REVIEW: The Cheesecake Factory at Home Ice Cream

The Cheesecake Factory at Home Ice Cream

As I walk through the deserted streets, I see empty Golden Corrals, abandoned Chinese buffets, and all-you-can-eat specials replaced with takeout options. What’s a person who wants to eat a large amount of “acceptable” quality food to do?

The Cheesecake Factory!

Unfortunately for me, the nearest Factory is over 100 miles away, and traveling two hours to eat takeout in my car isn’t something I’m desperate enough to do. Yet.

Thankfully, The Cheesecake Factory has released a new line of ice creams inspired by its namesake dessert.

Original

The Cheesecake Factory at Home Ice Cream Original

This new line of ice cream is off to a strong start. The Original flavor has real cream cheese flavor and tang. The graham cracker crust pieces remain firm and have an appropriately gritty texture.

Eaten by itself, the crust pieces might be too salty, but when mixed with a bit of ice cream it obtains the perfect balance of sweet and salty. As someone who loves a nice slice of rich, dense, sit-like-a-rock-in-your-stomach cheesecake, ice cream can never replace that, but this will do in a pinch.
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Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (124 g serving size) 360 calories, 23 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 29 grams of sugar (including 25 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein.

Chocolate

The Cheesecake Factory at Home Ice Cream Chocolate

The Chocolate flavor is less strongly reminiscent of cheesecake. I can taste an underlying acidic bite from the cream cheese and sour cream, but it’s difficult to detect and only barely manages to distinguish this dessert from plain chocolate ice cream. The chocolate fudge swirl adds some interest, but I miss those crust pieces.

Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (124 g serving size) 330 calories, 20 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 75 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 29 grams of sugar (including 26 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein.

Strawberry

The Cheesecake Factory at Home Ice Cream Strawberry

There’s not much mystery here. This tastes like strawberry ice cream mixed with Original flavor, and I heartily approve of this simple approach. The richness of the ice cream base mixes well with the slight acid of the fruit.

There are real strawberries mixed in here, so it avoids the off-putting artificial flavor that strawberry ice cream sometimes has. The graham pieces make a triumphant return, and make me wonder if there are snackable graham cracker crust pieces available. Maybe a cookie kind of thing? No, not just graham crackers. Someone should get on that.

Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (124 g serving size) 350 calories, 21 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 32 grams of sugar (including 28 grams of added sugar), and 3 grams of protein.

Salted Caramel

The Cheesecake Factory at Home Ice Cream Salted Caramel

The ice cream itself seems only slightly caramel flavored, but when combined with the salted caramel swirl and especially salty graham cracker crust pieces, it’s very salt forward. There’s not as much cheesecake flavor as I’d like, but as with the Chocolate, the cream cheese and sour cream adds a mild tang that manages to set it apart.
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Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (124 g serving size) 370 calories, 22 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 270 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 32 grams of sugar (including 28 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein.

Birthday Cake

The Cheesecake Factory at Home Ice Cream Birthday Cake

Here’s a question: if cheesecake is better than birthday cake (and it is), why would you make a birthday cake-flavored cheesecake? Though I was dubious of the concept, this ice cream has some good qualities.

The sprinkles melted away immediately without leaving waxy residue, and the cake pieces remained firm, with a nice chew. The blue goo swirls were…gooey. The flavor is vanilla, with hints of butter. It really tastes like birthday cake, but once again I feel that the cheesecake character should be taking center stage here, but is lacking.

Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (124 g serving size) 310 calories, 19 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 75 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 29 grams of sugar (including 26 grams of added sugar), and 3 grams of protein.

Cookies & Cream

The Cheesecake Factory at Home Ice Cream Cookies  Cream

I feel like I’m repeating myself, but there’s not enough cheesecake flavor here. This mostly seems like regular cookies and cream ice cream. The cream element allows some of the cream cheese to peak through, but not enough for me. Cheesecake Factory, listen to me: no one looks to you for a nuanced culinary experience. I want to be knocked out by the richness of your decadent desserts, even in an at-home offering.

Oh, and it looks like there are not only cookies pieces here, as is often the case, but full sandwich cookie pieces mixed in. That’s cool.

Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (124 g serving size) 320 calories, 19 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 28 grams of sugar including 25grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein.

Key Lime

Not Available.

Let me ask you, what kind of psychopathic grocery store manager decides to stock six of seven flavors of a new product line? Sure, one might decide to only stock two or three flavors to test the local market, or maybe decide to go all in and order a full complement. But six out of seven? That’s a recipe for a full Moby Dick, Captain Ahab-style obsession with tracking down that last flavor.

I don’t know who’s who in this analogy. Am I the captain here and the store manager Moby Dick? Or is the white whale the Key Lime ice cream? Or am I the whale now, after eating so much ice cream? The point is, I have a new mission is life, and it’s to find new ice cream to eat. So, I guess nothing much has changed…

Overview

I wouldn’t turn any of these flavors away after putting away a giant plate of Cheesecake Factory’s Louisiana Chicken Pasta, several pieces of buttered brown bread, and an Ultimate Margarita or two. In for a penny, in for a pound (or several), after all. Yet, with the exception of the Original flavor and a few others, they don’t set themselves apart from their non-cheesecake flavored alternatives.

