Tag: Soda

REVIEW: Pepsi Baobab

Marvo 17 Comments

Do you know what the baobab in Pepsi Baobab is?

If you do, congratulations and I suggest you keep that nugget of knowledge in your head if you ever end up in the Cash Cab, get a call from one of your friends in the Cash Cab, get hailed by a complete stranger who is in the Cash Cab or if you want people to think you’re a pretentious douche.

For those of you who don’t know what a baobab is, let me be a pretentious douche and tell you it’s a tree that’s native to Madagascar, Australia and Africa. It’s also known as the bottle tree, upside-down tree and monkey bread tree. In Africa, it’s common to eat the baobab’s fruits and leaves, but that’s not the case in other countries.

And oh yeah…DUH!

If you’re a regular reader of The Impulsive Buy, you know I have a thing for redheads and limited edition Pepsi products from Japan. Over the past few years, I’ve subjected myself to whatever the flavorologists at Pepsi Japan have come up with to dare their fellow Japanese citizens to drink. In 2007, it was Pepsi Ice Cucumber. In 2008, it was Pepsi Blue Hawaii. Last year, it was Pepsi Shiso. This year, it’s Pepsi Baobab.

Now I don’t know what baobab tastes like because I’m not able to buy-o a bag-o of baobab from my local African shaman or Whole Foods. However, if actual baobab tastes like Pepsi Baobab, then I may just have to make it worth my African shaman’s while to get me some.

The beverage has a pleasant and light citrus scent. Its flavor is also light, starting off with orange and then followed with a grapefruit-ish back end. It was surprisingly refreshing. However, by the time I reached halfway through the bottle it started to become a little chemical tasting. It’s like I’m sucking on the fingers of a French maid, not the role play kind one would pay an extra $200 to get, I’m talking an actual rubber glove-wearing French maid who has been cleaning the kitchen counter with a citrus scented cleaner. I think this is because the warmer it gets, the less tasty it becomes.

Of the four limited edition Japanese Pepsi flavors I’ve tried, I have to say that Pepsi Baobab is my favorite, but not by much. Its citrus flavor makes it taste a lot more normal than the others, but the chemical taste I experienced makes it a little unsavory. Another item that bothers me is the fact that it’s marketed as a cola, but I couldn’t detect any cola flavor. I wish next year they introduce a limited edition Pepsi with a little cola flavor, and I hope it’s called Pepsi Octopus and it’s black and ink flavored.

(Nutrition Facts – 100 ml – 42 kcal, 0 grams of protein, 0 grams of fat, 15 milligrams of sodium and 10.5 grams of carbohydrates.)

Here are other Pepsi Baobab reviews:
Japanese Snack Reviews
Mike’s Blender
SarahJoyAlbrecht.com

(NOTE: I’d like to thank Reid for picking up a few bottles of Pepsi Baobab for me during his visit to Japan (along with a variety of KitKats). I’d also like to thank Meredith for taking the time to mail me a couple of bottle of Pepsi Baobab from Japan.)

Item: Pepsi Baobab
Price: FREE
Size: 500 ml
Purchased at: From a convenience store in Japan
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Nice light citrus scent. Surprisingly refreshing citrus flavor. Fat free. Paying an extra $200 to get a French Maid. Cool people willing to pick up things from foreign countries to send/give to you. Having access to an African shaman. Cash Cab.
Cons: Only available in Japan (and if you’re willing to pay crazy shipping fees — eBay). It has a slightly unpalatable chemical flavor when it gets a little warm. No cola flavor. Sucking on the rubber glove-covered hands of a French maid. Being a pretentious douche.

REVIEW: Cherry Vanilla Pepsi & Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi

Marvo 20 Comments

Whenever I order a Pepsi and the waitress says, “Is Coke okay, hon?”, I slam my hands on the table, jump up from my chair and say, “Heeeeeell no, ma’am! Coke is not okay. I’d rather drink the ink from the blue pen you’re using to write down our order than that piss poor excuse the folks in Atlanta have the nerve to call a cola.”

