Tag: Frozen Food

REVIEW: Eggo Seasons Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Waffles

Jasper 18 Comments

Eggo Seasons Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Waffles

With fall in full swing and Halloween just around the corner, everyone has got pumpkins on their foods and on their minds. I’ve recently consumed pumpkin pies, pumpkin breads, pumpkin spice lattes, and pumpkin ice creams. I’ve decided what my favorite pumpkin microbrew is (Woodstock Inn Autumn Ale), who would be Pumpkin Spice in a Spice Girls reboot (Snooki), and whether or not I can pull off calling people “pumpkin” (I can’t).

Despite not knowing what a real pumpkin even actually taste like, I was starting to get pretty sick of eating pumpkin flavors, thinking about pumpkins, and typing the word pumpkin.

The most recent contributor to my pumpkin fatigue is the Eggo Pumpkin Spice Waffles. As part of the Eggo “Seasons” line, these waffles are supposed to contain the autumn flavors of pumpkin, cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger. I found them at Target on sale for $2.00 for a pack of 10.

When I opened the package, the fantastic aroma of the waffles hit me immediately. All the spices shined together and really captured what I imagine as the scent of autumn, or at least as the scent of autumn desserts. Throwing two waffles in the toaster was equivalent to lighting a flavored Yankee Candle in making my apartment smell delicious.

The waffles also tasted pretty appetizing, though not nearly as appetizing as they smelled. Cinnamon was the most noticeable spice, while the pumpkin flavor was fairly understated and left the waffles with slightly more sweetness and a touch of bitterness that regular Eggos don’t have.

Eggo Seasons Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Waffles Closeup

If you generally have maple syrup with your waffles, these Pumpkin Spice Eggos are definitely not flavorful enough to allow you to forgo your usual sweetening. (Sidenote: I love the Target brand maple syrup. I love their syrup on pancakes, I love it on pizza. I take their syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I’ve had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?)

I wouldn’t say the Pumpkin Spice version is the best limited edition waffle that Eggo has ever released, but they tasted good, smelled wonderful, and came at a really great price. If you’re tired of eating pumpkin flavors, too, you should still think about buying a couple packs – considering the waffles are just 20 cents each, I plan to leave them around the apartment and never go to Yankee Candle again.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 waffles – 210 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 380 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

Item: Eggo Seasons Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Waffles
Price: $2.00
Size: 10 waffles
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Smelled fantastic. Tasted cinnamon-y and a bit sweeter than regular Eggos. Only $2 a box. Target brand maple syrup. Wedding Crasher quotes.
Cons: Didn’t taste as good as it smelled. Didn’t really taste all that different from a regular Eggo. Pumpkin fatigue. Not knowing what real pumpkins taste like. I don’t actually shop at Yankee Candle. But seriously, why are those Yankee Candles so expensive?

REVIEW: Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie

Marvo 13 Comments

Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie

I need a smoothie to wash away the taste of the new Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie. My mouth tastes like a chocolate fondue party is happening in my mouth, but instead of suburbanites, it’s being attended by hobos, hippies, and others who think deodorant is unnecessary.

Also, my mouth happens to be a room where hot yoga classes are held. Everything is creating a combination of chocolate and armpit sourness.

Just like the Boston Red Sox at the beginning of this baseball season, I had high hopes for Yoplait’s Chocolate Banana Smoothie. I thought merging a cup of skim milk with Yoplait’s chocolate-flavored frozen yogurt pieces and frozen banana slices would turn into a tasty, refreshing 16-ounce smoothie that would make me temporarily forget about the Boston Red Sox’s complete choke job, but it ended up being the salt rubbed into my wounds.

Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie In Blender

I like chocolate, I enjoy bananas, and I’m really fond of the original Yoplait Smoothie flavors, so I thought Yoplait’s Chocolate Banana Smoothie was going to be another home run. However, something went horribly wrong with this attempt to steal away profits from Jamba Juice.

Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie Blended

There’s only two good things about Yoplait’s Chocolate Banana Smoothie. It blends easily and it has a wonderful smoothie consistency. It’s not too thick, but also not watery. Oh, there’s a third good thing about this smoothie. It’s cold. But it’s only a good thing if you pour the smoothie on top of your head to cool you down, because pouring it inside of your head via your mouth might not be enjoyable, because as I mentioned before, it’s kind of gross.

Everything about its flavor is unpleasant, from the chocolate-flavored frozen yogurt to the banana to the artificial sweeteners. There’s a repulsive sourness in each sip, which probably originates from the frozen yogurt. It even smells repugnant. On top of all of that, the smoothie has an annoying grittiness.

Overall, this Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie is not bananas.

N-O-T-B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

What?

