Tag: Fast Food

REVIEW: McDonald’s Chicken McBites

Stephanie 19 Comments

McDonald's Chicken McBites

Peer pressure is a bitch. When I was fourteen, I had my most memorable bout with peer pressure when my friends and I took turns jumping off a bridge. You heard me right. You know that old-as-dirt, parental warning “If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?”

Well, that bridge is real, dear reader.

And it was quite clear to me at the time that the answer was YES. There was a creek that ran through the town where I grew up, and at certain points throughout there were little footbridges. One particular bridge was about seven feet off the ground, and one day, my pals decided they would try to jump off and land on the level surface just on the edge of the creek. I was hesitant to do it since the ground was pretty muddy, and I was more than a little scared to sully my brand new jeans and awesome TLC CrazySexyCool t-shirt. You can probably see where this is going. I took a flying leap off the edge.

Long story short, the lovely ladies of TLC were soon covered in a slick of grime, dead leaves and any number of biological specimens dredged up from the creek bed. I should’ve heeded T-Boz’s warning to stick to the rivers and the lakes I was used to instead of careening like a howler monkey into certain doom. Now, I would have to go home covered in dreck and confess my bad deeds, so I was up shit creek. Literally. But like I said… peer pressure is a bitch. It can make you do things you really don’t need to do… and most importantly, probably shouldn’t do.

It is now evident that McDonald’s has also fallen victim to the sway of their fast food peers by introducing Chicken McBites. What KFC, Chick-Fil-A, Popeye’s, Sonic, and even Arby’s have already accomplished years ago, McDonald’s now feels it must also do in order to prove it isn’t… (waaaaait for it) Chicken. We all know that McDonald’s is no stranger to fried poultry, and that they are certainly capable of producing their own version of popcorn chicken. It just feels a bit like overkill when you already have McNuggets and Chicken Selects Premium Breast Strips. Why would customers want smaller pieces of chicken with less meat in them? It doesn’t make any sense. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

McDonald's Chicken McBites Holder

The presentation of the Chicken McBites is on point. Chicken McBites arrive hot and fresh in a very cute and well-designed paperboard container with a built-in sauce cup holder that folds back from the lid. The sauce cup holder is very clever and handy, but make sure you don’t ask for honey with your McBites like I did. The holder is not constructed to hold the shallow honey container and appears designed to grip larger dips like Sweet n’ Sour and BBQ Sauce. Order honey, and you’ll be unwittingly setting up a very cute and well-designed honey catapult.

Given that popcorn chicken is high in fat and calories and sodium, all the bad things that go against nature and your better judgment, McDonald’s has decided to offer Chicken McBites in three different sizes, so you can make the “best” worst choice possible. They sell a 4-ounce “Snack” size, a 6-ounce “Regular” size, and a 12-ounce “Shareable” size. The fact that the largest size is called “Shareable Size” is interesting. This must be McDonald’s way of saying “Don’t eat the whole thing by yourself, Fatass.” Each size is sold individually, ranging from $1.99-$4.99.

McDonald's Chicken McBites Closeup

I ordered the Regular size and quickly discovered that the McBites themselves also varied in size. There were big ones and small ones. There were microscopic McBites (which could barely be called “McBites” in the first place because something that McSmall hardly required McChewing) and gargantuan McBites (that were clearly two McBites stuck together).

Like most popcorn chicken, the McBites were chewy and crispy on the outside with very generous breading. The breading was seasoned with spices that added the tiniest amount of heat. What the spices were, I do not know. The McDonald’s website says that McBites consist of “chicken breast meat” with a “savory home-style breading,” so I guess those spices can be found at home, y’all!

McDonald's Chicken McBites Closerup

But let’s talk about the meat-to-breading ratio. There were scanty amounts of “breast meat” here, folks. I understand it is popcorn chicken and that popcorn chicken is mostly flour, but this was really just fried, spicy flour with a slight, somewhat chicken-flavored filling. This is what McDonald’s — the #2 Fast Food chain in the world — came up with when faced with the possibility that they’d be excluded from the popcorn chicken game? Coming in second to Subway makes them want to go out and make fried, barely-meaty chicken chunks? They just had to do something, even if that something wasn’t their best effort. Did McDonald’s even have to pretend they cared about popcorn chicken?

