Like the bright shimmer of hidden gold from the lost city of El Dorado, Taco Bell’s newest menu item is a shining beacon of simple ingenuity filtered through pure borderland knowhow. The Toasted Cheddar Chalupa is a revelation of fried bread and cheese, combined the way Quetzalcoatl intended.

When unwrapped from its thin paper sheath, the grease stains catching the light allows the chalupa shell to portray a certain kind of inalienable beauty. Taco Bell has turned this thick carb-heavy casing into a surprising work of edible art that feels right at home in my quivering hands.

The basis of the Toasted Cheddar Chalupa is the chalupa shell itself: an amazing feat of Tex-Mex handcraftiness. It’s a fried centerpiece that, now with the yellow bits of cheddar cheese clinging for additional flavor, is a treasured piece of corporate frybread that one could eat all day if they ever decided to stop living by the laws of common decency.

Seriously, if Taco Bell were to ever offer these chalupa shells by themselves, I would order a slick dozen fresh from the fryer, no problem. Call it sacrilege if you must, but I actually prefer them to the lauded Doritos Locos taco shells.

The typical Taco Bell fillings are all present and accounted for — temperate ground beef, cool lettuce, chopped tomatoes, stringy cheese, and reduced fat sour cream. They all seem to be spiritually created simply to mate graphically with this chalupa shell.

It was still crunchy even after an hour or two of sitting by itself on my dining room table. Even the best tacos the Bell has to offer can’t live up to that scrutiny.

More of this please, Taco Bell.

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: N/A
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 450 calories, 30 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 550 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 16 grams of protein.

What is the Taco Bell Cherry Sunset Freeze?

Taco Bell’s frozen drinks are quite popular, especially in the searing sun of the summertime. This latest flavor, Cherry Sunset Freeze, totally exploits that burning need to cool down with a bit of cherry syrup layered in with the pineapple slush to make a beautifully scenic drink.

How is it?

Like a positively primo Don Henley tune, this smooth elixir is the perfect taste for an evening of, perhaps, eating tacos on the Taco Bell patio, if there is one. Or, most likely, hanging in the backyard with the dog and a couple of bean burritos, which is more my speed in the summertime.

The thirst-quenching cherry syrup hits my first like a wave of dusk washing over the evening sky, with the clever pineapple slush refreshing my insides like the last peeks of sunlight on a sultry day. Both flavors are very present and complement each other graciously, providing cool relief without the horrid cough syrup aftertaste that so many of these novelty freezes seem to have.

Is there anything else you need to know?

If I was a drinking man, which, sadly, I’m not, a couple of jiggers of rum really would have been tropically lovely in this, making for a festive fiesta of one.

Conclusion:

Holding tight to my cup, even as my Cherry Sunset Freeze melted in the 103 degree Oklahoma evening, it maintained a decidedly winterish feel to my summery surroundings. With an absolutely inventive taste that keeps going after the drink has long melted into a cup of syrup, this is the flavor sensation to truly beat the freakish heat.

Purchased Price: $1.00 (Happy Hour)
Size: 16 oz.
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 190 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 51 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 49 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

As the Reaper-fueled fire in my belly from the Sonic Mocktail the other day had finally become little more than smoldering embers along my digestive track, Taco Bell succinctly took over the gastric position of flavor inciter with a heated pair of delicacies that surely stoked those internal flames with its latest addition to the what-seems-to-be nationwide call for a Carolina Reaper-based line of edibles: the new Taco Bell Reaper Ranch duo of supreme fries and a burrito.

And, unlike the Sonic Reaper Margarita, this one actually does make sense, to me, at least.

Combining the calculated burn of the diabolical Reaper pepper with the cooling vibe of ranch dressing, the Reaper Ranch sauce, as it is called here, is a prime testament to how to make this pepper work without scaring and traumatizing those who usually need to be gently coaxed into the hot tub of spicy goodness. The seasoned spice-user, on the other hand, will love the methodical slow burn of the food items, one that allows you to actually enjoy the heat and the eat.

Featuring a pliable handful of chopped tomatoes, nacho cheese and sour cream – as well as plenty of that Reaper Ranch sauce, mama — this most beautiful mixture is dropped on the chain’s specially-seasoned Nacho Fries, with plenty of largish chunks of steak to make for a dream-worthy meal. Of course, the fries give off their own zippy flavor, but partnered up on the dance floor with the specially-made sauce and you’ve got another short-term classic on your hands, Taco Bell.

But it’s still missing something, and it’s brutally found and made mercilessly better in the tempestuously transcendent Reaper Ranch Fries Burrito. Wrapped loosely in a wide flour tortilla, this burrito showcases all the same supreme fries ingredients above but, you know, all in a wholly convenient two-handed carrier. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: nothing can force me to give any foodstuff an extra point like a tortilla, be it corn or, in this case, like I said, flour.

The Reaper Ranch gives the burrito a mature kick I wasn’t expecting, even more adult than the Rattlesnake Fries released a few months ago. Maybe it’s because all the tastes are bunched up together, but when the Reaper hits — and, man alive, does it hit — it makes for even better eating by allowing the meat, cheese, and sour cream — rather than just the potatoes — to never overpower it, instead working with it for a deliciousness that truly represents what the Reaper Ranch should be about.

The prices — $3.09 for the burrito, $3.59 for the fries — may seem a little steep at first glance, but, as these goods are available for the dreaded limited time only, now is the time to dig deep into that piggy bank and, at the very least, give one of them the ol’ college try. Don’t fear the Reaper…Ranch, that is. Cómpralo ya!

Purchased Price: $3.59 (Fries) $3.09 (Burrito)
Size: N/A
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Fries) 9 out of 10 (Burrito)
Nutrition Facts: Fries – 470 calories, 29 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 950 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 3 gram of sugar, and 12 grams of protein. Burrito – 490 calories, 24 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 1060 milligrams of sodium, 53 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 4 gram of sugar, and 16 grams of protein.

Click here for our previous reviews