Tag: Water

REVIEW: Gatorade Water

Vin 5 Comments

“If you want a revolution, the only solution, evolve.”

Sage advice from an extremely catchy tune Gatorade used in ads about a decade ago.

Fast forward to today annnnd I guess the revolution is over, because… Gatorade. Water.

Gatorade Water? That’s devolution!

Step aside Fierce Grape, Riptide Rush, and Frost Glacier Freeze. There’s a new Gatorade flavor in town – nothing. Some ad wizard probably made your yearly salary (x10) to come up with that.

Do you love electrolytes but hate fun? Well, Gatorade Water might just be for you.

Have you ever known someone who’s always had a beard, but then they shave their beard, and then you see their clean-shaven face sans beard, and you think, “Oooof, you shoulda kept the beard?” Gatorade Water.

What’s next, Ben & Jerry’s milk?! Lay’s potatoes? … I’d try ’em both.

Ok, ok, I’ll stop being so cynical. After all, there’s some merit to Gatorade Water. I’m not gonna act like it’s the first bottled alkaline water with electrolytes. There’s clearly a market for this. Smartwater exists, but I still can’t shake the fact this feels dumb.

It’s kinda hard to review water. It’s water. I know there is literally at least one water sommelier out there who would disagree, but H2O is H2O.

Everyone knows someone who insists they can tell the difference between waters, but I guarantee if they were put to the test and blindfolded, that claim would be proven false. Anyway, I’m one of those people now. They’re all liars, but I’m not. I can tell the difference. I don’t think this is very good water.

I’m a Poland Spring loyalist, and when comparing that “pure spring water” to this, I could really tell the difference. This has that dull “dryness” on the finish that I can only assume is from the bit of alkaline and sodium used to lyte up the electros. I can’t really explain it, but I think it’s a common complaint people have with Aquafina, Dasani, or possibly both.

For some reason, I feel like this type of water can never get truly cold or refreshing. I had it in the fridge for a good 36 hours, and it just never got above “slightly chilled.” Does any of this make sense?

Perhaps it has to do with the pH of 7.5 “or higher?” I don’t actually know what that means for drinking water, but I guess it’s not “Planet Hollywood.” Quick Googling seems to indicate that 7.5 is about right for most water.

I drank this at the gym, and it just didn’t stack up to my usual Poland Spring. I also didn’t stack up, as I was pumping weights so tiny that one particularly nosy trainer asked me if I “tore my rotator cuff or something?”

Gatorade Water has “what plants crave,” but I, a “human man,” wasn’t invigorated like I would’ve been if I swigged on a flavored Gatorade or my usual cold Poland Spring. This is just dry tepid nothing. The bottle is sleek and has a solid cap construction, though. I’ll give it that.

Look, it’s water. Am I being too hard on water? Perhaps, but there are plenty of other waters and sports drinks that are better than this, so I say don’t even bother. You can always just have what I’m having – Hatorade.

Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: 23.7 Fl. Oz.
Purchased at: ShopRite
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 65 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Glaceau Breeze-e Strawberry Watermelon VitaminWater

Marvo 1 Comment

Glaceau Breeze-e Strawberry Watermelon VitaminWater

Glaceau’s Breeze-e Strawberry Watermelon VitaminWater is the best tasting VitaminWater I’ve ever had.

Okay, I might be exaggerating and the previous sentence could be the heat talking.

It’s frickin’ hot. I’ve gone through my second shirt of the day. I’m sweating like I’m guilty of something I don’t want to admit, like murder, fraud, or enjoying TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress. My body is at the point where it will say anything to get some fluids into it to replace whatever was in those two shirts. Garglepuss whoop whoop meow fart.

Drinking.

Drinking.

Ahhhh.

So I just finished all 32 ounces of it, which I believe now officially makes me hydrated, and I still think it’s the best tasting VitaminWater I’ve had. My taste buds get two flavor vibes from it. Although it supposed to be strawberry watermelon flavored, it reminds me of strawberry kiwi beverages I’ve consumed. Also, at times it tastes like an overripe strawberry. It’s not overly sweet and the flavor isn’t light like some other VitaminWater varieties.

Breeze-e has overtaken VitaminWater XXX as my favorite flavor. But it has not passed XXX as my favorite VitaminWater name.

Speaking of names, what does the extra E in Breeze-e mean? Does it honor rapper Eazy-E? No. Extraneous? No. Easy way to get folks to buy VitaminWater? No. Breeze-e provides electrolytes (It’s what plants crave) and a sad amount of the antioxidant vitamin E.

So if you’re frickin’ hot and you happen to be at a 7-Eleven (it’s an exclusive flavor this summer) looking for something to cool you down, might I recommend my new favorite VitaminWater flavor.

