REVIEW: Ruffles MAX Flame Grilled Steak Flavored Potato Chips

Ruffles MAX Flame-Grilled Steak Flavored 1

I’ve no idea how it actually works, but I like to imagine that at every major chip company, the marketing and R&D people have a big meeting every six months or so. They BS a little, remind everyone which varieties have been introduced and retired lately, and then the important work begins: brainstorming for the next six months.

This has to have gotten harder over time, which accounts for the increasingly unconventional chip varieties we’ve seen in recent years. And while I’m sure Ruffles isn’t the first company to release a steak-flavored potato chip, they’re probably the first to instill each chip with the MAX amount of steak flavor possible, right?

It’s not hard to follow the train of logic of whomever came up with the idea of steak-flavored chips. Beef and potatoes have a long, proud tradition of pairing together, and while chips usually slum with hamburger while steak paints the town red with a baked potato, you can’t fault them for aiming higher.

The packaging makes it clear this isn’t some cafeteria mystery meat, showing a really good-looking steak cut into strips. It can’t be a shade over medium-rare, which is interesting; I’m surprised they let it appear so bloody. Nonetheless, it looks damn tasty, and the logo promises not just steak flavor, but flame grilled steak flavor. Seriously, they are going to kick your mouth in the balls. Or the lady balls.

Speaking of which, the back of the bag tells you exactly what demographic they’re targeting.  Hint: it does not suggest which wine cooler to pair with these chips. Seriously, there are words about MEAT! and cavemen and “clubbing something” (direct quote) and it’s all very Freudian. The blurb blatantly suggests pairing the chips with Pepsi Max, which… nice try, Ruffles, but I’m pretty sure they still make Coke Zero, so go screw yourself. I also don’t drink PBR when Sam Adams is available, in case you were wondering.

Still, the irony is not lost on me that Pepsi Max is all about having zero calories, whereas steak-flavored potato chips are most likely to be purchased by those who couldn’t give less of a shit how many calories they’re consuming.  I look forward to someday buying a gallon of ice cream with an ad for Gold’s Gym on the back.

When you open the bag, the first thing you’ll notice is the smell. That is also the second, third, and fourth things you’ll notice, because holy cow is it powerful. Opinions vary — I found it strong and mildly off-putting, whereas my wife swore it to be the grim harbinger of a fetid, moldering grave. Either way, it isn’t good. It actually does smell a bit like grilled steak, but very artificially so, like a robot that looks juuust enough like a human to be creepy.

Ruffles MAX Flame-Grilled Steak Flavored 2

The smell dissipates some over time, but you’ll still notice it, even if you come back after a week’s vacation and reopen the bag. As for the chips themselves, they look like regular Ruffles except a little darker and splotchier. Bizarro Ruffles, if you will.

Taste-wise… boy, it’s hard to describe. They’re unmistakably Ruffles, from the crunch and wildly varying sizes to the ridged texture. They’re as salty as regular Ruffles, though they also have pepper like any good steak, which does enhance the flavor. And darned if they don’t taste a little like steak — within reason, and that’s a key distinction. If you actually thought these were going to taste like someone lopped off a cow’s tuchus and deep fried it, you are going to be disappointed. If you expected a chip with a little smoky flavor, pepper, and something that kind of approximates the juice in a steak despite not having any juice whatsoever, you’re in luck.

Not for nothing, but I anticipate these being a highly divisive product: either you’ll think they’re pretty okay, or you’ll hate them. I fall into the former camp — wouldn’t want to get ’em every week, but as a one-off experiment, I’m glad I tried them. My wife was far less enthusiastic and can’t walk past the pantry without narrowed eyes and involuntary hissing.

If you decide to buy a bag, make sure you have a friend or spouse or roommate to share them with, just in case. And ladies, the back of the package leads me to believe you will need to have a male present to buy a bag, so take that into account. Nothing’s worse than getting busted for illicit purchase of Man Chips.

(Nutrition Facts – 28 grams/~11 chips – 160 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of total fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 320 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugars, 2 grams of protein.)

Other Ruffles MAX Flame Grilled Steak Flavored Potato Chips reviews:
Junk Food Guy

Item: Ruffles MAX Flame Grilled Steak Flavored Potato Chips
Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: 8.5 oz bag
Purchased at: Wegman’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Hard to go wrong pairing potatoes with meat.  Coke Zero.  Same great Ruffles texture and crunch.  Good pepper distribution.  The smell will not actually make you vomit.
Cons: Smell is crazy strong and mildly to extremely unpleasant.  Pepsi Max.  Exclusionary ad copy.  Chips just look kind of dirty.  Taste isn’t really good enough to put up with the smell for long.

