REVIEW: Wendy’s Signature Sides (Mac ‘N Cheese, Baked Sweet Potato, and Chili Cheese Fries)

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Wendy's Signature Sides 2

You know, you’ve got to hand it to Wendy’s — they really are making an effort to step up their game. As we discussed previously, the little red-haired girl is on her toes recently to stay ahead of emerging competitors like Five Guys, despite having recently gone regicidal on Burger King in terms of overall U.S. sales volume. This has led the flame-tressed siren to double down on greater variety and better quality ingredients. Today, we’re looking at the latest result of this rebranding, three new “signature” side dishes.

Though I’ve always been a burger and fries guy, I understand the wisdom of trying to branch out a little with a healthier option (Baked Sweet Potato) and one you normally don’t associate with fast food (Mac ‘N Cheese). The Chili Cheese Fries are obviously more in line with Wendy’s usual offerings, but if you’re craving fast food but are also counting calories, the sweet potato — at least in theory — would make a nice compromise.

Wendy's Mac 'n Cheese

But enough about theory, let’s dive into the food. I began with the Mac ‘N Cheese and was happily surprised with the size of the bowl it comes in. It’s definitely a side dish rather than a full meal, but you get a decent amount of pasta, even if the bottom of the container is a little higher than it looks from the outside. Another nice surprise was the quantity of cheese — the macaroni is literally SLATHERED in it. My wife felt it looked artificial, but I was just impressed by how much of it there was. Of course that’s irrelevant if it tastes like roasted turd, but luckily this didn’t. It won’t win awards for innovation or being haute cuisine, but it’s definitely a solid macaroni and cheese dish with plenty of creaminess and good texture. A little more bite would’ve been great (a small amount of chili powder can really make a mac ‘n cheese), but I have to label this one a definite success.

Wendy's Sweet Potato

Then there’s the Baked Sweet Potato. Confession time, folks: I really had a difficult time with this dish. I love regular potatoes and I’m okay with sweet potatoes mashed or pureed, but this may have been my first experience with a baked sweet potato. Let us say the veiny texture, combined with the gooey cinnamon butter, made me, um, queasy. I don’t blame Wendy’s — it’s my issue, not theirs, and my wife liked it perfectly well — but I could barely stomach more than a few bites. To be fair, the cinnamon butter spread carried a distinct sweet taste that was good on its own, and it was a large potato that should do a nice job of filling you up. Unfortunately, texture was a definite problem, and the taste of the potato itself was not overwhelming. But while I wasn’t a fan, if you know you like baked sweet potatoes, I imagine you’ll enjoy this.

Wendy's Chili Cheese Fries

And finally we have the Chili Cheese Fries. Here’s a good example of how what you eat growing up influences you: when I went away to college, I learned that what I knew as “chili” is what the rest of the world calls “tomato soup with some chili powder and ground beef in it.” It turns out most people put beans and peppers and pieces of tomato in their chili, if you can believe that shit. Unfortunately Wendy’s has opted to use this more “traditional” form of chili on their fries, but for the 99.99 percent of you who didn’t grow up with Chili For Kids Who Won’t Eat Anything, that should be perfectly fine.

As you can see, they didn’t skimp on the chili or the cheese. The number of fries seem fine, not unbelievably generous but acceptable. I thought the cheese tasted okay, though not as flavorful as that found in the Mac ‘N cheese dish. There are a TON of beans, but since you’re eating fries, you need to be using a fork or spoon to really get them in your mouth — trying to consume this dish like regular fries invariably results in eating a fry with some cheese and a little bit of chili residue left on it. I also can’t say there’s a lot of heat to it, so if you prefer your chili with some bite, Wendy’s does not have you covered. Overall it’s a filling side dish and people who enjoy thick, chunky chili will get their money’s worth, though they’ll also be getting their calories’ worth and that of a couple of other people too.

In the final tally, I would get the Mac ‘N Cheese again; it definitely wins the side dishes competition I just made up. The chili cheese fries are in there for the silver medal, if you’re willing to loosen your belt and eat fries with a fork instead of just your hands. Alas, the sweet potato pulls up the rear — it’s a nice thought and the low calorie option is appreciated, but the texture just wasn’t appealing, even if the cinnamon butter was. But as I said, even if they aren’t all winners, kudos to that ginger tart for making the effort. You don’t get better without trying some new things.

