REVIEW: Frosted Apple Turnover Pop-Tarts (Walmart Exclusive)

I never thought I’d say this, but I may have Pop-Tarts nightmares now – specifically from the new Pop-Tarts Frosted Apple Turnover flavor.

There have been various iterations of apple-flavored Pop-Tarts, including the Frosted Crisp Apple Pop-Tarts back in 2019 – which were also a Walmart exclusive.

But, this new exclusive iteration is different because:

  1. It’s an apple turnover – so now there’s a specific pastry called out
  2. Most notably, they’re printed with the Pop-Tarts football mascot.

I got a serious jump scare the moment I opened the foil package. I saw the mascot’s eyes and immediately recoiled with an audible “Eughhhhh!”

The print job of the mascot was… not great. It was off-center and just not as high-fidelity as the graphics on the outside of the box. I shuddered thinking that there were five more designs to discover—seven total. No, thank you.

On the bright side, once I toasted it, the dreaded mascot didn’t become the dripping horror show I was imagining. It stayed intact, though it did form a little bubble right between its eyes. Spooky. It felt like Halloween all over again—-Pop-Tarts edition.

While my eyeballs did not enjoy the visual unhingedness, my tastebuds enjoyed the flavor of these. It was very classic tasting – balanced, not too tart and not overly sweet. There was a distinct and good contrast between the icing and the slightly gooey interior of the apple filling. Would I have liked more apple goo? Apple-solutely. But at $3 a box, I get it—they had to cut costs somewhere, and it was in the goo department.

Honestly, Pop-Tarts could’ve called these Frosted Apple [Insert Any Pastry Name Here]—strudel, hand pie, whatever—and I still would’ve been just as happy.

All in all, if you spot them at your local Walmart, they’re worth a try. But be prepared to be startled… and maybe have a few nightmares.

Purchased Price: $2.62
Size: 13.5 oz/8 count
Purchased at: Walmart (Exclusive)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 pastries – 96g) – 370 calories, 9 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 3.5g of polyunsaturated fat, 2g of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 330 milligrams of sodium, 70 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 28 grams of sugar (includes 27 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Glazed Donut Holes Cereal

Time to fake the donuts.

Donuts are probably my favorite food, and the kid in me still gets excited every time I see a new cereal on the shelf, but as far as cereals based on donut flavors… Has there ever truly been a good one?

Donut cereals are usually just generic “O” shaped pieces with gimmicky branding. It just seems like an easy way to pass off a new idea for a quick buck. Look, I still get that fun jolt of arrested development when I see donuts on a cereal box, but the flavor always ends up being lazy. Doncha think it’s time the Breakfast Gods bless us with a truly innovative donut-based cereal?

Me too. Ya gotta keep waiting, though, because new Kellogg’s Glazed Donut Hole Cereals ain’t it.

On paper, the idea of turning three of Kellogg’s most prominent offerings into little “glazed” donut bites might seem fun, but dare I say these may be the laziest donut cereal attempts to date?

Of the three flavors – Frosted Flakes, Krave, and Apple Jacks – I’ll be reviewing the first two.

Frosted Flakes

They’re sweet. They’re flakey. They’re iconic. Well, now they’re bland little balls. They’re ironic? Probably not, I don’t actually know what irony is, but these are a snoozefest.

I can only describe the flavor as “sweet-ish.” Not Swedish, “sweet-ish.” You get a basic sweet corn cereal taste with a texture I’d compare to a less dense Peanut Butter Crunch. The flavor is so light they almost taste like Kix. They’re lacking such a punch that you could’ve told me they were a brand of “healthy” alternative cereal purchased from Whole Foods. They don’t deliver on the promise at all. They’rrrrrrre GGG-onna need to go back to the drawing board on this one.

Krave

I have an admission, I’ve never had Krave. I’ve loved some “filled pillow” cereals in the past, but they have escaped me since their inception for some reason. While I can’t speak on Krave in their true form, they make for a decent “glazed” donut hole. They’re ok. I wasn’t mad. I wasn’t happy either, but…

These are essentially “Cocoa Puffs Lite.” It’s as if Sonny the Cuckoo Bird finally got on meds and just chilled out for a little bit. While that sounds boring, they’re easily the better of the two. I’m on record as saying most chocolate cereals taste the same, so I don’t mind this lighter chocolate flavor. The dusty white “glaze” gives them a little bit of a hot cocoa flavor vibe.

