Tag: Pop-Tarts

I’m sorry, baby!

I’m sorry I called you a tease. I didn’t mean it. I also didn’t mean to call you sick and sadistic. My emotions just got the best of me. I know you can only be a grocery store and not the supermarket I dream of in my head.

I thought going to another grocery store would be a better fit for me, but it wasn’t. I found out that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side of the fence. It was a horrible experience.

It costs $4.50 for a gallon of skim milk at the other grocery store. You offered it to me for $3.50. Also, they only had TWO checkout registers open and one was the 10 items or less register. I had to wait in line. I know you would never let that happen to me.

We broke up over something stupid. It wasn’t even worth it and I see that now. Those Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts, which I did find at the other grocery store, was such a stupid reason for me to think there was someone better than you. You’ll probably laugh at me when I tell you this, but I had to pay $3.25 for those Pop-Tarts. I know you wouldn’t have charged me that much.

The chocolate frosting and cookie dough filling of those Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts weren’t even that good, frozen or toasted. It definitely wasn’t as delicious as the S’mores and Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts that you sold to me.

I now know I’m an unemotional shell who never took into consideration your feelings. You made me feel special, but I now see that I never made you feel as special.

What can I do to make it up to you?

I can get another savings card to replace the one I cut up. I can buy 12 yogurts for $7.80. I’ll wait in your parking lot and tackle anyone who tries to steal your shopping carts. Or I’ll bag my own groceries. I’ll do anything to make it up to you.

I promise I’ll never leave you again.

Just give me one more chance.

Item: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts
Purchase Price: $3.25
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good, but not the best Pop-Tarts I’ve had. I miss you.
Cons: Didn’t meet the hype that I created for it. I’m an asshole.

The national grocery store chain I shop at is a tease.

There I said it!

She’s a tease and if she keeps doing it, I’m going to have to do my shopping at another grocery store. Sure I have to pay a little more for things, but a man can only take so much.

She teases me with her voluptuous “Buy One, Get One Free” deals. Or her sexy “10 for $12.00″ deal. Sure I don’t need twelve boxes of Kleenex, but it’s 10 for $12.00!

She tells me things that get me so excited, but always lets me down. For example, for weeks there’s been a place for those Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop Tarts with a “Coming Soon” label. Every week when I come in to shop I expect to see some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop Tarts, but every week I’m met with the same old “Coming Soon” label.

My emotions aren’t some kind of game you can play with. Don’t play games with me!

What kind of sick and sadistic grocery store are you? Teasing me with your 2 for $4.00 sale on Pop-Tarts, but not having the Pop-Tarts I really want. I’ve had to settle for the S’mores Pop-Tarts and Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts.

Sure the S’mores Pop-Tarts were good and the Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts were really good, with its fudge flavored crust, white vanilla filling, and whipped cream flavored frosting with colored candy sprinkles that tastes great either toasted or frozen. Sure I have to say that the Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts has overtaken S’mores Pop-Tarts as my favorite Pop-Tarts flavor, but I know that’s just your way of trying to cover up your issues.

How much longer are you going to keep playing games with me? You think I’m some ordinary customer. I have your savings card! I’m a regular customer. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? I thought I was special.

That’s it! I’m through with you. I’m done with your stupid “Buy One, Get One Free” sales. I’m moving on from your “10 for $12.00” deals. I’m cutting up your savings card and I’m going to shop somewhere else.

Why did you have to do this to me? I really believed we had something special.

Item: Hot Fudge Sundae Pop Tarts
Purchase Price: $2.00 (on sale)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Tastes great frozen or toasted. My new favorite Pop-Tarts flavor.
Cons: It’s not the elusive Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop Tarts. My old grocery store is a sick, sadistic tease.

I have a new guilty pleasure and I owe it all to someone who is hairy than I am.

Thanks to the Pop-Tarts Yeti (watch their commercials or visit their website and you’ll understand) I currently have an addiction to FROZEN Pop-Tarts. Who would have thought sticking Pop-Tarts in the freezer would make them…Um…Slightly better?

When I mean “slightly better,” I mean they’re cold, because anything cold tastes much better in this summer heat.

The instructions on the box say you should put them in your freezer for at least 20 minutes. However, I found out that either 20 minutes is too short of a time or my one-year old freezer sucks, because my frozen Pop-Tarts were hardly frozen. I recommend leaving them in for at least two hours.

What the freezing does is make the Pop-Tarts chewy, cold, and that’s about it. However, that’s good enough for me because in three days, I ate eight frozen S’mores Pop-Tarts. That approximately averages to too many per day.

I can’t help it though. Those S’mores Pop-Tarts were downright good. They tasted like s’mores, with its chocolate/marshmallow filling and graham cracker frosting. It’s a wonderful way to enjoy s’mores without the gooey mess and the hassles of building a campfire, which is hard to do in the middle of a concrete jungle and my property manager doesn’t allow open fires on the premises.

Actually, this was supposed to be a review on the new Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts, but the national grocery store chain I shop at didn’t have any. Instead, I had to settle for whatever they had (i.e. S’mores Pop-Tarts), which turns out wasn’t a bad thing to settle for. It was like I really wanted to go out on a date with Angelina Jolie, but I ended up going out with Lindsay Lohan instead. Not really what I wanted, but delicious nonetheless. (Wait, I can say that? Lindsay Lohan is 18 years old, right? I don’t want to seem like some pedophile creep. She’s eighteen? Good.)

To be honest, it’s been awhile since I’ve had Pop-Tarts. The last time I had them was when the craziest flavor was Brown Sugar Cinnamon and the rest of their offerings were fruit flavored. Now they’ve got all these crazy concoctions that sound more like flavors of ice cream than flavors of Pop-Tarts and my sweet tooth thanks them for it.

For now, I think these S’more Pop-Tarts are the best tasting Pop-Tarts I’ve ever had…Frozen. Unfortunately, during my frozen S’mores Pop-Tarts addiction, I forgot to try toasting them.

Damn you Pop-Tarts Yeti!!!

Item: Frozen S’mores Pop-Tarts
Purchase Price: $1.69 (on sale)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Cool, chewy goodness. Just like real s’mores, without the mess, burnt tongues, and possible forest fires.
Cons: Must wait for freezing. Fricking store didn’t have Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts!!!