And that’s how I earned my Pepsi Fanboy card.

But it seems like I’m going to have to turn in my Pepsi Fanboy card because I’m not really digging their new Cherry Vanilla Pepsi and Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi. If I am forced to turn it in, I will not cry, nor will I drink Coke, because I’m used to getting my fanboy cards taken away from me. I recently had to turn in my Apple Fanboy card because I was not willing to wait in line at an Apple Store and spend $500-$800 on an iPad while dressed like Steve Jobs in a mock-turtleneck, Levi’s jeans and New Balance shoes.

The Cherry Vanilla Pepsi line may sound entirely new, but it’s not the first time Pepsi has combined cherry and vanilla to form a supersoda in an attempt to blow your taste buds away and pump either more high fructose corn syrup or aspartame into your body. They also did it a few years ago when they introduced the ridiculously long named and now discontinued Black Cherry French Vanilla Diet Pepsi Jazz.

At first, I really didn’t care for Cherry Vanilla Pepsi and Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi, but since then I’ve consumed enough of both varieties to make a dentist see dollar signs and slightly improve how I feel about Cherry Vanilla Pepsi.

The HFCS-sweetened Cherry Vanilla Pepsi has a strong vanilla scent that brings back memories of every Bath & Body Works I’ve ever been dragged into visited. As for how it tastes, it starts off with vanilla, then cherry and then an aftertaste that I can’t determine, but can only describe as significantly less appealing than what came before it. It’s good, but it took me several bottles for me to warm up to it and I’d rather have a Wild Cherry Pepsi.

As for the aspartame-sweetened Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi, its vanilla scent makes me feel like I’ve been bribed with sex forced into visiting the candle section at a Pier 1 Imports store. Its aroma is stronger than regular Cherry Vanilla Pepsi, but it’s also less appealing. The flavors in this diet soda present themselves in the same order as the regular version: vanilla, cherry and then wicked aftertaste. The flavors are much more pronounced, but that’s not a good thing. I’m a fan of Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi, but the cherry flavor mixed with vanilla in this soda makes cherry cough syrup taste more like Kool-Aid.

Do. Not. Like.

Cherry Vanilla Pepsi and Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi are available for a limited time, but if you have a 7-Eleven nearby you can experience a cherry vanilla Pepsi anytime of the year. Their soda dispensers allow you to add cherry and vanilla syrups to your Super Big Gulps filled with Pepsi or that piss poor excuse the folks in Atlanta have the nerve to call a cola.

Nah, I’m only kidding Coke Fanboys and Fangirls. I enjoy Coke Zero.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – Cherry Vanilla Pepsi – 100 calories, 0 grams of fat, 20 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 27 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein and 25 milligrams of caffeine. Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein and 25 milligrams of caffeine.)

Item: Cherry Vanilla Pepsi & Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi
Price: $1.29 each
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Cherry Vanilla Pepsi)
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi)
Pros: Cherry Vanilla Pepsi was good. Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi. My Pepsi Fanboy card. Both have shorter names than Black Cherry French Vanilla Diet Pepsi Jazz. Bath & Body Works is an awesome place to buy gifts for women. Super Big Gulps. Pepsi.
Cons: Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi makes cough syrup taste like Kool-Aid. Cherry Vanilla Pepsi contains high fructose corn syrup. Being dragged into a Pier 1 Imports. Both have unappealing aftertastes. Not having my Apple Fanboy card anymore. Cavities. Coke.

REVIEW: Mountain Dew DEWmocracy Flavors 2010 (White Out, Typhoon, Distortion)

Marvo 23 Comments

I now know what it’s like being The Bachelor, thanks to this year’s Mountain Dew DEWmocracy flavors.