Chicken McBites are not yet available everywhere, but they soon will be. They’re not as good as McNuggets or the Premium Chicken Strips, but they do come in several sizes. So they’ve got that going for them. I know McDonald’s will consistently try to impress with new additions to its menu that mirror what their peers have tried before, even if it the food doesn’t turn out the best… Even if their efforts result in disaster. Someone somewhere will look at the yucky, messy results and respect that McDonald’s did it; that they tried.

(Nutrition Facts — Regular size (6 ounces) — 470 calories, 28 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 730 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, 22 grams of protein.)

Other McDonald’s Chicken McBites reviews:
An Immovable Feast
Grub Grade
Fast Food Geek

Item: Chicken McBites
Price: $2.99
Size: Regular size
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: TLC’s Waterfalls. Fried poultry. Adorable packaging. Nice, affordable prices for all three sizes. Yummy home-style seasoning. Comes with a sauce cup holder.
Cons: Peer pressure. Scanty amount of meat in each McBite. Honey catapults. Creek bed filth. Deigning to care about popcorn chicken.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Apple Cinnamon Walnut Oatmeal

Stephanie 5 Comments

McDonald’s Apple Cinnamon Walnut Oatmeal

I own this amazing pair of sleek, light-as-a-feather pants that changed my attitude about what pants could be. I knew that I had to buy them when the changing room attendant began to wax poetic about her own pair that was waiting for her at home after a long day at work. These pants had it all: comfort, good taste, and style. I would not be embarrassed to be seen wearing them in public, unlike other “comfortable pants” I happen to own (I’m looking at you faded high school gym sweatpants). The price was a little steep, but I knew I was making a good investment on these heavenly pants.

I recently discovered that the same could be said for McDonald’s new Apple Cinnamon Walnut Oatmeal. Since it’s the latest in a long line of fast food establishment oatmeal initiatives, it’s certainly fashionable, and since it is only available in a few markets right now, it’s something you can brag about to friends (if you’re in the habit of bragging about what you ate… which is pretty ridiculous, so please don’t.)

The Apple Cinnamon Walnut oatmeal also costs more than you’d want to pay for instant oatmeal, but you knew what you were getting into when you pulled your car into a McDonald’s drive-through for breakfast, instead of boiling some water and tearing open a packet of Quaker Instant, so shut your mouth.

McDonald's Apple Cinnamon Walnut Oatmeal Walnuts

The oatmeal itself is pretty hearty. When you receive it, it’s already filled with generous chunks of apples (different types of apples, I may add) and thickened with light cream. In fact, if it weren’t for the delicious cinnamon flavor of the rolled oats and the accompanying packet of chopped walnuts you have to add in yourself, this oatmeal would be almost the same as the Fruit & Maple version, minus the dried cranberries and raisins. Even the McDonald’s where I bought my Apple Cinnamon Walnut Oatmeal got confused and handed me the older variety without so much as a blink! I mean, I understand the two oatmeal varieties look sort of the same, but you’d think there would be safeguards in place! Oh, wait, never mind, this is McDonald’s during the breakfast rush, not NASA. If someone’s headed for a burst O-Ring it would probably be the dudes in the headsets who don’t make eighty grand.

McDonald's Apple Cinnamon Walnut Oatmeal Closeup

The Apple Cinnamon Walnut Oatmeal is warm, filling and tasty, but the only thing that keeps it from getting a higher rating from me is the presentation. Seriously, it looks very unappetizing. When they first give it to you, the cream hasn’t really seeped into the oats, so it leaves a thin, cloudy layer of liquid at the top. Not cute. You really have to stir it up a bit to give it a more natural-looking (and non-disgusting) appearance. It’s confusing to the senses.

The oatmeal smells wonderful, and the container is hot and inviting, but it looks like baby food … after the baby has eaten it and spit it back up. As we’ve already seen with the Fruit & Maple Oatmeal, it’s not guaranteed that every McDonald’s location will serve its oatmeal in this horrible fashion. Just be prepared to be a little frightened by the oatmeal straight off, give it a good stir and enjoy. Hopefully in some comfortable and stylish pants.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bowl – 270 calories, 8 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 45 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 19 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.)