You thought I would end this review with a baseball reference.

Fine.

Overall, this Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie is as horrible as the number of strikeouts Orioles third baseman Mark Reynolds racks up each year.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces prepared w/skim milk. 130 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 80 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 15 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, 6% vitamin C, 70% calcium, and 4% iron.)

Item: Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie
Price: $3.49 (on sale)
Size: 7.6 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: Blends easily. Nice smoothie consistency. Cold.
Cons: This shit is not bananas. N-O-T-B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Gritty. Its strong artificial sweetener taste. My excessive use of baseball references in this review. Unsure if it contains live and active cultures, since it doesn’t say on the packaging.

REVIEW: Jimmy Dean Jimmy D’s Breakfast Minis

Drew 3 Comments

Jimmy Dean Jimmy D's Breakfast Minis

Unlike a lot of products reviewed here on TIB, I don’t have a great deal of familiarity with Jimmy Dean.  I’m not one to drop names, but in my time I’ve rubbed elbows with some of the biggest names in the food world.  I’ve swapped drinks and stories with the Burger King, laughed it up with the Jolly Green Giant, stalked villagers with Count Chocula, and keep going back to that tramp Wendy.  (It’s always the redheads.)  And the less said about that bass fishing trip with Charlie Tuna, the better.

Yet for all that, Jimmy Dean and I have just never run in the same social circles.  The closest I’ve come to getting to know the guy is that maybe-fake customer service call that made the internet rounds a while ago, with the irate southerner complaining that the new, smaller sausage size wasn’t enough to feed his two fat sons and his fat daughter and his fat — sorry, “a little plump” — wife.  And that’s just not enough to establish a relationship, so I took a chance and brought home Jimmy Dean Jimmy D’s Breakfast Minis.

You didn’t misread that, by the way: the company name is Jimmy Dean and the product line is Jimmy D’s.  I’m going to give them a pass because we’ve all been in that place, be it college or prison or seminary, where you desperately try to reinvent yourself to seem cooler.  And even though it’s never worked for anyone in the history of ever, you can’t fault Jimmy D for trying.  If he thinks sounding more like a mobster than a farmer is the way to seem more butch, well, just keep those snickers to yourself, mister.

In all seriousness though, I’m told that the “Jimmy D’s” line is specifically marketed toward children.  You can understand my confusion since where I’m from, there are guaranteed to be a minimum of three guys named Jimmy D within any given town, at least two of whom will be in “sanitation” work.  Not exactly kid friendly, is what I’m saying.  This is compounded by the fact that the box contains none of the hallmarks of child-marketed products.  No cartoon character, no zany multicolored lettering, no coupon for a free carton of smokes… what kind of southern children are these being marketed to, anyway?  The only clue is that they’re minis, and really, it’s not like mini products have never been pitched to adults.  But since we’re on the subject of kids, remember when you were young and invited someone over to play, and they brought their absolute crappiest Transformers or G.I. Joes?  Likewise, Jimmy D has repaid my overtures of friendship with turkey sausage.  Not an auspicious start, JD…

Jimmy Dean Jimmy D's Breakfast Minis Closeup

Upon opening a package, you’ll find four shrink-wrapped sets of two minis each.  They’re not joking about the “mini” part either — these things are significantly smaller than a slider.  An exact measurement is impossible because the croissant halves aren’t uniform in size, but they’re roughly an inch and a half in diameter, with the sausage patties just slightly wider.  To be frank, they don’t look very appealing right out of the package, and that doesn’t completely change once you’ve zapped them for a minute or so.  But if the world revolved purely around looks rather than taste, half of us would be living under a bridge somewhere, so let’s delve into the meat (no pun intended) of the review.

My earlier crack about turkey sausage notwithstanding, I’ll happily admit that it’s actually pretty good, non-porcine though it may be.  It has a little bit of spice to it, which I like, but not enough to put off anyone of a more sensitive constitution, plus it’s pretty juicy.  As for the croissant halves, they’re surprisingly soft and flaky for frozen food.  You’re not going to mistake them for having just come out of a Parisian bakery, but let’s be honest: you’ve never been to a Parisian bakery.  You don’t know what you’d do if you ever found yourself in one.  Probably burp, say “merde” twice and fall down.

The only real complaint I have about Jimmy D’s Breakfast Minis lies with the aforementioned volume.  Four bites will put one of these things away, maybe six tops.  That’s okay for those of us accustomed to making do with a bowl of cereal at breakfast, but if the description of the person(s) you’re looking to feed with these includes any of the following adjectives — “hearty,” “solid,” “glandular,” or “600 pounds of man” — Jimmy D’s Breakfast Minis are not going to do it for you.  It’s hard to fault them for that because kids are the target market, but eff it — if they’re not going to put a maze or fun facts on the back, they have to accept that unwitting adults are going to buy a box and shouldn’t be made to feel stupid by their peers or spouses or food blog editors for one simple little mistake, okay?  Because really, we’ve all been there.  But for people of small to medium builds, these are a tasty semi-meal that’s quick to make, and the turkey sausage means they’re — I guess — a little better for you than pork sausage?  Hard to argue with that.  Enjoy!

