Tag: Rice Krispies

What is Kellogg’s Special Edition Cookies & Creme Krispies?

It’s a flavor I didn’t see coming. I thought Rice Krispies was now all about making colorful seasonal versions, like its Spring Colors and Red & Blue varieties, because they would look cool in a Rice Krispies Treat. I expected an orange and brown fall-colored cereal to appear before any new flavor. But here we are with a cereal made rice, sugar, salt, rice flour, malt flavor, cocoa processed with alkali, and natural flavor.

How is it?

While Rice Krispies snap, crackle, and pop, its flavor, no matter the variety, has never popped, and that’s the case with this cereal. It’s probably the reason why I’ve preferred Cocoa Pebbles over Cocoa Rice Krispies.

It’s been a while since I’ve had Cocoa Rice Krispies because, you know, the whole Cocoa-Pebbles-being-better-thing. So I can’t say how or if this differs from Cocoa Rice Krispies. But I’ve eaten through three-fourths of this box of Cookies & Creme Krispies, which smells like Cocoa Pebbles Lite, and found myself being fine with the mild cocoa flavor. That’s something I can’t say about Cocoa Krispies.

But I don’t taste the creme part.

Which makes me wonder if we have to include our own creme, i.e., milk. I use Silk Vanilla Soy Milk, so pouring it into this cereal adds a creme flavor. But I don’t taste it when I eat it dry, which, by the way, is still quite good.

Anything else you need to know?

The cereal isn’t as sprinkled with cocoa cookies specks as what’s shown on the box. It’s a bit more sparse.

I would’ve turned this into Rice Krispies Treats, and there’s even a recipe on the back of the box, so I don’t have to Google one and then have every ad I see from then on be about baking. But then I thought about the last time I made Rice Krispies Treats and how I ate the entire sheet. I didn’t even cut it into pieces. My fingers pecked at the marshmallow and cereal treat slab like a bird.

Conclusion:

I’ve found most Rice Krispies varieties to be underwhelming, so I’m surprised I enjoyed Kellogg’s Cookies & Creme Krispies. Maybe I should buy another box and make a Rice Krispies Treats slab that my fingers can peck at.

Purchased Price: Way too much on eBay
Size: 12 oz box
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 1/4 cup without milk) 160 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

I believe Gwyneth Paltrow was the first big celebrity to bring it to the attention of the mass public. Gluten free is supposedly the new rage diet of those settled in the film industry. But I ask you, what do they know? These people are the same dum-dums that gave us The Human Centipede and still allow Owen Wilson and Diane Keaton to collect a paycheck. Ask anyone with celiac and I bet you they would prefer to go back to a normal diet instead of that no wheat crap. So if you’re gluten free by choice, I have to say you are a tool with a glutton for punishment. Is it hip to say you choose to have herpes? Neither is it cool to say “I’m choosing to be gluten free” moron.

Eating and being afflicted with celiac is akin to that one bad relationship we all get ourselves into. You know where the sex is good but you have to put up with the needling snipes, the roll of the eyes, and the hours of arguing only to be followed by steeping oneself in cheap gin and tonics. As an aside, I will tell you that I was lucky because my comic book collection shielded me from many intimacies. You could say I was a connoisseur of scrambled porn. In fact, I watched so much of it in college that Picasso’s figures appear normal to me. (I lurve you channel 68!)

Celiac is the awful curse of being allergic to anything with wheat and my wife has it (Yes, I still have my comic books but she needed a green card). Seeing her bowled over in pain when she accidentally eats something with wheat is awful. Yet even with the stomach pangs and crippling discomfort that she suffers, my wife still misses eating a real slice of pizza or twisting her fork in a bowl of noodles. As a lark, I sometimes secretly toss flour in my wife’s food when she and I have a disagreement. Score one for the passive aggressive psychopathic behavior.

Amongst the quinoa pastas and breads made with tapioca flour, I have the misfortune of trying many things that are gluten free. A lot of them taste terrible or weird and some are passible. Now I have to admit, most gluten free versions suck but I have to believe when Marie Antoinette said let them eat some damn cake, she meant people who have celiac too.

So like most couples do on a mundane Sunday morning, we were shopping at our local supermarket hoping to beat the crowds and old people who leave their carts in the middle of the aisle looking for foot ointment.

