Tag: Kellogg’s

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Gluten Free

Jeff 10 Comments

Kellogg's Rice Krispies Gluten Free

I believe Gwyneth Paltrow was the first big celebrity to bring it to the attention of the mass public. Gluten free is supposedly the new rage diet of those settled in the film industry. But I ask you, what do they know? These people are the same dum-dums that gave us The Human Centipede and still allow Owen Wilson and Diane Keaton to collect a paycheck. Ask anyone with celiac and I bet you they would prefer to go back to a normal diet instead of that no wheat crap. So if you’re gluten free by choice, I have to say you are a tool with a glutton for punishment. Is it hip to say you choose to have herpes? Neither is it cool to say “I’m choosing to be gluten free” moron.

Eating and being afflicted with celiac is akin to that one bad relationship we all get ourselves into. You know where the sex is good but you have to put up with the needling snipes, the roll of the eyes, and the hours of arguing only to be followed by steeping oneself in cheap gin and tonics. As an aside, I will tell you that I was lucky because my comic book collection shielded me from many intimacies. You could say I was a connoisseur of scrambled porn. In fact, I watched so much of it in college that Picasso’s figures appear normal to me. (I lurve you channel 68!)

Celiac is the awful curse of being allergic to anything with wheat and my wife has it (Yes, I still have my comic books but she needed a green card). Seeing her bowled over in pain when she accidentally eats something with wheat is awful. Yet even with the stomach pangs and crippling discomfort that she suffers, my wife still misses eating a real slice of pizza or twisting her fork in a bowl of noodles. As a lark, I sometimes secretly toss flour in my wife’s food when she and I have a disagreement. Score one for the passive aggressive psychopathic behavior.

Amongst the quinoa pastas and breads made with tapioca flour, I have the misfortune of trying many things that are gluten free. A lot of them taste terrible or weird and some are passible. Now I have to admit, most gluten free versions suck but I have to believe when Marie Antoinette said let them eat some damn cake, she meant people who have celiac too.

So like most couples do on a mundane Sunday morning, we were shopping at our local supermarket hoping to beat the crowds and old people who leave their carts in the middle of the aisle looking for foot ointment.

Perusing the cereals, my wife let out a scream I haven’t heard since she got her said green card for our sham marriage. She stumbled on a box of the fabled Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Gluten Free. Leery of the cereal, I had to try it for myself. I was suspicious as Snap, Crackle and Pop had a fake smile on the box, but most elves do, right?

Upon opening the package, I noticed the corner was stamped “Whole Grain Brown Rice” in a cartoony font. Now all my friends know my extreme loathing for brown rice so this gave me a slight dramatic pause. We went ahead and tossed it in our cart and scurried home to try it.

I reached in the box and grabbed a handful of kernels to examine. They looked like the real stuff, felt like the real stuff but I was unsure if they would taste like the real stuff. Munching on a few, the familiar toasted rice flavor was immediate. The cereal was not too sweet like the normal version. So yes, despite using brown rice, they taste just like the ordinary Rice Krispies. I ate a bit more just to make sure because I couldn’t believe it was made from brown rice and they were gluten free.

Kellogg's Rice Krispies Gluten Free Bowl

I poured some in a bowl with milk, still not convinced they would still taste the same. I usually use skim milk but I selected the 2% in anticipation that it would taste bland. Like alchemy, the cereal let out that nostalgic popping once the milk touched the rice. Spoonful upon spoonful, it was hard to believe but these things tasted exactly like Rice Krispies. The cereal held up in the milk too, retaining that crispness.

These are a summer release and hopefully will be a part of Kellogg’s regular offerings. I am sure that if someone switched the cereals on me like those old Folgers coffee commercials, I would not be able to tell the difference. This was a winner in my opinion and for a gluten free option to taste like the real thing…well it’s rarer than me getting lucky in college.