The back of each box boasts “Glazed in Genius,” but these are dumb and unglazed. It’s just a faint white coating. Both cereals look similar, with Krave having a slightly darker hue.

Kellogg’s Glazed Donut Holes are, at best, “inoffensive.” They took multiple cereals out of their unique forms for no reason. It’s like the factory setting was stuck on “ball” one day, and they just rolled with it – pun possibly intended.

Donut cereals do-nut work. Pun not intended. Donut hole cereals are especially baffling. There have been approximately 4,389 ball-shaped cereals that we could’ve passed off as “donut holes.” I’m no conspiracy theorist, but I feel like this is some kind of “shrinkflation” ploy where balls are cheaper to produce or something. If donut hole cereals worked, we’d have “Dunkin’ Crunchkins” by now.

If curiosity gets the best of you and you buy these, just mix ’em together. It makes for a slightly better bowl of cereal. Who knows, maybe the Apple Jack version slaps, but Frosted Flakes and Krave are duds.

Purchased Price: $4.99 each
Size: 10 oz. Boxes
Purchased at: Shop Rite
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Frosted Flakes), 5 out of 10 (Krave)
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup) Frosted Flakes – 140 calories, 1.5 gram of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of total carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Krave – 130 calories, 1.5 gram of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of total carbohydrates, 5 grams of dietary fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Original Squishmallows Cereal

I once read somewhere that cereal box character mascots are designed to look slightly downward in order to make eye contact with children. The idea of being drawn in by the piercing gaze of Lucky the Leprechaun is super creepy, but if the mascot in question is a cheerful Calico cat named Cam, then I will follow that creature into hell.

I am likely not the target audience for Kellogg’s Original Squishmallows Cereal. Never in my life have I owned or purchased a Squishmallow—the soft, squishy collectible plush toys with so many characters that they will one day outnumber us all. Yet, I fell for the pastel box, graced by Cam and her winsome colleagues (Tatiana, Archie, and Sunny), undone by my own primal urges to buy cute stuff and sweet treats.

Rarely do brand-licensed cereals live up to the allure of their packaging, but Kellogg’s Original Squishmallows Cereal comes close. A marshmallow-flavored cereal with Cam-shaped marbits, this limited edition product is much better than the bland Lucky Charms knock-off I expected.

The sweet vanilla cereal smells and tastes like the contents of a Jet-Puffed bag. The corn-based loops are light, crispy, and very sweet without tasting too sugary. The cereal doesn’t have (or need) powdered sugar or candy-like coating to deliver a satisfying taste. I sometimes find that marshmallow-flavored products taste generically sweet rather than marshmallow-y, but Squishmallows Cereal succeeds in recreating marshmallow’s distinct flavor. The strong flavor reminds me of Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Treats Cereal, which has been gone for years but lives on in my heart.

Milk dilutes the marshmallow quality a bit, but the vanilla essence that remains is still really enjoyable. The loops soften very quickly, but I ate them too fast to be bothered.

The crisp marbits are fun and necessary for a marshmallow-inspired cereal, but I wish they were more. Most of the colorful pieces had sunk to the bottom of the bag, but even when redistributed, the portions were stingy. According to the back of the box, there are 25 varieties of Cam represented in the Squishmallow brand, so shouldn’t the marshmallows created in his image be equally plentiful?

The style of Kellogg’s Original Squishmallows Cereal may catch your eye, but the substantial marshmallow flavor makes it a worthy buy for a sweet breakfast or snack. The Squishmallows gang gives Lucky the Leprechaun a run for his charms. While I may not have the means to accommodate 25 varieties of Cam the Calico cat, there is room in my pantry for another box of this cereal before its limited edition run is over.

Purchased Price: $4.28
Purchased at: Walmart
Size: 11.6 oz (328 g) box
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (per 1 1/3 cup)140 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Frosted Marshmallow Hot Cocoa Pop-Tarts

Have you ever sipped on a cup of hot cocoa on a cold, snowy evening and thought, “This is nice, but I wish I could have it in the form of a toaster pastry”?

Well, if you have, Pop-Tarts has got you covered!