Purchased Price: $4.29 each
Size: 14 fl. oz.
Purchased at: Woodman’s Markets

REVIEW: Haagen-Dazs Soft-Dipped Ice Cream Bars

Haagen Dazs Chocolate Soft Dipped Ice Cream Bars

Sometimes gravity sucks.

I’m pretty sure even Issac Newton realized that after the umpteenth apple hit his head.

While he had apples to prove how not awesome gravity can be, we have chocolate-dipped ice cream bars. Taking bites into them causes sweet tectonic plates to crumble, shift, separate, and, thanks to our “friend” gravity, eventually fall to the ground or clothing where the five-second rule is no longer applicable because the melty chocolate adheres itself to whatever it lands on. That causes some of us to let out an expletive or two internally or externally.

But Häagen-Dazs has solved this problem with its new Soft-Dipped Ice Cream Bars.

Haagen Dazs Soft Dipped Ice Cream Bars

They’re available with either vanilla, chocolate, or caramel ice cream, and all feature a soft-dipped chocolate truffle coating.

The ice cream has the typical Häagen-Dazs quality — creamy, sweet, and enjoyable. While the chocolate and vanilla varieties just feature their respective ice cream flavors, the third one also has a caramel swirl. But with the two bars I’ve eaten, there hasn’t been much of any gooey caramel goodness. None of the varieties stand out to me, probably because they’re basic flavors. I like them all equally.

Haagen Dazs Soft Dipped Ice Cream Bars Innard

As for the coating’s flavor, it has a pleasant cocoa taste that, with its slight bitterness, leans more towards dark chocolate. It allows some of the ice cream’s flavor to come through, but it pretty much dominates every bite.

But does the coating allow me to keep my Tide-To-Go Pen unsheathed whenever I eat these bars?

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: Out of the four bars I’ve eaten so far, I’ve only had a small loose piece fall to the ground with one of them. But that was with my most recent bar, and I think it was my fault because it happened while I was dancing to celebrate about how cool it is that the soft-dipped coating didn’t shatter with each bite. But, to be honest, it feels like it’s going to come apart, but it doesn’t.

Although Häagen-Dazs’ Soft-Dipped Ice Cream Bars have simple flavors, I appreciate the brand’s efforts here with the coating that keeps me clean. It won’t earn the brand a Nobel Peace Prize in physics, but it has won my award for Ice Cream Bar That Will Make Me Swear Less and Does Not Force Me To Pre-Treat My Clothes.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free sample of the product (Thanks Häagen-Dazs). Doing so did not influence my review in any way.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 3-pack
Purchased at: Received from Häagen-Dazs
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 bar) Vanilla – 250 calories, 18 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 14 grams of added sugar, and 3 grams of protein. Chocolate – 260 calories, 18 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, 15 grams of added sugar, and 4 grams of protein. Caramel – 270 calories, 18 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 20 grams of sugar, 18 grams of added sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sour Patch Kids Frozen Dessert Bars

What are Sour Patch Kids Frozen Dessert Bars?

A vague raspberry flavored ice surrounding a vague vanilla ice cream-like substance, dotted with flavorless bits of Sour Patch Kids.

How are they?

These didn’t succeed, despite seeming like a great idea on paper.

The “redberry” ice pop portion was refreshing and tasted fine. Like Sour Patch Kids candy, it started sour then transitioned to sweet.

I still don’t actually know what “Redberry” is. It tasted like a combination of all the red berries (rasp, straw, even cran), but raspberry was most prominent, so I’m rolling with that.

The “dairy” portion that they or I wouldn’t dare call “ice cream,” was quite bad.

First off, the vanilla gets masked by the sourness of the Redberry ice, which is much colder than the “dairy,” so it’s pretty off-putting once you get to the bottom chunk of exposed vanilla. That’s the only time you can actually distinguish the flavors.

The worst part may have been the texture. It’s a slimy, synthetic, custard-like block that only gets worse with the addition of rubbery Sour Patch Kids “bitz.”

Is there anything else you need to know?

The Redberry ice overwhelms all the other flavors. There’s no strong vanilla ice cream taste at all, and the bits of the various Sour Patch Kid flavors are completely wasted. That was a bummer. I wanted to taste those since you only get one flavor of ice.

If you’ve ever had a custard and ice mix from a place like Rita’s or Ralph’s, this tastes like a dollar store version of those in bar form.

Conclusion:

I think these would succeed better as two separate ideas altogether. I’m sure they exist, but they should just sell SPK flavored ice pops and custard bars with candy bits as two different products.

Don’t even bother with these. There are 100 things better in the same aisle. If you need a Sour Patch Kids fix, just stick with the candy and mix them into a better frozen dessert.

