REVIEW: Tombstone Tavern Style Thin Crust Pizza

Living in Chicago taught me a few important things. 1) Your eyelashes can (and will) freeze together much easier than you’d expect them to, 2) “dibs” on parking spots is a very divisive, very serious thing, and 3) the best pizza isn’t the Chicago deep dish (which, I know, I know, some don’t consider “pizza” at all) but is instead the thin, crunchy crusted, party-cut, tavern-style pie.

But what if you’re not in Chicago? Well, I’m sure you have at least one local place that tries their hand at it. Even still, if you’re like me, you like to have a frozen pizza or two on standby for an easy, cheap dinner. And if you’re even MORE like me, a general frozen pizza guideline is, “The less crust, the better.” With the exception of the best frozen pizza, period (Motor City Pizza Co.), most frozen pizza crust, to put it bluntly, sucks. That’s why I was excited when I spotted Tombstone’s new Tavern Style Thin Crust Pizza.

Tombstone tends to be one of my preferred options when it comes to the low-end of frozen pizza. The crust isn’t too thick, the sauce isn’t applied too heavily, and the pepperoni version uses round slices and the little cubed kind. When they’re on sale, and I notice it, I’ll pick one up. Would I buy the new Tavern Style again? Eh. Probably not for more than a couple of bucks.

It’s offered in two versions: The Primo, featuring pepperoni, sausage, red onions, and banana peppers, and the one I tried for this review, the Let’s Meat Up (a brief aside about products everywhere using puns for names these days: what’s the deal?) featuring pepperoni, pork belly crumbles, and, in addition to mozzarella, cheddar cheese (The Primo only has mozz). The website copy further suggests that the sauce is “zesty” and the crust is “buttery.”

While I wouldn’t necessarily call the sauce “zesty,” it was mildly noticeable. It tasted like generic frozen pizza sauce. The crust was in no way buttery. It was bland and inoffensive, but it held up fine under the weight of the… okay, there was no weight to the pizza. The pepperoni— which was your run-of-the-mill round Tombstone pepperoni— was sparse. So, too, was the application of “pork belly crumbles,” which were salty and crispy. They reminded me, for better or worse, of pre-cooked bacon crumbles you get in a bag to put on a salad. I enjoyed their presence, as they were the only thing keeping this from being a completely pedestrian and unmemorable frozen pizza. The cheese types were indistinguishable from one another; you could’ve paid me a thousand dollars, and I’d have never been able to tell you it had mozzarella AND cheddar.

I’m willing to bet these will be quickly gone, like your dibs in some neighborhoods, and not exactly missed, like the sensation of your eyes freezing together on the Montrose Brown line platform at 7 a.m. in the middle of January.

Purchased Price: $5.99 (on sale)
Size: 19.8 oz
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/4 pizza) 350 calories, 19 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 870 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar (including 5 grams of added sugar), and 15 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Domino’s New York Style Pizza

Where can you find Domino’s hometown, Joe’s Pizza’s first non-NYC location, the OGs of Detroit-Style pizza, AND Little Caesars’ hometown within a 30-mile radius?

The lower “thumb*” area of Michigan, of course! And I just happen to reside in this microcosm of pizza. So when Domino’s introduced its New York Style Pizza, I felt particularly compelled to try it because of Domino’s hometown roots AND because there’s a legit NYC institution (Joe’s Pizza) down the street.

Domino’s offers five types of pizza crusts: pan, hand tossed, crunchy thin, gluten free, and now New York Style.

Ordered as-is, the New York-style pie was an X-large 16″ pizza with the standard “Robust Inspired Tomato Sauce” and a cheese blend of cheddar, mozzarella, and provolone. It was also cut into six slices, rather than eight, to enable folding.