Perusing the cereals, my wife let out a scream I haven’t heard since she got her said green card for our sham marriage. She stumbled on a box of the fabled Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Gluten Free. Leery of the cereal, I had to try it for myself. I was suspicious as Snap, Crackle and Pop had a fake smile on the box, but most elves do, right?

Upon opening the package, I noticed the corner was stamped “Whole Grain Brown Rice” in a cartoony font. Now all my friends know my extreme loathing for brown rice so this gave me a slight dramatic pause. We went ahead and tossed it in our cart and scurried home to try it.

I reached in the box and grabbed a handful of kernels to examine. They looked like the real stuff, felt like the real stuff but I was unsure if they would taste like the real stuff. Munching on a few, the familiar toasted rice flavor was immediate. The cereal was not too sweet like the normal version. So yes, despite using brown rice, they taste just like the ordinary Rice Krispies. I ate a bit more just to make sure because I couldn’t believe it was made from brown rice and they were gluten free.

I poured some in a bowl with milk, still not convinced they would still taste the same. I usually use skim milk but I selected the 2% in anticipation that it would taste bland. Like alchemy, the cereal let out that nostalgic popping once the milk touched the rice. Spoonful upon spoonful, it was hard to believe but these things tasted exactly like Rice Krispies. The cereal held up in the milk too, retaining that crispness.

These are a summer release and hopefully will be a part of Kellogg’s regular offerings. I am sure that if someone switched the cereals on me like those old Folgers coffee commercials, I would not be able to tell the difference. This was a winner in my opinion and for a gluten free option to taste like the real thing…well it’s rarer than me getting lucky in college.

I was excited because the back of the box has a recipe for Rice Krispies Treats. There is a shortage of really good tasting sweets that are wheat free so I’m sure this will be a godsend to my wife and others who have celiac. I plan on making a batch of these since we bought so many boxes.

This cereal is an example that gluten free is not synonymous with repulsive. I hope other manufacturers can take a page from Kellogg’s and give people suffering from celiac a delicious option. You truly do not appreciate great tasting gluten free choices until you’ve eaten a pretzel devoid of wheat or downed a sorghum beer. I think I would rather eat exactly what those girls did in The Human Centipede, which is probably gluten free too when you think about it.

(Nutrition facts – 1 cup is 120 calories, with ½ cup of skim milk, 160 calories, 1 gram of fat – none being saturated, trans, polyunsaturated or monounsaturated fats, 0mg of cholesterol, 190 mg of sodium, 90mg of potassium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugars, 25 grams of other carbohydrates, 3 grams of protein and NO WHEAT)

Item: Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Gluten Free
Price: $2.99
Size: 12 ounces free of wheat
Purchased at: Publix
Rating: 9 out of 10 (if you like Rice Krispies)
Pros: You cannot tell they are gluten free. They still snap, crackle, and pop. Being able to tell if those are boobies or legs.
Cons: May be hard to find right now. Sham marriages. Choosing to be gluten free. Celiac sucks too.

While frolicking through the cereal aisle, I like to think that each brand has its own personality. Corn Flakes is that friend you can always trust, but isn’t very exciting until she’s dressed up in something sassy. Raisin Bran is an elderly man at a nursing home who is always up for telling a story about when a glass bottle of Coca-Cola was a nickel and pinches his nurse’s ass after she takes his blood pressure. Fruit Loops…well…we won’t go there. Then there’s new Kellogg’s Jumbo Multi-Grain Krispies who has taken a page out of Barry Bonds’ handbook and every male enhancement advertisement that airs after 11 p.m.

When I first saw Jumbo Multi-Grain Krispies I was quite intimidated by its alleged performance enhanced physique; boasting that they are three times bigger than those little weakling Rice Krispies and can beat the shit out of any cereal that crosses them. Jumbo Multi-Grain Krispies will snap, crackle and pop your fucking head off.

However, Jumbo Multi-Grain Krispies denies any accusations of juicing, claiming that they are healthy since they are “multi-grain.” I decided to give them a chance. Maybe their powerful size can accompany my breakfast lineup, after all Frosted Flakes has been lagging in RBI’s lately. However, these jacked up bad boys are all talk and don’t deliver when they hit my bowl.