(Nutrition facts — 1 package (two sandwiches) — 230 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of total fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 440 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugars, and 11 grams of protein.)

Item: Jimmy Dean Jimmy D’s Breakfast Minis
Price: $4.79
Size: 8 sandwiches/12.8 ounces
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: The Burger King has some GREAT stories.  Rebranding your Texan country singer founder as a forgotten Sopranos character.  Tastes better than it looks.  Fairly flaky croissant.  Turkey sausage strongly reminiscent of actual sausage (good).  Really not that bad for you, comparatively.
Cons: Lack of visual appeal.  Small portions.  “Friends” who would bring over Wheelie or Snow Job.  Marketing to kids in ways that involve nothing that actually appeals to kids.  Some egg or cheese would’ve made these even better.  Parisian bakeries.

REVIEW: Hot Pockets Limited Edition Spicy Hawaiian Style Pizza

Marvo 8 Comments

Hot Pockets Limited Edition Spicy Hawaiian Style Pizza

Hot Pockets had to eventually make their Limited Edition Spicy Hawaiian Style Pizza because they were running out of normal pizza varieties to stuff into their crust.

Let me go through the list, which, by the way, IS NOT the list of pizzas I’m going to use to pull a prank on a particular person who knows what they did and deserves whatever punishment I give them. So if you happen to have a pizza delivery person at your door who says they have one or two dozen pizzas for either a Jack Ulf or Jack Haas, it wasn’t from me.

There are currently Hot Pockets in the following pizza varieties: supreme, cheese, pepperoni, sausage, and pepperoni and sausage. That pretty much covers the entire basic pizza spectrum, so Hot Pockets had to start going into “specialty pizzas.” Hell, I’m surprised Hot Pockets didn’t do a little Marvel/DC Universe-like crossover action with California Pizza Kitchen frozen products. Hot Pockets California Pizza Kitchen BBQ Chicken Pizza sounds tasty and verbose.

Each Hot Pockets Limited Edition Spicy Hawaiian Style Pizza is stuffed with Canadian-style bacon, pepperoni, pineapple, mozzarella cheese and sauce. There are also tiny chunks of jalapeño peppers which adds a little heat. The crust that envelops all those ingredients looks slightly different than your normal Hot Pocket. There’s appears to be some seasoning baked into it and it’s a lot less pale than a regular Hot Pocket. It looks like a classy Hot Pocket, which I know sounds like a total oxymoron. like jumbo shrimp or fast food salad.

I thought I wouldn’t care for this particular Hot Pocket because of my indifference towards Hawaiian pizza, but just like Katy Perry kissing a girl, I liked it. Although, before I ate the Hot Pockets Limited Edition Spicy Hawaiian Style Pizza I was really hungry, so perhaps I enjoyed it because of hunger pangs, which, if you think about it, are the beer goggles of the digestive system.

Hot Pockets Limited Edition Spicy Hawaiian Style Pizza Innards

If you find Hawaiian pizzas offensive because of its use of pineapples, you’re not going to enjoy this Hot Pocket because every bite has the taste of pineapple. Although it gets that pineapple flavor mostly from pineapple juice because I counted only three small chunks of pineapple in each of the two Hot Pockets I consumed. But its flavor is noticeable and it gives the Hot Pocket a nice sweetness.

While there aren’t a lot of pineapple chunks, there’s a lot of Canadian-style bacon. Sadly, the pepperoni didn’t stand out as much as I hoped, getting lost in between the ham and jalapeño. Speaking of the jalapeño, its mild spiciness and flavor are the reasons why I enjoyed this Hot Pocket more than I thought I would. Its heat is not going to make you instantly reach for a glass of water, but it’s going to make you think you should have one handy.

Overall, if the idea of Hawaiian pizza doesn’t gross you out and the idea of eating a Hot Pocket doesn’t gross you out, then I really suggest you try the Hot Pockets Limited Edition Spicy Hawaiian Style Pizza before they disappear. The combination of sweet pineapple and savory meats with spicy jalapeño peppers makes for a very mouthwatering ménage à trois.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 Hot Pocket – 290 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 610 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, 9 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamin and minerals.)

*Uses partially hydrogenated soybean oil.

