Tag: Non-Dairy

REVIEW: Ripple Chocolate Milk

Marvo 3 Comments

Ripple Chocolate Milk

If you told me a decade ago I’d be drinking pea milk and enjoying it, I’d laugh and tell you I’m not into that gross stuff. Then after explaining it’s p-e-a and not p-e-e, I’d again laugh and tell you I’m not into that gross stuff.

I don’t care for the pea’s texture, flavor, and ability to affect a princess’ sleep. I avoid chicken pot pies because of the chance I’ll eat one and I always throw out that one freeze dried pea you get with every Cup Noodles.

So it’s odd I ended up buying a bottle of dairy-free Chocolate Ripple Milk, which is made with flavorless pea protein. It’s not the green peas you’ll find swimming in a chicken a la king, it’s yellow peas. But it’s still peas. Although I don’t care for the vegetable, I might’ve bought this so that I can say in a pretentious tone, “Oh, you drink almond milk? Well, have you tried pea milk? No? You should try it someday.”

According to the Ripple website, a cup of Chocolate Ripple has more protein and less sugar than an equal serving of chocolate soy milk. Plus, it provides Omega-3 fatty acids.

Ripple is available in original, unsweetened, vanilla, and chocolate flavors. I haven’t tried any of the others, but this chocolate one reminded me of reduced fat chocolate milk. If you gave some to a kid and told them it came from a cow, they’d believe you. But I guess if you put cocoa into any milk it’ll do a great job at hiding whatever it’s made from, probably even pee milk.

While I enjoyed its flavor, I noticed an oddity with its texture. It initially was creamy in my mouth, but then it became thinner. However, I noticed it because I was swishing it around in my mouth, like some pretentious wine taster or Listerine burn lover. But I imagine most folks won’t notice since their mouth to throat transit time will be much quicker than mine.

There’s also the issue of price. Forty-eight ounce bottles retail for five dollars. A half gallon (64 ounces) of other dairy-free milks are about the same price or cheaper.

Overall, I do see myself buying Chocolate Ripple Milk again, if its price comes down. When it does, it’ll be the only way I’ll consume peas.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 fl oz – 220 calories, 80 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 135 milligrams of sodium, 680 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 26 grams of sugar, 12 grams of protein, 15% vitamin A, 70% calcium, 45% vitamin D, 20% iron, and 4% magnesium.)

Purchased Price: $2.79*
Size: 12 fl oz bottle
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like reduced fat chocolate milk. More protein and less sugar than chocolate soy milk. Provides Omega-3 fatty acids. Conversation starter with vegetarian or vegan? Listerine burn.
Cons: More expensive than other dairy-free milks. Slightly changing texture is odd. Peas. Listerine burn. Bragging about all the dairy-free milks you’ve had.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Silk Pumpkin Spice Almond Nog

Marvo 4 Comments

Silk Pumpkin Spice Almond Nog

I like almond milk. It gives me a break from soy milk, which gives me a break from regular cow milk, which gives me a break from soda, which gives me a break from water, which gives me a break from food, which gives me a break from having a conversation with someone who won’t shut up about The Walking Dead. I’m sure it’s a wonderful TV show, but I’m not going to watch it. So you don’t need to convince me.

I also like pumpkin spice and am not sick of everything being pumpkin spice-ified. So seeing my two likes together in one carton made me as excited as a Walking Dead fan minutes before a new season starts.

Silk Pumpkin Spice Almond Nog isn’t the first pumpkin spice product from the brand. It has a pumpkin spice soy milk, which I enjoy and have purchased a few times. Since Silk has added pumpkin spice to their almond milk, it wouldn’t be surprising if we see the autumn spices with their coconut milk, cashew milk, and whatever nut milk Silk develops in the future. My money is on Brazilian nut.

Silk’s Pumpkin Spice Almond Nog has wonderful scent. When I pulled back the safety ring and took a whiff, it was like what I imagine motorboarding two pumpkin pies would smell like. It has an orange tint that looks like the result of a Creamsicle that’s been completely melted into a puddle mixed with the tears of a child who’s crying because he or she dropped that Creamsicle. Its texture is about the same as almond milk, not as creamy as soy milk, but not as thin as skim milk.

But its texture is also a bit weird and I’m not sure how to describe it. I guess it has an artificial creaminess to it. Actually, now that I think about it, all Silk products, thanks to thickening agents and emulsifiers, have an artificial creaminess, but this nog seems different than the other products.