(Editor’s Note/Disclaimer: We received a gift card from Wendy’s in order to try their new Signature Side Dishes. Yup, a gift card. Because FedEx-ing the products would’ve been gross.)

(Nutrition Facts — Mac ‘N Cheese — 1 bowl — 370 calories, 170 calories from fat, 19 grams of total fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fatty acids, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 940 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugars, and 17 grams of protein. Baked Sweet Potato — 1 large sweet potato — 380 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of total fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 240 milligrams of sodium, 69 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of dietary fiber, 29 grams of sugars, and 6 grams of protein. Chili Cheese Fries — 1 serving — 570 calories, 270 calories from fat, 30 grams of total fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fatty acids, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 1200 milligrams of sodium, 58 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugars, and 18 grams of protein.)

Other Wendy’s Signature Sides reviews:
Grub Grade
Fast Food Geek
So Good Blog

Item: Wendy’s Signature Sides (Mac ‘N Cheese, Baked Sweet Potato, and Chili Cheese Fries)
Price: $2.76 (each)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Wendy’s
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Mac ‘N Cheese)
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Baked Sweet Potato)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Chili Cheese Fries)
Pros: Non-standard fast food fare. None of the three side dishes skimped in quantity. Mac ‘N Cheese emphasized the “cheese” part and tasted great. Cinnamon butter was sweet and flavorful on its own. Sweet potato is low in fat. Not crazy expensive.
Cons: Seems more expensive when you remember you can get a Jr. Cheeseburger and small fries for the price of a “side dish.” Finding out your entire conception of chili is based on a lie. Texture of the sweet potato. Fries got kinda soggy under all that chili and cheese. Little heat to the chili.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Strawberry & Créme Pie

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McDonald's Strawberry and Creme Pie

I have been on a ravenous fast food habit lately. The discarded evidence of wrappers and greasy cardboard boxes are lodged between sofa cushions or in the backseat of my car. Similar to Dexter and his glass slides, my uneaten misdeeds are hidden amongst the bacon jams and jars of homemade mostardas in the fridge.

Like corpses strewn about and disposed at night, I am secretly throwing out oily stained bags in my garbage can by moonlight for the garbage men to take away in the morning. However, the only victim here is me and, yes, my arteries are loving every suffocating moment. On my way home from work I decided to go to my usual hunting grounds.

And then I found it in the midst of dusk time rush hour traffic… I FREAKING FOUND IT.

The McDonald’s Strawberry & Créme Pie.

I was salivating at the new find and my tongue had the equivalent of an erection when I read the sign again. Akin to a criminal hoping to not get caught by their probation officer, I did a quick sweep to make sure my cardiologist was not around. He would not be happy considering my blood pressure was ranking higher than the weight of that girl who played Precious.

Double Quarter Pounder with cheese be damned, Poppa is going to have himself a creampie courtesy of the clown with red hair. I went directly to the drive-thru and turned off the radio so I could hear myself breathe heavily. My mind was filled with shrill screams and agonizing yelps of madness.

Fumbling for change or a few wrinkled dollar bills, I slowly forgot the day’s events where my client stupidly admitted to punching his wife in the eye during trial. I forgot that my devoted Alabaman wife asked me to pick up some grits for “supper” (I hate that word). I forgot everything because all I cared about was sinking my teeth into that oddly shaped McDonald’s pie that would spurt cream and strawberries in my goddamned mouth.

I clutched the bag after being handed it through that small window. The aroma wafting in my car was pronounced as the entire inside smelled of baked sugary strawberries mixed with the scent of deep fried egg roll skins. McDonald’s pies have that secondary odor that reminds you that this is not the pie that your Grandma bakes. For the record my Grandmother never baked pies, she would make me bitter ginseng soup or salty 1,000 year old preserved duck eggs in congee. Yeah, the Chinese aren’t known for desserts.

McDonald's Strawberry and Creme Pie Box

Wrapped in a brown box, adorned with the image of a chef’s hat and rolling pin evoked a laugh instead of images of a pastry chef elegantly working dough on a wooden block. Branded on the box was “Signature Pies” and true to its title, McDonald’s pies have that signature rectangular shape. I’m lovin’ it.