Compared to the regular hand tossed, it was noticeably flatter and less seasoned looking. This wasn’t surprising as the hand tossed crust includes a garlic-oil seasoning blend. Unfortunately, this visual translated to a lack of flavor. It was rather bland and cardboard-like, especially with the thinner nature of it. Also, despite the robust tomato sauce (rather than the hearty marinara sauce), it didn’t impart any robust flavor.

Domino’s achieved the texture, though! It folded nicely, stayed firm, and wasn’t super greasy. I must mention that I clearly did not test it with any other toppings except for cheese, so the foldability was not rigorously tested. While I would test this further, none of the other toppings really interested or screamed NYC to me. Like, where’s the white pizza at?!

However, if we’re really nitpicking here, while the texture was foldable and structurally sound, it lacked that slight chewiness and springiness in the classic NYC crust.

If you want to switch up crusts, why not try the New York Style? I won’t stop ya. But if you’re on the fence, I don’t really find it worthy of replacing your go-to order.

*Because the physical state of Michigan is shaped somewhat like a mitten (Mitten State!), Michiganders use their hands to show where they generally reside – e.g., the thumb area, the palm area, the fingertips, etc.)

Purchased Price: $13.99
Size: XL (16”)
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (199g) 510 calories, 24 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 1050 milligrams of sodium, 48 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 5 grams of total sugar, and 23 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Papa Johns Crispy Cuppy’ Roni Papadia

Doesn’t it seem like all the pizza chains have been releasing products with crispy cupped pepperoni? As someone who follows this stuff more than any normal person should, it’s hard to ignore it. Little Caesars, Pizza Hut, Domino’s. Oh wait, Domino’s doesn’t have cupped pepperoni…yet. But beating Domino’s to the punch is Papa Johns with its Crispy Cuppy’ Roni line of products: XL New York Pizza, Papadia, and Papa Bites.

Because it’s been windy here, and I didn’t want an extra large pizza box to become a sail in that wind, but I wanted to feel like I ate a pizza, I ended up getting the Papadia version that features crispy, cuppy pepperoni, creamy tomato sauce, and a three cheese blend folded in the chain’s fresh, never frozen original dough to create a handheld flatbread-style sandwich. Mine also came with a side of pizza sauce for plunging, but you can get it with any sauce Papa offers.

Having cupped pepperoni from other chains, I knew what to expect with these curled slices of meat, crispy edges, and a slightly different taste than the regular pepperoni. And that’s what I got here. Well, at least with the ones peeking out from the edges of the crust. Those that were compressed between cheese and dough weren’t as crispy, and I wish I had taken the chance of being blown away by gusts of wind and got the pizza instead. But I did get some crispiness back with the edges of the dough. Also, the promotional photos appear to have a plentiful amount of pepperoni, but my Papadia was poorly packed with meat. Perhaps four or five per half.

I’ve read that the creamy tomato sauce is a new addition to this Papadia, but Papa’s usual pizza sauce is still available. The only taste difference I noticed is that the new sauce is not as sweet as Papa’s regular pizza sauce, making it not too prominent among the cheese, meat, and bread. But if you want to wash over your taste buds with that sweet, red sauce, you can always get it in a dipping cup.

Papa Johns Crispy Cuppy’ Roni Papadia is pleasant, and I’d order it again. But if you want a better experience with the new cupped pepperoni, getting the XL New York Pizza might be the way to go.

Purchased Price: $9.99
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 870 calories, 42 grams of fat, 21 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 2120 milligrams of sodium, 81 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 39 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Little Caesars Crazy Puffs

There’s a product on shelves now called The Pizza Cupcake that was seen on Shark Tank. I’m not saying Little Caesars’ cupcake-looking Crazy Puffs are heavily influenced by those, but they sure seem like they were heavily influenced by those.

Little Caesars’ Crazy Puffs are available in two varieties: Pepperoni and 3 Cheese & Herb. The 3 Cheese & Herb one features four hand-held pizza puffs with mozzarella and pizza sauce topped with a buttery-garlic flavored drizzle, Italian herb, and parmesan seasoning. The Pepperoni option includes everything in the other one, plus pepperoni. I ended up picking up both because I’m crazy.