Silk Pumpkin Spice Almond Nog 2

While the beverage’s aroma reminds me of the Thanksgiving dessert staple, its flavor does not. The spices are there — with cinnamon being the strongest, followed by ginger and nutmeg — but instead of pumpkin pie, its taste reminds me of cinnamon pancakes drowning in Mrs. Butterworth’s or Aunt Jemima. Yes, that does sound tasty but not at all what I was hoping for and I did not enjoy it much.

Also, I don’t know if many people care about this, but this beverage is nutritionally empty. A cup of Silk’s almond milk has 45 percent of your recommended calcium and 50 percent of your recommended vitamin E. A half-cup of this provides no calcium or vitamin E. Almonds are a great source of vitamin E, so how could it not have any vitamin E?

If you need a non-dairy pumpkin spice beverage fix, there are other options. I know there’s Almond Dream pumpkin spice-flavored milk and Califia Farms has a pumpkin spice latte with almond milk, but I haven’t had them so I can’t compare. But I can compare it with the Silk Pumpkin Spice soy milk and I think the soy milk version is much better tasting.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 50 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 8 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Silk Pumpkin Spice Almond Nog
Purchased Price: $4.69
Size: 1 quart
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Free of soy, dairy, gluten, lactose, cholesterol, eggs, casein, and carrageenan. Smells nice. The Walking Dead (so everyone says).
Cons: Free of decent flavor. Provides no vitamin E, which is weird because it’s made with almond milk. Not as good as Silk’s pumpkin spice soy milk. Weird texture.

REVIEW: Silk Vanilla Iced Latté Coffeehouse Drink

Kelley 7 Comments

Silk Iced Latte Coffeehouse Drink Vanilla

I consider myself very lucky to have no food allergies. I’m allergic to dust, pollen, weeds, grass, animals, and I suspect just “going outside”, but I have no aversion to lactose, gluten, or anything else food-related.

This is fortunate for me, since I have very little self-control. If I ever became lactose intolerant, I would probably spend the rest of my life sharting myself, because I love dairy products and you’ll have to pry a slice of pizza with extra cheese out of my cold, dead hands. I’m assuming I died from diarrhea-related dehydration.

Many others are not as lucky as I, however. Fortunately, for those with an intolerance to cow milk, there’s soy milk!

I’ve known a few moo milk-drinkers who have tried soy milk and been all, “Ew, gross, this tastes and feels nothing like real milk.” Well, no, because it’s not cow milk. Please try not to faint from shock when something tastes different than something else because it’s made from completely different ingredients. God forbid you eat a tofu burger; you’d probably have a heart attack. Or not, because you’re much more likely to have a heart attack eating red meat.

I say all this like I’m the greatest lactose intolerant/vegan sympathizer out there. In reality, I’m a total asshole and constantly make fun of my hippy friends who are vegetarians, and deal out juvenile fart jokes to anyone I know who can’t eat dairy.

That said, I’ve quietly cheated on cow milk with soy milk quite a few times in my past. It had nothing to do with health – in fact, I generally have a natural aversion to anything that’s good for me – I just like the way it tastes, specifically the vanilla and almond varieties.

When I saw that Silk had come out with “iced latté coffeehouse drinks”, I immediately thought of Starbucks bottled Frappuccinos, and wondered how the two would compare. Before you get your panties in a bunch over the fact that lattés and cappuccinos are different, consider that these are pre-made store products, not drinks created by your favorite barista.

Silk’s Iced Lattés come in two flavors – vanilla and mocha. I chose vanilla simply because I prefer it over chocolate. Don’t get me started on people who think vanilla isn’t a legit flavor – I just spent two paragraphs defending soy milk, which goes against every opportunity-for-mockery bone in my body. Those are most of my bones, by the way.

Silk’s website sez: “Be your own barista with smooth, refreshing Silk Vanilla Iced Latte. A wholesome blend of Silk soymilk and espresso from premium Arabica coffee beans, our Iced Latte is deliciously dairy-free, with no artificial sweeteners, colors or flavors and no high-fructose corn syrup. Coffeehouse-quality taste, conveniently located in your home fridge.”

