey Burger? Let’s dish the digits and compare nutrition facts, shall we?

A Burger King Whopper has 630 calories, 35 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, and 980 milligrams of sodium. A Burger King Turkey Burger has 530 calories, 26 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, and 1,210 milligrams of sodium. As you can see, BK’s Turkey Burger is mostly better nutrition-wise when compared to a Whopper. However, a Burger King Tendergrill Chicken Sandwich, which has 470 calories, 18 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, and 1330 milligrams of sodium, makes the Turkey Burger look like a Whopper.

But how does Burger King’s Turkey Burger stack up against another turkey burger?

Hardee’s Original Turkey Burger has 390 calories, 17 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, and 860 milligrams of sodium, so it’s significantly better for us than Burger King’s Turkey Burger. However, the reviews for the Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr. Turkey Burger haven’t been glowing.

To be honest, those reviews had me worried about Burger King’s Turkey Burger. But after tasting it, it turns out I shouldn’t have been concerned.

Burger King Turkey Burger Side

My sandwich with the pale fire-grilled turkey patty was supposed to be topped with almost-as-pale lettuce, tomatoes, red onions, ketchup, and mayonnaise on a premium, artisan-style bun. I say, “supposed to” because instead of red onions, my sandwich came with onion rings, which I took out and placed on the side before eating the burger.

The turkey patty had a mouthfeel somewhat similar to a beef patty and was slightly juicy. While it’s the same color as white meat Thanksgiving turkey, it doesn’t quite have the same flavor. It’s flavorful, but my taste buds didn’t immediately register it as turkey. It turns out that it’s not 100 percent turkey. According to the ingredients list, the turkey patty contains a smidgen of dried chicken and dried chicken broth.

Dammit! If Burger King added some dried duck, they could’ve had a turducken patty!

The lettuce, tomato, ketchup, and mayonnaise did an awesome job of falling out of the sandwich and/or getting all over my hands. But the ketchup was also one of the dominant flavors in the burger, masking somewhat the patty’s flavor.

Overall, my Burger King Turkey Burger was surprisingly tasty, even without the red onions. I’ve had better turkey burgers at casual dining places, but for fast food, it’s good. I enjoyed it enough that I hope Burger King decides to create other turkey burger variations.

(Nutrition Facts – 530 calories, 240 calories from fat, 26 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 90 milligrams of cholesterol, 1210 milligrams of sodium, 46 grams of carbohydrates, 11 grams of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, and 27 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King Turkey Burger
Purchased Price: $4.89*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice flavor, although doesn’t instantly register as turkey. Surprisingly tasty. Better for you than most BK burgers and sandwiches. Burger King continuing to release a slew of new products on a regular basis.
Cons: Pale turkey patty may look unappetizing to some. Messy ass sandwich. Pale lettuce. Ketchup masks the patty’s flavor. No dried duck to make it a turducken patty. Burger King location messing up an order.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, the price I paid is probably much higher than you’ll pay.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Irish Creme Donut

Dunkin’ Donuts Irish Creme Donut glamo[u]r shot

Well, it’s about time!

How refreshing to find somebody taking a stab at an Irish creme-flavored somethin’-or-other for St. Patty’s Day. Green food coloring? Snooze. Artificial mint extract? Been there, clogged that artery.

But whiskey, creme, and cocoa, all wrapped up in a pillow of cakey dough? Now that’s a breakfast of bold hooligans. Bold hooligans like you and me, so, with the blood of my Irish ancestors pulsing through my wee little veins, I dodged my regular glazed cake and nabbed this fella.

Dunkin’ Donuts Irish Creme Donut vessel

Yes, indeedy, that is my vessel of morning justice. Oval-esque and a bit wonky, it reminds me of Gilly, the pet rock I had as a child. Fortunately, unlike a pet rock, this is edible, coated in sugar, and won’t get lost in a tragic river rafting accident.

