Tag: Nilla Wafers

Nilla Wafers are boring. I’d actually say they’re a historically boring cookie.

Here’s the thing, I don’t mind a boring cookie. Sometimes ya just want a boring cookie.

I always have a “boring” snack hidden in the back of my pantry. Whether it’s Ritz or Saltine crackers, a bag of Goldfish, or some good ol’ Nilla Wafers, I have a weird affinity for what I refer to as “desperation snacks.”

You’re probably wondering what the heck I’m even talking about. These are snacks I buy intentionally for when I run out of all the primo stuff and I’m too lazy to get more.

That’s where Nilla Wafers come into play. They’re never my top choice, but when everything else is gone, a few of those can curb a sugar craving. I’m never gonna eat a whole box in one sitting. But then again, with a new lemon flavor on shelves, maybe that’ll change?

Nah, that won’t change.

When I popped open the foil bag of Lemon Nilla Wafers, there wasn’t much of a departure from what I remember. I’d say there’s a minuscule lemon Pez scent. The smell did resonate with me though.

I never realized how much Nilla Wafers smelled like those little boxes of Barnum’s Animal Crackers. It makes sense since they’re both Nabisco staples, I just never noticed. It really brought back fond childhood memories.

Nilla Wafers always have a texture that makes them seem borderline stale even when they’re fresh. These were no different. I’ve always preferred to let them melt in my mouth.

They didn’t taste far off from the originals. There’s a hint of lemon flavor at best. As a fan of lemon desserts, I was disappointed, but in terms of Nilla Wafers I actually think I prefer these. I could definitely see myself eating more of them at once, but they’d still fall into my desperation snack category.

Just for fun, I used Mystery Oreo creme to make Lemon Nilla Wafer Sandwiches.

Turns out, the Lemon Nilla Wafer worked better with the (my dark horse guess) Fruity Pebbles Treat-flavored creme than the chocolate Oreo cookie did. Take note, Nabisco.

All in all, I’d say Lemon Nilla Wafers make a strong case for “back of the pantry desperation” snack. That’s if I don’t use them all to make more sandwich cookies first.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 wafers – 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: 11 oz. box
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 6 out of 10 (8 out of 10 with Mystery Oreo creme)
Pros: One of the all time great “desperation snacks.” Melt in your mouth. Better than the originals. Excellent Mystery Oreo cookie substitute. Animal Cracker nostalgia.
Cons: Lemon is faint at best. Better supporting player than standalone cookie. No actual lemon in the ingredients. A little pricey.

With the introduction of Nilla Cakesters, the milking of the Cakesters brand has begun and we can officially start the countdown to Nutter Butter Cakesters, which is less exciting than a Space Shuttle countdown, but less creepy than a Miley Cyrus 18th birthday countdown website.

It seemed like Nilla wafers were the bastard child in the Nabisco family and not loved at all, until these Nilla Cakesters were introduced. While Oreo and Nutter Butter have lickable cream centers and Oreos come in more variations than women at a quality Nevada whorehouse, Nilla wafers (or Illa Nilla, as the kids like to call them) have been just plain vanilla over the years: no limited edition variation, no chocolate version, and Santa Claus not only rejects them at Christmas, he drags out of bed the kids who left them there, burns their lump of coal in front of them, and then brands the kid’s arm with it.

The Nilla Cakesters remind me of Brooke Hogan because they both have bland looking round golden cakes, white filling, and the inability to spell the word “vanilla” correctly. They also look like the smaller, less-phallic cousin of Twinkies, and much like Twinkies, the Nilla Cakesters had a greasy taste and feel to it. Its greasiness surprised me, since the cake in the Nilla Cakesters was quite dry. A vanilla flavor was pretty much non-existent, unless the greasy flavor is some Nabisco Nutrition Nerd’s interpretation of vanilla, which if it is, that nerd needs to get back into the laboratory and create some better tasting and more realistic processed shit.

Until then, Nilla wafers will continue to be the Rodney Dangerfield of the Nabisco family.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cakes – 220 calories, 10 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 135 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 32 grams of carbs, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 22 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% calcium, 2% iron and 10.56 ounces of illa.)

Item: Nilla Cakesters
Price: $3.00
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Contains polyunsaturated fat and monounsaturated fat, which have health benefits. No trans fat. Nevada whorehouses. Oreos. The Space Shuttle. Weezer’s video for “Pork and Beans.”
Cons: Greasy flavor and feel. Cake was dry. High Fructose Corn Syrup. The chaos when Santa is given Nilla wafers. Miley Cyrus 18th birthday countdown website.