Other McDonald’s Apple Cinnamon Walnut Oatmeal reviews:
Brand Eating
Serious Eats

Item: McDonald’s Apple Cinnamon Walnut Oatmeal
Price: $2.19
Size: 1 bowl
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Oatmeal initiatives. Generous amount of apple chunks. Delicious cinnamon flavor. NASA. Heavenly pants.
Cons: Can be easily mistaken for the Fruit & Maple version by non-NASA employees. Only available in limited markets. Must mix in the chopped walnuts on your own. Oatmeal’s presentation can be likened to baby vomit.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Texas Toast Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Drew 8 Comments

Dunkin' Donuts Texas Toast Grilled Cheese Sandwich

I don’t eat breakfast on-the-go very often, usually opting for a simple bowl of cereal and some OJ at the kitchen table with my kids.  Very Norman Rockwell.  But on rare occasions — like if between the baby and me it’s been a 3-diaper-change morning, or one where I have to shave, put the garbage out, AND explain why you can wear the sparkle shoes or the pink shoes but not the pink sparkle shoes — well, I might have to skip the suburban flakes and grab something on the way.  When that happens, it’s always Dunkin’ Donuts and I invariably get the same thing: a bismark, and a chocolate glazed (January-August) or pumpkin donut (September-December).  This does not change, because while there are other donuts I like, those are the best.  Feel free to disagree (everyone should take up a lost cause once in their life), but it should help you understand why I recently confused myself by walking into DD and not only not getting my usual order, but not getting a breakfast food whatsoever. 

That is, of course, due to DD’s latest offering, the Texas Toast Grilled Cheese.  Sort of a lunchtime offshoot of the recent Big N’ Toasty Breakfast Sandwich, your first thought on seeing one might be that it looks like they took the BN’T and stripped out the bacon and eggs.  And… there would be a lot of truth to that, as it does play sort of the basic model compared to the fully loaded BN’T.  To be specific, the new sandwich is two thick pieces of Texas toast with two slices of American cheese and one slice of cheddar in between.  The whole thing is ironically oven toasted rather than grilled, served hot (or in my case, kinda warm).

Any good grilled cheese sandwich obviously lives or dies by the cheese.  If you were hoping the Double D was going to get esoteric with their diary selection, guess again — American and cheddar are about the most predictable options they could’ve gone with.  The other side of that coin is that those are the most popular cheeses because they’re both really good.  However, I still think DD might’ve increased this sandwich’s mass appeal by giving us a few options to choose from, like Monterey Jack or Swiss.  But they didn’t, so you’ll get American and cheddar and like it.  And I did, mostly.  The cheddar had just a bit of kick to it, slightly sharp, which I like in a cheddar.  But it was mostly overwhelmed by the decent but standard American cheese, no doubt due to the 2:1 ratio.  Both kinds were melted well, another key component of any successful grilled cheese.  Overall, my impression of the cheeses was that they’re pretty good, but not exactly lighting the world on fire.

Dunkin' Donuts Texas Toast Grilled Cheese Sandwich Innards

Ironically, my favorite part might’ve been what’s traditionally the most boring aspect of a sandwich, namely the bread.  Texas toast is one of those foods that’s fantastic when done well but really disappointing if it’s either under-toasted or burned.  Fortunately mine was just the right texture, toasted perfectly so that it was soft enough to easily dig into, but with enough crunch to feel satisfying.  It also tasted buttery, another must-have.

But that’s really it, because the cheese and the bread are the only two components of the sandwich.  Apparently it can be customized with bacon or ham, but DD might be shooting themselves in the foot by not better advertising that — I didn’t see any such option listed on the menu and my server didn’t offer it.  Which is a shame — I would’ve been willing to throw in a few more cents or a saucy wink in exchange for meat, because that’s the kind of carniv-whore I am.  Other than the missing pork, I didn’t mind too much because I’m a sandwich minimalist, but those who like to indulge in things like “pickles” and “condiments” and “fixins” will no doubt be left wanting worse than my high school girlfriend.  You know, when she didn’t get into the college she wanted.  Obviously.

