Tag: Fast Food

REVIEW: Burger King Quaker Oatmeal

Marvo 7 Comments

Burger King Oatmeal

I’m disappointed with Burger King.

They’re the “Home of the Whopper,” not the “Home of Whole Grains and Fiber,” so their new Burger King Oatmeal puzzles me. Instead of clogging my arteries, the fiber in their new oatmeal is scraping away the stuff that shrinks my arteries’ passageways, some of which was put there by their food. By scraping away that plaque that lines my arterial walls, what they’re really doing is scraping themselves away.

I wonder if I just blew Burger King’s mind.

So Burger King should forget about oatmeal and get back to doing what they’re good at — making Whoppers, making other burgers and sandwiches that aren’t as good as the Whopper, and making crappy French fries.

But, if they’re really attached to making oatmeal, I’d suggest revamping their menu with nothing but healthier fare and changing their name to Garden King. Although, if they do, I’m pretty sure a bunch of Chinese restaurants will be upset with the name change.

But until either one happens, it’s going to be oatmeal and a whole lot of fried stuff on Burger King’s menu boards.

Burger King Oatmeal Closeup

Oh, but their oatmeal isn’t just any ol’ oatmeal. It’s Quaker oatmeal, which means two things:

1. Burger King wants people to know they’re serious about their oatmeal.

2. I could make the exact same thing at home in 3-4 minutes.

Burger King’s oatmeal is quite good, if you get it with the dried fruit (raisins, golden raisins, and dried cranberries). While the oatmeal is sweetened with brown sugar, it’s easily ten times better with the fruit, which there is enough of to have a little dried fruit in every spoonful. The oatmeal does have a nice thick consistency, even though the picture above may show otherwise.

Although I really do like Burger King’s oatmeal, I prefer McDonald’s Fruit & Maple Oatmeal. Burger King’s oatmeal (7 ounces) is smaller than McDonald’s Fruit & Maple Oatmeal (9.2 ounces) and McDonald’s oatmeal includes fresh apples. Although McDonald’s uses fast food black magic to prevent the apples from turning brown. Also, Burger King’s oatmeal is only available during breakfast hours, while McDonald’s oatmeal is available throughout the day.

So now that Burger King has oatmeal, does this mean we’ll see more wholesome items on their menu board or will their oatmeal end up like the BK Veggie and just be a novelty stuck in the sea of saturated fats and grease on Burger King’s menu board.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 oatmeal with fruit – 270 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 4 milligrams of cholesterol, 290 milligrams of sodium, 55 grams of carbohydrates, 29 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King Quaker Oatmeal
Price: $2.49
Size: 7 ounces
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: It’s good. Uses Quaker oatmeal. Lots of dried fruit. Thick consistency. Burger King Whopper. Made using whole grain oats. Good source of fiber.
Cons: Only available on the breakfast menu. I could probably make it at home in 3-4 minutes. The number of King Garden restaurants. Fiber scraping away the Burger King inside of me. BK Veggie.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Chicken Salad Sandwich

Jasper 22 Comments

Dunkin' Donuts Chicken Salad Sandwich

Since starting at The Impulsive Buy, I’ve reviewed three new Dunkin’ Donuts products, none of which I was, um, all that crazy about. I fully intend, however, to continue reviewing their products because DD keeps introducing distinctive new items that pique my interest. (I suppose it also doesn’t hurt that there’s a Dunkin’ Donuts right across the street from my apartment and I’m too lazy to walk any farther to pick up other review items.) Their latest offering is the new Chicken Salad Sandwich.

After doing a limited rollout in the greater New York area a few months back, Dunkin’ Donuts has recently undertaken a broader release of the Chicken Salad Sandwich. I’m guessing the chicken salad is being marketed alongside the tuna salad to re-confuse Jessica Simpson about what exactly Chicken of the Sea is; similarly, I am making a Jessica Simpson joke to confuse any people who don’t remember their reality TV news from 2003.

I ordered my Chicken Salad Sandwich on a croissant and without cheese, just as it’s depicted in all the ads. At first glance, it looked like I probably could’ve asked for a Mayonnaise Sandwich with Some Chicken or Whatever Miscellaneous Meat You Have Back There, and I would’ve gotten more or less the same thing. Even good chicken salads aren’t particularly pleasing aesthetically, so I couldn’t judge the sandwich strictly on appearance.

