REVIEW: Nestle Nesquik Protein Plus Vanilla Milk

Nestle Nesquik Protein Plus Vanilla Milk

Protein. We need it for body stuff.

Yeah, I don’t know what body stuff exactly. I have an English degree and got C’s in every class that ends with -ology or -ience.

What I do know is that protein is big. A big money maker. Everywhere you look in the grocery store, companies are putting the stuff into everything they possibly can. And I guess Nesquik Protein Plus Milk, is Nestle’s way to get a little bit of that sweet, sweet protein drink money.

Some of you might be thinking, regular Nesquik is milk so it already has protein. That’s true, but it just has more. According to the bottle, Nesquik Protein Plus has “10% more of the daily value for protein per 8 fl oz than regular Nesquik.” A cup of it has 13 grams of protein, while regular Nesquik has 8 grams.

Wait.

I got C’s in every class that ends with -athematics, but I’m pretty sure the difference between 13 grams and 8 grams is more than 10 percent.

Anyway, this protein enhanced milk gets its protein from the milk and an ingredient called milk protein concentrate. What’s milk protein concentrate? Again, C’s in every class that ends with -ology or -ience.

Nesquik has always been a brand that targets kids. But Nesquik Protein Plus is for adults, or as the bottle says, “For Adults Young At Heart.” But from afar, it looks like any Nesquik bottle. So other adults are going to look at you and think to themselves, “Oh my God, how can you drink that? You’re not lactose intolerant?”

As for its flavor, well, if you’ve had regular vanilla Nesquik milk, you will know what this tastes like. It’s sweet, creamy, it’s better tasting than a vanilla protein powder shake, and I enjoyed drinking it. The added protein doesn’t affect its flavor.

Yes, it does have a good amount of sugar in it (22 grams per serving). But the bottle does say it has “28% less sugar than the leading Protein Enhanced Flavored Milk.” So, there’s that. Although, as we’ve learned earlier, this bottle isn’t good at stating accurate percentages.

But if you want to consume a lot of protein, be young at heart, and satisfy your sweet tooth, this milk is a tasty way to do it.

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 14 fl oz
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 ounces) 170 calories, 25 calories from fat, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 450 milligrams of potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 22 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year Butterfinger Baking Bits Cookies

Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year Butterfinger Baking Bits Cookies

Hi, everyone.

I’m here to accept this Cookie of the Year award on behalf of Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year Butterfinger Baking Bits Cookies. They couldn’t be here because…well, because I ate all of them.

First off, I’d just like to congratulate and thank the other nominees. I’m not really sure who any of you are, because this award is entirely made up by Nestle Toll House, but you all did a great job this year and should feel really proud. Except for you, Swedish Fish Oreos. You were not nominated for this fake award and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year Butterfinger Baking Bits Cookies 2

Next, I want to thank “break and bake” technology. Thanks to you, making sugary, fattening cookies is SO much easier! No more worrying about whether I have enough flour on hand or if the eggs have expired…I can just open the package, break the premade dough along its perforations, and 10-11 minutes later I have some perfectly baked cookies. And another 10-11 minutes later, I have a stomach ache from inhaling those perfectly baked cookies.

The sugar cookie dough is really what made this whole thing possible. It’s sweet and buttery, with just a hint of floury goodness. Its performance doesn’t take any risks, but it doesn’t have to. It’s the same sugar cookie flavor we know and love from Nestle Toll House–a real classic.

Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year Butterfinger Baking Bits Cookies 3

The Butterfinger Baking Bits did a pretty good job in the starring role, too. Their stick-to-your-teeth presence is definitely noticeable, and shows their peanut buttery range through a dynamic sweet and salty combination. As enjoyable as that peanut butter element aspect is, I really wish there had been more of it from start to finish. It just popped up here and there, upstaged by the fantastic sugar cookie dough. But those occasional cameos are really satisfying when they do happen.

I’ve got to say, I’m a little surprised that the milk chocolate took such a minor role in this whole project. When it’s there, it’s creamy and sweet, but I was hoping for a lot more of it. When I think of Butterfingers, I think of a crispy peanut butter center enveloped in a creamy milk chocolate coating. This cookie nailed the peanut butter part, but didn’t quite reach its full milk chocolate potential. With a better peanut butter-to-chocolate ratio, I have no doubt this cookie would go down as one of the all-time greats.

Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year Butterfinger Baking Bits Cookies 4

Having said that, Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year Butterfinger Baking Bits Cookies wouldn’t have won this award without good reason (okay, actually, they did). The sugar cookie dough does an incredible job carrying the cookie, and the Butterfinger Baking Bits mimic the inside of a Butterfinger candy bar quite well. The milk chocolate flavor is a bit underwhelming, but hey, not everybody can be the star of the show. Let’s all raise a glass of milk to the 2016 Cookie of the Year: Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year Butterfinger Baking Bits Cookies.

Thank you for allowing me the honor of devouring them.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cookie – 80 calories, 30 calories from fat, 3.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 12 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protei.)

Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 16 oz (makes 24 cookies)
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Sugary and rich sugar cookie dough. Peanut butter flavor shines through sweet and salty buddy cop duo. Baking Bits stick to your teeth just like an actual Butterfinger. Giving acceptance speeches just for eating cookies.
Cons: Totally made-up award. Milk chocolate flavor could have been better. Swedish Fish Oreos.

REVIEW: Nestle Nesquik Limited Edition Girl Scouts Thin Mints Milk

Nestle Nesquik Limited Edition Girl Scouts Thin Mints Milk

There’s something unsettling about buying unrefrigerated milk. In fact, if opening a frosty glass door of a refrigerator is not a step in my process of purchasing anything that came out of a cow then you can pretty much count me out.

I will, however, make an exception when that milk is Nesquik and it’s flavored like Girl Scout Cookies.

Unlike my springtime tradition of being pressured into buying Girl Scout Cookies from the table in front of the supermarket and later cherishing my weak spirit because nobody ever really regrets buying Girl Scout Cookies, Nesquik Girl Scout Cookies Milk are heralded off on their own little decorative (albeit room temperature) cardboard stand. Luckily for my wallet, no smiling, crafty, green-vested girls in sight.

To be honest though, I didn’t exactly know how to feel the first time I saw Nesquik take on Girl Scout Cookies. On one hand, Girl Scout cookies taste good. So things that taste like Girl Scout Cookies should also taste good. Right? On the other, drinking liquefied versions of food seems like it should only be reserved for washing down protein pills on a spaceship. I was, as you may be able to tell, deeply conflicted.

And then I saw Thin Mints, and my path was clear.

Everyone is always open to exercise their own opinion, but Thin Mints are the best Girl Scout Cookies and if you don’t agree you are wrong. Do Do-Si-Do’s have a smooth chocolatey coating? Do Tagalongs provide a refreshing, minty experience? Can I eat an entire sleeve of Savannah Smiles and feel absolutely no shame? I don’t think so.

Besides, the only other flavor was “Caramel Coconut” and there is no such thing as a Girl Scout Cookie called “Caramel Coconut”. They are called Samoas. You hear that Nesquik, say it with me; SA-MO-AS. Stop lying to yourself.

Nestle Nesquik Limited Edition Girl Scouts Thin Mints Milk 2

Unfortunately, Nesquik Girl Scout Cookies Thin Mints milk does not quite live up to the hype of its green-packaged cookie sister. It both smelled and tasted strongly of peppermint and chocolate–which of course is never a bad thing–but it was missing something. Something distinctly “Thin Mint” that separated it from the cohorts of other peppermint chocolate milk that will be arriving again this winter season.

Could it be the lack of the cookie’s buttery crunch, or the loss of that complicated feeling of fulfillment and shame upon finishing off that first entire sleeve? Either way, I was disappointed that nothing really stood out as distinctly “Thin Mints” about this milk.

Just like how your homemade “special sauce” will never taste like the one on the Big Mac (even though you know that secret recipe), someone needs to tell Nesquik that simply combining peppermint extract and chocolate milk does equal a true Thin Mints flavor.

Although, I can’t be truly mad at anything that reminds me that in all of the course of human history, I happen to live during a time when Girl Scout Cookies are a thing that I can buy with my money. Although, I am just better off waiting to buy the real thing.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup – 150 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, 8 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 40% calcium2% iron, and 25% vitamin D.)