Purchased Price: $2.49*
Size: 32 fl oz bottle
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (12 fl oz) 70 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 19 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 60% vitamin C, 60% vitamin B6, 60% pantothenic acid, 15% zinc, 15% vitamin E, and 60% vitamin B12.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Vitaminwater Zero Drops Revive Fruit Punch

Jack 3 Comments
VitaminWater Zero Revive Drops

Finally, a drink that combines two of my favorite things: a Vitaminwater brand beverage and the toil and satisfaction of making something with my own two hands. Enter Vitaminwater Zero Drops. With only a few effortless squeezes, you can enjoy the familiar taste of Vitaminwater right out of any glass of water or water bottle you have lying around.

In what could only have been a response to the general public demanding an additional step in the Vitaminwater drinking process (which was just too goddamn simple before), you can now forgo the accuracy of a formula created by food scientists and received positively by millions in favor of what you think should be done. That’s right, you.

Remember when you forgot your keys yesterday, walked into your house to get them, blanked for a second, ate some pretzels you had lying around, and left your house without your keys? Yeah, well now the creation of your own Vitaminwater can be in those same hands.

VitaminWater Zero Revive Drops with regular Revive

With the pressure on, I decided to try the Revive Fruit Punch flavor. Being a longtime fan of the bottled version, I was wondering how close the two would be in taste. Unfortunately, my local Stop & Shop only had the full calorie version of Revive, apparently unconcerned with what Google tells me will take a 30 minute walk to burn off, so it will have to do.

Because Vitaminwater Zero Drops offer little detailed instruction on how much concentrated fluid to add, my strategy was to slowly keep adding it into a glass of water until it matched the color of bottled version. After a few tries, I matched the same reddish pink tone as closely as I think is possible.

VitaminWater Zero Revive Drops comparison

Had I any last minute doubts which was which, the taste comparison would have revealed which one was made by a Glacéau bottling plant and which one was made on my living room table. While the Vitaminwater Zero Drops were able to create that distinct and pleasing Vitaminwater taste that is much lighter and less sweet than its sports drink and soda competition, it is definitely apparent that something is…well, off.

But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s like eating cereal dry because you’ve already poured it into a bowl before realizing that you’re out of milk. Even without milk, cereal is still pretty good, but, just like any type of make-it-yourself beverage, it’s still gonna taste just a little bit different. Despite the clear presence of that original fruit punch tastiness, it’s still hard to shake the feeling that something is definitely missing, and not in the regular zero-calorie way.

But you know, maybe the problem is just me. Try as I might, I will never be as accurate as the industrial robots that pump this stuff out in gallons per minute. Not really helping this issue however, is the fact that Vitaminwater Zero Drops use the word “drops” pretty lightly. Instead, its a laser beam of concentrated flavor firing at an incalculable rate into your water. (Be thankful Glacéau doesn’t make eye drops). So, until you are a veteran at administering Vitaminwater drops (which I have set as my next life-goal) you are going to have to get pretty familiar with administering intermittent taste tests after each squirt. But don’t worry, this isn’t really a problem unless you purchased Vitaminwater Zero Drops because you were hoping for a fast, convenient way to effortlessly enjoy Vitaminwater on the go.

But all in all, at least the “do it yourself” aspect of this product allows you the opportunity to finally connect with your grandfather the next time he reminds you he built his own damn house using only his “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” mentality, and his subtle yet still uncomfortably palpable racism. Vitaminwater Zero Drops may require some elbow grease, but if for some reason you plan on being away from actual Vitaminwater for a while, it’s certainly the next best thing.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 fl oz prepared – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 70mg potassium 0 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of
protein.)

Item: Vitaminwater Zero Drops Revive Fruit Punch
Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 3 fl oz.
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: 18 servings of vitamin water for only four bucks. Stays mostly true to fruit punch flavor. Zero calories is not a lot of calories.
Cons: Not as effortless as it may appear. Forgetting your keys. Tastes mildly off from the original flavor.

QUICK REVIEW: Aquafina Flavorsplash Sparkling (Berry Loco, Peelin’ Good, and Color Me Kiwi)

Marvo 12 Comments

Aquafina Flavorsplash Sparkling (Berry Loco, Peelin' Good, and Color Me Kiwi)

Purchased Price: $1.00 each
Size: 16.9 fl oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Berry Loco)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Peelin’ Good)
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Color Me Kiwi)
Pros: I don’t love them, but I don’t completely hate them. No calories or sugar. 20 percent of your daily niacin, vitamin B6, and pantothenic acid. Peelin’ Good is the most tolerable of the three, even though it has a generic orange drink flavor. Color Me Kiwi smells like strawberry candy with a light artificial strawberry flavor. Berry Loco smells like strawberry Jello and has a slightly pleasing berry flavor that leans towards raspberry.
Cons: Slight mineral water flavor or that could be the artificial sweeteners. I can’t say they’re refreshing. The warmer they get, the worse they taste. Why don’t they make my mouth happy? I’d rather drink VitaminWater Zero. Actually, I think I’d rather drink plain water than these.