I was excited because the back of the box has a recipe for Rice Krispies Treats. There is a shortage of really good tasting sweets that are wheat free so I’m sure this will be a godsend to my wife and others who have celiac. I plan on making a batch of these since we bought so many boxes.

This cereal is an example that gluten free is not synonymous with repulsive. I hope other manufacturers can take a page from Kellogg’s and give people suffering from celiac a delicious option. You truly do not appreciate great tasting gluten free choices until you’ve eaten a pretzel devoid of wheat or downed a sorghum beer. I think I would rather eat exactly what those girls did in The Human Centipede, which is probably gluten free too when you think about it.

(Nutrition facts – 1 cup is 120 calories, with ½ cup of skim milk, 160 calories, 1 gram of fat – none being saturated, trans, polyunsaturated or monounsaturated fats, 0mg of cholesterol, 190 mg of sodium, 90mg of potassium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugars, 25 grams of other carbohydrates, 3 grams of protein and NO WHEAT)

Item: Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Gluten Free
Price: $2.99
Size: 12 ounces free of wheat
Purchased at: Publix
Rating: 9 out of 10 (if you like Rice Krispies)
Pros: You cannot tell they are gluten free. They still snap, crackle, and pop. Being able to tell if those are boobies or legs.
Cons: May be hard to find right now. Sham marriages. Choosing to be gluten free. Celiac sucks too.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Frosted Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts

Marvo 15 Comments

Limited Edition Frosted Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts

I don’t bake, hang out at bakeries, or lollygag in the aisle at my local supermarket that consists of sugar, spice, and everything needed to make baked goods, so I didn’t know about the confetti cake.

If I lingered in the baking aisle like I linger in the magazine section at Waldenbooks Borders Barnes & Noble, I would’ve eventually noticed Duncan Hines makes a Confetti Cake Mix. But instead I had to learn about the confetti cake’s existence via Kellogg’s Limited Edition Frosted Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts.

I also probably would’ve learned about confetti cake earlier if one of the baker’s dozen or so of cake reality shows out there made one. Seriously, I’ve watched Ace of Cakes, Amazing Wedding Cakes, Cake Boss, Ultimate Cake Off, Fabulous Cakes, Cupcake Wars, DC Cupcakes, The Cupcake Girls, Last Cake Standing, Staten Island Cakes, and Have Cake, Will Travel, and not once did any of them bake this colorful dessert.

With its white frosting with colorful sprinkles on top, Limited Edition Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts look they contracted clown herpes, which I believe one can get by either being sprayed with water from a water squirter that looks like a flower or while stuffed in a small car with many other clowns. While the exterior looks like clown herpes, the multicolored cake-flavored filling looks like the pus that would ooze out of clown herpes sores.

Limited Edition Frosted Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts Innards

Geez, I totally made these Pop-Tarts sound completely unappetizing, which, by the way, they are not.

The Limited Edition Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts are surprisingly tasty and they do taste like cake, albeit a slightly artificial cake. The crust does have a buttery flavor to it, but because that butteriness seems to linger in my mouth for a while it’s a little off-putting.

Okay, those last two sentences probably didn’t help make these Pop-Tarts sound appetizing, but, overall, I really like them and I think they’re yummy enough that I would put them somewhere at the bottom of my list of Top 10 Favorite Pop-Tarts Flavors of All-Time.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 190 calories, 35 calories from fat, 3.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat*, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

*made with partially hydrogenated oil

Item: Limited Edition Frosted Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts
Price: $2.79
Size: 8 count
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty. Tastes like cake. Buttery crust. Tastes great toasted or not toasted.
Cons: Looks like they have clown herpes. Limited edition. Confetti sprinkles come off easily. The number of cake reality show. The number of brick and mortar booksellers.