The crust was warm, crisp, buttery, and flaky. The best part was the crystal flecks of sugar baked into the shell. I’m sorry but I know we are sometimes nostalgic for that heavenly pie Agent Cooper rambles on about in aimless episodes of Twin Peaks but a McDonald’s pie to me is just as homey.

McDonald's Strawberry and Creme Pie Top

The sugary texture of the thin crust seductively gives way to the Strawberry & Créme. I should point out that the cream is spelled créme which probably means it is alien from any dairy. Maybe not, but I cannot find the ingredients anywhere. Who cares because I would scoop this stuff out and drizzle it on a chocolate brownie.

The baked pie is scored down the middle to show off its insides filled with Strawberry & Créme. The cream part tasted like Cool Whip. The strawberry syrup, with sweet delicious uneven chunks, is similar to what the ice cream man would drop on a soft serve sundae.

Yes, it is artificial tasting but sometimes fake works. We’re not at McDonald’s for something to remind of us Sunday mornings, we’re there for something to stave off hangovers or revenge eating from forced salads and wheatgrass juices.

McDonald's Strawberry and Creme Pie Innards

The slightly gluey créme had a nice slight vanilla flavor which was a tasty contrast to the sweet strawberry filling. Eaten alone, it would be a cloying pudding mess but that buttery crust makes this thing work. There are real chunks of strawberries because some of the tinky seeds got stuck in my teeth as I was making a right turn towards the exit on the crowded freeway.

It’s too bad this is a limited edition because I want to buy this all year long. One word of caution, do not eat this cold. The pie gets gummy and clunky. It will sit in your stomach and remind you that you ate something particularly evil. Agent Cooper, maybe some pies after they die do go to heaven… but I think the bad ones go to McDonald’s and taste better.

(Nutrition Facts – one pie – 290 calories, 17 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 150 milligrams of sodium, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugars, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: McDonald’s Strawberry & Créme Pie
Price: 95 cents
Size: N/A
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: That crisp sugary and buttery thin crust. Cream or créme, it’s creamy goodness. Real chunks of strawberries. Kyle MacLachlan before he was in Showgirls. Mostarda.
Cons: Gummy and clunky if it gets cold. It is a limited product. The words “supper” or “ornery”. Dated references to a show twenty years old. Hydralazine pills.

REVIEW: Starbucks Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino

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Starbucks Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino-WM

I adhere to a lot of the unofficial guidelines for being a proper yuppy 20-something. I own a half dozen cardigans and am beginning to curate a “crazy” sock collection. I have business cards but only use them to try to win free lunches. I spend more time complaining about my deteriorating metabolism than actually figuring out how to adjust my dietary and drinking habits. And of course, I keep a Starbucks rewards card that automatically re-loads when my balance falls below $10.

Despite going to Starbucks a couple times each week to fulfill my yuppy responsibilities, I don’t think I’ve purchased a Frappuccino since my teenage years, when I would hang out at Starbucks to feel more grown-up. Back then, the Orange Mocha Frappuccino was a completely fictional drink, and I could reference Zoolander quotes all the time without getting weird looks. (My last realtor wasn’t amused when I said, “the apartment has to be at least” three times bigger than this!”)

I do have fond memories of those pre-yuppy, Frappuccino-drinking days, so I had high hopes for the newest version, the Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino. To make sure that I was judging the new Frappuccino on the right scale and not against, say, my usual Starbucks order (grande skim latte, no sugar, extra espresso shot if my first meeting of the day is before 9:00 am), I purchased a regular mocha Frappuccino to remind myself what these types of drinks taste like. And I was reminded that these types of drinks taste really good. If it weren’t for that stupid metabolism, I would totally start ordering these again.

Given that I apparently have the exact palate of my 16-year-old self, I would say that the Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino was better than the regular one, but really not by very much. The barista added three scoops of cookie crumbles and three pumps of chocolate mocha sauce to my drink. I think the crumbles were of some kind of Oreo-esque chocolate cookie, but it was honestly hard to tell what flavor they were because the taste of the mocha syrup was so much stronger. At first, the crumbles were underwhelming in their contribution to texture, too, since they were blended down to the exact same size as the ice. As the ice began to melt, however, the cookie crumbles allowed the Frappuccino to retain some crunchiness. Even then, the crunchiness was a little too close to graininess for my liking.

