Tag: General Mills

Dear Nick,

First off, I hope you don’t mind me using your first name. I figure now that I’m older and no longer writing to you on a yearly basis with my egregious gift requests, we could drop the excessive formalities. Speaking of which, I want you to know I harbor no ill will about my letter dated 5 December 1998. Turns out little girls with Olympic aspirations are much more deserving of a pony than any 10-year old boy trying to recreate a scene from Indiana Jones in his backyard. Besides, horses poop. I wouldn’t have wanted to deal with that.

Anyways, I’m writing to you this year as one cookie fiend to another. You should know that when you shimmy down chimneys this year you may not find the usual assortment of gingerbread men, peanut butter Kisses, and snickerdoodles arranged neatly beside a glass of milk. What you might find is a bowl of cereal in milk.

I know. It certainly sounds like an egregious attempt to circumvent the spirit of Christmas Eve, or at the very least a cabal by concerned parents trying to teach their children a lesson about saturated fat intake. I also had many reservations. But you, Nick, are more familiar with the inexplicable magic of the season than most, so it should come as no surprise to the man who guides his sled by flying reindeer that cereals can transform into cookies.

How else can you explain a transformation that defies reason? Not to mention evidence that bakeshop-inspired cereals suck.

But this cereal doesn’t suck. Actually, it’s pretty freaking good. While looking the same as 2012’s less than memorable Frosted Toast Crunch, Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch is much better. And it’s a worthy substitute for fresh baked cookies in your Christmas Eve travels. And believe me, Nick, I’m a certified expert when it comes to sugar cookies, thanks mostly to the complimentary sugar cookies offered at the Harris Teeter store they opened on our street about a year ago. (Side note: You won’t be putting me on the naughty list for taking more than one on each visit, will you?)

But back to the cereal, or should I say the mini sugar cookies, because that’s what each one of these little squares taste like. They have a lighter texture on the tongue than the other cereals of the Toast Crunch family, but keep that delightful crisp exterior, which in this case glistens with specks of superfine sugar that mirror freshly fallen snow.

There’s a Frosted Flakes taste going on when you eat the squares dry. It’s not cloying and there isn’t any hint of the toasted richness French Toast Crunch used to have, but there’s something about the crispy texture and vanilla flavor of the sugar which inexplicably registers as sugar cookie. It’s as if, by some commutative property of Christmas magic, the essence of whatever makes a sugar cookie a sugar cookie and not, say, a snickerdoodle, has been extracted and sprinkled over each square.

I know you’re not one to eat cookies without milk, and the good news for you (and me) is that Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch tastes amazing in milk. The combination of sugar and milk creates an instant flavor of royal icing, and leaves a rich and sweet end milk which should be bottled and sold. Come to think of that, maybe I’ll add that to my Christmas wish list.

Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch isn’t perfect, Nick. It’s still not as great as Frosted Toast Crunch, and I personally still love Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Chocolate Toast Crunch better. But when it comes to recreating a cookie taste, don’t be so quick to pass over a bowl left out this Christmas Eve. I think you’ll find it’s worth a few presents in some kid’s stocking. Oh yeah, and please send me a pony.

Sincerely,

Adam

(Nutrition Facts – 31 grams – 130 calories, 30 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 2 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 1 grams of protein.)

Item: Limited Edition Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch Cereal
Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 12.2 oz. box
Purchased at: Weis Markets
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Good representation of sugar cookie flavor. Light and crispy texture plain, with a Frosted Flakes-like aftertaste. Not too sweet. Sucks up milk like a fat man in a red suit. Better than Frosted Toast Crunch. Leaves sugar cookie end milk.
Cons: Still not French Toast Crunch. Possibly laced with Christmas magic dust. Lacks buttery crumb. Still not getting a pony.

Hear that? That’s the dead echo of all the New Year’s resolutions I’ve fulfilled.

Indeed, aside from taking a multi-vitamin, my plans for non-stop, full-throttle self-improvement don’t seem to always follow through, and what starts in January as, “I’m going to plant a window garden and read Plato’s The Republic and stop a forest fire with my mind!” translates in May to, “Maybe I’ll take out the trash. But it’s raining. So I’ll do it later. Maybe.” What is it that gets my bedraggled mind so trampled in this mellifluous maelstrom of mediocrity?