Now, to dive in…

Dunkin’ Donuts Irish Creme Donut Goo

The cake, which was fresh from the fryer, is puffy enough, if a little dry and tasteless, but I’m accustomed to that in a Dunkin’ do[ugh]nut. Now, to counteract that, there resides plenty of this beige, Irish-creme-like palm oil goo, which fills about 1/3 of the cake’s interior, but, like the mutagen that created the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, this goo can be used for creation…or destruction.

They say love blinds a person. If that’s true, someone loves sweetness in the Dunkin’ Donuts testing facilities because, holy bag of potatoes, Batman, the creme’s definitely sweet, which is a good thing in that it adds some sense of flavor, but I fear it also might make my great grandmother rise from her Irish grave and knock me right in the cake-hole fer consumin’ a product that defies all them laws of what Irish creme should be!

“But grandma!” I’d say, “This particular interpretation of Irish creme focuses on the beverage’s sharp condensed milk flavor!” She would then argue that there’s very little dimension to counteract that flavor, like cocoa or espresso or whiskey. On this, she would be right: where’s the whiskey? I demand whiskey in my palm oil!

However, if I put my expectations of Irish creme authenticity aside, the filling tastes okay. Like vanilla pudding and Cool Whip mixed with a hint of coffee medicine from some sort of Kahlúa flavoring. It wants to be bitter, but just can’t help but stick to its sugary ways. A little dip in the chocolate frosting might’ve added some contrast to help this guy stand up to its fellow pudgy rounds.

I really wanted to find myself scrounging for crumbs here, but, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t finish the whole thing. Alas, this one has fallen victim to one-dimension-ness.

Dunkin’ Donuts Irish Creme Donut Just. Too. Much.

“Et tu, Brute?”

(A little ode to the Ides of March there)

Oh, if only it were simple to create a mass-marketed success. Innovators cast the dice, but they can never be absolutely sure about how a product will fall, and this one fell off its rocker somewhere. Is it terrible? Nope. Will I buy it again? Ehhh… I’d rather have a Girl Scout cookie.

However, while not great, I would be sad if the Irish Creme offering left forever to be replaced by some Smo-Joe green-glazed doughnut. It gets props for innovation, and, at the same time, it could use some help in the flavor department. Don’t give up on it, important people at Dunkin’. With a quick dip in a vat of glaze or a reformulation of the filling, this doughnut has potential.

(Nutrition Facts – 260 calories, 135 calories from fat, 15 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 350 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of potassium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 10 grams of sugars, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Dunkin’ Donuts Irish Creme Donut
Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Dunkin’ Donuts
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Sweet. Pudding-like filling. Plenty of filling. Cake is puffy. Not nasty. Innovative. Irish ancestors. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Gilly, my pet rock.
Cons: Too sweet at times. Bland cake. Dry cake. Wimpy powdered sugar dust. Gets boring. Absence of whiskey. The fact that “not nasty” is in the pros. The Ides of March. Being haunted by my great grandmother.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Hot ‘n Spicy McChicken Sandwich

McDonald's Hot 'n Spicy McChicken

McDonald’s Hot ’n Spicy McChicken Sandwich is only a dollar, so I really shouldn’t complain about it.

But after looking under couch cushions, car floor mats, Coinstar machines, water in a wishing well, sand at a beach, and sleeping panhandlers to gather enough loose change to buy one, I believe I can add my two cents, which I took from a take a penny, leave a penny tray at my local convenience store.

At a quick glance, the Hot ’n Spicy McChicken looks very much like a regular McChicken. But a closer examination will show it’s got the same bun, shredded lettuce, and mayonnaise, but it’s got a breaded chicken patty with a reddish hue. Its color makes it look a little evil, but if you were to take the shredded lettuce and form a goatee on top of the patty it would look eviler.

Muahaha. Muahaha.

The reddish chicken patty used in the sandwich has a little bit more heat than McDonald’s Spicy McBites, which also had a reddish breading. Unfortunately, the patty’s breading provides no real flavor or crunch.

