Tag: Misc

Shaving. I’ve been doing it since I was thirteen years old.

Yes, that’s kind of young to start shaving.

I don’t know if I had more hormones than other boys my age or if I’m older than I believe am, like some professional baseball players from Cuba, but what I do know is when I grow out my facial hair, I look like either the Missing Link or Robin Williams’ chest.

Growing out my facial hair isn’t a time consuming affair. My five o’clock shadow sprouts out at about noon. After one day without shaving, I look Brad Pitt-cool. After two days without shaving, I look mature. After three days without shaving, I look scruffy. After four days without shaving, my face looks like the back of my head.

Ever since college I’ve been using my trusty Gillette Mach3 razor and it has served me well over the years. The Mach3 razor, which was the first triple-blade razor ever, was the first non-disposable razor I ever used.

It was great for the first few months. Shaves were much closer and more comfortable than the crappy disposable razors. Then I ran out of razor cartridges and shortly after that I found out how frickin’ expensive replacement cartridges were. It seemed like Gillette grabbed my Mach3 razor, pointed the handle at me, and then screwed me with it.

However, the shaves were great, so I kept buying the replacement razor cartridges, like a crack addict.

Being the cheap bastard that I am, I try to make each razor cartridge last a month. I do this by shaving my face every other day, not shaving my face on the weekends, shaving my chest once a month, and shaving my…Um…No wait, that would be waaay too much information.

Recently, long-time Impulsive Buy reader Goldberry asked if I’d be interested in a free Schick Quattro Midnight razor sample she received. Again, being the cheap bastard I am and my desire to have something new happen in my lonely life, I told Goldberry I’d review it.

About two weeks later, the razor arrived in my mailbox and I almost instantly put it to the test. I planned for the razor’s arrival by not shaving for three days, and I looked like a bum.

The main feature of the Quattro is its four blades, which gives the Quattro four chances to cut my hair or four chances to make me bleed.

After my face was properly lathered up, I took my first stroke with the Quattro. The first stroke I took surprised me because it didn’t pull on any of the long hairs like my Mach3 razor does. The protective wires that run perpendicular to the blades might have had something to do with that.

When I was done, I felt like it shaved just as well as my Mach3 razor did. Although I will admit, it was a more comfortable shave.

Despite the comfortable shave, I had some problems with the Quattro. It was hard to even out my Elvis sideburns because the head of the Quattro is slightly bigger than the head of my Mach3 and I wasn’t used to its size. Also, the longer hairs would get clogged in between the blades. Dipping it in water, rinsing it under running water, or constant verbal abuse couldn’t get the hairs out.

However, I did eventually get the hair out by running my fingers masochistically down the blades several times.

Mmm…The feel of cold metal on my skin. It’s intoxicating.

Oh…What?

Anyway, a day later I shaved with the Quattro again, except with much easier stubble. It plowed through my sexy Brad Pitt-stubble just as easily as my Mach3 could and this time there wasn’t any clogging.

Overall I was pleased with the Quattro. It gave me a shave just as good as my Mach3, but did it more comfortably.

Will it replace my Mach3?

I’m not sure because the price for the Quattro’s replacement razor cartridges is slightly more expensive than the Mach3’s. Well I guess that makes sense, since the handle of the Quattro is slightly thicker, which means it’s a little more uncomfortable when I’m getting screwed with it.

(Editor’s Note: Our fellow reviewers at The Message Whore also reviewed the Schick Quattro Midnight awhile back. Their review was much less favorable. You can read their review here.)

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Item: Schick Quattro Midnight
Purchase Price: FREE (Thanks Goldberry!)
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Four frickin’ blades. More comfortable shave than my Gillette Mach3. The feel of cold metal.
Cons: Longer hairs will become clogged in between blades. With four blades, it shaves just as close as my Gillette Mach3. Being screwed by razor companies.

If there’s one thing that makes me attractive to the ladies, it would be the fact that I’m domesticated. I do every chore around the house, like wash dishes, vacuum, take out the trash, mop floors, recycle plastics and glass, wash clothes, iron clothes, dust, clean bathrooms, and polish the stripper pole.