Finally, not for nothing, but the fat and sodium content are more worrisome than my longstanding crush on Erin Esurance.  (Whatever, I’m not the only one.  The internet told me so!)  The sandwich is pretty filling, but unless it’s the only thing you’re eating for lunch, it could easily have you packing on the ell-bees.  I know, unlike the rest of Dunkin’ Donuts’ fare, but still.  Moderation is advised.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – 510 calories, 270 calories from fat, 30 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 940 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of sugar, and 18 grams of protein)

Item: Dunkin’ Donuts Texas Toast Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Price: $2.99
Size: 1 sandwich
Purchased at: Dunkin’ Donuts
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Breaking out of your routine.  A little bite to the cheddar.  Melty, melty, melty.  Crunchy Texas toast.  Buttery flavor.  Fairly filling.  Ability to add meat.
Cons: Not publicizing the ability to add meat.  High fat and sodium content.  Lacking in the ingredients department.  No additional cheese selections.  I can make this exact sandwich in my kitchen in 5 minutes.

REVIEW: Wendy’s The “W”

Jeff 24 Comments

Wendy's The W

“W” can mean a lot of things. It is the 23rd letter in the alphabet. It could be the line of luxury hotels owned by Starwood properties. It’s the name of the glossy fashionista magazine that nobody reads but it looks great on your coffee table. It also reminds me of a campaign used by a certain former President. Currently, it means a hamburger that promises each heady mouthful will be packed with the flavor of pickles.

Meet Wendy’s new and arrogantly named hamburger The “W.” Yep. It. Is. THE. “W!”

I have to admit the name commands attention. The “W” conjures up ideas that this burger is the beginning and end of all fast food hamburgers. The ornate packaging would have me believe The “W” is not merely a double meat patty with cheese between two pieces of bread. No, it is the sandwich that will bring about world peace, help you find the mysterious God particle (that’s Higgs Boson to you brainiacs) and hold promises of giving your partner multiple orgasms.

Like the hucksters of yesteryear offering a tonic for all that ails you, most things that promise too much are bound to disappoint. Anybody who has played Skyrim or seen this season of The Walking Dead knows what I am talking about.

Wendy's The W Box

The burger is eloquently wrapped in white paper to suggest that what you are actually carrying is a fine marbled rib eye freshly cut from the butcher. Underlining the importance of this sandwich and adding to the pomp, it is tucked in a folder shouting all kinds of things like “fresh!” and “quality!!”

That, however, is where the façade ends and what you have is the fast food equivalent of a Pandora’s Box. Comparable to the Big Mac, The “W” has two patties, special sauce, tomato, pickles, red onion and two slices of cheese. And trust me, the sauce is very special which I will get to in a minute.

Wendy's The W Innards

The promotional pictures for The “W” appeared nothing like the actual burger. My sandwich consisted of two limp square beef patties bordering on a chic gray color scheme. There’s the obligatory cheese topped on each slate. A wilted leaf of iceberg, a depressing slice of tomato, some pickles and slivers of red onion complimented the disaster. Then the sauce was slathered sloppily on the bun, which was toasted but not buttery as Wendy’s promised. I could be wrong since freckle face was so heavy handed with the sauce.

Now about that sauce…the website states it’s the savory signature sauce with hints of tomato, pickle and red pepper. To hint is to suggest slightly, but for Wendy’s it means to grab you by the head, slam your face into the wet spot on the carpet, nose buried deep and then scream in your ear “BAD DOGGIE! BAD BAD BAD DOGGIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”

If the sauce is signature, it is not a graceful Hancock. It is a scrawled letter X signed by an incompetent psychopath who flings their own poop at the television when the theme song to “The Price is Right” comes on. The sauce is so briny and strong with pickles, it tastes like thousand island dressing amped up with mega-ultra-relish. It is also very vinegary which intensifies the brine and is off-putting. Honestly, drinking a douche would rival the tang of the sauce.

This did not help the cadaver-like meat or the drippy cheese or the lettuce which seemed like an afterthought. The toasted buns were soggy. It was like a victim of a circle jerk but the loser did not eat the bread. The only positive note was the red onion which added a nice sweet and spicy bite. However, you would be wise just to buy a red onion and eat it like an apple.