Starbucks Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino Closeup-WM

The real positive differentiator for the new Frappuccino was the chocolate whipped cream on top. Its hint of chocolaty sweetness made it more interesting than regular whipped cream, yet it remained much milder than the rich mocha flavor of the drink itself and acted as a nice change of pace.

Since the whipped cream was the part I liked best, I guess I should recommend that you forgo the extra cost of a specialty Frappuccino and just order any Starbucks drink with chocolate whipped cream instead of regular. Then again, all Frappuccinos are half-off from now until May 13 from 3 to 5 pm, so this is as good a time as any to try the Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino for yourself. Just be careful of the hordes of yuppies – our sock/cardigan combos might get too crazy for you to handle.

(Nutrition Facts – 16 ounces – 470 calories, 18 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 76 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 69 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.)

Item: Starbucks Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino
Price: $4.95
Size: Grande/16 ounces
Purchased at: Starbucks
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Regular mocha Frappuccinos are already good. Cookie crumbles added some crunchiness. Chocolate whipped cream was mildly sweet and a nice change of pace for the drink itself. Half-off Frappuccinos this week. Zoolander quotes.
Cons: Cookie crumbles didn’t add any taste. Crunchiness was too close to graininess. Lots of sugar and fat. Having the same palate as 16-year-old me. My metabolism. Complaining about my metabolism.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Chipotle Chicken Club Sandwich

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Jack in the Box Chipotle Chicken Club

I hate to admit, but Jack in the Box has taught me a lot about food.

The fast food chain introduced me to the tough-on-the-outside-but-soft-on-the-inside ciabatta bread. With a breakfast menu that’s available all-day, they assured me it’s okay to eat breakfast at three in the afternoon, seven at night, or right before I go to bed. And, Jack in the Box got me acquainted with the smoky and spicy chipotle pepper when they released their Chipotle Chicken Sandwich in the late 2000s.

Back then, the extent of my chili pepper knowledge didn’t go beyond the jalapeño, I believed breakfast ended at 10:30 in the morning because that’s when McDonald’s stopped serving it, and the breads Subway offered were the fanciest I knew of.

Jack in the Box’s latest chicken sandwich, which uses the chipotle pepper, is the Chipotle Chicken Club. The sandwich combines a spicy crispy chicken breast topped with chipotle sauce, hickory smoked bacon, American cheese, lettuce and tomato on toasted sourdough bread.

After unwrapping the sandwich from its paper enclosure, I was instantly a little disappointed with its size. It makes a newborn kitten look big and it doesn’t look like it’s worth the $4.79 I paid for just the sandwich. The Chipotle Chicken Club Combo here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean is $5.49, while most other places it’s $4.99, so the sandwich will be cheaper where most of you live. However, I wouldn’t complain so much about its size if I could buy the sandwich for $3.99.

While I’m in the complaining mood, I’d like to point out the thin chicken breast patty I got with my sandwich. Look at it in the photo below. They must’ve gotten it from the most flat-chested chickens on the farm. However, while the chicken patty was thin, it was also crispy. Well, the edges at least. Even after the 10 minute ride home from the drive-thru to my place, the chicken patty had a lot of crispiness. However, what was even more impressive was how much crispiness it had the following morning.

Jack in the Box Chipotle Chicken Club Innards

Oh, I should let you know that I now have a habit of splitting a fast food sandwich in two before eating it and putting the other half in the fridge so I don’t consume all the fat and sodium in one sitting. Anyhoo, after I microwaved the other half for about 40 seconds in its wrapper, I took a bite and noticed the chicken patty’s ability to maintain some of its crispiness. Ain’t fast food technology scary great?

With my complaining about the sandwich’s size and the flat chicken patty, you’d think I don’t care for the Chipotle Chicken Club. Well, I have to say it’s my favorite Jack in the Box chicken sandwich, because the chipotle sauce makes up for most of the sandwich’s faults. The chipotle sauce tastes as if Jack in the Box combined their taco sauce with their mayonnaise, but with a bit more smokiness. It’s a tasty sauce and it gives the sandwich a nice heat that might cause some of you to reach for some cool liquid relief. I was surprised the sauce had flavor and wasn’t all about the heat, like other chipotle items I’ve tried.

