Tag: Japan

REVIEW: Lotte Black Black Gum (Japan)

Marvo 35 Comments

Lotte Black Black Gum

Lotte Black Black Gum has been around for a long time.

How do I know this?

I know this because this Black Black Gum commercial starring Jean Claude Van Damme proves two things:

1. This commercial is old, because it’s been awhile since Jean Claude Van Damme had fame.

2. Even in Japanese commercials, Jean Claude Van Damme sucks as an actor.

What makes Black Black Gum unique is its charcoal color and the fact that it’s caffeinated, although I don’t know how much caffeine is in each stick.

But I think it’s safe to say that there’s not enough caffeine in it for me to go onto The Oprah Winfrey Show, jump on a couch, attack Oprah, and pretend I’m straight by saying I love Katie Holmes.

I guess it’s sort of like Nicorette gum, except it’s for those who like caffeine and think it’s silly to always wear a beer hat filled with either Red Bull or Starbucks.

Along with the caffeine, this gum contains a nice list of some of my favorite Chinese herbs and flowers, like Bai Ling, Gong Li, and Zhang Ziyi.

Oh wait, I’m sorry. That’s the list of my favorite sexy Chinese actresses.

Oolong tea, gingko, and chrysanthemum flower extracts are the favorite Chinese herbs and flowers found in Black Black Gum. These ingredients give the gum a nice minty flavor with a little bit of extra spice, which I think may make some people not enjoy it.

The mint flavor is initially very intense, like a powerful mint, but it quickly loses that intensity. It eventually loses all flavor in about 7 minutes, but I think people don’t chew on this gum for the flavor, they chew it for the sweet, sweet fix of stimulating caffeine.

Mmm…Caffeine. It’s the drug choice of geeks and quasi-product review blog editors everywhere.

Item: Lotte Black Black Gum
Purchase Price: $2.00 (9 sticks per pack)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice minty taste. Caffeine. Helped me finish today’s review. Sweet caffeine. My list of sexy Chinese actresses. Sweet, sweet caffeine.
Cons: Quickly loses minty intensity. Extra spice may make some people not like it. Jean Claude Van Damme’s acting abilities.

Melon Creamy Soda

Marvo 13 Comments

Melon Creamy Soda

I was going to do this review in Japanese with an English translation, but I realized I earned four C’s and a D in the five semesters of Japanese I took in college and all I remember is how to count to ten.

Ichi, ni, san, shi, go, roku…DAMMIT!!! SON OF A BI…I can’t even count to ten!

The reason why I wanted to do the review in Japanese was because today’s review has an international flair to it.

Impulsive Buy reader, Alex, complained the other day about the fact she couldn’t buy Jell-O Oreo Instant Pudding in Japan.

I thought about sending her a box, but decided that doing a review on a product she can get in Japan would be about 50 cents cheaper for the Impulsive Buy. (Yes, I know I’m a cheap-ass bastard, but maybe I’ll make it a prize in the next prize drawing.)

Anyway, being halfway between Japan and the continental United States, we get a lot of Japanese food items, Japanese tourists, and Japanese porn.

The convenience store down the street has a few products that Alex can probably find in Japan. One was Asahi, which in Japanese means, the Budweiser of Japan. I also came across Melon Creamy Soda, which in Japanese means, (prepare for the worst language translation joke ever) Melon Creamy Soda.

I was kind of skeptical of trying Melon Creamy Soda because I had tried a melon soda from Fanta, which scared me. Of course Fanta has made other things that have scared me, like their television commercials.

Wanta Fanta. Don’cha wanta. Wanta Fanta. Don’cha wanta.

UGH!!!

SOMEONE SHOOT ME NOW! I’VE GOT THAT DAMN SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD!

Melon Creamy Soda is not bad, but I couldn’t really taste the melon part. It actually tastes more like a regular cream soda.

If it was cheaper I would buy more of it, but at $1.99 for a 16.5-ounce bottle, I’ll only buy it if it can cure the common cold and help me get rid of this DAMN Fanta song stuck in my head.

Wanta Fanta. Don’cha wanta. Wanta Fanta. Don’cha wanta.

Don’t forget to enter this month’s prize drawing. See yesterday’s review for details.

Item: Melon Creamy Soda
Purchase Price: $1.99
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Cream soda flavor. Good.
Cons: What melon flavor? Expensive, but I guess if it’s imported from Japan, it should be. Damn Fanta song!