Tag: Frozen Food

QUICK REVIEW: Kellogg’s Despicable Me Chocolatey Chip Banana Eggo Wafflers

Marvo 2 Comments

Kellogg s Despicable Me Chocolatey Chip Banana Eggo Wafflers

These Kellogg’s Despicable Me Chocolatey Chip Banana Eggo Wafflers aren’t shaped like Minions. That’s sad because, like Tic Tacs, their pill-like shape SCREAMS Minions.

So no Wafflers shaped like Bob, Carl, Chris, Darwin, Dave, Donnie, Eric, Henry, Jerry, John, Jorge, Josh, Ken, Kevin, Lance, Larry, Mark, Mel, Mike, Norbert, Phil, Paul, Steve, Tim, Tom, or Tony.

But I’m forgiving the brand a little because these Wafflers are not bad, with or without syrup. Now, if you’re familiar with Eggo Wafflers, you know they’re packed with flavor. In this case, it’s chocolatey chips and banana purée, so syrup isn’t necessary. Sure, you could add some, after all, they’re waffles with pockets to hold syrup, but they’re fine without.

Kellogg s Despicable Me Chocolatey Chip Banana Eggo Wafflers 2

Kellogg s Despicable Me Chocolatey Chip Banana Eggo Wafflers 3

They don’t make your toaster’s immediate vicinity smell like the yellow-skinned fruit while between the heating elements. But if you bring it up to your nose like you’re a monkey determining whether or not you have a banana in your hand, it’ll have a natural overripe banana aroma. The fruit puree baked into the waffle gives the breakfast item a pleasing natural flavor. So you fist-shaking Banana Runts haters, might not hate this.

The chips are exactly like what you’d taste with Chocolatey Chip Eggo Waffles — a slightly unnatural chocolate flavor. They’re not evenly spread across each waffle bar (yes, that’s what Kellogg’s called them), so some bites will be all banana.

I like these Chocolatey Chip Banana Eggo Wafflers, and I’m sure Bob, Carl, Chris, Darwin, Dave, Donnie, Eric, Henry, Jerry, John, Jorge, Josh, Ken, Kevin, Lance, Larry, Mark, Mel, Mike, Norbert, Phil, Paul, Steve, Tim, Tom, and Tony would also like them.

Purchased Price: $4.49*
Size: 16 waffle bars/10.7 oz. box
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 waffles/4 waffle bars) – 230 calories, 80 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 320 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: DiGiorno Pepperoni Crispy Pan Pizza

Ben 29 Comments

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been working to uncover a massive conspiracy in the frozen food industry. I’m almost ready to blow the cover off this whole thing.

Between you and me, I think DiGiorno is a front for the Italian mafia.

What’s the evidence, you ask? First, obviously, the name. “DiGiorno” clearly sounds like a nephew of Vito Corleone. Second, the entire concept of DiGiorno pizza is that you can toss it in the oven and fuhgeddaboudit!

Now, here’s the last piece of the puzzle: the name of DiGiorno’s latest product, the Crispy Pan Pizza. I’ve got to figure out whether the “Crispy” title is authentic, or just one of those ironic gang nicknames, like when a tall guy goes by “Shorty,” or that hefty member of the crew who’s known as “Slim.”

In related news, I just realized why my college Chemistry professor always called me Einstein.

DiGiorno’s new Crispy Pan Pizza comes in four varieties: Pepperoni, Four Cheese, Supreme, and Three Meat. I’m telling you, this mob rolls deep. But I don’t have the time (or room in my stomach) to investigate all four members of the Crispy Pan Pizza gang, so I’ll just go with Pepperoni.

The Crispy Pan Pizza features DiGiorno’s usual mozzarella cheese, tomato sauce, and preservative free crust, but what makes this product different is the included single-use baking pan. It’s designed to make the edges of the pizza brown and crisp while leaving the rest of the crust soft and fluffy. After 22-24 minutes in the oven at 400 degrees, it’s time to see if that baking pan is the real deal, or just a cheap marketing scheme created by some wiseguy.

Well, what do you know? The pizza emerged from the oven perfectly golden brown with a crispy, caramelized layer of cheese stretching to the edges of the crust. The good news: this baking pan works as advertised. The bad news: “Crispy” isn’t just an ironic nickname, and my entire conspiracy theory is sunk.

As for the rest of the Crispy Pan Pizza, it’s pretty much standard DiGiorno fare. The sauce is plentiful, sweet, and slightly zesty. The cheese is relatively lacking and doesn’t have that authentic fresh cheese “pull,” but hey, it’s a frozen pizza. DiGiorno’s pepperoni is par for the course when it comes to frozen pizza toppings —- meaty, pretty salty, and somewhat spicy, too. All of these toppings rest nicely atop the thick and pillowy pan crust, which is buttery in flavor without being too oily or greasy.