Nutrition Facts: Berry Loco – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 95 milligrams of sodium, 40 milligrams of potassium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 20% niacin, 20% vitamin B6, and 20% pantothenic acid. Color Me Kiwi – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 95 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 20% niacin, 20% vitamin B6, and 20% pantothenic acid. Peelin’ Good – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 95 milligrams of sodium, 40 milligrams of potassium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 20% niacin, 20% vitamin B6, and 20% pantothenic acid.

REVIEW: Glacéau Fruitwater Orange Mango

Margaret 10 Comments

Glaceau Fruitwater Orange Mango

Like a spontaneously occurring geyser in the middle of Yellowstone Park, sparkling water is bursting forth from the underground and having a Renaissance upon the aisles of the grocery store.

“Sparkling water. What’s the big deal?” you may say to yourself, and, indeed, you are justified in your asking.

Sure, sparkling water had its heyday in the Depression-Era soda shops, but, ever since falling into the hands of nefarious clowns bent on squirting it in the faces of unsuspecting patrons, its sparkly potential has been pushed out of the limelight.

Yet, like the resurrection of Star Trek on the big screen, this carbonated beverage has returned to claim its rightful place in the public eye, and Coca-Cola’s Glacéau is giving flavored sparkling water a shot with this new “Fruitwater.”

Glaceau Fruitwater Orange Mango Name

Is it soda? Is it water? Or something altogether different? The questions linger…

One of the key marks of a good soda/sparkling water is the balance of fizz. Too little and it tastes like a flavored mistake. Too much and it feels like microscopic bees are stinging down your esophagus lining. This particular iteration is definitely on the stronger side of fizziness, but it’s not so harsh that it feels like you swallowed the Drano form of carbon dioxide. It’s smooth and easily drinkable, yet those carbonated bubbles bubble up around the top to remind you, “Hey! Look at me! I’m releasing carbon dioxide into the air with all my effervescence!”

Glaceau Fruitwater Orange Mango Bubbles

I’m sure the wilting dogwood tree outside my window will be very happy for all that carbon dioxide it can now use for photosynthesis.

But I don’t drink bubbly drinks for their fizz. I drink them because I hope they taste good, and flavored sparkling water can taste of anything from aspartame to bubbly diesel fuel.

Luckily, this drink is not of the latter. Actually, it has a pretty good, non-fancy citrus flavor going on. It’s a simple mix of sweet and tangy with a citrus pop. Orange comes at the forefront of flavors here, although I might specify it more as a tangerine than an orange. I can’t really detect too many mango nuances. In fact, I might more classify it more as a peach aftertaste with hints of…Tang? Yes, Tang if you bottled it and poofed in some carbonation.

Maybe I’m dehydrated or just being a goon-head, but I think there’s a cooling effect in the artificial sweeteners and it seems to be making the whole drink taste sweeter. Not so much so that it overpowers or embitters the beverage, but it’s noticeable. I enjoy it, but I have 32 sweet teeth. If you find yourself with a lower sweet tooth count and/or are sensitive to artificial sweeteners, be wary.

The world is filled with dangerous things like E. coli, mountain lions, and large, pink umbrellas that knock you in the head while you’re walking down the sidewalk. It’s in a dangerous world like ours that you need the immune system of an alligator and, thus, it was with a sigh of relief that I found this new fizzy Fruitwater enhanced with lots of B-vitamins sure to enhance your immune system.

There aren’t even any calories in here, but that also means there’s no fruit involved, making the whole “Fruitwater” moniker a bit of misnomer, but hey, taste trumps accuracy for me on this one. If I want fruit, I’ll go with juice.

I was a bit Sherlock-Holmesian in my high degree of skepticism for this new Glacéau traveler, but was happy to find myself proved wrong. While not exactly “fruit” or “water,” this is a pretty good soda-like beverage with a simple orange/tangerine taste. Yes, something about artificially flavored carbonation satisfies, and it’s nice to find a new option that doesn’t taste like someone bottled up an Alka-Seltzer.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bottle – 0 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of potassium, Less than 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein, 20% Vitamin B6, 20% Magnesium, 20% Pantothenic acid, 20% Zinc.)

Item: Glacéau Fruitwater Orange Mango
Purchased Price: $1.15
Size: 16.9 fl. oz.
Purchased at: Food Emporium
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Simple orange flavor. Carbonated Tang. Lots of B-vitamins. Balanced fizz. Calorie-free. Talking carbon dioxide bubbles. Photosynthesis. May make you immune to attacks by mountain lions.
Cons: Questionable mango presence. May be too sweet for some. Makes me remember all the bad sparkling water I’ve had. No actual fruit. Nefarious clowns. Pink umbrellas that knock you in the head. May not make you immune to attacks by mountain lions.