Ice cream is one of the best comfort foods.

Since it’s cool, creamy, and delicious, it’s supposed to help people forget all of their troubles. It’s much like alcohol and Calgon, except without the hangovers and prune fingers.

Ice cream has helped me on several occasions.

One time I was flipping channels and came upon this movie. I stopped flipping channels and ended up watching this movie because there was this pretty woman acting in it. Well to make a long story short, it turned out that the pretty woman was actually a dude, which caused me to eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream in about fifteen minutes.

Damn you, The Crying Game! Damn you!

Another time ice cream helped me was when I was with a couple of friends and we were hiking along the coastline and we came upon a private nude beach. I saw a lot of T and A, but unfortunately, it was only 60-year-old T and A. But what made it worse was that there were also many 60-year-old floppy schlongs.

This was bad because I had images of dancing 60-year-old boobs and schlongs in my head for the rest of the hike. When we got back from the hike, it took four ice cream sandwiches to help me forget about those images.

Now the problem with using ice cream to help me forget about my troubles is the fact that I have a lot of troubles, like running into ex-girlfriends, hearing Clay Aiken sing, possibly being molested by a drunk Tara Reid, hearing the Usher song “Yeah!” for the umpteenth time, and older white folks saying “bling bling.”

Because I have a lot of troubles, I eat a lot of ice cream, which means I’m possibly committing one of the Seven Deadly Sins: Gluttony.

Otherwise known as, “normal life” by hair metal bands from the 1980s and 1990s.

Sure, I could just eat low-fat or Healthy Choice ice cream, but then the troubling experience of dancing schlongs in my head will be replace the troubling experience of eating really crappy tasting ice cream.

If only someone would come out with an ice cream with all the flavor, but without the need to make frantic calls to Jenny Craig, like I’m Kirstie Alley.

Thanks to Impulsive Buy readers Kent and Jobetta, I think I may have found that ice cream, Dreyer’s Slow Churned Light. It has half the fat and one-third fewer calories than regular ice cream.

The Dreyer’s Slow Churned Light Caramel Delight I bought was surprisingly really good. The caramel flavor seemed to have permeated through the ice cream because it was in every spoonful, even when there weren’t any caramel swirls.

(Holy crap! Did I just use the word “permeated?” That’s such a big word for me. I’m so happy! My vocabulary is still growing!)

Overall, it’s the best light ice cream I’ve ever tasted. It’s creamy, rich, delicious, healthier than regular ice cream, and will help me cope when someone sees my ass crack when I go commando in my low cut jeans.

Item: Dreyer’s Slow Churned Light Caramel Delight
Purchase Price: $4.99
Rating: 4.5 out of 5
Pros: Delicious. Half the fat of regular ice cream. One-third fewer calories than regular ice cream. Caramel flavor was in every spoonful. Me using the word “permeated” for the first time.
Cons: 60-year-old schlongs flopping up and down on a nude beach. 60-year-old boobies flopping up and down on a nude beach. My inability to distinguish between dudes and chicks.

Did you know, in 1984, President Ronald Reagan designated July as National Ice Cream Month?

To be honest, I didn’t know, until Impulsive Buy reader Lauren emailed me to tell me.

However, I do know July is National Baked Beans Month, National Blueberry Month, National Picnic Month, National Hot Dog Month, National Recreation and Parks Month, National Culinary Arts Month, National Cell Phone Courtesy Month, and National Hug Yo’ Ho Month.

So in honor of National Ice Cream Month, I’ve decided to review Dreyer’s Vanilla With Nestle Crunch Coating Dibs, which Impulsive Buy reader Richard recommended.

(Editor’s Note: Um, I don’t know why this is, but in some places they’re called Dreyer’s Dibs, while in other places they’re called Edy’s Dibs. I guess it’s just like in some places I’m called Marvo, but in other places I’m called That Bastard.)

What are Dibs? The best way I can describe them is that they’re like little ghetto ice cream bonbons, with a hard chocolaty coating on the outside and creamy ice cream inside.

The flavor of Dibs I purchased had a Nestle Crunch candy bar coating and vanilla ice cream. After trying them, I have to say that they’re just like most pop-punk bands I listen to, they were good, but there’s nothing that really makes them stand out.

Each container of Dibs has sixty pieces of cool, creamy, crunchy goodness.

Now sixty pieces may seem like a lot, but it’s not. Especially if you’re eating them during an episode of VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club 2. They’ll be gone in no time, not because they’re good, but because you’ll have too much fun taunting Gary Busey.

“Hey, Busey! You want some of these Dreyer’s Dibs? Here you go. Oops, they accidently fell into my mouth. Here’s more, Mr. Busey. Oops, they accidently fell into my mouth again. I’m so clumsy.”

However, I should warn you. If you do eat an entire container of Dreyer’s Dibs in one sitting, I would suggest you eat nothing but grass for the next few days, because one serving contains 99 PERCENT of our daily value of saturated fat (each container of Dibs contains 2.5 servings).

Of course, this means eating servings of Dibs on a regular basis, will either give you a heart attack or make you as big as the cows that the milk for the ice cream came from.

So eating a container of Dreyer’s Dibs may have been dangerous, but I ate one for the Gipper.

Item: Dreyer’s Vanilla With Nestle Crunch Coating Dibs
Purchase Price: $3.99
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Good. Cool, creamy, crunchy concoction. Bite-sized. Taunting Gary Busey.
Cons: Nothing really special. Very high in saturated fat. Pricey compared with a half gallon of ice cream. Only 60 pieces.