Right off the bat, I like that they don’t use HFCS, because I’m a total snob about that. On a sarcastic note, I also like that they’re too lazy to use the é in “latte”, despite it being obviously present on the carton. Hey Silk, it’s not that hard to learn alt codes. Or copy and paste the symbol off of Wikipedia, which is what I’m doing for this éntiré réviéw. See how easy that is?

Now then, to the drink itself.

Silk Vanilla Iced Latté Coffeehouse Drink is a little thicker than normal Silk soy milk, but not quite as thick as a Frappuccino, or a latté you’d get at an actual coffee house. This is to be expected, since soy milk is generally more watery than moo milk. I don’t usually mind this, but when you start getting into fancypants coffee territory, viscosity is important, and Silk juuuuuust missed the mark on creaminess.

Silk Iced Latte Coffeehouse Drink Vanilla Closeup

What it may lack in texture, Silk iced latte makes up for in flavor. I could immediately taste the vanilla, and it wasn’t just “soy milk vanilla”, it was “shot of vanilla syrup” vanilla, which is important in a coffee drink. It also had just the right amount of sweetness, which is something I can’t even say for some other coffee drinks – I’ve had some vanilla lattés that were so sweet they made my stomach hurt afterwards.

As for the coffee itself, I found its flavor to be a little lacking. Not in quality, but in quantity. There was a nice coffee finish, but it was too muted. I like my share of fru-fru coffee drinks, but I also want it to actually taste like coffee. In a perfect drink, I like my vanilla and coffee flavors to be about 50/50. I felt like in this drink, it was more 70/30.

Silk Vanilla Iced Latté Coffeehouse Drink isn’t perfect – the consistency is a little too thin, and the coffee flavor too muted – but if you’ve been looking for a lactose-free, gluten-free alternative to Starbucks bottled vanilla Frappuccino, this drink isn’t too shabby. The non-HFCS sweetness and vanilla flavors are pleasant, and it does actually have some caffeine in it. Although the carton does not specify how much, the Silk website says it has 64 milligrams of caffeine per serving. All in all, it’s a decent off-the-shelf coffee soy drink.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup – 100 calories, 0.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 20 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Silk Iced Latté reviews:
The Good Karma Kitchen

Item: Silk Vanilla Iced Latté Coffeehouse Drink
Purchased Price: $3.49 (on sale; regularly $4.59)
Size: Half gallon
Purchased at: Albertson’s
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice vanilla flavor. Juvenile fart jokes. Just the right amount of sweetness. Caffeine. No high-fructose corn syrup.
Cons: Coffee flavor was too muted. Sharting. Could have been creamier. Silk’s copy writers being too lazy to put an accent mark over the “e” in “latté”.

REVIEW: Silk Soymilk Mint Chocolate

Marvo 6 Comments

Silk Mint Chocolate Soy Milk

Do your children still believe in Santa Claus?

Good. Keep lying to them and recommend that instead of plain white milk, which “Santa” throws out anyway, they should pour a glass of Silk’s Mint Chocolate Soymilk to go with the cookies they leave out for Santa.

If your children ask you why Silk Soymilk Mint Chocolate, tell them leaving the special seasonal flavor of soymilk might encourage Santa to leave them a better gift, like a pony, a mommy and daddy who don’t fight all the time, or the greatest gift of all, a $1,000 iTunes gift card.

Of course, if they leave out the mint chocolate-flavored soymilk for Santa, they won’t wake up to any of those awesome gifts, unless you robbed a ranch or Apple Store. But you can console them by saying, “Maybe Santa didn’t leave you a pony because you were a little too naughty this year. What do you have to say for yourself? Is there anything you’d like to admit?”

Why lie to your children in order to get them to pour a glass of this flavored soymilk for Santa? Because you’re probably tired of plain white milk, Silk Soymilk Mint Chocolate is tasty, and because, admit it, lying to your kids is so easy to do.

Children are so dumb… I mean, gullible… I mean, innocent.

No, on second thought, since I don’t have children, I mean dumb.

I think Silk Soymilk Mint Chocolate is good enough to make up for the compounded lies and therapy your offspring might have to go through to get past trust issues. Also, if you have no guilt or conscience, I believe the soymilk will taste much sweeter.