Stay safe, everyone.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 16.5 fl. Oz. (6 bars)
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 Bar) 90 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 20 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Nestle Drumstick Crushed It Cones and Bars

Nestle Drumstick Crushed It Cookies  N Cream Bars

Nestle crushed it with its new Crushed It novelties that feature, according to the company, a “melt-in-your-mouth crushed cookie coating.”

With that said, I believe I’ve crushed this review.

(Dusts off hands)

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go crush other parts of my life.

Oh, I didn’t crush this review because I took the most obvious connection between the product’s name and slang that’s the same as the product’s name, and called that a review. Well then, let me put together a proper write-up.

Nestle Drumstick Crushed It Vanilla Fudge and Cookies  N Cream Cones

The Crushed It line has two types of novelties — a Drumstick cone and a bar – both of which have frozen dairy dessert. They both come in two flavors — Vanilla Fudge and Cookies’ N’ Cream. For this review, Nestle sent a variety box of cones that contain both flavors and a box of the Cookies ‘N’ Cream bars.

Nestle Drumstick Crushed It Cookies  N Cream Bars Coating Nutrition Facts

Yes, it’s weird there’s a Drumstick bar. It’s also odd the bar’s nutrition facts show what you’d consume if you ate all five bars in the box in one sitting. Maybe it’s for the competitive eaters?

Nestle Drumstick Crushed It Vanilla Fudge and Cookies  N Cream Cones 2

To be honest, if you want to try something from the Crushed It line, avoid the Drumstick cones. They’re okay, but the bars offer a better experience because with the cones the cookie coating is only at the top. The cone’s interior is lined with the same chocolatey stuff in other Drumstick varieties.

Nestle Drumstick Crushed It Cookies  N Cream Bars Coating

Nestle Drumstick Crushed It Cookies  N Cream Bars Innards

The “melt-in-your-mouth crushed cookie coating” should be had in every bite because it has the right amount of cocoa flavor, isn’t too sweet, and is kinda neat because it’s more than a crushed cookie coating. Think of it as a combination of crushed cookies and a chocolatey coating that melts quickly. It has a slight crunch and looks cool enough up close that I made it my phone’s wallpaper.

Nestle Drumstick Crushed It Cookies  N Cream Bars Coating Screen

Some of you might have issues with the fact that, like a lot of Nestle novelties, these have frozen dairy dessert. I have no problems with it and found the not-quite-ice-cream to be a sweet and creamy complement to the coating, but I think the bars are worth a try for the Crushed It coating.

DISCLOSURE: I received free samples of the product (Thanks Nestle!). Doing so did not influence my review in any way.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 8-pack (cones), 5-pack (bars)
Purchased at: Received from Nestle
Rating: 6 out of 10 (cones), 8 out of 10 (bars)
Nutrition Facts: (1 cone or bar) Vanilla Fudge – 280 calories, 13 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 27 grams of sugar, 22 grams added sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Cookies ‘N’ Cream – 270 calories, 12 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 130 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, 20 grams added sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Cookies ‘N’ Cream Bar – 170 calories, 9 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 11 grams added sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Ice Cream

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Ice Cream

At the beginning of the year, Nestlé’s Coffee-mate released a Cinnamon Toast Crunch coffee creamer, and I was heartbroken by its underwhelming execution.

When I saw Nestlé’s Dreyer’s was introducing a Cinnamon Toast Crunch ice cream, I knew I had to set my expectations appropriately before trying it. I kept reminding myself that there was a distinct possibility it was going to be another dud.

When I finally found it in the store, my realistic expectations were overcome by giddy excitement. There’s something about that colorful font in the Cinnamon Toast Crunch logo that makes my heart tingle with nostalgia. I was powerless.

Thankfully, Nestlé did not fail me this time.

The carton states that the ice cream is “cinnamon light ice cream with a cinnamon graham swirl and cereal pieces.” The “light ice cream” portion of the description reminded me to tone down my expectations, but everything else had me salivating.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Ice Cream 2

Peeling the lid off the carton, I could immediately smell cinnamon. There were generous flecks of the spice throughout the ice cream and hints of the “cinnamon graham swirl” eagerly greeting me. One corner of a lone cereal piece peeked out of the top.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Ice Cream 4

Each splendid bite was absolutely full of cinnamon. It was superbly sweet, but not so much that the warm spice was subdued. It instantly reminded me of the cereal I’ve been eating for as long as I can remember. Every single spoonful screamed, “Cinnamon Toast Crunch.” The swirl infused an extra shot of the sublime spice and some pleasant grit. It was the surprising star of the show. If presented with a bucket of the swirl, I would eat it by itself until I became sick.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Ice Cream 3

The cereal pieces, although sparse, added a nice crunch to the occasional spoonful. A few more would have been wonderful, but the swirl made up for their small numbers.

The ice cream itself is what one would expect from a light offering by Dreyer’s. It’s a tad thin and airy, but the abundance of flavor makes me not even care. Had this been made with a more premium, full-fat ice cream, it would have been close to a perfect 10 for me.

This ice cream perfectly captures the essence of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Nestlé, I forgive you.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: 1.5 Quarts
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 170 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar and 3 grams of protein.