Item: Nestle Nesquik Limited Edition Girl Scouts Thin Mints Milk
Purchased Price: 99 cents (on sale)
Size: 14 fl. oz
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: It does taste good. My existence intersecting with the existence of Girl Scout Cookies which if you think about in the context of the universe is really crazy and wonderful.
Cons: Not a true “Thin Mints” flavor. Unrefrigerated milk being a weird concept that makes me question the ingredients of Nesquik.

REVIEW: Nestle Butterfinger Peanut Butter Cups

Nestle Butterfinger Peanut Butter Cups

It was snowing. I didn’t have salt. I didn’t have a shovel. I didn’t have bread or milk or flashlights. I had no viable source of human sustenance.

Thumping down to the nearest grocery with skin drier than the Mona Lisa, I ignored the frantic grabs for batteries and Solo cups and reached for the pile of Reese’s when it appeared. There. In the distance: Butterfinger. In square form.

Nestle Butterfinger Peanut Butter Cups The Duel of Geometric Candy

Two geometric patterns. Two philosophies. I knew what I had to do.

Nestle Butterfinger Peanut Butter Cups Reese's v Butterfinger

Right out of the wrapper, the visual difference is immediate with the Reese’s holding its signature round, flat frame, while Butterfinger goes square and sans-fluted cup, its chocolate daring to look a darker brown. Despite geometric differences, both specimens glisten in fresh, chocolate-y glaze and clock in at a little more than 1.5 ounces, which is perfect for making scale models of UFO invasions should you have an upcoming project in World Domination.

Nestle Butterfinger Peanut Butter Cups Innards

There are about 4,180 recorded species of frogs. On a good day, the flavor of a Butterfinger is just as diverse: peanut butter, chocolate, salt, toffee, molasses, and…is that cornflakes? Yes. Yes, it is. And it all comes together in those crispety, crunchety, peanut buttery chunks that get stuck in your teeth. You either like that stuff ripping away at your molars or you don’t.

I love the Butterfinger taste, but can’t handle the teeth-stickage. For those of you who are similarly hoping to fill the Butterfinger rumble in your stomach while also looking to save on Butterfinger-related dentistry work, these cups hold promise: the smooth-ish peanut-butter/Butterfinger filling is strong in Butterfinger flavor, but better avoids the plaque-building pitfalls of the bar. The peanut-butter-ish filling puts all the trademark toffee, molassas, corn flakey flavors in a smoother medium. Similar to the Reese’s filling, it’s a dense concoction with a crumbly and dry quality that contrasts the fudgy exterior.

That outer chocolate shell is slightly thicker than Reese’s, but holds a fudgy texture that matches up toe-to-toe with its competitor. This is a super sweet, milky chocolate and incredibly smooth. Unfortunately, while the sweetness and smooth-ivity is high, the actual chocolate flavor is a bit dim on its own.

Despite minor chocolate pitfalls, it looks like we’ve got a solid new confection in the ring. While it doesn’t surpass my Reese’s, it does offer up that molasses, corn syrup, peanut-buttery love in a tasty, affordable format. If you have the slightest a pocket of fondness for Bart Simpson’s favorite candy, I’d say pick one up. It may be sweet enough to distract you into spontaneously jaywalking across a side street, but just be sure to look both ways before you start eating and you should have a good candy/jaywalking experience.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 package/2 cups – 230 calories, 130 calories from fat, 14 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 22 grams of sugars, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Nestle Butterfinger Peanut Butter Cups
Purchased Price: 50 cents (on sale)
Size: 2 cups
Purchased at: Kroger
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Crumbly Butterfinger filling. Contrasts in texture. Low teeth-stickage ratio. No fluted cups. Makes good eating during an ice storm. Pondering the diversity of frog species.
Cons: May be too sweet for some. Encourages Butterfinger-induced dentistry work. Jaywalking. World domination. Walking in a winter vortex.

REVIEW: Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Sandwich Cookies

Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Cookies

Historians speak of a time when sandwich cookies didn’t exist. A time when T. rexes and carnivorous, boulder-sized iguanas scoured the land, all crazy-eyed and hungry to fill the five empty sugar chambers of their reptilian, soon-to-be-extinct hearts. I hypothesize the true reason for these animals’ disappearance was neither a comet nor a great flood, but the absence of a cookie and a cold glass of milk.