After decades of research, I have uncovered that its motion begins right here at the breakfast table. Yes, America, it is at this temple of Early Risers and Eager Minds, where caffeine, cholesterol, and morning cohesion come together to form a somewhat put-together portion of myself, and yet I’ve recently cast the breakfast table aside, trading it in for those five extra minutes of sleep before I hop out the door trying to put on my left shoe, looking as coordinated as an intoxicated platypus. But 2014’s a new year and I’m going fuel my brain with more than Nutri-Grain. Just in the nick of time, General Mills is handing out one more Big G cereal for 2013: Chocolate Toast Crunch.

“Naturally flavored chocolate”? Hmmm… sounds shady. I can see we may be headed into precarious territory. We better put on our Danger Pants.

Danger Pants buckled and spoon in-hand, I burst open the bag and am met with a familiar scent. A scent of cocoa power and sugar and cereal-saturated chocolate milks of yore, whispering secrets of Cocoa Puffs into my nostalgia-seeking nose. While I’m a little freaked out that a cereal can whisper, I reach down shovel in the first spoonful.

Starting off on a solid foundation, I’m pleased to find that the texture of these 1/2-inch bites holds the same half-crispy, half-crunchy experience as its Crunch Toast counterparts. The surface of each 4-sided geometric shape is crosshatched with small ridges, allowing for an excellent play on texture while also making your bowl look like its filled with dollhouse-sized textured wallpaper samples.

Fortunately, these taste nothing of wallpaper. Living up to the old slogan, each shrunken bit of toast holds a thick, brown-tinged, sugary crust of “the taste you can see.” The pleasant grit from this cinnamon-cocoa sugar is like an edible hug: full of a cocoa burst and a slightly warm cinnamon end, it harkens back to memories of a cinnamon sugar doughnut, only thinner, crispier, and generously dunked in cocoa. The cocoa is of a lighter, alkali-processed sort. The bitterness from a darker, Dutch cocoa might have added a nice bitter, coffee-ish contrast to the sugar, but to nitpick over what could’ve been is about as useful as making a workout video for Santa Claus. (He has a “bowl full of jelly.” That’s just how it is. Says so in a poem.)

Not only do these crunchy wheat-and-rice bits prove themselves of high quality in their dry form, but they also hold up admirably when saturated with leche, the sugared cocoa generously dispersing itself as it colors the milk with its chocolatey, cerealy-ness while still leaving enough of the coating clinging to the cereal itself. The resulting milk brew has a cocoa level on par with Cocoa Puffs/Pebbles, yet the cereal’s shape is notably sturdier, allowing you to choose whether you want to slurp or spoon the last of your bowl. Either way, you’ll have cocoa to the final gulp.

And that reminds me: since the cocoa isn’t shy here, it has the power to play well with other flavors. Maybe try it with some almond milk, or, if you’re feeling zesty, reach for the strawberry milk or Espresso Gelato. It’s okay. Go wild. You have your Danger Pants on, remember?

On my list of things to improve in the world: diesel fuel, laptop speakers, standard-issue toilet paper. I never imagined cocoa cereal would or could be on this list, let alone that it may stand up against my all-time-favorite, discontinued-in-America Oreo O’s, and yet General Mills, being the daring lunatics they are, gave it their best heave-ho. While not surpassing the O’s, the risk paid off. It may not be the first time I’ve have cocoa for breakfast, but somehow the crunch of the wee little rectangles combined with the cinnamon-cocoa sugar reminds me of a churro and made this one of the more successful pairing of grains and chocolate I’ve had the fortune to scarf down. Some may call the General crazy for bringing out such a fantastic new Toast Crunch on the cusp of the New Year, but what is “crazy”?

Well, if these toasty squares have anything to do with it, it’s a different way to see ourselves, be ourselves, to go out and live in a new and exciting way, and these cocoa-cinnamon squares? They inspire me to do just that.

So, who’s crazy now?

