When it comes to ubiquitous fast-food joints, there’s one place I always pass by, but… well, usually pass on, and that’s KFC.

I don’t know what it is. I like KFC. I grew up loving KFC, but I never crave KFC.

It just hasn’t done much to get me excited over the past decade plus. Its chicken sandwich was good enough, and I dug the little snack wraps that come and go, but outside of those, I can’t remember the last time I genuinely wanted KFC. Gimmicky Double Downs and wet nuggets didn’t excite me, but for some reason, the new Mashed Potato Poppers instantly grabbed my attention.

I’m a mark for any new potato product. I could sit here and explain all the preparations for potatoes I enjoy like a regular Benjamin Buford Blue, but we have word limits.

That said, potatoes are arguably the most versatile food on Earth, and it’s rare for something to hit the market that I’m unfamiliar with.

Mashed Potato Poppers are essentially what they sound like: clumps of mash fried into a crispy little ball. They exist somewhere between a tot and a croquette – at least, they should.

Calling these potato croquettes would be stolen valor, something ol’ Harland Sanders knows plenty about.

My poppers were anything but poppin’.

I expected a warm, crispy shell with a smooth mashed potato filling, but what I got was a crusty, bland fritter with an arid blotch of porous potato inside. Of the five in my order, I would say two were promising.

I see the vision. I think these are probably kinda good if eaten in the right occasion. Mine may have sat around a bit too long. I used the app on the way over to the restaurant (at a red light, relax) and didn’t arrive for another 3-5 minutes … which, come on, is not exactly a long time, but something tells me these actually “pop” if eaten immediately from the fryer.

When I think of KFC mashed potatoes, I think of powder mix. They might not prepare them that way, but I’m not even opposed. I have great nostalgia for KFC mashed potatoes. I expected these things to burst with a wet, goopy potato paste, but alas, mine were dry.

The poppers are served with a cup of gravy for dipping, and I’ll just say that gravy is trash. I had great memories of KFC gravy too, but this was just watery sewage runoff that absolutely did not enhance the poppers.

I’m willing to chalk my experience up to premature ordering, but I gotta score ‘em how I got ‘em. There’s no reason to ever get these over a fry or a wedge or even a side of mashed potatoes, but I still think you should try them on the off-chance I just got a bad batch.

I don’t think Mashed Potato Poppers are long for the menu, but I’d love to see the Colonel attempt some corn fritters in this style next.

Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: 5 Poppers
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (5 Poppers w/o gravy) 200 calories, 10 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 921 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

I enjoyed KFC’s Nashville Hot Loaded Fries Bowl…without the chicken.

All right. All right. Let me back up a little bit. The chain’s newest thing with stuff dumped into a bowl features Secret Recipe Fries topped with coleslaw, pickles, cheese, Original Recipe Nuggets, and Nashville Hot Sauce, a Nashville Hot Mess, if you will.

However, I enjoyed the bowl more when my sporkfuls didn’t contain any of the C in KFC. I’ll get to that in a moment.

The Original Recipe Nuggets were just what I expected — meaty with a slightly crispy exterior and the flavor of the Colonel’s secret recipe of herbs and spices. The Nashville Hot Sauce gave the chicken a pleasant, sweet heat with a strong pepperiness that amped up the chicken’s flavor. Although not as coated in sauce as when Nashville Hot Chicken debuted at KFC, the nuggets were tasty.

(NOTE: The photos in the KFC app show an order is topped with five nuggets, but mine came with a bonus nugget. Yes, it happened again. )

But as much as I liked the chicken, and it tastes great with the other ingredients, after eating a sporkful without the poultry, my mind decided to push to the side whatever chicken nuggets were left and enjoy just the fries, cole slaw, pickles, and cheese mixed together. My tongue thought it was a more enjoyable and unique combination of flavors that the chicken’s meatiness got in the way of. I did consume them after.

I’ve never had cole slaw on any fries, and it sounds weird to bring the two together, but that combination, along with the seasoning on the fries, the cheese, pickles, and Nashville Hot sauce, works well and tastes delightful. I’m surprised how well the slaw and the sauce complement each other despite being kind of opposing ingredients. If you think about it, it’s sort of a vegetable salad with Nashville Hot dressing.

I imagine if Colonel Sanders found out about how I had pushed aside his Secret Recipe seasoned chicken, he would be rolling in his grave like a rotisserie chicken. Then he’d want to pull out my bones to flatten me like a spatchcocked chicken and then shove a Coors Light container in one of my orifices like a beer can chicken. But his Secret Recipe does play an important role in how much I enjoyed KFC’s Nashville Hot Loaded Fries Bowl, although it was on the fries and not the chicken.

Purchased Price: $7.00*
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 910 calories, 60 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 80 milligrams of cholesterol, 2530 milligrams of sodium, 63 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar (including 0 grams of added sugar), and 26 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

The press release for these new KFC Original Recipe Tenders begins with: “The chicken wars began five years ago with the chicken sandwich, but that’s old news. Today, the chicken tenders battle begins as KFC introduces new Original Recipe Tenders.” Um, it appears someone forgot about the Fast Food Chicken Strips/Tenders Battle during the late 2010s that it also participated in?