The employee handing me my order told me that these were good. I asked her which one she liked more, and without skipping a beat, she said the pepperoni one but with a little hidden-mouth action, like she didn’t want the 3 Cheese & Herb ones to hear her.

They came in a box about the size of a Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizza box but much more rugged and corrugated. I guess you could think of this as individual-sized Little Caesars pizza. After eating two of both varieties, I wasn’t stuffed, but I wasn’t hungry. So, the four per order seems like the right amount for a meal for one — well, at least for me.

Looking at the Pepperoni ones from above, it seems like I might’ve been cheated out of some pepperoni, but most of the slices are under that cheese layer. As for the 3 Cheese & Herb Crazy Puffs, the Little Caesars employee was right, I enjoyed it slightly less than the Pepperoni one, but that might be the carnivore in me talking. There’s enough topping on (in?) both to ensure you don’t end up with a crust-only bite. I wish both varieties were a bit more garlicky and herby, but they are something I’d pick up again if I want the Little Caesars pizza flavor without having to buy an entire pizza.

The drizzle and seasonings add enough flavor that it’s not necessary to dip them in the included marinara tub. However, there’s a piddly amount of pizza sauce in the Crazy Puffs, so the container will come in handy if you want more of that slightly sweet, slightly acidic red sauce. The well-baked areas on the crust had some crispiness, but for the most part, the bread-y sections were soft and easy to bite through.

Overall, Little Caesars Crazy Puffs aren’t crazy good. They’re just good.

Purchased Price: $4.99 each*
Size: 4-pieces
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Pepperoni), 7 out of 10 (3 Cheese & Herb)
Nutrition Facts: Pepperoni – 690 calories. 3 Cheese & Herb – 610 calories. No other nutritional information is available on the website, but I assume the caloric numbers are for all four pieces.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Pizza Hut Hot Honey Double Pepperoni Pizza

I’m all for this hot honey trend that seems to have been going on for the past year or so. Just thinking of “hot honey” makes me smile. But not for the reasons you think.

It brings a smile to my face because saying, hearing, or reading the words “hot honey” makes me imagine Winnie the Pooh saying, “Oh, you’re looking hot, honey,” to an enticing, overfilled jar of honey in the most seductive voice that Winnie the Pooh can conjure up while rubbing his belly with both hands and wiggling his hips, with Piglet and Eeyore shaking their heads and covering their eyes.

Pizza Hut has jumped on the hot honey trend train with its new Hot Honey Double Pepperoni Pizza that features classic and crispy, cupped pepperoni and the chain’s new habanero-infused honey sauce, which, on this pizza, made me rub my belly with both hands and wiggle my hips.

Don’t let the words “habanero-infused” scare you if you’re afraid of habaneros because the hot honey doesn’t sting. There was a little burn, but it mostly made my mouth tingle. Pizza Hut’s crushed red peppers are spicier. The topping had a slight peppery flavor but mainly provided a pleasant burst of sweetness that went well with the savory meats and cheese. I liked the hot honey enough that when I got a bite that lacked any sweetness, which was rare, I lamented for a bit.

At first, I thought the addition of two different pepperoni was overkill. However, on top of the cupped pepperoni providing a crispy texture and a slightly different meaty flavor, they were also used as cups to contain the hot honey. I don’t know if that was intentional, but if it was, kudos, Pizza Hut.

If you want a pizza that’ll make you sweat or cause your mouth to burn so much that it’ll make you want to drink a cold glass of someone else’s sweat, Pizza Hut’s Hot Honey Pizza will not meet your high heat standards. But for me, saying its name and eating it makes me as happy as a particular pants-less teddy bear finding honey, and I would order it again over a regular pepperoni pizza.

Purchased Price: $15.99*
Size: Medium
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 medium pizza slice) 270 calories, 12 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 560 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 11 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.