REVIEW: Frito-Lay Doritos Locos Tacos Tortilla Chips (Nacho Cheese & Cool Ranch)

Doritos Locos Taco Tortilla Chips

If you’re bored right now, there’s something I’d like you to do. Go to your nearest Taco Bell to pick up Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos, then go to a store to buy the Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch flavors of the Limited Edition Doritos Locos Tacos Tortilla Chips, then slide some of the chips into the tacos, and then let your mind be blown by the fact that you’ve just put chips that are supposed to taste like Taco Bell Doritos Locos Tacos into a Taco Bell Doritos Locos Taco.

Inchiption!

(searches internet)

Argh! Someone beat me to Inchiption!

The Doritos Locos Tacos Tortilla Chips are similar to what Doritos did with their discontinued Collisions line, taking two flavors and putting them in one bag. In this case, they paired Crunchy Taco Doritos with either Nacho Cheese or Cool Ranch Doritos. In the Frito-Lay press release, they are known as, DLT Nacho Cheese and Crunchy Taco and DLT Cool Ranch and Crunchy Taco.

So in order to get the desired flavor, you’re going to have to eat two different chips at the same time. Or bite one Taco Doritos and then take a bite of the other flavor. Or crush the contents of the bag into little pieces, shake the bag, pour the broken chips into a bowl, and eat them with a spoon.

Doritos Locos Taco Tortilla Chips Nacho Cheese In Bag

It sounds simple, but if you pick option one or two there’s a slight problem. Parent Trap. Or Chiparent Trap. Just like the twins in the movie Parent Trap, it’s hard to tell the two flavors apart, especially when looking into the bag. There were numerous occasions when I thought I pulled out a Nacho Cheese Doritos, but it ended up being the taco-flavored one, and visa versa.

Doritos Locos Taco Tortilla Chips Nacho Cheese Closeup

Doritos Locos Taco Tortilla Chips Cool Ranch Closeup

Whenever I was able to get both flavors into my mouth at the same time, by using all my strength to crush the chips, I think I persuaded my taste buds to believe I went to Taco Bell to Live Más. Each bag’s two flavors are equally balanced, but the taco seasoning tends to linger in the mouth longer. They’re both quite tasty and as addictive as Nacho Cheese or Cool Ranch Doritos. Of course, the chips don’t have the nuances of the actual tacos, like the lettuce that always falls out or the ground beef grease that soaks through the taco shell.

But overall I think both Doritos Locos Tacos Tortilla Chip varieties did the actual tacos justice, although I have to admit that these chips have more flavor than the tacos they try to recreate.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – Nacho Cheese – 140 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Cool Ranch – 140 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Frito-Lay Doritos Locos Tacos Tortilla Chips (Nacho Cheese & Cool Ranch)
Purchased Price: $2.99 (on sale)
Size: 11 oz. bags
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Nacho Cheese)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Cool Ranch)
Pros: Did the actual Taco Bell Doritos Locos Tacos justice. Have more flavor than the actual tacos. As addictive as Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch Doritos. Wonderfully crunchy. Not the first Taco Bell labeled Doritos.
Cons: Makes your fingers messy. Hard to tell apart the two flavors in each bag. MSG-haters will not like. Not being first to use Inchiption. Trying to stuff two chips into your mouth at the same time.

REVIEW: Cheeseburger Cheetos (Japan)

Cheeseburger Cheetos (Japan)

I’ll tell you what I like about living in the 21st century. I mean besides the whole finding cures for terrible diseases and having a lot of great shows on Netflix.

What I like are the rabbit holes.

Just recently I fell down a rabbit hole when I watched the episode of Family Matters where Urkelbot first appeared. I wanted to know who was playing the robot. Who wouldn’t? It was Michael “Boogaloo Shrimp” Chambers from the 1984 movie Breakin’. From there I stumbled into Electric Boogaloo, then Cannon Films, then New Line Cinema, then the House Party Trilogy. Needless to say I watched all those movies and now own the discographies of both Kid ‘n Play and Tony! Toni! Toné!.

The internet is great.

This review led me down the path of food mascots, and eventually to food mascots that had their own video games. The 80s and early 90s were a magical time, you guys. I feel like branding and marketing was in its golden age then. It was the perfect nexus of junk food, fast food, video games and the cartoon arts.

How else can you explain the fact that Chester Cheetah had not one, but two video games? I knew he had one, but was surprised to find that 1992’s seminal Too Cool to Fool spawned a sequel called Wild Wild Quest. I want to live in the time when that was possible.

Not to be outdone, Ronald McDonald and the Noid both had a pair of digital adventures, and who could forget Kool-Aid Man’s eponymous Atari 2600 classic.

Not impressed? The 7-Up Spot had three games! Three! He was huge in the 90s! Wonder what he’s doing now. Probably directing.

