This review WAS going to start off about how I love peanut butter and how I go through a bottle every three weeks.
Then I WAS going to say something about how you may think I like peanut butter because it’s something I enjoy licking off of a woman.
Then I WAS going to say that I don’t like to lick peanut butter off of a woman’s body, because I’ve tried it and the smell of the peanut butter sort of turns me off.
Then I WAS going to say that the only things I’m willing to lick off of a woman’s body are canned whipped cream, pudding, Cool Whip, chocolate syrup, and ice cream.
Finally, I WAS going to say how I’m definitely not willing to lick peanut butter or canned cheese off of any woman’s body, even if it’s Winona Ryder’s.
I WAS going to say all of that, but then I realized that several reviews over the past month have been very sexual in nature. Hmm…Let’s see, there was the cookie porn in the Chips Ahoy Cremewiches review, the phallic nature of the Tootsie Pop Spy Stix review, the viewing of hot corn in the review for Firefox 1.0, and the licking of pudding off of woman’s body in the Jello Oreo Instant Pudding review.
Since I don’t want to seem like a perverted product reviewer, today’s review will be Rated G. It will be a nice and wholesome review. A review that the whole family can read and enjoy…except the beginning part about licking peanut butter off of a woman’s body.
So here it goes.
Today’s review subject is Peanut Butter Toast Crunch Cereal from fine people at General Mills. Yes, it’s the same wonderful folks who brought us the popular and delicious Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cereal.
I’m surprised by how long it took for them to come up with this inspired idea. Peanut butter toast is something I have long enjoyed. As a matter of fact, I’m consuming some scrumptious peanut butter toast right now as I type this fascinating review.
Despite my affections for the quite delectable peanut butter toast, I do not feel the same about peanut butter-flavored cold breakfast cereals, like Cap’n Crunch’s Peanut Butter Crunch. These cereals don’t have an authentic peanut butter flavor, which disappoints me quite dearly. I was hoping that the new Peanut Butter Toast Crunch Cereal could overcome this obstacle, which had plagued its predecessors.
Unfortunately, the Peanut Butter Toast Crunch Cereal could not meet the difficult challenge of appeasing my delicate palate. Its meager attempt at authentic peanut butter flavor fell quite short and has disenchanted me further from peanut butter-flavored cereals.
If there was one thing that I found quite impressive with this cereal it would be the fact that it stayed crunchy in milk for a decent amount of time. But we don’t buy cereal for its ability to stay crunchy, we buy cereal for its flavor and this cereal, my loyal readers, has greatly disappointed me.
Peanut butter is still magnificent for spreading on toast, but not so splendid for breakfast cereals…and licking off of a woman’s body.
Item: Peanut Butter Toast Crunch Cereal
Purchase Price: $3.09 (on sale)
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Stays crunchy in milk for a respectable amount of time.
Cons: Doesn’t really have an authentic peanut butter flavor. PB not good for licking off of a woman’s body.