REVIEW: Eggo Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit Scramblers

Drew 6 Comments

Eggo Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit Scramblers

If there’s one thing I don’t have much of other than money, good looks, viable job skills, money, and sexual machismo, it’s a lot of time to spend in the morning just relaxing.  I admire those who are able to savor a leisurely cup of coffee and a scone while reading the New York Times and presumably playing a game of backgammon, but that’s not the life I’ve chosen for myself.  The life I’ve chosen is filled with exchanges like this:

“Daddy I want milk and apple juice and milk in my bowl and Kix in my bowl.” [actual quote]

“You know Daddy doesn’t speak Dictator.”

“Please I can have milk and Kix and apple juice and milk pleeeeeeaaaassee?”

That’s not a complaint — I’ve wanted a small creature chirping pidgin English at me ever since we hosted that exchange student when I was a kid — but it does make every morning a whirlwind of heating bottles, pouring cereal, brushing teeth, reminding someone that we only spit out our toothpaste when we’re over the sink, da–… ang it, and getting out the door.  So something I can eat on the fly is a plus, and doubly so if it gives me a complete meal of eggs, cheese, bacon, and a biscuit in 10 easy bites.  That was enough to make me take a look at Eggo Biscuit Scramblers, like a drunk blearily peering across the bar at last call to figure out just how many… dozen pounds overweight the last female patron is, and whether it’s worth sending over a drink.  Maybe not, but you’ll never know unless you try.  Sorry, that one kind of got away from me.  (NOT based on real events, I’m happy to say.)

The scramblers come in two varieties, with and without bacon, though of course you know which one I picked.  (I don’t feel guilty, I’ve read “Animal Farm.”)  They look pretty similar to a normal biscuit, maybe a bit larger, definitely a little heavier.  The back of the box suggests heating them for 45 seconds, but either that’s inaccurate or my microwave is weaker than my metaphors, because it left parts of the scrambler colder than a really, really, really cold thing.  Personally I found a full minute to be a much better choice.

Eggo Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit Scramblers Innards

Upon cutting one open to snap a picture, I was struck by how the filling layer extended the length of the biscuit but was kind of thin.  You know how sometimes you buy a bismark or jelly-filled donut and it takes like three bites before you get any filling, and how cheated you feel?  The scramblers aren’t as extreme as that (there weren’t any bites with zero filling), but I still could’ve done with a little less biscuit and a little more yum.  For me the biscuit is like the opening act at a concert: they may be pretty good, I might enjoy them, but they’re not why I bought the ticket.

What filling there is is pretty good though, I’ll admit.  The egg and biscuit are definitely the dominant flavors, probably the egg a bit more so.  The cheese is a subtler taste but pervades the entire scrambler, content to play second fiddle to the unborn baby birds.  By contrast, the bacon asserts itself a little more but is frustratingly sporadic.  At times you think “Oh ho, I have you now!” as you chomp down on a meaty mouthful, but other times you wonder if pigs were just declared an endangered species.  I think the issue is that the bacon mostly comes in small flecks rather than big strips.  The total volume may or may not be the same, but it just doesn’t feel as substantial.  As for the biscuit, you won’t be mistaking it for one that came out of Paula Deen’s oven, but it could’ve been a lot worse — it’s not particularly flaky, but it’s reasonably soft and light.

I’d love to tell you that the scramblers are every bit as good as a breakfast sandwich from your favorite fast food joint, but I cannot tell a lie.  Or, well, I can, but then Marvo doesn’t pay me.  The truth is that they’re a reasonably tasty on-the-go morning food, probably a little more filling than a Pop-Tart but every bit as bad for you.  (The calorie count isn’t bad, but check out that sodium.  That’s 27% of your recommended daily value.  BAM!)  Despite not being as delicious, the scramblers are certainly cheaper and more convenient than stopping at Dunkin’ Donuts for a comparable sandwich, so they might be worth it to you anyway.  And if your mornings sound remotely like mine, that just might make the decision for you.

(Nutrition Facts — 1 biscuit — 270 calories, 80 calories from fat, 8 grams of total fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 640 milligrams of sodium, 240 milligrams of potassium, 40 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 5 grams of sugars, 33 grams of other carbohydrates, and 9 grams of protein.)