But my favorite of all food mascot video games, and sneaking in just before the dawn of the millennium, was the Japanese release of Pepsiman for the original Playstation, starring none other than Pepsi Japan’s thirst-quenching superhero, Pepsiman. I had no idea that Pepsiman existed, and I feel like I missed out. He looks awesome! Equal parts Silver Surfer and Generation Next, if he commanded me to drink Pepsi, you bet your sweet sugar syrup I would. Needless to say, I’m marginally obsessed and want to eBay everything I can get my hands on. Sidebar: I love the bottle caps Japan does with the little figures on top? Why don’t we do that in the states?

Anyway, until my Pepsiman collection is complete, Chester Cheetah and this bag of Cheeseburger Cheetos will have to do.

Cheeseburger Cheetos (Japan) 3

This variety is the newest limited edition from Frito-Lay Japan. I find it exciting, as I’ve never tried a Cheetos variant that wasn’t just a new level of spice with a new corresponding color of red.

Realistically, cheeseburger flavor is always a problematic endeavor. What does “cheeseburger” mean? Does it mean beef and cheese? Beef, cheese, and bun? Beef, cheese, bun, lettuce, tomato, onion, and relish as the photo on the bag suggests? You get the idea. It’s downright philosophical really.

Cheeseburger Cheetos (Japan) 6

And speaking of the bag, I’m saddened Chester has been relegated to the back. He needs to get in touch with Spot’s representation.

Cheeseburger Cheetos (Japan) 5

The nosegrope is unusual. It’s a weird blend of pickles, mustard, and, of all things, rye bread.

The flavor is an equally unusual blend of rye bread, cheese, pickles, mustard, and onion.

If that’s not helpful, I can pinpoint the flavor exactly. You know how you buy a McDonalds cheeseburger and it’s all delicious and wonderful? Have you ever purchased too many and put one in the fridge? These Cheetos taste like a day old, refrigerated then microwaved McDonalds cheeseburger. I don’t know if that’s what they were going for, but they nailed it. Seriously, it’s uncanny.

Cheeseburger Cheetos (Japan) 4

The flavor is bizarre but it sort of works. These are maybe the most interesting Japanese snack I’ve had. I don’t know if I love them, but I am definitely intrigued by them. I always recommend picking up Japanese snacks for fun, but you really do have to try these.

Besides Chester could use the scratch. He’s on the back of the bag, and he’s not getting a third game any time soon.

(Nutrition Facts – 448 calories, 25.7 grams of fat, 579 milligrams of sodium, 49.6 grams of carbohydrates, 4.6 grams of protein.)

Other Cheeseburger Cheetos reviews:
Grocery Gems

Item: Cheeseburger Cheetos (Japan)
Purchased Price: $3.29
Size: 83 grams
Purchased at: NapaJapan
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Scarily accurate and possibly unintentional flavor recreation. Pepsiman. Cheeseburger philosophy. Non-spicy Cheetos variants.
Cons: Lingering aftertaste.

REVIEW: Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Cheesy Garlic Bread Potato Chips

Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Cheesy Garlic Bread Potato Chips

Of the three Lay’s Do Us a Flavor finalists, Chicken & Waffles sounds weird, Sriracha sounds exotic, and Cheesy Garlic Bread sounds…boring?

Well, compared to the other two, they’re definitely as boring as your sister’s diary with empty pages. But “boring” isn’t really the word I’m looking for.

Oh, I know. Perhaps the best word to describe this cheesy and garlicky chip is “safe.”

It’s the flavor that sounds as if it’s the least likeliest to make your taste buds go, “WTF!” It’s also a flavor you wouldn’t be embarrassed to take home and introduce your mother to. So if your taste buds aren’t adventurous, then Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Cheesy Garlic Bread Potato Chips are for you.

Karen Weber-Mendham from Land O’ Lakes, Wisconsin suggested Lay’s make cheesy garlic bread-flavored potato chips, and they did. I guess if someone were to suggest a cheesy chip, it would be someone from Wisconsin.

On the back of the Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Cheesy Garlic Bread Potato Chips bag, it has a quote from Karen about what inspired her to suggest this flavor.

“You’re at your favorite Italian restaurant, you’re starving & WAITING FOREVER. Finally, the breadsticks come and they save your life!”

Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Kaaareeen. WAITING FOREVER? There’s a simple solution to ensure you never have to wait forever.

When the waiter/waitress passes by, raise your hand to get their attention, ask them for bread, then tell him or her if they bring it over within the next two minutes there’s an extra 10 dollars in their future, and then start counting out loud. Or if you want to take the low road, you could type out a negative review on your smartphone using the Yelp app, ask for the manager, and when the manager shows up, threaten to post your negative Yelp review if you don’t get some damn bread in front of you.

Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Cheesy Garlic Bread Potato Chips Closeup

As I mentioned at the beginning of this review, the best word to describe the Lay’s Cheesy Garlic Bread Potato Chips is “safe.” Another reason why I consider them to be “safe” is because they have enough garlic flavor that I think eating them will keep me safe from vampires. There was also a strong garlic aroma that wafted out of the bag after I opened it, so if I was a vampire, I would’ve covered my face with my cape and run away yelling, “Bleh! Bleh!”

Oh, but it’s not only the garlic that attacked my taste buds, it’s also the dairy. The number of cheeses found on this chip would impress a Hickory Farms. It’s got cheddar, parmesan, swiss, monterey jack, and gouda. The chips are also flavored with cream and butter.

Because these chips are heavy on the garlic and cheese, I adore them. But it’s not only the garlic and cheese that make these chips taste so wonderful, it’s also the buttery and slight herby flavors. And by bringing together all these different seasonings, I think the crazy food scientists over at Lay’s have created a complex flavor that tastes very much like cheesy garlic bread and made me wish I had some pasta to eat it with.

(Editor’s Note: We reviewed the other two Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalists. Click here for the Chicken & Waffles flavor and click here for the Sriracha flavor.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1 oz./about 17 chips – 160 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 330 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Cheesy Garlic Bread Potato Chips
Purchased Price: $4.29 (on sale)
Size: 9.5 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Wonderful garlicky and cheesy flavor. Tastes like cheesy garlic bread. May keep you safe from vampires. The power of Yelp.
Cons: Boring flavor compared to other Do Us a Flavor finalists, Sriracha and Chicken & Waffles. Vampires will not enjoy it. Not getting bread at your table in a timely manner. The power of Yelp.

REVIEW: Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Sriracha Potato Chips

Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Sriracha Potato Chips

Sriracha is a Thai hot sauce, but also sounds like it would make a great name for a pet snake or venereal disease.

Here in the United States, many of us think of sriracha as the rooster sauce with the green cap. Some of us also call the spicy red condiment from Huy Fong Foods “cock sauce” with heavy emphasis on the “cock” and followed by giggling.

But as I have learned from some readers (and Wikipedia), sriracha isn’t only the sauce from Huy Fong Foods. Traditional Thai sriracha is usually milder and sweeter, and the companies that make them are probably glad their product isn’t called “cock sauce.”

Sriracha has seen a rise in popularity over the past few years thanks to Bon Appétit magazine calling it 2010’s Ingredient of the Year, a web comic by The Oatmeal, and the need to make bad pho broth taste better. The bottle of Huy Fong Foods’ sriracha sauce suggests putting sriracha on pasta, pizza, hot dogs, and hamburgers. And Tyler Raineri from Lake Zurich, Illinois suggested to Lay’s that they put in on a potato chip…and they did.

In order to find out how much Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Sriracha Potato Chips taste like sriracha, I had to go in search of a bottle of sriracha. Since the Thai restaurant down the street probably wouldn’t appreciate me stealing a bottle from one of their tables, I ended up at the Asian Foods section at Safeway and purchased a bottle Huy Fong Foods sriracha sauce, along with a bag of regular Lay’s chips to try them with.

Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Sriracha Potato Chips Closeup

The Lay’s Sriracha Potato Chips have a slight orange hue that’s not as menacing as the bright red color of the sauce, but they do make the deep fried potato slices look cheesy. Speaking of cheese, there are three of them listed in the ingredients list — cream cheese, cheddar cheese, and Swiss cheese.

Are the chips cheesy?

No, not really, but after trying sriracha-drizzled potato chips, I also wouldn’t consider them to be Huy Fong Foods sriracha-y. Instead Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Sriracha Potato Chips taste (and smell) more like another popular hot sauce — Tabasco.

Weird, right?

Even though they taste Tabasco-flavored, these chips are addictive. They have a slight sweetness and a nice spicy kick at the back end, and the amount of heat is almost comparable to actual rooster sauce. Also, the seasoning sticks to your fingers, so when you’re done eating, you’ll have a spicy treat after.

Overall, the Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Sriracha Potato Chips are very good, but, unfortunately, they didn’t get the flavor right. Tyler Raineri from Lake Zurich, Illinois should be mad about that.

(Editor’s Note: We reviewed the other two Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalists. Click here for the Chicken & Waffles flavor and click here for the Cheesy Garlic Bread flavor.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce/about 17 chips – 150 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 135 milligrams of sodium, 320 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Sriracha Potato Chips
Purchased Price: $4.29 (on sale)
Size: 9.5 oz. bag
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Addictive flavor. Nice spicy kick. Sriracha would be a great name for a snake. The Oatmeal. Good pho.
Cons: Tastes more like Tabasco. Orange hue not menacing enough. Having an 8th grade sense of humor. Stealing bottled condiments from Thai restaurants. Bad pho.