Jumbo Multi-Grain Krispies resemble maggots, which is quite disturbing, but I can pretend I’m on some overdone reality show where I stuff my trap with creepy crawlers (not the kickass toy from the 90’s) and compete against E-List celebrities like William Hung or Jesse Camp. The small, yet adequate, Rice Krispies are known for their rhythmic crackling and/or popping and/or snapping, but the bloated version seems to be as rhythmically challenged as an obese drunk uncle at a wedding reception who barks the lyrics to “Play That Funky Music” and puts emphasis on the line “white boy.”

Jumbo Multi-Grain Krispies have a touch (more like trickle) of honey, which adds some sweetness, but it doesn’t do much for flavoring the puffed rice. Their only plus side is that they stay hard in milk, which proves they have stamina, but that doesn’t mean a thing when they bore you to the point of falling asleep with a spoonful in your mouth.

Jumbo Multi-Grain Krispies are higher in fiber than their older, yet smaller brother, but if you’re looking for a cereal high in fiber there are plenty of more flavorful options, including that perverted old man Raisin Bran.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 Cup – 90 calories, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 170 milligrams of sodium, 30 milligrams of potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Jumbo Multi-Grain Krispies
Price: $2.19
Size: 11.2 ounces
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Multi-grain stays hard in milk. Old people getting away with not so appropriate behavior. Making fun of male enhancement commercials.
Cons: Honey adds some sweetness, but doesn’t do much for its flavor. Steroids in baseball. Resembles maggots. Falling asleep with milk dripping out of your mouth. Getting your ass kicked by an emotionally unstable breakfast cereal. Embarrassing relatives.

“Suri Cruise is the reincarnation of Xenu and will rule over the Galactic Confederacy. That’s why no one has seen her.”

Shut up, Berry Krispies!

Every time I eat a bowl of these Berry Krispies, I hear strange things besides the usual snap, crackle, and pop. At first, I thought it was kind of cool with the Berry Krispies saying things like, “Oooh, Eva Longoria…I’d like to tap dat ass,” or the Yakov Smirnoff joke, “We have no gay people in Russia — there are homosexuals but they are not allowed to be gay about it. The punishment is seven years locked in prison with other men and there is a three year waiting list for that.”

However, it’s been six bowls and all that Berry Krispies talking has just gotten plain irritating, because it’s beginning to say things I don’t want to hear or things that just don’t make any sense, like “You will never get laid, unless you pay for it” and “One day, cars will be fueled by karma and Larry the Cable Guy will be ruler of a country he will purchase and will name LarryLand.”

All this talking wouldn’t be so bad if I could have a meaningful conversation with the Berry Krispies. We could talk about the meaning of life, our goals and dreams, why the Detroit Tigers don’t suck this year, or why I haven’t gone out on a date in a year and a half.

Unfortunately, the Berry Krispies seem to have a mouth of its own and ignores me, which makes me feel like I’m Debbie Matenopoulos when she was on The View.

The chatter also wouldn’t be bad if the Berry Krispies were actually tasty. They have a strong berry smell, but unfortunately it doesn’t translate into a strong berry taste. However, if you don’t like your cereals too sweet, then this maybe the cereal for you.

But if you like sweet, then I should let you know that Fruity Pebbles kicks Snap, Crackle, and Pop’s asses so bad that they are definitely Fred and Barney’s bitches, which for some reason, I don’t think Snap, Crackle, and Pop mind at all.

Even the colors of the Berry Krispies didn’t compare with the colors of Fruity Pebbles and Froot Loops, which are more vivid and possibly what unicorn poop looks like.

Oh man, that last line sounds like something Berry Krispies would say.

“Unicorn poop has magical powers that can cure any disease or get you a date.”

Shut up, Berry Krispies!

(Editor’s Note: For those of you who are readers of the neglected Cereal Mashup, I just want to let you know that it is neglected no more. I just posted a new cereal mashup review and I’ve got 14 boxes of cereal sitting in my kitchen waiting to be mashed up.)

Item: Berry Krispies
Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Snap, crackle, and pop. Good for those who don’t like really sweet cereals. Yakov Smirnoff.
Cons: Can’t have a meaningful conversation with Berry Krispies. Says some weird things. Colors aren’t as vivid as Froot Loops or Fruity Pebbles. Not as good as Fruity Pebbles. Gets soggy really quickly. Being Fred and Barney’s bitches. The whereabouts of Suri Cruise.