I guess it’s difficult to remember since most of the strips/tenders ended up being replaced, limited time offerings that come back every other year, or discontinued, never to be fried up again.

But KFC has had chicken strips/tenders for years, and these new Original Recipe Tenders have a description that sounds like it could’ve been used for previous versions. They feature chicken breast strips double hand-breaded with the chain’s iconic secret blend of 11 herbs and spices and then fried to golden brown. I mean, what could be different from previous iterations? More secret spices? Single hand-breaded?

I ordered a three-piece meal deal that comes with Secret Recipe Fries and two dipping sauces. In the app, I picked the new zesty Comeback Sauce, but my order didn’t come with it. Instead, I was given the KFC Sauce. I went back to the counter to swap them but was told they had yet to receive their shipment. Aw, ship! So, I guess I must come back to try the Comeback Sauce.

The double hand-breaded chicken wasn’t as crunchy as Popeyes’ offering, but the poultry inside was meaty and juicy. The familiar flavor of KFC’s world famous blend of 11 herbs and spices is present in every sauceless bite, making these fine to eat sans sauce. Despite being double hand-breaded, I thought the breaded exterior appeared a bit thin in places when compared to Popeyes’ even-coated tenders.

While I didn’t receive the Comeback Sauce, I was glad I finally got to try the KFC Sauce. The tangy and sweet sauce is delicious, and I tried to scrape up every milliliter I could with the rest of the tenders and some of the Secret Recipe Fries.

KFC Original Recipe Tenders are good enough that I’m sure they’ll survive the fast food chicken wars.

Purchased Price: $7.99*
Size: 3-piece combo
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (3 tenders) 510 calories, 18 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 90 milligrams of cholesterol, 1200 milligrams of sodium, 60 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 33 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. The advertised price for the Tenders Box is $5.

Now would’ve been an optimal time to come out with Pumpkin Pie Poppers, but instead, KFC came out with these new Cherry Pie Poppers. But what do I know? I’m just some guy with a calendar.

Maybe pumpkin pie doesn’t pair well with the Colonel’s secret blend of 11 herbs and spices. Or perhaps these are Halloween-themed because the cherry represents blood, and these were supposed to be called Cherry Die Poppers. But the promotional materials for Cherry Pie Poppers were already made and shipped, so here we are.

These are a follow-up to KFC’s Apple Pie Poppers, which came out earlier this year, and just in time for the Fourth of July season, which apple pies are most known for here in the US. (Okay, they came out over two months before Independence Day, and I’m not 100 percent sure apple pies are a summer thing, but it seems correct.) This newest dessert is filled with warm cherry pie filling wrapped in a flaky crust, and it’s available in 4- or 10-piece orders.

The crust is wonderfully buttery and flaky, and I love the sound of the crispy layers crackling as I bite into them. There’s a tiny bit of sweetness, but I wish it was a bit more sugary or glazed like a pre-packaged convenience store fruit pie pastry. Within the flaky layers is a cherry filling that wasn’t overly sweet or tart. But it also wasn’t sweet or tart enough to really stand out. However, that might be due to the filling-to-crust ratio leaning too much on the crust side because it did seem like the cherry goo was a bit thin in my order’s four pieces.

Due to its lack of a robust fruity flavor, KFC’s Cherry Pie Poppers were a bit underwhelming, and I don’t see myself ordering it again any time in the future.

Purchased Price: $3.79*
Size: 4 pieces
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 piece) 70 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 7 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

One institution of Americana, Kentucky Fried Chicken, has added another icon of Americana, apple pie, to its menu.

These new KFC Apple Pie Poppers feature apple pie filling inside a crust, available in orders of four or ten. They are roughly two inches long, with a seam on one side and slits on the other.

The filling is pretty standard for canned or mass-produced apple pie: small apple chunks in a thick syrup with a noticeable quantity of cinnamon. It’s nowhere near as good as a pie made with fresh apples, but of course, I don’t expect that from a fast food restaurant. I like the way some of the syrupy filling caramelizes as it oozes out of the crust.

And speaking of crust, the pastry is really the star here. It is soft, chewy, and even a little bit stretchy. I know that sounds weird and possibly gross, but I don’t know how else to describe it. It has a wonderful texture! And the flavor is satisfying and buttery.

Taken together, the filling and the crust are similar to apple pies or turnovers from other fast food joints. If you’re reading this blog, you’ve probably eaten something nearly identical at some point.

There is nothing groundbreaking about these KFC Apple Pie Poppers, and I don’t know if I’ll go out of my way to have them again, especially since Kentucky Fried Chicken is not in my regular fast food rotation. However, they are still a tasty dessert option, and they seem like the kind of thing KFC really ought to have on its menu.

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 4-piece order
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 piece) 80 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 9 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.