Sexy, right ladies? Sure I don’t have looks, but I know you like the way my dishpan hands feel. I don’t have emotions, but my Pine-Sol and Pledge scent makes me irresistible. I don’t have class, but I know you like how gentle I am hand-washing delicate clothing.

Trying to be sexy by doing chores is hard work and I’m all for ways to make it easier, so a few weeks ago I picked up a Clorox Toilet Wand. I also decided to pick it up because I REALLY needed to replace my five-year old toilet brush.

I could show you what my old toilet brush looked like, but much like people who have had too many botox injections, a picture of it would make you sick. Let’s just say that the brush was originally the color blue and now it’s bluish-gray with black spots.

What attracted me to the Clorox Toilet Wand was the detachable disposable Clorox-soaked brush heads, which allowed me to clean the toilet and then throw away the brush head, before it turned gray or any other color.

To test the Clorox Toilet Wand, I needed to get my toilet dirty. Fortunately, that only takes about three weeks. As you can see on the left side on the picture below, it gets pretty disgusting. (Click pic to get a larger image.) Also, if you look real closely, I think you can see an image of the Virgin Mary.

Because each brush head is soaked in Clorox, no other cleaning products are needed. However, I found that each brush head has enough Clorox for only one cleaning.

As you can see on the right side of the picture below, the Clorox Toilet Wand did a pretty good job of making my toilet clean enough for dogs to drink out of, even under the rim. It didn’t get rid of the hard stains, but a little work with a scouring stick and my not-so-muscular arms will get those out.

After I was done cleaning, I just squeezed the water out of the brush head on the side of the bowl, held the Toilet Wand over the trash can, and slid the blue button to release the brush head into the trash.

This process sort of reminded me of my days in middle school bathrooms with a couple of bullies…BUT I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! I GOT MY REVENGE!

I was impressed with the Clorox Toilet Wand, it magically cleaned my toilet.

While looking at my reflection in the toilet’s water and saying my new daily affirmation, “I am a man, not a boy,” I began wondering what else the Clorox Toilet Wand could magically do.

Being the poor bastard that I am, I decided to see if I could have money magically appear. However, at first I didn’t know how to go about doing this. Should I use the Harry Potter technique or the Mickey Mouse Fantasia technique? I eventually decided that I would use Harry Potter technique and began thinking of spells.

I thought about it for a bit, then waved the Clorox Toilet Wand in the air, and recited a spell to have money magically appear, “Oprahus Bankaccountus!”

Nothing happened.

“Hiltona Inheritanso!”

Crap, nothing.

Then I thought about trying a different spell and decided to see if the Clorox Toilet Wand could get a not-so-attractive, slightly overweight guy really beautiful women.

“Keithas Richardis!”

Nada.

“Ronus Jeremiaus!”

No dice.

Damn.

Well I guess I should be happy that cleaning my toilet is now easier and less gross with the Clorox Toilet Wand. Too bad it can’t make polishing the stripper pole any easier, because that’s one daunting task.

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Item: Clorox Toilet Wand
Purchase Price: $9.99 (on sale)(Toilet Wand + 6 brush heads)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Detachable disposable Clorox-soaked brush head. Easier to clean under the rim. I am a sexy cleaning machine.
Cons: Brush heads have enough Clorox for only one use. Replacement brush heads are pricey. Doesn’t get rid of hard stains. No magical powers.

When living in a humid environment, it’s necessary to use some kind of deodorant. If you don’t, no one will invite you to car pool, use the exercise equipment next to you, or want to be in the same elevator as you. Although I have to say, someone stepping into an elevator without deodorant still isn’t as bad as someone farting in an elevator.

Of course, there are advantages to NOT using deodorant, like making it hard for guys to guard you while playing basketball or having a lot of space on the dance floor to break out your pop-n-lock routine.

For the past few years, my deodorant of choice has been the Old Spice Fresh Scent Clear Stick Deodorant, but I decided it was time for a change. It’s like doing the missionary position all the time. After awhile, it gets pretty boring and you want to try something different.

While shopping at my local drugstore, I planted myself in front of the men’s deodorant shelf and smelled as many as I could, trying to find my new scent. I decided on the Degree Ultra Clear Clean Slate Deodorant, because it just so happened to be in my hands when I thought blood was going to come out of my nose because I destroyed my olfactory system from smelling over a dozen deodorants.