However, instead of having a harem of fame-seeking women to choose from and give roses to if I deem them to be beautiful or least craziest, I had to select between three caffeine-fortified and Durex condom-colored flavors — White Out, Typhoon and Distortion. Just like The Bachelor, I got to suck face with all of the contestants and put myself at risk for catching a disease. While The Bachelor had to worry about mono and herpes, I had to worry about diabetes and obesity.

If I were giving out roses, like The Bachelor does, to those flavors I would like to see added to the regular Mountain Dew lineup, I would give the first one to the tropical punch flavored Mountain Dew Typhoon. While those who live in the western part of the Pacific Ocean probably don’t like its name, I thought its pineapple and citrus flavor was the best tasting and most unique of the three DEWmocracy flavors. Although, as much as I liked it, I wasn’t completely blown away by it.

I’d give another rose to Mountain Dew Distortion. It looks like regular Mountain Dew, but once it’s popped open, its true self will hit your taste buds. Distortion is a “lime blasted” Mountain Dew and not only are its looks familiar, but also its flavor. It reminded me of the Taco Bell exclusive Baja Blast Mountain Dew, which I do enjoy partaking with my Taco Bell meal that most likely contains seasoned ground beef, cheese, shredded lettuce, sour cream, and refried beans in a soft tortilla. Distortion’s lime flavor was a little bit stronger than the Baja Blast, placing it slightly into the territory of sodas that taste more like floor cleaners, but I did enjoy it.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t give a rose to every flavor. So I chose not to give one to Mountain Dew White Out, which I will call, on occasion, in this paragraph, Virgin Smirnoff Ice, because it looks like Smirnoff Ice. According to the bottle, Virgin Smirnoff Ice’s flavor is described as a “smooth citrus Dew,” which I totally agree with because it tasted like a flat Sprite with tangerine/orange undertones. It’s not an exciting flavor. Mountain Dew White Out would’ve been a lot more interesting if I could get high while huffing it.

Overall, I don’t think Distortion and Virgin Smirnoff Ice were as creative as the 2008 DEWmocracy flavors. While each of the 2008 flavors combined citrus with other fruit flavors, the 2010 versions, except Typhoon, were just different shades of citrus. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get checked for diabetes since I made out with all of the DEWmocracy contestants.

(Nutrition Facts – 20 ounces – 280 calories, 0 grams of fat, 105 milligrams of sodium, 76 grams of carbohydrates, 76 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Mountain Dew DEWmocracy Flavors 2010 (Distortion, Typhoon, White Out)
Price: $1.29 each
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Distortion)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Typhoon)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (White Out)
Pros: Typhoon was the best tasting and most creative flavor. Distortion reminds me of Baja Blast Mountain Dew. 91 milligrams of caffeine per 20 ounce bottle. Participating in a democratic process.
Cons: Distortion tastes like floor cleaner. White Out tastes like a flat Sprite and doesn’t get one high if huffed. More ways to consume high fructose corn syrup. The crazy contestants on The Bachelor.

REVIEW: Pepsi Max Cease Fire

Marvo 10 Comments

Pepsi Max Cease Fire

Ever since Pepsi Max was introduced in the United States a few years ago, it’s been my main source of caffeine, since it’s a zero calorie soda that provides me with 115 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine per 20 ounce bottle. I’ve consumed a lot of it, so much so that if Pepsi Max was an illegal drug, I would’ve overdosed a long time ago; if it was a prostitute, I would have a burning sensation whenever I pee; and if it was regular Pepsi, I would have diabetes.

Pepsi Max Cease Fire is Pepsi Max with a hint of lime flavor and it’s the first variation of the high-caffeine diet soda in the United States. While the bottle says it has a hint of lime, it turned out to be more than just a smidgen.

It had an uncomfortable amount of lime that masked the cola flavor and made me briefly wonder if I diluted it with water in a bucket and used the solution to mop, could bring some luster to my tile floors? But just like seeing Jason Segal’s penis over and over again in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I somewhat got used to it.