I bought the DiGiorno Crispy Pan Pizza to expose a modern day Italian mafia, and all I got was a delicious frozen pizza. The toppings are all DiGiorno’s above average quality, and the pan crust is impressive by frozen pizza standards. It’s a little on the pricey side, but I’d say it’s one of the better frozen pizzas you’ll find.

Oh, and that conspiracy I mentioned earlier? Let’s just fuhgeddaboudit.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/5 Pizza – 430 calories, 200 calories from fat, 22 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 620 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 18 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $8.49
Size: 1 lb. 10 oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Baking pan works as advertised. Tasty crust and flavorful sauce. Watching “The Godfather” to do research for a junk food review.
Cons: Not enough cheese covering the pizza. A little pricey. That moment when you realize being called Einstein wasn’t a compliment.

REVIEW: DiGiorno Pepperoni Pizza Buns

Marvo 3 Comments

DiGiorno Pepperoni Pizza Buns

DiGiorno’s Pizza Buns are like mini cinnamon buns. Except instead of cinnamon, sugar, and frosting, there’s meat, cheese, and sauce.

When I first saw these, I thought it was a silly and horrible idea. But that’s based on my experience with a similar product — Target’s Market Pantry Pizza Spirals. They. Were. Horrible. They didn’t heat up well, even in an oven, the dough was chewy, the pizza filling was mushy, and they made me cry.

So let’s find out if DiGiorno’s Pizza Buns will make me do the opposite of crying, which is shaking my buns.

DiGiorno Pepperoni Pizza Buns 2

It’s available in many varieties, but I decided to go with pepperoni. The snack also features mozzarella cheese, a chunky tomato sauce, and preservative free dough. The cheese is on top, while the pepperoni pieces and sauce are between the layers of spiraled dough. Each bun is about two inches wide and, as you can see above, pre-burnt on top.

DiGiorno Pepperoni Pizza Buns 3

Like products that come with microwave and conventional oven instructions, the latter always does a better job. But the microwaved ones are above decent. They don’t have a slight crispy exterior, like the oven prepared ones, but they don’t end up tough or dried out either. The microwaved dough is soft and easy to bite through.

Usually, I’d say, if you’re willing to wait, go for the oven. But for these Pizza Buns, the time spent waiting might not be worth it.

Now I’m happy to report they’re 100 times better than Market Pantry’s Pizza Spirals. They’re good enough that I don’t want to throw them away or write an angry letter to Target corporate soaked with my tears.

DiGiorno Pepperoni Pizza Buns 4

The pepperoni has a slight spicy kick and the sauce, while not chunky, does have a nice sweet tomato flavor. Since the cheese is on top, it’s pre-burnt. So no gooey cheese.

While tasty, a serving of Pizza Buns isn’t a filling snack. A serving is two buns and there are three individually wrapped pairs per box. A pair is a lot lighter than a Hot Pocket and a little bit less than a serving of six Pizza Rolls. Also, the Pizza Buns don’t have as bold of a flavor as the other two frozen pizza snacks.

Well, at least it doesn’t have a molten filling that burns my mouth like the other two.

So I’m kind of torn about DiGiorno’s Pizza Buns. They taste fine, but they’re not exciting enough to make me shake my buns.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 pizza buns – 200 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 mud 410 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.49
Size: 8 oz. (3 pairs)
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: A decent amount of pepperoni per bun. Nice sweet tomato sauce. Better than okay when microwaved. No molten filling to burn my mouth. 100 times better than Market Pantry’s Pizza Spirals.
Cons: Doesn’t have as bold of a flavor as other frozen pizza snacks. Comes pre-burnt. No gooey cheese. Not a filling snack. Doesn’t make me shake my buns.

REVIEW: Doritos Loaded Cool Ranch

Brian 5 Comments

Doritos Loaded Cool Ranch

My seven year old son is clearly a college “dudebro” in training. His perfect day involves lying on the couch in his underwear watching cartoons and playing video games. His favorite bands are Fall Out Boy and Green Day. He’s earned the nickname “Dude Imperfect” for his desire to watch, recreate, and innovate sportz trickshot videos.

His eating habits are the most reflective of his inner fratboy. However, as he’s a decade away from the Freshman Fifteen, no junk food seem to put a pound on his lanky frame. This is most evident in his Doritos Locos Tacos appetite, and he was rush-week excited to try the new Doritos Loaded Cool Ranch.

Doritos Loaded Cool Ranch 2

I prepared four pieces in the toaster oven and eight pieces in the conventional oven.

Doritos Loaded Cool Ranch 3

Doritos Loaded Cool Ranch 4

Slightly smaller in diameter but four times as thick as traditional Doritos, these snacks are sprinkled with something breadcrumb-ish, as well as a muted version of the expected red and green Cool Ranch seasoning.

Doritos Loaded Cool Ranch 6

The pieces looked practically the same fully cooked, except that some interior cheese spurted out of every piece onto to the pan via both cooking methods. The cheese did remove easily and remain on each piece, resembling a cross between a mohawk and a pizzelle.