This limited-edition flavor, Frosted Marshmallow Hot Cocoa Pop-Tarts, has a cocoa pastry and a marshmallow filling. There are also wintry designs printed on the frosting, which is fun.

There are some Pop-Tarts I prefer at room temperature, some I prefer toasted, and some where I don’t care either way. I tried this flavor both untoasted (“Make a toast,” ironically) and toasted (“Cocoa is deer to me”). This variety is much better toasted: The marshmallow filling becomes nice and gooey, like a marshmallow over a fire or marshmallows in a cup of hot cocoa. But marshmallows aren’t known for their exciting flavor.

As for the cocoa part of the pastry, it’s barely there. I get a whiff of fake chocolate when I open the package, like you get in a Tootsie Roll or a Dum-Dum pop, but I don’t really taste it in the Pop-Tart itself. According to the ingredients list, there is less than two percent of cocoa and natural and artificial flavors.

My all-time favorite Pop-Tart flavor is Sugar Cookie, and I have had a hard time finding it in recent years. I hope this new, mediocre winter flavor doesn’t supplant that superior winter flavor.

These are sugary carbs with a gooey filling, so they’re enjoyable to eat. But they’re really just boring. If you want to eat them this winter, I recommend waiting until January. There are so many better ways to spend your calories in December.

Purchased Price: $3.29
Size: 8-count box
Purchased at: Smith’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 pastries) 360 calories, 8 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 3 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 2 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 340 milligrams of sodium, 69 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 32 grams of sugar including 32 grams of added sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Froot Loops Rainbow Sherbet Scoops Cereal

Who among us hasn’t been eating our fruity children’s breakfast cereal and thought, “This cereal is fine, but what it really needs is to taste more like sherbet and also maybe a little like a menthol cigarette”? Plenty of us, apparently, because Kellogg’s is breaking out the Mentholation Machine first employed in last year’s ICEE Cereal.

And so although this isn’t the first cereal to use the “Cools Your Mouth!” gimmick, and it isn’t the first to use a “sherbet” twist (Post unleashed Ice Cream Pebbles on an unsuspecting public in 2015), what it’s got going for it is that it could be the worst type of cereal in both categories. Kellogg’s knows it’s important to have goals!

First, it’s vital to remember that these are Froot Loops, only in spherical form. Except that these taste nothing like regular Froot Loops. They’re closer to Trix, I think, except less fruity. In short, they are vaguely artificially fruit-like in nature. The pieces are indiscernible in terms of fruit type, which feels like a shortcoming when compared to regular Froot Loops rings; all of the balls taste the same.

Nothing about these say “sherbet,” either. It’s just multigrain cereal, through and through.

Which leaves us, I suppose, with the real attraction -— the mouth-cooling special effect. Does it work? How cool does your mouth get? What’s the point of all this?

So, when I first opened the bag and popped a few pieces dry into my mouth, I was horrified. It tasted as though someone had applied a fine misting of Icy Hot to my cereal. It didn’t burn my mouth, but it was gross and confusing. I let my 10-year-old daughter try it, and she said, “Um,

what IS that?

Weird. I don’t really like it. Can I have 20 more minutes of iPad time, please?”

I didn’t get a chance to revisit the cereal for a couple of days (clearly, I wasn’t clamoring for more), but when I did, I tried it in a bowl with milk. It grew soggy quicker than most other multigrain-based cereals and also seemed to lose any of the previously noticeable “Froot” flavor. Gone too was the “menthol” taste, but what was interesting was that I did notice a distinct “mouth cooling” feel after the first spoonful. It was unpleasant, like brushing my teeth and then immediately consuming food. I didn’t finish my bowl, and I have no desire to eat more. (Which, thanks, Target, for only having this available in the SUPER MEGA FAMILY SIZE!)

I don’t know why this cereal was made. It was a mistake, like Frankenstein’s monster or a barbwire bicep tattoo, and while I’d like to think Kellogg’s will learn its lesson and stop getting weird with food science, I’ve been in this business long enough to know this simply isn’t true.

Purchased Price: $4.76 (on sale)
Size: 12.4 oz box
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 3 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 1/3rd cup) 140 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 45 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar (including 11 grams of added sugar), and 2 grams of protein.