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (31 g) – 130 calories, 35 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 130 milligrams of sodium, 85 milligrams of potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: General Mills Chocolate Toast Crunch Cereal
Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 12.7 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Crispy-crunchy. Nifty ridges. Crusty cocoa-cinnamon coating. Taste you can see. Churro in cereal form. Makes good chocolatey cereal milk. Encourages breakfast-related resolutions. Reason to eat more gelato. Brave lunatics. Danger Pants.
Cons: Reminds me how I miss Oreo O’s. Laptop speakers. Standard-issue toilet paper. Delusions of whispering cereal.

History repeats itself.

At least that’s what my teachers always told me in high school. They didn’t necessarily mean Dick Cheney will shoot another man in the face at some point during the coming years, but there’s certainly some truth behind the phrase. Every other day, Taylor Swift releases yet another vengeful song about breaking up with her boyfriend. Next year will see the release of a remake of the classic science fiction film RoboCop. This past July, Anthony Weiner was caught in a sexting scandal…for the second time.

It seems General Mills has decided to repeat history by re-releasing two discontinued monster-themed breakfast cereals, Fruit Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy. This Halloween, they’ve relaunched both cereals in updated forms. Target will even be stocking the entire line of monster cereals with retro box art. If there was ever a time to blow your entire paycheck on excessive amounts of cereal, it’s now.

General Mills first launched Fruity Yummy Mummy way back in 1987, when time machines were shaped like DeLoreans and Madonna didn’t have cankles. Advertised using a rainbow-colored mummy, the cereal featured frosted fruit-flavored cereal bits along with vanilla-flavored marshmallows. Sadly, the mummy-themed cereal lived a short life, being discontinued in 1993.

For his grand relaunch this Halloween season, the Yummy Mummy has received a facelift to conform to the style of the other monster-themed cereals. He appears as though he’s aged several years, and much like Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler, his mouth is enormous.

Yummy Mummy was originally fruit-flavored with vanilla-flavored marshmallows, but this time around General Mills opted for an orange-cream flavored frosted cereal with “spooky-fun” marshmallows. I’m sincerely hoping that the “orange-cream” flavor of Fruity Yummy Mummy will remind me of the orange Creamsicles I grew up on

The cereal has an absolutely gorgeous artificial color. A rainbow of marshmallows permeates an even mixture of orange and red ghost-shaped cereal bits. There’s something so unnatural, yet beautiful, about an orange and red cereal. The folks at General Mills are cereal Renaissance painters, transforming the average cereal bowl into a canvas for a palette of Red No. 40 and Yellow No. 5.

It’s easy to imagine this cereal having an overpowering orange scent, but I was pleasantly surprised it had a subtle orange aroma mixed with that stereotypical grainy cereal smell. However, I couldn’t help but be reminded of orange-scented cleaning supplies just a bit. (In general, I try not to eat cleaning supplies, but one time, I gave into temptation. It’s a miracle the ambulance arrived in time.)

Fruity Yummy Mummy’s crunchy cereal pieces begin with a light orange flavor, slowly evolving into a basic grain-based cereal flavor. The taste seems almost candy-like — similar to generic orange-flavored lollipops. The standard cereal marshmallows (or more properly, “marbits”) add a boost of sweetness to every other spoonful. Both in texture and flavor, the cereal could be compared to an orange version of Lucky Charms.

As the name implies, Fruity Yummy Mummy is quite yummy, and I had no problem finishing an entire bowl. Though I found the cereal’s fruity sweet attributes enjoyable, be warned: cereal-eaters who dislike clearly artificial orange flavoring won’t fancy this one. Sadly, I can detect no aspect of “cream” in the taste. General Mills would have been better off making the marshmallows cream flavored. Even the addition of milk failed to drastically modify the flavor.

With its light orange flavor, the relaunch of Fruity Yummy Mummy is an excellent addition to General Mills’ monster cereals line. The only way the cereal could have been improved is through the addition of a more apparent cream flavor. Nevertheless, General Mills receives bonus points for bringing back two of their discontinued cereals.

Be sure to run out and grab a box of Fruity Yummy Mummy this Halloween season. Who knows if General Mills will ever bring it back?

Peace. I’m gonna chug some Orange Glo.*

*Editor’s Note: Do not drink Orange Glo!