I’ve preferred clear deodorant sticks over the white solid deodorant sticks ever since I saw LL Cool J’s performance on MTV’s Unplugged. In case you missed it, during his performance LL Cool J wasn’t wearing a shirt, then during “Mamma Said Knock You Out,” he grabbed both microphones and raised his elbows above his shoulders and there in his hairy armpits were huge white globs of deodorant.

It was probably the only moment that ladies didn’t love Cool James. Ever since then, I’ve sworn off the white stuff and now I trim my armpit hair.

During the first few days of using it, the Clean Slate scent coming from my armpits was pretty strong, but it was a nice clean scent, so I didn’t mind. I really wanted someone else to smell it to get their opinion, but I didn’t realize how hard it was to find someone to smell my armpits.

Well actually, finding someone to smell and lick my armpits was easy, but I didn’t want to pony up the $40 for that. But finding someone to do that for free was impossible.

So how well does the deodorant work? Let’s just say, I went running for a couple of miles with it on and when I was done, I didn’t smell like I just went running for a couple of miles, but I really wish I had someone to smell my armpits to confirm it.

After a couple of weeks of use, I prefer the Degree Clean Slate scent over the Old Spice Fresh scent, but I think that has more to do with the fact I’m tired with the missionary position (ie Old Spice Fresh scent) and enjoy the newness of the bullfrog position (ie Degree Clean Slate scent).

Besides the scent, another thing I liked about the Degree deodorant was the way to advance the deodorant out from its container, which involved twisting the whole bottom of the container. The Old Spice deodorant just had a simple knob. Again, I probably think this is cool because of the newness of the bullfrog position.

However, if there was one thing I didn’t like, it was the container’s concave lip, which will probably make it hard to milk every last bit of the deodorant stick.

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Item: Degree Ultra Clear Clean Slate Deodorant
Purchase Price: $2.50
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Nice clean smell. Scent might be a bit too strong at first. Trimmed armpit hair. LL Cool J’s performance on MTV’s Unplugged.
Cons: Concave lip might make it hard to use every last bit of the deodorant. LL Cool J’s deodorant choice for MTV’s Unplugged. Getting it on in only the missionary position.

Bars of soap.

They were once considered the King of the Shower, dominating the personal care aisle at stores, coming in dozens of brands, sizes, and scents. We thought so well of bars of soap, that we used to give them as gifts to people in either in the shapes of fish or on a rope. They were also once seen as goods to be taken from hotel rooms, along with the small bottles of shampoo and conditioner, and the occasional towel or ashtray.

However, bars of soap now have been reduced to a small section on the bottom shelf at stores and have been replaced by dozens of liquid body washes. They are also left behind in the hotel room, like the used condom in the trash and the Bible and the phone books in the nightstand.

It’s been years since I’ve used a bar of soap, but when I used them, my soaps of choice were Ivory and Irish Spring.

Ivory was a good soap because it was dirt cheap and Ivory claimed it was 100 percent pure. Their proof that it was pure was the fact bars of Ivory soap floated, like angels in the sky. Of course, this can’t be true because if Tara Reid were on a raft, she would still be a drunken tramp.

I also used Irish Spring because I loved the scent of it. Every time I took a shower, I would close my eyes and imagine being in Ireland during the spring, surrounded by leprechauns and four-leaf clovers, with the smell of Irish Spring in the air. Of course, later I found out that Irish Spring was just as Irish as Lucky Charms cereal.

Anyway, I switched to body washes because they were much easier to masturbate clean with than a bar of soap. Plus, they came in much better scents, even better than Irish Spring.

Recently, I got to reexperience what it’s like to use a bar of soap again, thanks to the new Irish Spring MicroClean.

The Irish Spring MicroClean looks and smells very similar to the original Irish Spring, except it has these MicroBeads in the bar, which are supposed to exfoliate the skin.

Unfortunately, the MicroBeads felt like they weren’t doing their job. It felt like a really, really fine piece of sandpaper that had been heavily used to strip the paint off of a bicycle. My loofah does a better job of exfoliating, because it feels like it’s actually ripping off my epidermis.