If you’re a bacon fan, the amount of piggie in this sandwich will satisfy your pork needs. I wouldn’t call the bacon included crisp, but I wouldn’t call it limp either. The sourdough bread is a little greasy, but as someone who has consumed his fair share of Sourdough Jacks, it wasn’t a surprise. As for the tomatoes, they made my sandwich look like Quasimodo’s back and didn’t really add anything, unless you consider having an ingredient that easily falls out something. I’d suggest ordering the sandwich without tomatoes or discard them and make the farmers who harvested them cry.

If you’re planning to try the delicious Jack in the Box Chipotle Chicken Club, do so soon because it’s only available for a limited time.

(Nutrition Facts – 686 calories, 329 calories from fat, 35 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 77 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,292 milligrams of sodium, 580 milligrams of potassium, 54 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, and 34 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Chipotle Chicken Club Sandwich
Price: $4.79 (sandwich only)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Tasty, spicy chipotle sauce. My new favorite Jack in the Box chicken sandwich. A good amount of bacon. Impressive, but eerie, crispiness. Reasonably priced combo, if you’re paying $4.99. My new found willpower to not eat an entire fast food sandwich in one sitting.
Cons: Thin chicken patty. Kind of small. The tomatoes are useless. Awesome source of saturated fat and sodium. My lack of chili pepper knowledge in the mid-2000s. I used to think Subway bread was fancy.

REVIEW: McDonald’s McCafe Cherry Berry Chiller

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McDonald's Cherry Berry Chiller

McDonald’s has always helped customers beat the heat during the summer months. For example, they’ve always filled three-fourths of their soft drink cups with ice before they add any beverage. If that’s not the definition of generous, then I don’t know what is.

This time last year McDonald’s rolled out their frozen strawberry lemonade to help cool us down. This year, the Golden Arches have a new frozen beverage, the Cherry Berry Chiller.

Rhyming AND alliteration? That’s a good start in my book.

The Cherry Berry Chiller, which sounds like something Care Bears would drink to keep cool in Care-a-lot and the Forest of Feelings, is made by blending ice with 100 percent fruit juice. Think of it as a 7-Eleven Slurpee for adults. Oh wait, I forgot, margaritas are Slurpees for adults. Okay, think of it as a better-for-you Slurpee.

At this point, I would like to say I really love the blenders at McDonald’s. They do an awesome job of crushing ice into fine crystals that I enjoy crushing even more between my teeth. I wish my $30 off-the-shelf blender from Target could do a comparable job.

The Cherry Berry Chiller uses cherry and raspberry juice, but I could taste other fruits, like a little bit of grape. (The ingredients list also includes apple juice concentrate.) Thanks to my stereotype of cherries, my mouth expected a very tart beverage, but instead it had a very mild tartness. The cherry stands out at the beginning of each slurp and the raspberry becomes more noticeable towards the end, but in between, there’s a good balance of cherry and raspberry. The combination tastes like a slightly watered down POM Wonderful pomegranate juice. While I have enjoyed McDonald’s other fruity blended beverages, I have to say that the Cherry Berry Chiller is the best tasting of the bunch.

McDonald's Cherry Berry Chiller Closeup

However, all is not perfect with it. Because it’s pretty much just fruit juice and ice, I noticed it tends to melt a bit faster than McDonald’s smoothies, which has yogurt to help prevent it from turning into liquid. Also, it’s a horrible source of vitamin C. Actually, according to the McDonald’s website, it has no vitamin C, which is strange because cherries and raspberries are good sources of the vitamin that prevents scurvy.

Overall, I have mixed feeling about McDonald’s Cherry Berry Chiller. It’s sweet, damn tasty, and refreshing, but by saying it’s made with 100 percent fruit juice, McDonald’s is giving me the impression that there’s some nutritional benefit from drinking it. But it turns out that’s not really the case since it doesn’t provide any vitamins, which is, you know, one of the benefits of consuming fruits.

(Nutrition Facts – 22 ounces – 330 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 40 milligrams of sodium, 81 grams of carbohydrates, 81 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, 4% calcium, and 2% iron.)

Item: McDonald’s McCafe Cherry Berry Chiller
Price: $3.99
Size: Large
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Sweet, Damn tasty. Refreshing. Pleasant tartness. Made with 100 percent fruit juice. McDonald’s blenders. Rhyming. Alliteration.
Cons: Provides no vitamin C. My Care Bears knowledge. Appears to melt faster than McDonald’s smoothies. Drinking too many Slurpees for adults. McDonald’s being generous with the ice in their soft drink cups.