The zero calorie, lime-flavored soda gets its name because of its claim to soothe the burn from spicy foods. Unfortunately, when I first opened the bottle I didn’t have any spicy foods in the apartment. So instead, I licked my arm several times because many women have said I’m mui caliente. But that didn’t work. Then I quickly remembered, as I pulled my arm hair off of my tongue, that those women didn’t say I was mui caliente, they said I was mui peludo.

So in order to test Pepsi’s claim, I had to walk to the convenience store down the street, while avoiding the temptation to visit the 24-hour massage parlor along the way, and pick up a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. After building a decent burn from eating half of a 3.25 ounce bag, I took a swig of the Pepsi Max Cease Fire and swished it around in my mouth. While the soda was in my mouth, it did soothe the burn a little, but then again wouldn’t most cool beverages that aren’t hard liquor. After I swallowed, the burn slowly crept back to a point that was only slightly less than what I started at.

So basically Pepsi Max Cease Fire, when it comes to soothing the burn from spicy food, is as effective as trying to put out the Burning Man fire by having one guy with a full bladder pee on it. It’ll help a little, but it won’t come close to putting it out.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Pepsi Max Cease Fire
Price: $1.25
Size: 2 liters
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Zero calories. A good amount of caffeine. 24-hour massage parlors. Regular Pepsi Max. Being mui peludo in the winter.
Cons: Uncomfortable amount of lime flavor. Off-putting aftertaste. Doesn’t do a good job of soothing the burn from spicy food. Being mui peludo in the summer.

REVIEW: Jones Candy Corn Soda

Marvo 33 Comments

If Native Americans knew we were going to create a disgusting candy that looks like corn and then make a carbonated beverage that tastes like said candy, they probably wouldn’t have taught the Pilgrims how to grow corn.

Candy corn is the Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of Halloween treats because they just won’t go away, despite how much people loathe them. Actually, comparing those two no talent attention grabbers to candy corn is rather insulting to the white, orange and yellow candy that has the consistency of wax.

I wonder what’s the appeal of candy corn. I understand the reason why for those who purchase it, because it allows them to give extremely cheap candy to trick or treaters, but I don’t comprehend those who eat it. If I want eat something sweet with the word “corn” in its name, I’ll just consume kettle corn or one of the thousands of products that contain high fructose corn syrup or a chocolate-dipped corn dog.

Like a small catch while fishing, candy corn is one of those things you throw back to the place from where it came. I don’t know about the rest of you, but in my neighborhood, those who would give out candy corn on Halloween would find their front doorsteps littered with candy corn the next morning. Or if we had time, we would spell out the word “cheap ass” using the candy corn.

We did the same thing to those who handed out stacks of pennies, but by the next morning the front doors of those who passed them out were clean because the kids collecting for UNICEF would pick up the loose change.

While I may not enjoy candy corn, the Jones Candy Corn Soda might be the only candy corn product I’ll slightly tolerate, even though it’s urine-colored and doesn’t really taste like candy corn. Its flavor is extremely sweet and its initial flavor is quite off-putting, but once you get past it, it tastes like a cream soda with some spice, which I kind of liked, but it will probably turn off most people. It’s best when extremely chilled and quite nasty when slightly warm.

So if you’ve got some cash to burn and you’re looking to get something special for trick or treaters who stop buy your house this Halloween, might I suggest NOT picking up all the Jones Candy Corn Soda you can find, unless you want the short roly-poly cans thrown at your front door in the middle of the night.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 130 calories, 0 grams of fat, 40 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 32 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Jones Candy Corn Soda
Price: $2.99 (4-pack)
Size: 8 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Doesn’t taste like candy corn. Limited Edition. Uses cane sugar. No high fructose corn syrup. Getting good candy for Halloween.
Cons: Small cans. Urine colored. Initial flavor was off-putting. Tastes like cream soda with a bit of spice. Getting candy corn for Halloween. Getting stacks of pennies for Halloween.