McDonald's Hot 'n Spicy McChicken Innards

Also, unlike the Spicy McBites, the spicy chicken patty doesn’t have a sauce to give it flavor. It’s stuck with the usual mayonnaise. Not a spicy mayonnaise, mind you, but the same ol’ mayonnaise found on a regular McChicken Sandwich that prevents some of the shredded lettuce from falling out. So it’s just a McChicken with some heat.

The Hot ‘n Spicy McChicken isn’t a new sandwich, it’s been around at limited locations over the past 2-3 years, but during that time they’ve also introduced their wonderful Hot Habanero Sauce. So why couldn’t they combine the two and make a sandwich that’s not only spicy, but also has a flavor that goes beyond a normal McChicken.

Or, if they want the entire frickin’ internet talking about McDonald’s that doesn’t involve pink slime or a drop in revenue, they should come out with a hot and spicy Sriracha McChicken. Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, and (insert big internet 2.0 thingie here) would erupt over that.

Overall, McDonald’s Hot ’n Spicy McChicken Sandwich is hot and spicy, but it’s not much else. Some might be fine with that, but after their surprisingly flavorful $1 McDonald’s Grilled Onion Cheddar Burger, I was expecting a bit more.

McDonald's Hot 'n Spicy McChicken Wrapper

(Nutrition Facts – 380 calories, 160 calories from fat, 17 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 1030 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 22 grams of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, and 15 grams of protein.)

Other McDonald’s Hot ‘n Spicy McChicken reviews:
Grub Grade
An Immovable Feast

Item: McDonald’s Hot ‘n Spicy McChicken Sandwich
Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: N/A
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: It’s just one dollar. Nice heat. Great if you’re bored of eating regular McChicken sandwiches. Mayo helps keep lettuce from falling out. A Sriracha McChicken.
Cons: Breading doesn’t provide much flavor or crunch. Has just plain ol’ mayo. Reddish breading makes it look evil. Having to search for enough loose change to buy a Hot ‘n Spicy McChicken sandwich.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos

Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos

Best team-up of 2012!!!

No, I’m not talking about The Marvel Comics cinematic universe. I’m also not speaking about the Hawaii Five-O/NCIS: Los Angeles crossovers that had more hunks of meat than the Fast and the Furious series. While strength is normally greater in numbers, sometimes a duo will do nicely. In 2012, my dreams of Taco Bell and Doritos joining forces came into fruition.

Abbott and Costello. Andy Bell and Vince Clarke. Peanut butter and jelly. Vodka and texting. However, they all dwarf next to the perfect combo known as Doritos and Taco Bell. Both calorie-powered behemoths teamed up to have dirty fiscal sex and birthed out last year’s much lauded (or derided depending on your view) Taco Bell’s Doritos Locos Taco.

“Hey Doritos Locos Tacos, you’re going to have a little brother!” the Taco Bell executive said softly as the taco was being drenched with Fire sauce. “How’s that for a surprise?”

“A brother?” said the taco sheepishly tinged with suspicion while being hoisted up in the air. “Hmm…I never had a brother before!!!” The Doritos Locos taco grinned at the thought while wiping the Fire sauce from its eyes.

“We can be best buds and plaaaaaaaaaayyayaya-aaaaarrrrgggggggggghhhh…” Doritos Locos Tacos screamed while being eaten alive. “…it will be fuuunnn-aaarrrrararararaaaaaaaaaaaaa…”

Oh yes, original nacho cheese Doritos Locos Tacos, it will be fun.

I was quietly excited by the news and thought to myself, “Could Taco Bell top last year’s arguably successful Locos Tacos?” By stuffing all that wet yumminess in a Cool Ranch Doritos taco shell, how could it go wrong? I was pretty happy as the taco was going to feature my favorite flavor, Cool Ranch. I’ve always love you long time Cool Ranch.

Sure, I’m a sucker for some of the other fringe tastes. I loved the Mountain Dew and X-13D Doritos flavors. Yet in a world of spicy-hang-ten-pizza-jacked-cheese-doubledongs, you pull for the old reliables once in a while. Whether that’s a worn out Pixies t-shirt or a tattered copy of the Art of Robotech, you’re always going to romance the familiar. And with Doritos, mine is Cool Ranch. That flavor fires my nostalgia synapses into overdrive.