Note: If you’re looking for Frute Brute or Yummy Mummy cereal, please use the General Mills product locator.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup (cereal only) – 130 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 50 milligrams of potassium, 28 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 9 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: General Mills Fruity Yummy Mummy Cereal
Purchased Price: $9.35*
Size: 9.6 oz. box
Purchased at: *Amazon
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: The relaunch of a discontinued cereal. Tasty orange flavor. Cereal Renaissance painters.
Cons: Scent partially reminds me of orange-scented cleaning supplies. Cream flavor cannot be detected. Dick Cheney shooting a man in the face.

As a serial cereal eater, it shames me to admit that prior to a few weeks ago I had never heard of Frute Brute. Actually, if you asked me what Frute Brute was, I’d probably have ventured a guess that it was some kind of Vegetarian Megazord from one of the many Power Rangers spinoffs. A whole “Eat Your Fruits and Vegetables or Else!” kind of thing.

It turns out Frute Brute isn’t quite so frightening. The seasonally themed and iconic Monster cereal is making its first appearance on grocery store shelves since the waning years of the Cold War. Available until roughly the end of October, it joins Count Chocula, Franken Berry, Boo Berry, and another cereal brought back from the dead, Yummy Mummy, in the Halloween food fest. It consists of whole-grain corn pieces with cherry coloring and flavoring, as well as two different colored marshmallows.

Since I wasn’t alive in 1982, I don’t have any memories of the original Fruit Brute. Thankfully, buying the box guarantees you a user-friendly crash course in Monster cereal history. The history cartoon on the back of the box may be hokey, but I admit I’ve got a soft spot for having something to read while I indulge in a bowl of modified corn starch and red 40.

Plus, that history will give me the knowledge to stump loved ones with breakfast trivia like the fact that Bela Lugosi once appeared on the front of a Count Chocula box (but wait, who is Bela Legosi?). Of course, not included in these tidbits is that early 1970s factoid of Franken Berry turning kids’ poop pink (a byproduct of the marshmallow food coloring), but that’s understandable. Pink poop is hardly appetizing.

What is appetizing is this cereal. Cherry may seem like an odd choice for a cereal flavor, but if nothing else it’s something completely different from the hodgepodge of fruit flavored cereals that vaguely taste like berry.

In any case, you can put aside any fears of this stuff tasting like cough syrup. There’s no bitter aftertaste, and the cherry flavor genuinely tastes like cherry candy. It’s mild, to be sure, and it only covers roughly half the little ghoulish pieces*, but it’s pleasant and not cloying. As for the plain pieces, they taste like your standard lightly sweetened Kix.

There’s a great marshmallows-to-cereal ratio and those marshmallows have a fruity flavor and really nice snap to them. Because I don’t dick around with this kind of stuff and only use whole milk for cereal eating, it’s kind of hard not to like any cereal in milk. But in this case I enjoyed the cereal more as a dry snack. Maybe it was because the plain corn pieces get kinda soggy in milk or the cherry really doesn’t go with milk, but I thought the end-milk was kind of dull and not as sweet as what I would have liked.

Fortunately, it’s just sweet and crunchy enough as a snack, and the cherry flavor makes it an ideal cereal to mix with anything of the chocolate persuasion. (I highly suggest Double Chocolate Krave.)

A lesser writer might use a trite pun about Frute Brute being either scary good or frightening bad, so I’m going to say it’s a nice change of pace from other marshmallow cereals, it makes a really good snack, and it’s definitely one of the better cereals to mix with chocolate flavored anything. It’s worth buying once a year for posterity alone, but I’ll probably buy a few extra boxes to get me through the ten months it isn’t on shelves.

*who coincidently bare a strong resemblance to the bad guys from Pac-Man.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup – 130 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat,0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 50 milligrams of potassium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Frute Brute reviews:
Dinosaur Dracula

Item: General Mills Frute Brute Cereal
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 9.6 oz box
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Unique cherry flavor that tastes like cherry candy and mixes great with chocolate cereal. Lots of crunchy marshmallows. Not too sweet. Factoids on the box. An excuse to drink whole milk.
Cons: Pink werewolves have little, if anything, to actually do with Halloween. Corn pieces are kind of dull and worthless in milk. Really hoping my poop doesn’t turn pink.