Dunkin' Donuts Chicken Salad Sandwich Split

Unfortunately, the experience of actually eating the chicken salad wasn’t any better. The chunks of chicken were relatively sizable and plentiful, but they tasted very bland and were completely overpowered by the presence of the mayonnaise. The celery pieces added some much needed crunch to the texture of the chicken salad, yet there weren’t enough pieces to prevent the overall sandwich from being too mushy. The croissant was the same type Dunkin’ Donuts uses for their regular breakfast sandwiches, but this sandwich is served cold so my croissant was un-toasted and lacking in its customary flakiness.

As for the mayonnaise… well, the nicest thing I can say is that at least the mayo doesn’t suffer from both conditions of the famous Woody Allen quote “Boy the food at this place is really terrible.” “Yeah, I know, and such small portions!”  The mayo is definitely odd-tasting, and there’s plenty of it. At first it tasted jarringly sweet, and although each bite got me a bit more acclimated to the mayo’s sweetness, the blandness of the chicken and celery and the absence of any more ingredients meant the chicken salad just didn’t have any other flavors worth detecting. Additionally, more of the excess mayonnaise got squeezed out the sides of the sandwich with each bite, so the whole eating process was much messier than it really had to be.

The Chicken Salad Sandwich was altogether pretty bad. Once again, I would recommend you skip Dunkin’ Donuts’ latest offering. That being said, I appreciate their efforts in steadily introducing new products that are true departures from their regular menu and not just a re-packaging and re-naming of existing ingredients and items. (I’m looking at you, Taco Bell. I hope you know I ate that Beefy Melt Burrito because I was drunk and it was 99 cents, not because I thought you had something new and worth trying.) So Dunkin’ Donuts, stay the course and just keep coming out with different products, and I will keep trying them until that day comes when I can write a positive review on a new item I actually enjoy. (Or until I move into a new apartment, whichever comes first.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich on croissant – 560 calories, 340 calories from fat, 37 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 890 milligrams of cholesterol, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, 17 grams of protein, 2% vitamin A, 2% vitamin C, 4% calcium, and 15% iron.)

Other Dunkin’ Donuts Chicken Salad Sandwich reviews:
Foodette Reviews

Item: Dunkin’ Donuts Chicken Salad Sandwich
Price: $2.99
Size: 1 sandwich
Purchased at: Dunkin’ Donuts
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Chicken was sizable and plentiful. Celery added good crunch. Dunkin’ Donuts’ willingness to introduce actual new products. Having a Dunkin’ Donuts right across the street from my apartment. Annie Hall. Drunk-eating Taco Bell.
Cons: Chicken was bland. Not enough celery. Too much mayonnaise. Jarringly sweet mayonnaise. Croissant wasn’t toasted. Sandwich got messy. Drunk-eating Taco Bell.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Jumbo Breakfast Platter with Sausage

Marvo 14 Comments

Jack in the Box Jumbo Breakfast Platter

For me, breakfast for dinner means serving myself a bowl of some cereal that’s either rainbow-colored or chocolate brown and watching on my computer, and in my pajamas, old episodes of Spongebob Squarepants I bought via iTunes. But now I can enjoy the new Jack in the Box Jumbo Breakfast Platter while I watch Spongebob Squarepants in my PJs.

Just look at the conglomeration of carbohydrates, fats, and proteins in the picture above. If that doesn’t fill you up, remind me to never treat you to self-serve frozen yogurt at places that charge by the ounce. The items in a Jumbo Breakfast Platter sound like they could replace some of the gifts in the song, “Twelve Days of Christmas.”

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
What looks like 12 scrambled eggs
11 Pipers Piping
10 Lords-a-Leaping
9 Ladies Dancing
8 Mini Pancakes
7 Swans-a-Swimming
6 Geese-a-Laying
5 Hash Brown Sticks
4 Colly Birds
3 French Hens
2 Pancake Condiments
And a greasy sausage patty.

Of course, this changes slightly if you order the Jumbo Breakfast Platter with Bacon, which I instantly decided against, because I have yet to find a fast food place that fries up decent bacon slices.