Item: Hot Pockets Limited Edition Spicy Hawaiian Style Pizza
Price: $3.89 (on sale)
Size: 2 Hot Pockets
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: A mouthwatering ménage à trois of sweet, savory, and spicy. Lots of Canadian-style bacon. Jalapeño adds a mild spiciness and makes this Hot Pocket better than I thought it would be. A future Hot Pockets/CPK crossover.
Cons: Pineapples might be off-putting for many. The idea of a Hot Pocket might be off-putting for many. Pepperoni wasn’t noticeable. Not a lot of pineapple chunks. It’s a limited edition product. Uses partially hydrogenated oil.

REVIEW: Hot Pockets Limited Edition Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake

Stephanie 17 Comments

Hot Pockets Limited EditionFour Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake

The longevity of Hot Pockets has hinged upon two things: 1) Their manufacturer’s ability to successfully stuff as many different things into a tender, seasoned crust as possible; and 2) Speedy microwave zap-ability. If either of these things changed for the worse, the Hot Pockets franchise would be deader than the skin on the roof of your mouth after biting into one too soon.

We’ve already seen the various styles of Hot Pocket crust filled with pizza toppings, deli meats, casseroles, meatballs, breakfast scrambles, taco/quesadilla fixings, and a plethora of hot sandwich combos (e.g. cheeseburger, sloppy joe, philly cheese steak, and barbecue chicken). Given this lengthy list of stuffed sandwiches, one may wonder, “Is there no limit to the ingredients they can stuff inside these crusts?” Trust me, there are limits. There are some things you would never want to see stuffed in a Hot Pocket: Bubblegum, iron ore, nothing but black olives, shoelaces, unshelled walnuts, Kleenex, eleven Habanero peppers, rubber cement, tripe… So barring these abominations, what other Hot Pocket flavor combinations could possibly tickle our taste buds? Mini penne in cheese sauce, that’s what.

Hot Pockets Limited EditionFour Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake Outtards

We now have the Limited Edition Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake Hot Pocket — a garlic-seasoned crust stuffed with pasta and cheese. It’s so ludicrously simple that I’m surprised Hot Pockets hasn’t tried to do this already. People tend to like pasta and people tend to like cheese. Pasta + Cheese + Crust = Yum. Never let it be said I didn’t excel at mathematics. Delicious mathematics.

As is the general rule within the Hot Pockets family, the Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake is simple to prepare 2 minutes in the microwave in its specially-designed cooking sleeve, and you have a molten-hot stuffed sandwich. In this case, melted cheese (four different ones!) began to ooze out of the sides of my Hot Pocket and burned my fingers (four different ways!), but I’m used to that. They’re not called Room-Temperature Pockets for a reason. Definitely wait a few minutes before chowing down.

Hot Pockets Limited EditionFour Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake Penne

Upon first bite, you’ll quickly find that the garlic sauce and four cheese mixture has a nice, creamy, gooey texture, and the pasta has not become super-mushy. The crust is crisp around the edges and nicely seasoned you can really taste the garlic. I’d say the sensation is like a highly-advanced grilled cheese sandwich. The pieces of miniature penne are very small… You would almost forget they were in there if it weren’t for the fact that the Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake Hot Pocket has a decent noodle/cheese ratio. But we’re not talking mouthfuls of penne. The only mouthful you have with the Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake Hot Pocket is when you say its name.

I’m glad they introduced the Limited Edition Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake Hot Pocket. It’s quick and tasty and fills a flavor niche I didn’t know existed. Since it’s Limited Edition, I don’t know how long this variety will be sold, but I hope it’s popular enough to persuade the Hot Pockets gods to let it stick around permanently… and will dissuade them from introducing Limited Edition 2-Ply Toilet Paper and Rocks Hot Pockets.

(Nutrition Facts 1 sandwich 290 calories, 10 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0 grams of monounsaturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 670 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of potassium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, 10 grams of protein, 2% vitamin A, 25% calcium, and 10% iron.)

Other Hot Pockets Limited Edition Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake reviews:
KJ’s Food Review

Item: Hot Pockets Limited Edition Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake
Price: $2.00 (on sale)
Size: 2 sandwiches
Purchased at: Ralphs
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Speedy microwave zap-ability. Warm, crispy garlic-seasoned crust. Highly-advanced grilled cheese sandwiches. Creamy and gooey garlic sauce/four cheese mixture. Decent noodle/cheese ratio. Mini penne is not mushy. Mathematics can be delicious.
Cons: Limited Edition only, so may not be around later. Not called Room-Temperature Pockets for a reason. Amount of pasta in the Limited Edition Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake Hot Pocket isn’t a mouthful, but the name is. Hot Pockets stuffed with toilet paper and rocks.