The whole family weighed in positively. Comparisons to pizza rolls and mac ’n’ cheese bites were both apt. The consensus views:

  • Same from the toaster and conventional oven
  • Not crisp like a chip
  • Tasted like Cool Ranch, but should have been seasoned more liberally
  • The interior cheese has nice salty flavor and softer textural elements, but the product failed entirely to deliver on the graphic shown on the box of stretchy pull-apart cheese. In fact, the autopsy photo below indicates a nearly hollow product with slight remnants of cheese clinging to the outer walls.

Doritos Loaded Cool Ranch 5

Despite the noted shortcomings, we all enjoyed these. As predicted, the future Epsilon Kappa Gamma founder was the most effusive, instantly rating them a 10/10 and subsequently remarking they would have earned an 11/11 had the center cheese been as displayed.

He clearly hasn’t developed certain college attributes yet, including a sense of cynicism that regresses most every experience toward the mean. After all, he’s 7 — and so is the rating for this product.

(Nutrition Facts – about 3 pieces – 270 calories, 140 calories from fat, 15 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 690 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.98
Size: 15 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Compares favorably with other breaded appetizers. Cool Ranch taste. Tasty interior cheese. Potential scholarships in dizzy golf and slip ’n’ slide football.
Cons: Too little interior cheese. Not enough Cool Ranch seasoning.

REVIEW: Hostess Deep Fried Banana Twinkies

Vin 2 Comments

Hostess Deep Fried Banana Twinkies

Before I start, I have one simple request.

Every time you see the words “Deep Fried Banana Twinkies” in this review, read it in a sensual Barry White-esque voice. Pump some smooth bedroom music through your speaker to set the mood. If by the end you don’t want a box of Deep Fried Banana Twinkies, you might not be human. 

What? Oh come on, don’t make it weird. You’re making it weird.

You made it weird. Forget it. Read the words normally. It’s a free country.

Despite having one of just about everything under the sun fried, this was my first *flicks on romantic tune* Deep. Fried. Ba-na-na. Twinkie. Awww, yeahhhh. Okay, I’ll stop.

Hostess Deep Fried Banana Twinkies 2

I cooked said Twinkie in the oven (which is recommended) but you can also use a toaster oven, or deep fry them again. I’m not going to judge.

Out of the box the Twinkies look like potato croquettes. Maybe even a fat chicken tender. That sight messed with my mind a bit. I started to think I was all set to have a savory snack.

After a couple minutes, I made a cooking faux pas and opened the stove to get a whiff. I’d say there was almost a churro-like aroma. Nice.

Hostess Deep Fried Banana Twinkies 3

I took it out at the seven minute mark, which ended up being perfect. The cake was just hot enough to differ from a normal Twinkie, and the cream wasn’t like molten lava.

Deep Fried Banana Twinkies are breaded in a graham cracker coating, and maybe it was my mind playing games with me, but that portion almost tasted savory in the end. There was a serious lack of sweetness before the banana cream hit.

The familiar sponge cake is still underneath, and the overall texture was okay, if not a little doughy. I now understand why I’ve seen fried Twinkies smothered in syrup or powdered sugar at county fairs. It needed another sweet element. 

Hostess Deep Fried Banana Twinkies 4

I wondered if the warmth might ruin the taste of the banana cream, but it was just like a normal Banana Twinkie. Still, there wasn’t enough to overpower the graham and sponge cake’s lack of sweetness. Next time I eat one, I’ll probably drop a dollop of chocolate syrup on top.

Look, it sounds like I’m complaining, but the graham cracker did give the Twinkie a nice outer crisp. It just wasn’t particularly flavorful. It also had an odd aftertaste, but I actually think the fried sponge cake was the culprit there. 

Regular Deep Fried Twinkies have a funnel cake coating, and now I’m kinda bummed I didn’t get those. That just sounds better.

In the end, the outer fried portion wasn’t sweet enough, and probably too doughy, but once the cream hit, Deep Fried Banana Twinkies are still pretty good. They’re definitely worth a try.

I will say that the price is ridiculous, and as an Impatient American (I’m the Union President) I don’t love the idea of waiting for an oven to preheat, 6-8 minutes to cook, and two minute to cool off before eating a snack cake. Yeah, I enjoy a homemade cookie or brownie, but that’s a different mindset. You want a Twinkie? Open a box and eat a Twinkie. Who has time for this waiting nonsense?

If the graham coating was tastier and the price was lower, these could become a snack I regularly keep in the freezer, but for now I probably won’t go back unless they put out some crazy flavor concoctions in the future. Awwww yeahhhh, baby. 

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cake – 230 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 420 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $5.49
Size: 7 cakes/box
Purchased at: Shop Rite
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Banana Cream never fails. Nice outer crisp. Fried Fair Food Fare. Barry White voice. Potato Croquettes.
Cons: Graham cracker not flavorful enough. Expensive. Time consuming. “Dollop” is my least favorite word in the English language. Funnel Cake > Graham Cracker.