Now some of you might be thinking that this conglomeration of carbohydrates, fats, and proteins is unhealthy. But, I believe everything is fine in moderation, and the Jumbo Breakfast Platter isn’t as bad as what Burger King and McDonald’s offers. A Jumbo Jack Breakfast Platter has 747 calories, 47 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 1,168 milligrams of sodium. However, a McDonald’s Big Breakfast with Hotcakes has 1090 calories, 56 grams of fat, 19 grams of saturated fat, and 2,150 milligrams of sodium, while a BK Ultimate Breakfast Platter has 1310 calories, 72 grams of fat, 26 grams of saturated fat, and 2,490 milligrams of sodium. But, again, everything is fine in moderation, even the BK Ultimate Breakfast Platter.

As you can see in the photo above, someone at Jack in the Box doesn’t know how to make good scrambled eggs, but they tasted fine. And so did everything else. The mini pancakes were soft; the sausage patty had a wider circumference than other fast food sausage patties; and the hash browns, being in stick form, were easy to dip in ketchup. Overall, the Jumbo Breakfast Platter is a tasty, filling, and inexpensive meal. I paid $3.99 for it, but most participating locations not on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean sell it for $2.99. At either price, the Jack in the Box Jumbo Breakfast Platter is a bargain.

However, there’s a way to make it better.

Using the mini pancakes as buns, I stacked half of a hash brown stick, some of the scrambled eggs, and a fourth of the breakfast sausage patty to make a mini breakfast sandwich, which I dipped into the container of Log Cabin syrup. It was damn good and it was as if sugar and salt were consummating their marriage in my mouth.

Sadly, I won’t be able to enjoy it for very long, since Jack in the Box’s Jumbo Breakfast Platter is around for a limited time.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 breakfast platter with sausage – 747 calories, 426 calories from fat, 47 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 438 milligrams of cholesterol, 1168 milligrams of sodium, 586 milligrams of potassium, 56 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, and 26 grams of protein.)

Other Jack in the Box Jumbo Breakfast Platter reviews:
Brand Eating

Item: Jack in the Box Jumbo Breakfast Platter with Sausage
Price: $3.99
Size: Lots of food
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Tasty greasy breakfast. Filling. Soft mini pancakes. Wide sausage patty. Helluva lot of scrambled eggs. A good bargain. Making mini breakfast sandwiches.
Cons: Limited time offer. Eating just a bowl of cereal for dinner. Treating people with big appetites to self-serve frozen yogurt at places that charge by the ounce.

REVIEW: Subway Oven Crisp Chicken Sub

Marvo 16 Comments

Subway Oven Crisp Chicken Sub

Yes. No. Yes.

Those are the answers to the following questions about Subway’s new Oven Crisp Chicken sub.

Are they really prepared in an oven? Yes, the pieces of breaded chicken are heated up in Subway’s proprietary toasting oven (yes, the same one they toast the bread in).

Are the breaded oven baked chicken pieces crispy? No, they are not at all crispy.

Are they using real pieces of chicken? Yes, they are real pieces of chicken. Although, after eating them, some might disagree.

Preparing the Subway Oven Crisp Chicken sub looks like it’s a pain in the ass for the Sandwich Artists behind the counter. I ordered a footlong on Italian bread with honey mustard sauce, lettuce, tomatoes, and cucumbers, and while it sounds like a simple sandwich, it sure took awhile to make. The guy who made my sandwich had to stick the two pieces of chicken in their super-duper proprietary toasting oven for what seemed to be a long time when you have a slowly growing line of people wanting you to make a sandwich for them.

But all that time spent in an oven that, to be honest, doesn’t even do a good job of toasting bread, didn’t help with making the exterior of the chicken crispy. I couldn’t hear or feel any crispiness. Oh, the sandwich did have a little crunchiness, but that was thanks to the lettuce and cucumbers I put in it and definitely not the chicken.

Subway Oven Crisp Chicken Sub Innards

If you look closely at one of the pieces of chicken in this sandwich, it looks like there are some herbs in the breading. However, whatever flavor is in the breading, it easily gets lost if you add any condiment. Even a bite of chicken, sans honey mustard sauce, had very little flavor. Along with not having much flavor, the chicken is also a bit dry, which is actually par for the course when it comes to any Subway chicken sandwich.

Overall, I think the Subway Oven Crisp Chicken sub is slightly better tasting than Subway’s Oven Roasted Chicken. Although, to be honest, that’s not saying much since I don’t think too highly of the Oven Roasted Chicken sub.

