Tag: Red Bull

REVIEW: Red Bull Total Zero Energy Drink

Marvo 16 Comments

Red Bull Total Zero

The list of beverages that contain the word “zero” in their name is significantly larger than zero.

Here, I’ll let you count some of them: Coke Zero, Sprite Zero, VitaminWater Zero, Powerade Zero, Propel Zero, Monster Absolutely Zero Energy Drink, Rockstar Zero Carb Energy Drink, Fanta Zero, Dr Pepper Zero, Big Red Zero, Sodastream Zero Cola, Pibb Zero, Virgil’s Zero Root Beer, Diet Rite Pure Zero, Schweppes Zero Cream Soda, Mello Yello Zero, and now Red Bull Total Zero Energy Drink.

Wow. That’s a lot of zeroes. I haven’t seen that many zeroes since Chicago White Sox pitcher Philip Humber’s perfect game. Or if you’re reading this in 2013 or beyond, or have no idea what a perfect game is…I haven’t seen that many zeroes since I stood in between two parallel mirrors and looked at an infinite reflection of myself.

Companies attach the word “zero” to their beverages for several reasons. They either contain zero grams of sugar, zero calories, zero grams of carbohydrates, or any combination of the three. Although with some beverages, I’d like to think the word “zero” equates to the zero creativity used to come up with a name, instead taking whatever another company used.

As for Red Bull Total Zero Energy Drink, it has no calories, zero grams of sugar, and zero grams of carbohydrates. Although, if I wanted to be a total prick about it, I could say it’s not “total zero” because it has 60 milligrams of sodium and less than one gram of protein. Oh, I should note my head hurt trying to wrap my brain around the fact that for some strange reason the 12-ounce size has ten calories. That there is some crazy ass food math.

Wait, I just thought of something.

If Coca-Cola, who started this “zero” beverage trend, makes Dasani Zero bottled water, I swear I’m going to punch a polar bear in the face.

Red Bull Total Zero has a similar aroma and the same amber color as the other two Red Bull varieties (original and sugar free), and it has the same amounts of taurine and caffeine, both of which are supposed to give Red Bull drinkers wings. I estimate I’ve consumed almost 50 cans of Red Bull, but despite all that liquid and lots of bell ringing, I have yet to get my wings.

Red Bull Comparison Chart

As for Red Bull Total Zero’s flavor, it isn’t as syrupy as regular Red Bull and it’s slightly more artificial sweetener-y than Red Bull Sugar Free, but it has that distinct Red Bull flavor. In order to be calorie, carb, and sugar free, Red Bull Total Zero contains the Three Sweeteneers: Aspartame, Sucralose, and Acesulfame K. Red Bull Sugar Free contains just Aspartame and Acesulfame K.

Overall, I think Red Bull Total Zero is decent, but between it and Red Bull Sugar Free, I prefer the latter because it’s smoother. Sure, the sugar free version has ten calories and three grams of carbohydrates, but that’s an insignificant difference. I think I just burned ten calories and three grams of carbohydrates by typing this paragraph.

(Nutrition Facts – 8.4 ounces – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 60 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Our video review:

Item: Red Bull Total Zero Energy Drink
Price: $2.29
Size: 8.4 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Has familiar Red Bull flavor. No calories, carbs, and sugar. It’s a Wonderful Life reference. Another option to mix with alcohol. Perfect games in baseball.
Cons: Not great if you hate aspartame and sucralose. Pricey when compared with other energy drinks. Slightly harsher than Red Bull Sugar Free. Excessive use of the word “zero” in the beverage industry. Dasani Zero.

REVIEW: Red Bull Cola

Marvo 16 Comments

If Red Bull claims the original version of their product is supposed to gives you wings, I wonder what their Red Bull Cola is supposed to give you. I’ve consumed four cans and the only things they’ve given me was gas and the ability to burp the first six letters of the alphabet. I was hoping to get either a halo above my head, x-ray vision, or the patience to solve a Rubik’s Cube.

For years, there were only two types of Red Bull — original and sugar-free. But last year they decided to get a little kinky and introduced a cola version of their product. Besides probably being a good mixer, what’s interesting about Red Bull Cola is that it’s all-natural. It doesn’t contain artificial flavors, colors, and phosphoric acid like the mainstream colas — Coke and Pepsi.

If it doesn’t have artificial flavors, how does it get its flavor? It does it with an ingredients list that reads like the McCormick spices section at your local supermarket. Along with caramel, sugar, and lemon juice concentrate, Red Bull Cola also contains vanilla, mustard seed, lime, kola nut, cacao, licorice, cinnamon, lemon, ginger, coca leaf, orange, corn mint, pine, cardamom, mace, and clove.

Just like having sex for the first time, the first sip from the can is a little weird, but it gets better after that. Its flavor reminded me of a less sweet RC Cola with a bit of a citrus taste. It’s not bad, but I honestly prefer the taste of Coke or Pepsi, even with the high fructose corn syrup in them.

The most disappointing thing about Red Bull Cola was that it had only 45 milligrams of caffeine per can, which is more than Coke or Pepsi, but nowhere close to the 80 milligrams found in a regular Red Bull. If you’re a caffeine addict, you probably won’t notice the 45 milligrams, unless you count having a headache or becoming very cranky due to the lack of caffeine it provides as something noticeable.

If you’re not a regular caffeine consumer because you think your body is a temple and the caffeine might disrupt the inner peace of that temple, it will probably give you a nice boost to go along with the disruption of your temple. The coffee beans included in the beverage not only provided the caffeine, but they also seemed to be the source of some sediment in the Red Bull Cola, which I like to think of as the worm at the bottom of the tequila bottle.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can – 130 calories, 0 grams of fat, 10 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 31 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Red Bull Cola
Price: $1.69
Size: 12 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Reminds me of RC Cola with a citrus twist. Easy to drink. Natural ingredients. No artificial flavors. Uses real sugar and not High Fructose Corn Syrup.
Cons: Sadly, I think Coke and Pepsi taste better. Not as much caffeine as regular Red Bull. Possible sediment from coffee beans. Might be hard to find.