This new Locos Tacos is akin to the sequel everybody wants, but will this be Die Hard 2 or It’s a Great Day to Die Hard with My Socks On (or whatever the hell it’s called). Either way, I’m going to get them. My thoughts are definitely jumped the gun before I’ve even tasted one but how can those flavors not complement each other? Don’t disappoint me dammit!!!

I plugged in the new Kavinsky album to enhance that 80’s feel as I drove my souped up vintage Hyundai. Nostalgia ran high as I hoped the Cool Ranch Doritos were getting the respect it deserved. I bought one of each, the standard version and the flamboyant Taco Supreme version that winked at me and blew me a kiss as ABBA’s “Mamma Mia” unexpectedly chimed in the background. Oh yeah, you know what I want.

Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos

Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Closeup

The ordinary Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos was filled with beef, lettuce and cheddar cheese encased in a Cool Ranch Doritos shell. The texture was nice with the cold crisp lettuce and the rich beef swimming in its sauce with shreds of cheese. My first bite was a big mouthful as the beef penetrated the lettuce and cheese. However, I couldn’t taste the Cool Ranch Doritos at all. It tasted like an ordinary taco and in disbelief I ate a piece of the shell. The shell was definitely a Cool Ranch Doritos but lacked that zesty punch those chips are known for. Subsequent bites made me slightly disappointed enough to quit eating it.

Yes, it’s a decent taco but that flagrant in-your-face Cool Ranch is absent. If eaten alone, you will realize the shell itself is the problem because it is so faint in flavor. I questioned if the supreme version would even be worth it.

Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme

Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme Closeup

We all know the Taco Supreme’s ingredients, but let me refresh your memory. This taco is filled with beef, lettuce, cheddar cheese, tomato, and the coup de grace — reduced fat sour cream. I’m not sure how to explain this and I’m not a chemist, alchemist, or whatever cosplay scientist roaming the sweaty aisles of some Comicon but…the Taco Bell sour cream is the story of legends. I don’t know what it really is made of but I’m sure it can simultaneously bring together our country’s divided political houses, make you forget your spiteful parents, and force The Smiths to reunite.

You see, I could actually taste the Cool Ranch Doritos this time. I ate the shell alone just to ensure it was the same. Yep, exact flaccid Cool Ranch Doritos taste. However, when eaten together…the taco’s beef and crisp lettuce combined with that sour cream was just so good. I’m not sure why, but I suspect the sour cream carries the Cool Ranch flavor better. Texture aside, which again cold and hot combined created an instant gratification, the taco supreme brought the Cool Ranch to the forefront. It’s still not as aggressive as I want, but it was nice.

As a fan of the Taco Bell/Doritos combo, I hope Taco Bell chooses to explore more varieties. However, I’ll take what I can and be satisfied with the Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme. Unfortunately, the ordinary version is right up there with Die Harder with The Hot Chick from Scott Pilgrim.

(Nutrition Facts – Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos – 160 calories, 10 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 mg of cholesterol, 350 mg of sodium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugars and 8 grams of protein. Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme – 200 calories, 12 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 mg of cholesterol, 370 mg of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugars and 9 grams of protein)

Other Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos reviews:
Grub Grade
Brand Eating

Item: Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos
Purchased Price: $1.39 (Regular), $1.69 (Supreme)
Purchased at: Taco Bell
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Regular)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Taco Supreme)
Pros: The crisp lettuce, the rich seasoned beef and that damned fine sour cream. Robotech. Cool Ranch Doritos. Sour cream brings the Cool Ranch Doritos flavor to the forefront. Kavinsky.
Cons: The Cool Ranch Doritos shell lacks that zesty punch. Die Hards 3 to 27. Typing “Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos” so many times gave me carpal tunnel. Cosplay. I can’t stress how sad I was that the shell was weak. Being eaten alive can’t be fun.