Tag: Mars

REVIEW: Cookies & Twix

Marvo 14 Comments

Cookies & Twix

One of the reasons why I decided to review the Cookies & Twix candy bar was because I was told they’re almost as good as sex.

I didn’t quite believe her, so I decided to look deeper into it by reaching into my limited sexual history.

Wait, do blow-up dolls and shady massage parlors count?

I’ll just add them anyway.

After I scanned my limited sexual history, I realized that Melanie was wrong.

These Cookies & Twix candy bars are very good, so good, in fact, I think they’re better than first-time sex.

With first-time sex, there’s a lot of fumbling, not knowing where to put things, putting the condom on the wrong way, a lot of questions being asked, like “Is it in?”, “Does it feel good?” or “Does it hurt?” and premature ejaculation.

I gotta admit, I would rather have a Cookies & Twix candy bar, than experience first-time sex all over again. So I believe that sometimes these Cookies & Twix candy bars are indeed better than sex.

Hey, she didn’t say what kind of sex?

Anyway, now that we have that settled, I really do like these Cookies and Twix candy bars, but I have a problem with them. They’re hardly different than the delicious regular Twix?

They both have the same parts (a cookie, caramel, and chocolate), except put together differently.

Basically, a Cookies & Twix candy bar is a regular Twix turned inside out. Instead of having a cookie surrounded by caramel and chocolate, a Cookies & Twix candy bar is caramel and chocolate surrounded by a cookie.

I believe the Cookie & Twix candy bar is actually the deformed and rejected Twix, that have formed due to some kind of inbreeding. Of course, this is just a hypothesis, but the clues point to inbreeding.

Nevertheless, I love these deformed Twix, just as much as regular Twix.

I’ve got room in my stomach for both of them.

Item: Cookies & Twix
Purchase Price: 45 cents
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Very good. If you like Twix, you’ll like these. Showing love to the Deformed Twix.
Cons: Looks kind of small. This is what you get when Twix inbreed.

REVIEW: Peanut Butter M-Azing & Crunchy M-Azing

Marvo 1 Comment

Peanut Butter M-Azing & Crunchy M-Azing

Usually here at The Impulsive Buy we try to have reviews done a week in advanced, but last week we let our Labor Day vacation start really early, like around Tuesday.

So on the real Labor Day, The Impulsive Buy staff had to scramble for a review.

Okay, let me rephrase that. I had to scramble for a review, since I’m the only one who came into The Impulsive Buy Laboratory on Labor Day. Those bastards!

I checked The Official Impulsive Buy Cabinet, where we keep the stuff we’re going to eventually review and our lunches, but the only items in there were a container of one-year-old Tang, a can of refried beans, and four three-year-old cans of cream of mushroom soup.

Thank goodness for the national convenience store chain down the street. Open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year.

With only a dollar and some change, I felt like I was Rachael Ray on the Food Network. She has this show called $40 A Day, where she spends a day in some town and only has a $40 budget to eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a snack. Some of us at The Impulsive Buy watch the show religiously, because she’s a little dorky and really hot. Grrrowl!

Someone, who I won’t name, even has a shrine dedicated to her that consists of several 8 x 10 photos, her cookbooks, and a television/DVD combo that plays a continuous loop of her shows.

With very little money, I couldn’t buy much. Fortunately, I came upon something M-Azing in the candy aisle, Peanut Butter M-Azing and Crunchy M-Azing. Okay, I didn’t know if they were M-Azing or not because I did try them yet, but the price for them was M-Azing. They were on sale for 59 cents each, so I bought both.

M-Azing is basically M&M’s Minis in a chocolate bar. Not just any M&M’s Minis though, crunchy and peanut butter M&M’s. I was wondering if there was a plain and a peanut version, but then I realized how silly it would be to put plain chocolate M&M’s Minis in a chocolate bar and how hard it must be to make peanut M&M’s Minis.

After eating both in one sitting, because I was so bored and lonely in The Impulsive Buy Laboratory, I think M-Azing isn’t that M-Azing. Maybe it’s because I’ve been mixing M&M’s for years with other things like, putting them in chocolate pudding, in a peanut butter sandwich, on top of ice cream, mixing them with Yoo-Hoo, in trail mix, stuffing them into Twinkies, etc.

Don’t get me wrong, they are good, but like I said before, it just isn’t that M-Azing.

Item: Crunchy M-Azing & Peanut Butter M-Azing
Purchase Price: $0.59 each (on sale)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Cheap price. Good.
Cons: Not that M-Azing. If you’re going to call something M-Azing, it should be amazing.