Item: Eggo Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit Scramblers
Price: $4.79
Size: 4 biscuits
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Easy to eat while carrying child upside down.  Pidgin English.  Good size.  Filling runs the length of the biscuit.  Acceptable calorie count.  Tasty cheese and eggs, decent biscuit.  Sending over a drink at last call.
Cons: Inaccurate microwave times.  Thinnish layer of filling.  Opening acts.  Uneven bacon distribution.  High sodium count.  Not as good as a fast food breakfast sandwich (though probably not as bad for you either).

REVIEW: Kellogg’s FiberPlus Antioxidants Caramel Pecan Crunch Cereal

Drew 4 Comments

Kellogg's FiberPlus Antioxidants Caramel Pecan Crunch

This being my second straight review involving a fiber-heavy product, a lot of you probably expect me to lay down a bunch of infantile poo jokes.  Well, shame on you for making assumptions, because they make an ass out of you and me.  I promise that will occur only insofar as ALL of my reviews eventually devolve into poo jokes.  But rest assured, I’m not going to go out of my way to drop nuggets of fecal hilarity on you.  That would seem forced, and I’d rather just relax and let things flow naturally.  Okay?



So what we have here is a product aiming to quench my unslakable appetite for cereal, keep me healthy, and keep me, er, regular.  All without making me want to carve out my taste buds with an apple corer.  No small task, but this is an entirely different fiber-based product line from the last one, so it would be unprofessional to just assume it’s going to be bad, and that’s not what we do here at The Impulsive Buy. 

What we DO do is give unbiased reviews, and that starts with visual appraisal.  So I should note that out of the box, FiberPlus Antioxidants Caramel Pecan Crunch appears kind of… meh.  It basically looks like a bowl of Total with some random lumps of randomness mixed in.  The lumps don’t look like anything in particular, just little pellets of, presumably, flavor country.  I don’t know if I expected them to look like those little squares of caramel, but they absolutely do not.  If it is theoretically possible to look like the exact literal opposite of a caramel square, that’s what they look like.  Examination of the box indicates they are, in fact, the pecans, but you probably wouldn’t guess that just by looking at them.

Kellogg's FiberPlus Antioxidants Caramel Pecan Crunch Bowl

Still, as your fourth grade teacher took pains to impress upon you, we judge others not by what they look like, but by how they taste.  And that’s where the Caramel Pecan Crunch both surprises and, if not delights, at least generally pleases, because the flavor is far more palatable and caramel-…y than expected.  Rather than a hint, they seem to have included a smattering, dare I say a dollop of caramel in each flake, and it results in a pretty flavorful cereal.  Don’t get me wrong — it’s not going to overwhelm you with the richness of the caramel, and you’re unlikely to trick yourself into thinking you’re eating pecan pie.  But since I was expecting maybe one step above cardboard if I was lucky, a fiber cereal that has a fair amount of sweetness and actually does taste like what it says on the box is a welcome relief.

There’s no question that any pecan flavor takes a definite backseat to the caramel.  Where the pecans really contribute is in terms of consistency, as even a caramel-flavored cereal runs the risk of getting boring if it’s just flakes.  The pecan lumps both break up the monotony and provide the “crunch” promised in the name.  Admit it, “Caramel Flakes” just doesn’t sound as appealing, does it?  That said, I’d still prefer that they have a more discernible taste presence.  And be warned, Kellogg’s turned down Cap’n Crunch’s generous “protection” offer, so these do get soggy in milk pretty quickly.

I’ll concede it may be benefiting from lowered expectations, but as far as I’m concerned, FiberPlus Antioxidants Caramel Pecan Crunch does all I could ask of it: it’s fairly healthy (by breakfast cereal standards), it helps with that thing we’re all thinking of but I’ve run out of jokes for, and it’s fairly tasty.  That’s a win in my book, so if you’re a caramel fan, you should definitely buy a box and see what you think.
 