(Nutrition Facts – 6-inch sub – 420 calories, 60 calories from fat, 6.7 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 940 milligrams of sodium, 67 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 23 grams of protein.)

Item: Subway Oven Crisp Chicken Sub
Price: $7.00
Size: Footlong
Purchased at: Subway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: It’s new. Slightly better than the Subway Oven Roasted Chicken sub. The bread is making my bones strong.
Cons: It takes awhile to make. Not crispy. Chicken didn’t have much flavor. Subway’s proprietary ovens can’t make chicken or bread crispy. Vegetables provided all the sandwich’s crunchiness.

REVIEW: Subway BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwich

Jasper 14 Comments

Subway BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwich

The people running Subway might be the greatest salesmen in the world. They’ve positioned their sandwiches as health foods solely on the strength of one erstwhile fat guy’s crazy diet, and the five-dollar footlong campaigns have been so successful that they could actually ruin both the fast food and porn industries in one fell swoop. Subway’s marketing department has even had success in generating great publicity in fictional worlds, as seen by their support of Happy Gilmore’s epic quest to save his grandmother’s house and hook up with the hot blonde mom from Modern Family. At this point it almost feels ridiculous to doubt Subway’s ability to sell any and all of its products; you’re better off trying to dispute people’s enthusiasm for the new Harry Potter movie, hipsters’ willingness to wear sweaters in the summer, or my ability to use three sloppy analogies in a row.

And yet, I had doubts that a BBQ pulled pork sandwich could work at Subway. A pulled pork sandwich seems fundamentally different from all of Subway’s previous limited edition releases. Making a good pulled pork sandwich feels like it would require significantly more expertise than most other sandwiches. Also, judging by the number of hours dedicated to barbecue on the Food Network, people have a love for pulled pork that just doesn’t exist for, say, cold cut combos, so it would be extra disappointing if Subway did a poor job with a foodie-favorite. Finally, the sandwich costs $8.00, and at that price point you might as well spend the extra $2 and order two footlongs, which gets you double the porn jokes AND all your sodium for the week!

The process of actually ordering the sandwich did little to allay my doubts. The pulled pork was held in the same type of container as the tuna, which meant it was scooped out ice cream-style. I had assumed the pork would be held in the microwaveable cardboard trays; instead, the only heating the meat got was from the toasting of the overall sandwich. I watched in quiet anticipation of the barbecue sauce being added, but the woman behind the counter took my silence to mean I was satisfied with the current contents of my sandwich, and she began to wrap it up before I realized I had to specifically ask for the barbecue sauce. I suppose the Sandwich Artists can occasionally put together a masterpiece, but the output of this particular experience felt more like a poorly-followed color-by-numbers worksheet.

Subway BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwich Innards

By the time I sat down to actually eat, expectations were remarkably low. The pulled pork sandwich beat those expectations, though not by much. The pork was fairly flavorful, if a bit too salty, but the paste-like texture was rather unpleasant. I think the meat really could have benefited from a brief blast in the microwave, which possibly would have melted some fat and added some juiciness. The barbecue sauce was solid, with a nice smokiness and not too much sweetness, but because it was added last and not mixed in with the pulled pork, I was always acutely aware that I was eating “pulled pork with BBQ sauce on top” and not “BBQ pulled pork.”

Would I buy Subway’s BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwich again? Probably not. Then again, I wouldn’t count out the Subway marketing team just yet. There could be some new jingle or a movie promotional tie-in that convinces me otherwise. Who knows, maybe they could even help make Adam Sandler movies funny again (but don’t hold your breath on that one).

(Nutrition Facts – 1 footlong – 570 calories, 150 calories from fat, 17 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 95 milligrams of cholesterol, 1340 milligrams of sodium, 68 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 56 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A, 20% vitamin C, 30% calcium, and 25% iron.)

Item: Subway BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwich
Price: $8.00
Size: Footlong
Purchased at: Subway
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Pulled pork was flavorful. Barbecue sauce was smoky and not too sweet. Subway’s marketing department. Old Adam Sandler movies.
Cons: Pulled pork was paste-like. Pork wasn’t heated up at all. Barbecue sauce wasn’t mixed in with the meat. Sandwich Artistry. The potential ruination of the porn industry. New Adam Sandler movies.