I am surprised by this evil offspring from hell because I normally like Wendy’s. I have fond memories of The Baconator. The website said “it is doubly amazing” and they list it as a premium hamburger. This sandwich is no more amazing in the single sense than it is twice. Forgetting to flush the toilet after a dinner of tripe sautéed in black bean sauce and reconstituted dried salted fish is more amazing.

Damn, emptying the contents of my used condom on to a hamburger would be more amazing! Wow, I’m really angry about this. When I eat at a fast food place, I’m not expecting meat at Luger levels but I’m also not expecting inmate cafeteria dreck.

I agree there are so many tasteless “potty jokes” in my review. Yes. But they taste much better than this burger. “Big flavor doesn’t have to mean big bucks”, touts the website. The flavor is indeed very big, but Wendy’s forgot to make the flavor good.

(Nutrition Facts – 580 calories, 290 calories from fat, 33 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fats, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,480 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugars, and 32 grams of protein.)

Other Wendy’s The “W” reviews:
Grub Grade
Grub Gripe (video)
Foodette Reviews

Item: Wendy’s The “W”
Price: $2.99 (sandwich only)
Purchased at: Wendy’s
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: You can pick up a Frosty or a Baconator while there. The red onions add a good kick. Images of people flinging poop in top hats make me laugh. Toasted buns are a good idea. Freckles.
Cons: The beef, the cheese, the pickle, the tomato. The sauce is too briny. Saying things that are “double amazing” when you cannot even get to the “singular” amazing. Loser eats the bread. Speaking of bread, the nice texture of toasted buns are nullified when it becomes soggy due to too much sauce. Skyrim, like seriously what am I supposed to do next?

REVIEW: McDonald’s McFlurry with Reese’s

Marvo 5 Comments

McFlurry with Reese's

They say bacon makes most things better, but I believe the same can also be said of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. (See here, here, and here.)

Blending Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups with soft serve ice cream to create the limited time only McDonald’s McFlurry with Reese’s sounds like McMagic.

By the way, McMagic is quicker and cheaper than regular magic, and if you use it too much, you’ll get fat.

To be honest, I thought the McFlurry with Reese’s was on McDonald’s menu all this time, which I guess shows how often I eat a McFlurry. After accidentally Googling McFluffy and then correctly Googling McFlurry, I learned the McFlurry with Reese’s is somewhat similar to the McRib in that it comes back every so often, people have created Facebook pages dedicated to it, and they both don’t have bones.

While I don’t really care for the McRib, I did enjoy the McFlurry with Reese’s.

If you look at the pictures, the McFlurry is topped with what appears to be a generous heaping of crushed Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, and that crushed candy gives the dessert a wonderful peanut butter and chocolate flavor. However, even after mixing the McFlurry, the bottom fourth of it had very little candy pieces, and I was left eating what was pretty much just vanilla soft serve.

Also, there’s something else I noticed about the peanut butter cup bits. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups have a distinct peanut butter flavor, but I didn’t quite taste it in this fast food dessert. It’s as if the vanilla soft serve ice cream is a flavor vampire.

McFlurry with Reese's Closeup

But, again, I did enjoy the McDonald’s McFlurry with Reese’s. It’s a satisfying dessert and I definitely prefer it over another limited time only McFlurry variety — the Rolo McFlurry. I can taste why people will take the time to set up and manage a Reese’s McFlurry Facebook fan page.

Now, of course, this begs the question, if people love them so much, why doesn’t McDonald’s permanently add the McFlurry with Reese’s to their menu? Because it’s not as if its availability is based on pork prices. There’s a lot of soft serve ice cream and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in the world.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 ounce cup – 610 calories, 220 calories from fat, 25 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 320 milligrams of sodium, 85 grams of carbohydrates, 77 grams of sugar, 4 grams of fiber, and 15 grams of protein.)

Other McDonald’s McFlurry with Reese’s reviews
Brand Eating

Item: McDonald’s McFlurry with Reese’s
Price: $2.99
Size: 12 ounces
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Wonderful peanut butter and chocolate flavor. Satisfying dessert. Nice small bits of peanut butter cups. Decent source of fiber. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups make almost everything better. I now know what McFluffys are. No bones.
Cons: Only available for a limited time. Not a permanent menu item. Contains trans fat. Could not really taste the peanut flavor from Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Not enough crushed peanut butter cups. Performing too much McMagic.