It is with this in mind that I become grateful to live in a time when cookie sandwiches not only exist, but seem to generate from some enchanted, dextrose-enhanced geyser in Yellowstone Park. With Oreo flinging Banana Split and Watermelon sandwiches all over the place, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that Nesquik’s taking the dive for the caboose of the cookie sandwich train, holding tight to the cabin car as it offers up these new double chocolate goods.

Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Cookies Nesquik pack of generosity

Upon ripping open my first bag, I was astonished to find that this is not just a tray of cookies, but 12 individually wrapped packs of cookies (I should’ve read the package’s front first), and, while Ziplocs and overpriced FoodSavers have made individual wrapping seem like no big thang, I can’t help but appreciate the gesture.

I like to cram cookies in my maw at my leisure, not under the unspoken pressure to shove them down before they become stale, tragic discs, and, as many know, for every moment after you open that big Family Pack of Oreos, those cookies get just a little less fresh. Here, the task of stale-prevention has not only been done for me, but all the text on the packets have been printed in English and Spanish, so I have the freedom learn some Spanish while scarfing cookies down, which is exactly what I’m gonna do now.

Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Cookies I shall eat you, Quiky

Hola, friendly, anthropomorphic bunny, Quiky! I am going to eat you!

One of the marks of a good sandwich cookie comes with the dynamic of The Twist. Do the cookies separate easily? Does one wafer come off clean? Or is it a wrestling match? Does it leave a slab of cream on one biscuit? Or does the cream just plunk off on to the floor? And these Nesquiks stood up to the test. While not performing the super smooth, Triple-Axel clean sweep that an Oreo might provide, the Nesquiks perform a fairly good separation, usually leaving a smidge of frosting on one biscuit while keeping a large chunk on the other. Some twists are more successful than others. Luckily, each pack, or “pacquet,” gives you four (yes, four) cookies to wrestle with, so, if one twist fails, you have the freedom to try, try again.

Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Cookies Twist Test

But at the end of the journey, The Twist stands secondary to The Taste, and, while not an Oreo, this little packet of cremed-up discs holds its own. The crunchy wafer harkens back to some distant hot chocolate mixed with a touch malt, while the thin layer of creme serves as a gritty, sugary, milk-chocolate version of palm oil goodness, a bit more chalky than the Oreo middles, but still a respectable representation in its own right.

Taken as a whole, the cookies are straight-up sweet cocoa and perfect for those who enjoy a subtle milk chocolate and malt flavors. Would I have liked more taste contrasts between the creme and cookie? Sure, but they fulfill my craving for midday milk chocolate and that’s good enough for me.

Having swept through three packs now, I’ll admit: these surprised me. In the mess of evaporated milks and hot chocolates, Ovaltines and Alba powders, I’ve often pushed Nesquik aside, leaving it as the forgotten, distant, frumpy, and chalky cousin to Hershey’s syrup. I say it’s high time I amend this loss, resurrect the Forgotten One in all its mild cocoa regalia and declare my love for it through this new cookie form. These sandwiches have taken the qualities of Nesquik powder (a milky, malty cocoa) and smooshed it into a cookie sandwich, and that is a noble deed.

While they may not be made from imported, single-sourced, organic 73 percent cocoa picked from the tree this morning, they’re just chocolate-y enough, leaving behind a whiff of that dusty, cheap cocoa that I’ve come to love/hate, and that is enough to keep me trundling back with eager, empty hands, needing nothing more than a glass of milk and a cookie to fill my grumbly stomach.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pack/4 cookies – 160 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of potassium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Sandwich Cookies
Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 1 box/12 packs
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: That distinct cheap cocoa taste. Crunchy biscuits. Good twist qualities. Generous gestures to prevent staleness. Learning Spanish and eating cookies at the same time. Reasons to eat anthropomorphic bunnies.
Cons: That distinct cheap cocoa taste. Chocolate flavor gets a bit one-note. Arguably thin creme layer. Grumbly stomachs. Carnivorous, boulder-sized iguanas.