Even on my most sensitive parts, like my hairy nipples, I couldn’t really feel the MicroBeads. However, I did feel clean, but what soap doesn’t make you feel that way.
Another thing that bothered me about the soap was the sticky soap film, which I should’ve remembered from my previous years of using bars of soap. I guess I’m just so used to the slippery soap film that I get from using moisturizing body washes

The Irish Spring MicroClean probably won’t make me go back to using bars of soap, but I have found a nifty use them. It turns out that a bar of Irish Spring MicroClean makes for a wonderful air freshener in the bathroom.

Just stick one on a plate, leave it anywhere in the bathroom, and let the Irish Spring goodness spread throughout the room.

I think I’m going to stick a bar in my car.

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Item: Irish Spring MicroClean
Purchase Price: $1.97 (3-pack)
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: That familiar Irish Spring smell. Rich lather. Makes a wonderful air freshener.
Cons: Sticky soap film. Could hardly feel the MicroBeads, even on my nipples. Or maybe I couldn’t feel the MicroBeads because of the hair around my nipples.

(Editor’s Note: HOLY CRAP!!! A weekend review!!! Yes, a weekend review. I figured since many of you visit The Impulsive Buy on the weekend, I should give y’all a review. However, this weekend’s review is going to be slightly different than the normal product reviews The Impulsive Buy does.

I’ve been wanting to broaden the range of reviews, as you will see here. I don’t know if this will be a permanent thing, but I figured I should try it out. Enjoy.)

Okay. Okay. The focus of today’s review isn’t really named Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold. I gave it that name because I have no idea what its name is or even if it has a name. However, people in Japan tend to give strange names to their products, so I figured I should give a strange name to this unusual Japanese way to fold a t-shirt.

Now that I think about it, because it’s Japanese, I could’ve called it the Origami T-Shirt Fold.

Nah, Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold is a much better made up name.

Anyway, last week I read about this unorthodox way of folding a t-shirt from the ReadyMade Magazine website. I thought it was relatively unknown, but apparently it was a really popular blogging topic some time last year.

Aaah, just like the Z Cavaricci pants in high school, Quicksilver t-shirts in middle school, and Underoos in elementary school, I was again late to realize what was popular.

So what makes the Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold so great?

The most noticeable thing is that it’s possibly faster than most normal ways of folding. I think it’s about a whole second faster.

Sure, you may think that’s not much time, but after folding sixty t-shirts, you save a whole minute. Okay, you may think that’s not much time, either. However, if you fold 3,600 t-shirts, you’re going to save a whole hour.

So the next time you get tricked into going to a timeshare meeting and saying when you get out of it, “That’s one hour of my life I’ll never get back.” Well fold 3,600 t-shirts the Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold way and you will get that hour back.

Now doing the Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold looks difficult, but it’s quite easy and once you’ve mastered it, Grasshopper, you may consider yourself a Master of the 100% Preshrunk Cotton.

To obtain t-shirt folding enlightenment with the Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold, just follow these simple steps:

1. Lay shirt face up on a flat surface, like your bed, the floor, or on Kate Moss’ chest. Make sure the shirt is perpendicular to your body, with the sleeves and neck on your left.

2. Pinch the shirt at the shoulder with your left hand and at the middle of the shirt with your right hand, You should pinch both places at the same level.

3. With your left hand, fold the shoulder over your right hand until you reach the bottom hem. With the left hand, pinch the bottom hem at the same level as the other placed you pinched. Now you should have pinched in your left hand the shoulder hem and the bottom hem.

4. Lift the shirt and uncross your hands, pulling the shirt taut. Then shake it like an 8×10 picture.

5. At this point, a sleeve should be sticking out from the bottom. Just fold the shirt over the sleeve and you’re done, unless you did a load of laundry, then repeat steps 1-5.

6. (Optional) Teach the Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold to others in your family so you aren’t stuck with doing all the frickin’ folding of clothes.

7. (Optional) Trick your children by saying the Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold is fun to do.

To see the differences between the old way and the new way I fold t-shirts, take a look at this video. (Quicktime required to view video.)

Then criticize both ways I do it, like my mom does.

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Item: Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold
Purchase Price: FREE (T-shirts not included)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Neato. Neato. Super. Super. Seems quicker than normal folding, which will earn you some extra time in your life.
Cons: May form weird creases in clothing. Extra work needed with long-sleeve shirts.