Silk Mint Chocolate Cup

Unfortunately, the soymilk’s chocolate flavor wasn’t what I was expecting. I was hoping it would be as chocolatey as Silk’s regular chocolate soymilk, but just like the drinks at strip clubs, it was slightly watered down. However, the soymilk has the right amount of mint flavor. There’s just enough so that you know it’s there, but it doesn’t overpower, much like the amount of cologne a gentleman puts on.

The Silk Soymilk Mint Chocolate isn’t perfect, but I think it’s the best of the three Silk Soymilk holiday flavors, which also include Nog and Pumpkin Spice. Also, I think if you add a little Baileys Irish Cream, it will make the toy below slightly less annoying, if your child asks Santa for it.

If you can’t see the video, click here

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup – 90 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram polyunsaturated fat, 0 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 300 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 30% calcium, 30% vitamin D, 4% folate, 8% magnesium, 10% iron, 25% riboflavin, 50% vitamin B12 and 2% zinc.)

Item: Silk Soymilk Mint Chocolate
Price: $3.79
Size: 1 quart
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Best tasting of the three Silk Soymilk holiday flavors. Lactose, dairy and cholesterol free. No saturated fat. Tastes good warmed up. Ponies. Contains a bunch of vitamins and minerals. A $1,000 iTunes gift card.
Cons: Unexpectedly weak chocolate flavor. Slightly disappointing amounts of protein. Seasonal flavor. Watered down drinks at strip clubs. Your children having to go to therapy due to trust issues caused by being lied to. Annoying Christmas gifts.

REVIEW: Silk PureAlmond Almond Milk (Original and Vanilla)

Marvo 13 Comments

The new Silk PureAlmond Almond Milk continues my amazement with Silk and their ability to get milk from things that don’t have teats. Although if you put together two almonds side-by-side, they look like tanned shriveled boobs that never saw a bra in their lives and lost to gravity eons ago.

Call me unsophisticated or a sucker of the dairy industry’s nipple, but I’ve never heard of almond milk. Actually, I didn’t know almonds could be made into anything other than trail mix, desserts, Almond Joy and Almond Roca.

Almonds are known for being wholesome because they’re packed with vitamin E and contain the heart-healthy and prefix-happy polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats; almond milk contains all the benefits of almonds and it’s lower in calories than regular milk; and almond eyes mesmerize me. Silk’s version of this milk alternative made from a saggy boob-shaped nut comes in two varieties — original and vanilla.

As someone who has never consumed almond milk, but eats a lot of Almond Roca, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Fortunately, after trying both varieties, I have to say Silk did a good job of creating something that didn’t gross me out.

The original version tastes like almonds with a little bit of sweetness. So if you’ve had an almond, whether it be from a trail mix or given to you by friendly squirrel, you’ll know what the original Silk PureAlmond is like. At first, I thought it was weird drinking something that has the flavor of a solid and crunchy nut, but after a few more sips it quickly became no big deal. The vanilla version was significantly sweeter than the original variety. While the original version has seven grams of sugar, the vanilla one has more than double the amount. The nutty flavor is less noticeable thanks to the “natural vanilla flavor,” but I do believe it makes almond milk more palatable for those who aren’t used to it.

Not only are both flavors delicious and nutritious, they’re also lactose- and soy-free and have a consistency that’s thicker than most soy milk. However, they’re also very low in protein, which isn’t a problem for cow and soy milk. But if you hate moo milk and are allergic to soy, or you’re lactose-intolerant and hate soy, or any other combination of allergies and hate, I’d suggest giving Silk PureAlmond Almond Milk a try.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup – Vanilla – 90 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 150 milligrams of potassium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein. Original – 60 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 150 milligrams of potassium, 8 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein. Vitamins & Minerals – 10% vitamin A, 30% calcium, 25% vitamin D, 2% riboflavin, 4% magnesium, 2% copper, 4% iron, 50% vitamin E, 6% phosphorus, 2% zinc and 6% manganese.)

Item: Silk PureAlmond Almond Milk (Original and Vanilla)
Price: $3.49 each
Size: Half gallon
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Vanilla)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Original)
Pros: Both flavors are tasty. Lower in calories than regular milk. No saturated fat. Contains polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats. Good source of calcium and vitamin D. Kick ass source of vitamin E. Silk’s ability to get milk from things that don’t have teats.
Cons: Very little protein. Original flavor may take some getting used to if you’ve never had almond milk before. Vanilla flavor might be too sweet for some. Almonds look like tanned saggy boobs.