(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup – 170 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 110 milligrams of potassium, 43 grams of total carbohydrates, 9 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugars, 22 grams of other carbohydrates, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Kellogg’s FiberPlus Antioxidants Caramel Pecan Crunch
Price: $3.49
Size: 15.5 ounces
Purchased at: Acme
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Healthy cereals that don’t taste like crap.  Real caramel taste.  Decent aroma.  Mysterious “crunch” element helps balance out the flakes.  Flavor country.  Beats other fiber-based products like they stole something.
Cons: Total + unidentified lumps = not appealing.  Understated pecans.  Predictable poop jokes.  Become soggy quickly.  Looking like the opposite of caramel squares.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts

Marvo 13 Comments

Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts

When I die, I hope my tombstone doesn’t say, “Ate way too many Pop-Tarts,” even though I have eaten way too many Pop-Tarts.

Oh wait, I’m being cremated, so I hope my urn isn’t etched with “Ate way too many Pop-Tarts” or my body isn’t burned into ashes using a giant toaster oven.

If humans didn’t poop, I would have more variety of Pop-Tarts in my body than any grocery store on the planet. Just look at all the different Pop-Tarts I’ve eaten and reviewed over the years in a convenient linked list that totally looks like a ploy to increase this blog’s page views:

If this list of Pop-Tarts flavors was instead a list of women I’ve slept with, I would be considered a manwhore and probably have/had spread an STD or two. Or three. Or everything that’s listed in the Oxford American Handbook of Clinical Medicine.

The latest Pop-Tarts flavor that has allowed me to add another notch to the side of my toaster is the Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts.

If you look at the photo below, you’ll notice Kellogg’s is being very generous by calling these Pop-Tarts “frosted.” There’s no doubt that there’s frosting on top, but instead of a layer of it like with other frosted Pop-Tarts, it’s drizzled on much like you’d find on many actual cherry turnovers. This amount of frosting is equivalent to the amount of skin a Wicked Weasel bikini covers, which is just enough to make you wonder, “Why bother?”

Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts Closeup

There has been a regular Frosted Cherry Pop-Tarts for some time now with a proper layer of frosting on top. I thought the Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts would taste exactly the same. So in order to find out, I increased my chances for Type II diabetes by picking up a box and eating regular Frosted Cherry Pop-Tarts.

After tasting both, the difference in flavor reminds me of the time my parents switched my usual Frosted Blueberry Pop-Tarts with Blueberry Pop-Tarts without frosting. Back then, my young taste buds could notice a significant difference. The unfrosted one was less sweet, the blueberry flavor was less pronounced, and the lack of sweetness and flavor made me cry until my parents could produce in front of me a Frosted Blueberry Pop-Tart.

The Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tart is also less sweet and the cherry flavor is less pronounced than a regular cherry Pop-Tart. It’s as if the Pop-Tart’s nearly unfrosted crust doesn’t want the cherry to pop. But when I could taste the cherry filling, it didn’t have any artificial taste to it, which I guess there shouldn’t be since it’s made with real fruit (not only dried cherries, but also dried apples).

The Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts are a disappointment and I’m glad they’re a limited edition. However, if you try them and adore them, don’t fret about them being limited edition. Even though they don’t taste exactly alike, grab a box of regular Cherry Pop-Tarts, scrape off the frosting, steal the frosting packet from a box of Toaster Strudels, drizzle some of it on top of the naked Pop-Tart, and there you go. The limited edition is limited no more.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 190 calories 30 calories from fat, 3.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts
Price: $2.79
Size: 8 pack
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: It’s a limited edition. The box might be worth $1.99 in a future eBay auction. Frosted Cherry Pop-Tarts. Wicked Weasel bikinis.
Cons: Disappointing flavor. It has frosting, but really can’t be considered frosted. Being burned in a giant toaster oven. The difference between frosted and unfrosted Pop-Tarts. Kellogg’s still making unfrosted Pop-Tarts. Lame attempts to gain page views.